Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Living in Switzerland > Daily life  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 04.08.2010, 16:16
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Zürich - At Last!!!
Posts: 109
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 43 Times in 34 Posts
SpeedyF has no particular reputation at present
Re: Personal crisis - reassurance needed...

Quote:
View Post
Mate, this is love, who hasn't been through similiar.

Firstly, this is not the end of the world. Lift your head up, I mean right now, physically. It's impossible to feel down when looking up as someone once told me.

Secondly, Your life is in Switzerland. Invest your time and efforts here, do not look back , look forward. It is obvious to me that you are happier here.

Thirdly, your rental situation in the UK is causing your problems. Sell up, get rid of the problems. That's one less attachment and one less source of hassle.

Fourthly, give the lady some time. Stuck at home with parents ? The reality will soon hit her, and she will follow her heart. This means you have to come up with a better life plan for her in Switzerland. The EF is a great source, but you gotta sell the idea, and it has to be a good one.

Fifthly, get out to the EF social events. Wherever they are , make an effort, get out of your shell and rut. Make friends , if you are down all the time , and lonely, what kind of signal are you sending to the lady back home ? Show her that there is a great social life here, friends to be made, beers to be drunk , cheese to be rolled etc.

Sixthly. Pull yourself together man !!! Hit back at life, grab it and do what you want with it.

There ya go. CHf450 please.

Next !
In full support of number 4) above.

A good friend moved to Lisbon, Portugal awhile back and his fiancé (and eventual wife) went through the same thing. After a bit of time at home she realised her unhappiness was more fundamental and was not actually dependant on where she actually was. She managed to get herself sorted and eventually returned.

If you still love her do not give up hope just yet but instigate 5) & 6) ASAP anyway.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04.08.2010, 16:23
Alex Carter's Avatar
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Basel
Posts: 16
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 7 Times in 5 Posts
Alex Carter has no particular reputation at present
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Dont worry about it too much it really does get better

I moved oner here to be with a Swiss girl, we have been together for ten years and she gave me the flick completely out of the blue and I as you without many friends felt sad and lonely, however I have a good job this is something I really got stuck into to keep my mind of things (an of course whisky) eventually the heartache subsided and I am very very happy to have stayed here. the lifestyle over here is so much better than back home I don't think going back would have helped me as I find the place too depressing at the moment.

Hang in there mate it's hard but just think of yourself and your future. It's good to be single for a while, get out and have fun
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Alex Carter for this useful post:
  #23  
Old 04.08.2010, 16:32
m_dalloway's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tokyo
Posts: 323
Groaned at 14 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 363 Times in 170 Posts
m_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputation
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

I re-phrased this post about twenty times...
To make my drivel short: 'Do you still love her?'
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 04.08.2010, 16:51
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Bülach, Zurich
Posts: 13
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 14 Times in 8 Posts
Tasha10 has no particular reputation at present
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Left everything and moved here for love. It didnt work out in the end but in four weeks, I am marrying a wonderful man, who I wouldnt have met had I not been here. Everything happens for a reason. Chin up!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 04.08.2010, 16:57
lisa_bsl's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Zurich
Posts: 114
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 42 Times in 21 Posts
lisa_bsl has earned some respectlisa_bsl has earned some respect
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Aww I love this post - so many wonderful stories of people finding love after such heartbreak.

Sorry of course to the OP, I am sorry to hear about your situation, but as many have said better now than after the wedding... I hope you can pull yourself out of the depression and meet lots of fabulous people here!! I love ZH, I am single here and honestly its a lot of fun!

One thing I guess is to really determine if it is over or if its a temporary thing - i know for me this helps with the moving on stage, its really hard to move on unless you have truly said goodbye.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 04.08.2010, 17:24
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Zurich
Posts: 242
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 160 Times in 56 Posts
Paulie707 has earned the respect of manyPaulie707 has earned the respect of manyPaulie707 has earned the respect of many
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Quote:
View Post
I re-phrased this post about twenty times...
To make my drivel short: 'Do you still love her?'
Quote:
View Post
One thing I guess is to really determine if it is over or if its a temporary thing - i know for me this helps with the moving on stage, its really hard to move on unless you have truly said goodbye.
Hi again...thanks for all the replies.

For the first...yes. I do. I did so much to make this work. Admittedly, I was lucky with the job and did kind of fall on my feet. Not sure how long I would have seen it out without that. But yes, I've only wanted us to enjoy the experience of being here and so close to all these other great cities.

For the second, I don't know. It's all happened so, so fast. At first it was just a postponement, then a cancellation, then over. In just a few days. I can't get my head around it and it hurts to try..!
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 04.08.2010, 17:40
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OOO
Posts: 3,724
Groaned at 79 Times in 55 Posts
Thanked 1,683 Times in 1,017 Posts
Sada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

I just wanted to throw in a big thank you to the men here in this thread.
Even though it is all quite sad what you've gone through I deeply appreciate the quiet and respectful way of how you've expressed yourselves about your personal experiences.

Something we women, well I do anyway, can learn quite something from.


I know this is a terribly fluffy post ... sorry about that.
Reply With Quote
The following 7 users would like to thank Sada for this useful post:
  #28  
Old 04.08.2010, 17:48
Caviarchips's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Basel Stadt
Posts: 3,979
Groaned at 99 Times in 77 Posts
Thanked 6,677 Times in 2,388 Posts
Caviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Stay. Tan. Learn to ski. Impress tourist girls. Have lots of sex. Smile again. Then decide.







Bet you'll stay

Good luck mate
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 04.08.2010, 17:49
Caviarchips's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Basel Stadt
Posts: 3,979
Groaned at 99 Times in 77 Posts
Thanked 6,677 Times in 2,388 Posts
Caviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Quote:
View Post
I deeply appreciate the quiet and respectful way of how you've expressed yourselves about your personal experiences.
Oops....should have read that before I posted my last thread
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank Caviarchips for this useful post:
  #30  
Old 04.08.2010, 17:58
Ava Ava is offline
Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Cham
Posts: 2
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Ava has no particular reputation at present
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Same thing happened to me three weeks before I moved to Switzerland, but I am here now and I'm staying (basically because I can't be bothered to move again). There's plenty more fish in the sea and although CH doesn't have a sea it has loads of lakes! Good luck.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Ava for this useful post:
  #31  
Old 04.08.2010, 18:10
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OOO
Posts: 3,724
Groaned at 79 Times in 55 Posts
Thanked 1,683 Times in 1,017 Posts
Sada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Quote:
View Post
Oops....should have read that before I posted my last thread
chortle... No worries.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Sada for this useful post:
  #32  
Old 04.08.2010, 18:38
m_dalloway's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tokyo
Posts: 323
Groaned at 14 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 363 Times in 170 Posts
m_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputationm_dalloway has an excellent reputation
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Quote:
View Post
For the first...yes. I do.
Probably she does too.

Judging from:
Quote:
View Post
It's all happened so, so fast. At first it was just a postponement, then a cancellation, then over.
The struggling obviously indicates that there have been still strong feelings for you until very recently but something had irritated her so severly that she assumedshe won't have the strenght to stand this through.

If I may give an advice to you:
If she doesn't have the strenght, then you have to show now that you have, for both of you. Probably you'll know exactly what is the problem, and even know what she expects you to do now .



(Sorry for my crap English, I hope it makes sense what I tried to write.)
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 04.08.2010, 19:39
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Aigle, Vaud
Posts: 80
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 17 Times in 15 Posts
sburke67 has no particular reputation at present
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Sorry to hear of your break-up, but sounds like you have got yourself a good job that you like and you seem to enjoy it here.

The wounds will heal, so I would try and stick it out and start a new social circel to get you through.

As for the flat, I have 2 properties back home that we rent out through a national letting agency through a guarenteed rent scheme. Yes, you get slightly less than the market value, but as it's enough to cover our motgages and expenses, we can live with it! I will PM you the name of the company in case I'm not allowed to put their name here....

Cheers

Sean
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank sburke67 for this useful post:
  #34  
Old 11.08.2010, 15:11
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ticino
Posts: 19
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 21 Times in 8 Posts
TicinoTess has earned some respectTicinoTess has earned some respect
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Stay and make a new life for yourself. Don't look back when the future is so promising.

8 weeks after the ending of my engagement, I am THANKING my ex for the journey that got me to where I am today: here, in a good place.

Maybe in 2 months you won't even recognize your life.

My advice is to start smiling and laughing. I have new friends, supportive old friends, an additional part-time job and someone special in my life...someone incredible who sort of fell from the sky when I least expected it. I might add that it happened only when I decided to be happy alone.

If you are curious, I got a ton of good advice on this topic:
Is there hope for newly-single 30+ in CH?
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank TicinoTess for this useful post:
  #35  
Old 11.08.2010, 15:32
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Graubünden
Posts: 636
Groaned at 69 Times in 38 Posts
Thanked 421 Times in 255 Posts
Wasted has an excellent reputationWasted has an excellent reputationWasted has an excellent reputationWasted has an excellent reputation
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

She left you voluntarily and you are upset about it? Whats wrong with you, if you cannot find someone else, there are always the common Swiss way i.e. to the brothel.
Reply With Quote
This user groans at Wasted for this post:
  #36  
Old 17.08.2010, 16:15
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Zurich
Posts: 242
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 160 Times in 56 Posts
Paulie707 has earned the respect of manyPaulie707 has earned the respect of manyPaulie707 has earned the respect of many
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Hey guys...I am in UK at the moment *recovering* so had not checked the replies. Thanks to all who posted - the majority are thoughtful reposnses, but even the non-thoughtful ones raise some interesting points...

At the moment, I really am 50/50 but I'm beginning to lean toward staying in CH and giving it another 12 months.

My biggest fear I suppose is not that I wont make friends, I'm an amiable enough chap, but of not meeting members of the opposite sex. But there are plenty of stories here of people who did just that. (inappropriate emoticon use?)

Anyway...back to the flat hunting...
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 17.08.2010, 16:38
Mowvich's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Genève
Posts: 1,422
Groaned at 28 Times in 20 Posts
Thanked 1,308 Times in 607 Posts
Mowvich has a reputation beyond reputeMowvich has a reputation beyond reputeMowvich has a reputation beyond reputeMowvich has a reputation beyond reputeMowvich has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Quote:
View Post

I just need to hear someone say they have been through similar, stayed, met new people and managed to feel good again. I'm basically in two minds: stay until xmas when I'll have some savings to go home and look for work, or stay, get a new place to live and try to make a new life (for at least 12 months).

I don't want to give up really. But right now I'm hurt, upset and feeling very alone. Oh and I have a cat to think about...!
I have been in a similar situation, maybe more harder as i were actually married for 3 years and we had a kid, as much as you might feel lonely and sad now, in exactly 6 months of going out often and getting to know people, you'll discover how great it is to be on your own, everyone needs time on their own but we never realize it.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 17.08.2010, 16:54
nickatbasel's Avatar
Mod, Chips and Mushy Peas
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Albisrieden
Posts: 5,382
Groaned at 165 Times in 103 Posts
Thanked 8,569 Times in 3,177 Posts
nickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Look on the bright side - the relationship ended before you had tied the knot. Cancelling a wedding is a lot cheaper than a divorce!

Like the others have said, you will be on a downer at the moment, but just try to ride it out if the rest of life is positives. Also take advantage of your new single status - there are loads of social events being organised via EF and elsewhere.

Cheers,
Nick
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 17.08.2010, 17:18
Begga's Avatar
RIP
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Basel [Quality not Quantity]
Posts: 2,280
Groaned at 31 Times in 22 Posts
Thanked 2,879 Times in 1,067 Posts
Begga has a reputation beyond reputeBegga has a reputation beyond reputeBegga has a reputation beyond reputeBegga has a reputation beyond reputeBegga has a reputation beyond reputeBegga has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Quote:
View Post
My biggest fear I suppose is not that I wont make friends, I'm an amiable enough chap, but of not meeting members of the opposite sex. But there are plenty of stories here of people who did just that. (inappropriate emoticon use?)

Anyway...back to the flat hunting...
There are a lot of us who have gone through the same and we are all still alive and kicking

I'd say give it a go, you already have a good job here, why not add something good in your CV and a get great life experience since you already made the dramatic change in your life?
Life is funny and love is treacherous you know. I'm a believer in faith. I moved here because I expected a ring on my finger, but now I am single but with a lot more going on in my life than I ever would have if I had not made the move; good job, tons of great new friends, hobbies that keeps me motivated and so on.

You'll get new friends, don't worry about it. EF social events is a great way of getting to know them.

Regarding to meet new girls, my advice is to take your time to breath and pull yourself together. There is enough time to get another woman.
For me it has been a year already (I find it hard to believe), but I sure needed the time. I was like you, full of whys. Why did I make all these sacrifices? When you know the answers of the whys, then you can start to think about the opposite sex.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Begga for this useful post:
  #40  
Old 17.08.2010, 21:33
nzuelzke's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Lausanne
Posts: 132
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts
nzuelzke has earned some respectnzuelzke has earned some respect
Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Look at the bright side - my ex left me AND she took the cat. Sometimes it's hard to keep my feet under me, more often I'm amazed at how lucky I am to be here. As your other advisors have said: chin up, follow your instincts, and if nothing else you'll feel content in the knowledge that you gave it your all.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank nzuelzke for this useful post:
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Euro Falls to Lowest Since Lehman as Breakup Concern Increases AntZ International affairs/politics 12 05.08.2011 11:31
A breakup and the rental contract - what happens? alexandro Housing in general 5 12.08.2010 13:17
Some love advice needed! Chemmie Jokes/funnies 19 09.06.2010 14:16
One love, true love. Is it for real? Wasted General off-topic 186 09.04.2010 21:19


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 15:02.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0