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  #21  
Old 26.02.2021, 12:18
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Re: Safety of Children

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Why oh why oh why do people make complaints like this while holding back on any of the salient details?

OP says something about another kid sliding down the railing, but then later seems to imply that his/her kid thinks he was deliberately attacked. Which is it? And why are you, apparently, trying to withhold some of the facts?
Well, it IS Friday!

Tom
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  #22  
Old 26.02.2021, 12:25
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Re: Safety of Children

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You need to contact the teacher and the principal. The other boy is a bully and needs to be punished.
A bully is using force, physical or not, to gain the upper hand. From the kid's perspective punishment is confirmation that using force is legitimate or even just, you just need to make sure you're the stronger one.

Assuming it is indeed bullying. Kids do stupid things (and not just them), you can't honestly claim to know without hearing his side.
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  #23  
Old 26.02.2021, 12:26
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Re: Safety of Children

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until i held them responsible for putting my sons life in danger.
Please help!
Seriously?? Kids do dumb stuff.... that’s what kids do!
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  #24  
Old 26.02.2021, 17:25
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Re: Safety of Children

Dear Flori

I have a bunch of thoughts about your situation and about some of the responses to it. I hope you'll bear with me as I try to go through them. I lot of the points have already been picked up by some of the great responses you've already got...

1. I am terribly sorry for what happened to your son. It is a horrible thing to have a child come home hurt. I wish your son and you all the best.

2. I think you should really think clearly what you expect from the school. You write that you want them 'held resposible.' I understand this from an emotional side, but it isn't clear what concrete actions you want from the people in the school. I would urge you to think very carefully about the specific things you want, before approaching the school. Being 'held responsible' is not a specific thing.

3. Please try to reframe your thinking about the swiss school system. Often, it is not that 'supervision of children is not paramount', but rather that the Swiss educational mentality is that unspervised free time is an important element for the growth of children. Now, you many or may not agree with this assesment, but this is how swiss educators feel and you most likely aren't going to change anyone's mind about this. This is also very very different than a lot of other countries. Take the very young - kindergarten kids - walking on their own to school.

4. You wrote that your son is battling with phyiscal and mental difficulties. Has he been diagnosed by the school system and is he recieving support? Are you in contact with a school social worker or school psychologist? Have you discussed this issue with them?

5. As user roegner asked, have you discussed this with the teacher? It would be quite useful to find out how your son is fitting in within the class. Does he have friends? Is this an accident, or is your son regularly a victim of agression? Is he even sometime an aggressor himself? I would recemend getting some more information before going into the school to demand that something be done. Unless you have a reason to believe otherwise, use the teacher as a resource to help you.

6. Did you read the comments from Jim2007? His expereinces sound like they could be extremely helpful for you.

7. As a bunch of people wrote, keep an open mind. Not everything that your children tell you is completely non-biased. A good example is how many kids claim and overnight camp that 'someone stole their toothbrush.' Sorry, no one stole your toothbrush. You lost it. A lot of kids love to slide down stairs and aren't paying attention to what the consequences are. It doesn't sound unlikely that this was an accident. However it may not have been. This is why it is great to have a good relatoinship with the teacher who may be able to help you understand better what happened.

8. Be careful of the label 'bullying' which is called 'mobbing' here. It also has the ongoing/sustained component. I am not saying that your child is not being bullied, but make sure you understand the context, if you are going to use this word.

9. Be careful about demanding (like some commenters wrote) that someone be punsihed. And... even if nothing is announced from the school about consequences, it doesn't mean that there are no consequences. All children in the school have a right to privacy and no one will inform you if another child has been punished.

10. Be careful about the attitude that you have at home about the school. If you act like the school is terrible place, your child will feel like they have to be loyal to you and also feel like the school is a terrible place. Try to keep an open mind and look at the positive and negatives about the school.
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Old 26.02.2021, 18:13
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Re: Safety of Children

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10. Be careful about the attitude that you have at home about the school. If you act like the school is terrible place, your child will feel like they have to be loyal to you and also feel like the school is a terrible place. Try to keep an open mind and look at the positive and negatives about the school.
What an insightful comment. Children are literally wired (DNA) to mimic and please their parents. So, going too hard against the school may have unintended consequences.
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  #26  
Old 26.02.2021, 18:52
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Re: Safety of Children

Thank you for explaining better what actually happened. It sounds to me that by reaching around the other kid to hold onto the railing your son may have unintentionally invaded the other kids' personal space. This would explain why the other kid lashed out. Not saying that the kid was right to do so, but trying to see the other side. Some kids are mean, some kids have no impulse control. Maybe that kid has his own invisible issues. Certainly the kid needs a talking to, and I would hope that happened, but this is really out of your control, you'll have to rely on the teachers to do their part. You can however teach your son ways to deal with similar situations, like not reaching around someone, being mindful of personal space and asking with words. If the kid is targeting your son repeatedly, then of course it's bullying and further steps need to be taken, which you should definitely insist on.
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Old 26.02.2021, 19:38
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Re: Safety of Children

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Hello,
My Son was pushed down the stairs, rolling to the bottom of it in school building, by another child who used the stair railing as a slide. We've been here only few month's,
...
Any info on how to approach it is welcomed...
Please help!
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... When I was laying at the bottom he looked over me, puffed, said something German and left' ....
You've been here only a few months, and so when the other boy spoke to your son, for him, it was "something in German". This may be one of the aspects that makes the situation more difficult for him (and for you, to understand how things work here).
  1. Usually, the school provides integration classes to help immigrating children to learn German well enough to be part of the regular class. Is your son already receiving this help? If not, please check with the school how to get it.


  2. Do you speak and understand German? If not, work hard and as fast as you can to master it. Thereby, you will not only set a good example to your son (that learning German is possible, and that it is a very good idea, and that life gets better once you can read, write, speak and understand it), but will also improve your communication with the school staff, immensely. Don't expect them to have to speak English (or any other language than German) to you. They do not have to, and if they do, then they are definitely doing you a favour. Until you're up to conversation level, ask whether you are allowed to bring your own translator along to meetings or info evenings.
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  #28  
Old 26.02.2021, 20:21
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Re: Safety of Children

This whole post, above, by jazh, contains excellent advice.
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Dear Flori
7. .... it is great to have a good relatoinship with the teacher who may be able to help you understand better what happened.

8. ..

9. ...

10. Be careful about the attitude that you have at home about the school. If you act like the school is terrible place, your child will feel like they have to be loyal to you and also feel like the school is a terrible place. Try to keep an open mind and look at the positive and negatives about the school.
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...... I was advised by Intentional Social Services in Switzerland to approach Consultation Center Victim Assistant, ...
...
Any info on how to approach it is welcomed, school management ignored it first until i held them responsible for putting my sons life in danger.
Please help!
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.Teachers did not respond to my messages, or email. One of them texted the next day, after I send a second email.
It seems you've had some text and some mail communication. Someone at the "Intentional Social Services" (what is this called, in German, please?) to approach "Consultation Center Victim Assistant" (do you mean the Opferberatungsstelle? https://www.obzh.ch/)... I find that part of your post confusing.

Means of Communication
Here, I think, is another aspect. In general, in Switzerland, text messages and emails are not the way to go for anything in the direction of a complaint, nor for a tricky situation like this, which needs careful diplomacy from both sides.

To keep things peacable and to show that you are open to good collaboration and to working out solutions together, the best thing is a phonecall or a personal conversation. Even if you have specifically been told by the teachers to text or email, you can still use those to ask them for a time that would be convenient to call or stop by at the school.

Do not cause antagonism
Understandably, you're a very concerned parent, but once you do manage to have a conversation, I'd urge you to heed all the other warnings in this thread, to not go in there making any demands or "holding them responsible" and most certainly not for "putting [your] son's life in danger". If you arrive with accusations, they will, quite naturally, be less inclined to cooperate with you.

Ask the advice of the school experts / Supply them with the information
Instead, remember that the staff at the school are a team of trained experts, with many years of experience between them, and they may really be able to provide part of the solution. At least some of the staff at the school will know both your son and the other boy, and some will know about the integration classes (to learn German and to learn how to fit in), some will know about special needs, and so on. Yes, some teachers are just awful, but broadly most are probably trying to help all the children achieve good results and to develop socially. So you and they are not antagonists, but on the same side. The sooner you can establish that, and set a positive tone for good cooperation, the better.

Tell them, for example, that after that incident you were worried, that your boy had several symptoms, tell them what the doctor said when you took him to be checked, and of any ongoing treatment as a result. Give them the information you have about your son struggling in general, and that his heels were hurting on that day, and any diagnoses he may have. Ask them if they've noticed anything along those lines. If you already have instructions from doctors or therapists about any special needs, bring those documents along to show the teachers (and if they are not in German, offer to get them translated).

Therefore, the best way is to approach such a conversation is to ask the staff from the school for advice. Ask them whether they could please suggest methods that you and your son could develop or practice, to help prevent such incidents in the future. As far as it is true - which I would hope for you and for your son - assure the teacher that you yourself (and the other adults in the home, if any) are working hard at learning German, so that you can better support your son. Ask them what else they think you could contribute, overall or specifically, to help bring about an improvement for your son and to support his getting along well at school.
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  #29  
Old 28.02.2021, 11:24
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Re: Safety of Children

Hello!
First of all I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to advise and inform me on the matter. I very much appreciate the input i have received from all of you.

I trust in the near future I can learn better how to use this site, to respond and comment individually.

My son gave full account of what happened only after his Doctor raised some of the questions to him. When I posted first that was all I knew about it.

We have had meetings arranged with School Principal and the relevant medical professionals through his Doctor.
School has received his medical docs from his previous Doctor few months ago.
School Principal had him put in a waiting list for professional help.
Principal has arranged German lessons.

I trust I have given you the info on some of the questions the forum members have raised.

Once again thank you very much for all the information and advise.
Have a great Day!
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