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Old 05.02.2009, 16:09
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Cleaning Crisis

Has anyone else out there in EF land got an inferiority complex when it comes to the Swiss and their thorough and methodical cleaning?

I hadn't been here long when my landlady told me I was cleaning the stairwell
incorrectly. I was making the steps TOO wet!! She would lie in wait for my husband to return from work and complain to him about all the things I cleaned in the WRONG way. Windows, washing room floor, and I even once cleaned the washing machine until it was "kaputt"!!!
Oh, and I even cleaned the washroom windows on a SUNDAY which of course I didn't realise was a cardinal sin!

This was obviously the start of my complex.

The two occasions we have moved apartments, we have used the professional
cleaning companies as I didn't trust myself to do it properly (or should that be
" Meister Properly"?!) Well, I certainly needed help from him in a big way!

Anyway, next weekend my brother and sister-in-law are coming for a meal.
Can you guess what she does for a living??

Yes, she's a cleaner. And a very picky one - lots of head-shaking as she looks around my freshly-cleaned room.......aaargh!! She even says hoovering is her hobby - can you believe it??

Her husband once told me that they couldn't enjoy their meal at a friend's house because they noticed dust on the lampshade above the table.....
(I've cleaned mine already)
I think my only options are
a) Clean like mad
b) Get them blind drunk
c) Hope it's not a sunny day - yes, they are coming at lunchtime, so no chance of soft, dimmed lighting to hide anything I've missed.

Oh woe is me!!

It's the first time in 10 years that I've invited them here - we're not that close -
wonder why - but anyway, it's a stupid question, I know, but do you think I'm being a little bit paranoid??
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:17
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

Sorry but LOL your thread made me pee from laughing so much

Bloody hell i feel sorry for you, in my home if people are coming for a meal they take my home how it is after all i am offering the invitation. I used to clean like mad before my guests would arrive then when they would arrive i would be so tired, and not to mention after they had left the floors would be dirty again, (i hate my kitchen floor it is white and gets dirty very fast i could clean it 20 times a day and at the end of the day it still looks dirty).

Get them drunk, you start drinking before they arrive so you are relaxed and not on hot bricks being nervous thinking is this or that clean enough
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:26
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

You see now what it does being married to a Swiss ...
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:28
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

Another option is if you have shutters close all the shutters turn the electric off and light some candles
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:28
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

Just tell them they need to relax and enjoy life a little more. Dirt is part of the world, learn to live with it.
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:29
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

or you can switch off all the lights, close the shades and tell them are emulating the blindkuh experience.
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:31
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

Like I'd give a schitt about what a woman who claims hoovering is her hobby thinks of me!
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:32
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

Yes, Sada, you may be right.

When we got married, my other sister-in-law (not clean one) gave me the congratulatory cheek kiss and whispered in my ear -

"Are you sure you know what you are doing?!"

Now I think I know what she meant.......
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:33
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

I fully understand. The first time I used the laundry room the hauswart complained that the floor was dirty afterwards.
I am trying to find a scientific explanation to that. I went to the room with my slippers (so no way I could bring dirt from the outside, and I clean the floor every day). I brought my laundry in a plastic bad and placed directly in the washing machine. Swept the floor (no dust to collect!!!) and passed a mop afterwards. Well she blackmailed that if I do not clean the room in a proper way there is no way that I am allowed again in that room. You know what? I bought a washing machine.
Just a question... it did not happen so far but if I used it on a Sunday will the police ring the bell after 5 minutes and get me out in handcuffs???
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:34
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

Your house-your rules, dont let anyone (including family) try and intimidate you...Go for option B and best of luck
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:34
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

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Yes.

When we got married, my other sister-in-law (not clean one) gave me the congratulatory cheek kiss and whispered in my ear -

"Are you sure you know what you are doing?!"

Now I think I know what she meant.......
LOL you mean you have a dirty sister-in-law

I am married to a Swiss and sometimes he tells me he feels unwell because a room might not be spotless it`s a good job i have a thick skin
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:48
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

[quote=raincookie;391015]Has anyone else out there in EF land got an inferiority complex when it comes to the Swiss and their thorough and methodical cleaning?

I hadn't been here long when my landlady told me I was cleaning the stairwell
incorrectly. I was making the steps TOO wet!! She would lie in wait for my husband to return from work and complain to him about all the things I cleaned in the WRONG way. Windows, washing room floor, and I even once cleaned the washing machine until it was "kaputt"!!!
Oh, and I even cleaned the washroom windows on a SUNDAY which of course I didn't realise was a cardinal sin!

This was obviously the start of my complex.
As soone my wife comes home ,I gonna show this to her ,thene I gonna roll in the snow for laughing,she is GB to
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:50
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

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LOL you mean you have a dirty sister-in-law

I am married to a Swiss and sometimes he tells me he feels unwell because a room might not be spotless it`s a good job i have a thick skin
OMG Sutter
I hope he doesn't get the white gloves on and starts running his finger along the window sill.........

My other SIL is the complete opposite of Hooverwoman.
She has three kids and wouldn't feel at home if there wasn't a bit of muck somewhere....!!


Oh and thanks Sutter for option d) I get blind drunk.
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Old 05.02.2009, 16:58
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

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OMG Sutter
I hope he doesn't get the white gloves on and starts running his finger along the window sill.........

My other SIL is the complete opposite of Hooverwoman.
She has three kids and wouldn't feel at home if there wasn't a bit of muck somewhere....!!


Oh and thanks Sutter for option d) I get blind drunk.
Stop stop stop hooverwomen to much lol haha

Your welcome it will help take the pain away
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Old 05.02.2009, 17:01
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

Other solution pock guests eyes out, or blind fold them ,but don`t shoot them ,its illegal and makes a mess
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Old 05.02.2009, 17:01
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

you simply have to use the trick which is common to us all here, we (the Swiss) always say when someone comes to our house, oh don't look around, it is all in disorder and I couldn't get it all cleaned because ... well you list whatever pops up in your mind ... and then you just move on and drop it. really, that should make the trick.
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Old 05.02.2009, 17:02
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

You left off option E: keep the place as dirty as you possibly can and pick a pet hair out of the dish/off her plate when you serve it, smiling ("Oh, those lovable animals!") as you do it. Use a stained (hey, it's clean, just marked) table cloth. Don't polish the cutlery or glasses. In preparation, maybe throw some water on the outside of your window so you have watermarks down it. Don't vacuum.

After that, she'll never accept a dinner invitation again, and you'll probably get to dine at her place, letting her 'enjoy' her vacuuming on your behalf. Everyone is a winner!

(Actually, I am a clean freak and it gives me a weird feeling of satisfaction when something is freshly cleaned - but only in my own house.)
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Old 05.02.2009, 17:11
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

why don't you just book her in to clean your place ? - she's family, she should do it for at least half-price (if not for free ! )
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Old 05.02.2009, 17:44
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

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Like I'd give a schitt about what a woman who claims hoovering is her hobby thinks of me!
You are quite right, Oldhand.

But sadly, I'm the kind of person who gives a schitt about most things - in fact
I often wish I wasn't so schitt-giving....!
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Old 05.02.2009, 19:18
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Re: Cleaning Crisis

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I hadn't been here long when my landlady told me I was cleaning the stairwell
incorrectly. I was making the steps TOO wet!! She would lie in wait for my husband to return from work and complain to him about all the things I cleaned in the WRONG way. Windows, washing room floor, and I even once cleaned the washing machine until it was "kaputt"!!!
Oh, and I even cleaned the washroom windows on a SUNDAY which of course I didn't realise was a cardinal sin!
She can't have been proper Swiss because the real Swiss way of dealing with these issues is by writing letters. Preferably anonymously.
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