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  #41  
Old 17.08.2010, 23:56
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

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Hi again...thanks for all the replies.

For the first...yes. I do. I did so much to make this work. Admittedly, I was lucky with the job and did kind of fall on my feet. Not sure how long I would have seen it out without that. But yes, I've only wanted us to enjoy the experience of being here and so close to all these other great cities.
Paulie, are you sure you love her, instead of that you loved being with her? All these efforts make people forget about what they really feel. Of course I don't know the reason for the break up, but: you did so much to make it work. Why? Of course people need to invest in a relationship, but working that hard? She was sad outside CH, and still sad inside CH. It did not work for her. What will work for her?

From the little info we got I'd say be happy it is over. Get your act together and enjoy being single, not having to work that hard.
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  #42  
Old 18.08.2010, 00:06
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

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I don't want to give up really. But right now I'm hurt, upset and feeling very alone. Oh and I have a cat to think about...!
I am sorry to hear that... unfortunately you'll have the same feeling whether is in Switzerland or UK. I think if the rest of things seems ok here, I would stay and give it a try. Once you are back to UK is more difficult to make the way back to Switzerland, and any decision taken now may be driven by your emotions. Give yourself a bit of time and you'll be able to take the right decision once you are a bit more recovered.

I wish you the best.
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  #43  
Old 18.08.2010, 00:08
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

I split with my husband after 17 years here and one year on, often feel like packing up and buggering off home - but I know it would be a mistake. I like it here a lot and I'm gonna make it work whatever.
Determination is half the game, isn't it??
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  #44  
Old 18.08.2010, 00:20
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Well we all have to take what life has to offer, and generally hope to learn from the experience. It certainly isn't easy to recover quickly from your situation, but you have made the first positive steps and will certainly expect it to be all downhill for quite a while now.

You really must acheive fluency in the local language and become "invisible" to the neighbours, that must be your priority. Fit in and life is much easier. You can then look around and find a very nice foreign lady here and have a great time!

I made the mistake of marrying and bringing a nutter here! It took me 10 years to get rid of her, and finally she went back to UK, about 4 years ago. We have two children who choose to stay with me and now they are flapping their wings and getting ready to leave the nest, and so my life is moving into another phase.

I wouldn't mind too much if I died next year. I have not always had an easy time, but I have usually managed to see the best side of things and that, when you have nothing, is very rewarding. Looking back on the bad times, they don't seem to be so bad now, and looking back on the good times and they are still great!

Try and live day to day without thinking of her. You gave me the impression that she is closer to her parents than to you, so you should be glad that this has surfaced early enough in your relationship as to be containable. I wouldn't expect too much that she will return, she is probably hurting more than you, as she has activated the break up. She will now be feeling angry, guilty and yet unable to leave the parents, and so she will be blocking you out for a long time, to deminish her own very bad feelings.

Definitely keep the flat on long term, you might be able to arrange a mortgage from here. Get your bank account moved to the center of London and then you won't have a problem with the mortgage guarentee from your bank.

I am glad your ladies at the office are rallying round, bring them some flowers to the office next time as a thank you! Good luck mate!

Last edited by Ittigen; 18.08.2010 at 00:53.
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  #45  
Old 18.08.2010, 00:40
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Well I am a singleton also, came to Zürich in 2003 with my Swiss partner, had a child in 2008, split up (he left) and I'm still here (Basel) after all those years to my amazement withour any family here. I decided to stick it out over here as there were great prospects in terms of work and the quality of life is greater and the creche is fantastic for my son. I often think about returning to OZ to be closer to family but then I know the taxes will be 49%, salaries much lower, properties impossible to find, like dog boxes and well overpriced and the crime is out of control (Melbourne). It is a tough decision to be away from your home town but I think you can make it work if you give it a go for a couple of years. I look forward to seeing how you get on.
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  #46  
Old 18.08.2010, 04:01
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Take the advantage of being in the center of europe and go TRAVELLING!
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  #47  
Old 18.08.2010, 14:32
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Liked your post, Ittigen.

Am in a similar position and have also experienced the rollercoaster highs and lows.
You have to keep it all in perspective, because there sure are times when you question yourself and wonder where it's all going.

When I feel especially low and tempted to lie down on the sofa and cry, I have tuned myself to get on my bike and pedal like hell until my spirits lift.
Sounds silly, I'm sure, but it has now become a routine which has stopped me getting too down.
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  #48  
Old 18.08.2010, 14:50
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

I'm beginning to see a need for an EF event here...'Pub drinks for the Dumped-in-CH'
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  #49  
Old 18.08.2010, 15:16
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Been there done that still bear the scars.
Although it was in Germany the principle is the same.
Now I am a happy, happy divorced guy enjoying things as they come.
Hard to understand if you are just in the "phase" but a lot of us have been through it all and understand.
Just hang in there and it will pan out.
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  #50  
Old 18.08.2010, 21:45
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

At least yours didn't put cat shit in your curry! Mine did and I still lived to tell this (TRUE!) tale. I told you she is a nutter! She lives in Bournemouth UK, answers to name of Angela Sylvia ....... be careful!
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  #51  
Old 18.08.2010, 22:20
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Look on the bright side....dog sh!t would have been worse!!
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  #52  
Old 19.08.2010, 04:07
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

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yes this is common. 78% of people moving here as a couple or for love will split up within 1 year.

i also went through a similar thing. quite an interesting position to find yourself in a strange country with no friends or family and not speaking the language.

anyway - i'm enjoying it here but don't know if i will settle down here. next stop may be the far east.

Where do you get the figure 78%?
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  #53  
Old 19.08.2010, 11:52
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

I'm sorry to hear what happened to your relationship. But, as all the others have already said: chin up and try your best to view this as a new beginning, instead of the end ... but maybe it's not even the end? As I don't know the in's and out's of what happened, I can't comment with certainty, but perhaps not all hope is lost - perhaps there is a chance of rekindling things sometime in the future?

I'm touched by the openness showed by so many of the EF members. I have decided to follow suit...

I moved to Switzerland from London just over 3 years ago, to try and make a long distance relationship with a Swiss guy work (I met him in London, where I was living at that time). 3 days after getting here, I realised I had made one of the gravest errors I have ever made in my life - he was crazy! It really is mind-boggling what people are capable of concealing from you when you don't live with them... As most of us do, I gave him a second (third, fourth, fifth!) chance, but then ended it with him a few months later. Then I thought to myself, ok, now my life is in ribbons. I don't know many people, I can't speak the language, my family is in Australia, I have a job that I hate (which obviously doesn't help)...

But I had already totally fallen in love with Wädenswil, where I lived at that time (who wouldn't - it is sooo charming and "härzig!") and I had already begun to realise what an incredible quality of life Switzerland offers. (I am originally from Melbourne, where the crime rate and cost of living is soaring, and unfortunately the 2 years I lived in London showed me that London is no better.) Maybe such things don't really help others when they have a broken heart, but these points did help me nonetheless to come to the conclusion that there must have been a reason I was here and not to throw in the towel so quickly and run with my tail between my legs back to either England or Australia...

3 years later, my High German and Swiss German are fluent, I own my own business, and I recently got married to a Swiss guy who I would never have met, had I not met the pyscho! I know that I am really incredibly lucky that things panned out the way they did. But at the same time, I worked (and am still working!) very, very hard to have found/achieved these things in my life in Switzerland. But it was and is worth it.

At least you have a job that you enjoy... that's very, very important. And good support from your work colleagues. Like I said above, maybe there is a chance that the two of you will be able to resolve your differences with one another and start afresh... if not, then... who knows what reasons really brought you to Switzerland - and that's an exciting prospect! I know it's difficult in times of crises, but: don't question yourself and your decision for coming here. Try to go a little bit more with the flow.

Like the others have all advised you to do - throw yourself into learning the language, and get out there and meet new people. It really is an excellent start that you have a job that you enjoy, at least that area of your life is sorted.

I wish you the best of luck with this new chapter in your life.
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  #54  
Old 19.08.2010, 12:16
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

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I'm sorry to hear what happened to your relationship. But, as all the others have already said: chin up and try your best to view this as a new beginning, instead of the end ... but maybe it's not even the end? As I don't know the in's and out's of what happened, I can't comment with certainty, but perhaps not all hope is lost - perhaps there is a chance of rekindling things sometime in the future?

I'm touched by the openness showed by so many of the EF members. I have decided to follow suit...

I moved to Switzerland from London just over 3 years ago, to try and make a long distance relationship with a Swiss guy work (I met him in London, where I was living at that time). 3 days after getting here, I realised I had made one of the gravest errors I have ever made in my life - he was crazy! It really is mind-boggling what people are capable of concealing from you when you don't live with them... As most of us do, I gave him a second (third, fourth, fifth!) chance, but then ended it with him a few months later. Then I thought to myself, ok, now my life is in ribbons. I don't know many people, I can't speak the language, my family is in Australia, I have a job that I hate (which obviously doesn't help)...

But I had already totally fallen in love with Wädenswil, where I lived at that time (who wouldn't - it is sooo charming and "härzig!") and I had already begun to realise what an incredible quality of life Switzerland offers. (I am originally from Melbourne, where the crime rate and cost of living is soaring, and unfortunately the 2 years I lived in London showed me that London is no better.) Maybe such things don't really help others when they have a broken heart, but these points did help me nonetheless to come to the conclusion that there must have been a reason I was here and not to throw in the towel so quickly and run with my tail between my legs back to either England or Australia...

3 years later, my High German and Swiss German are fluent, I own my own business, and I recently got married to a Swiss guy who I would never have met, had I not met the pyscho! I know that I am really incredibly lucky that things panned out the way they did. But at the same time, I worked (and am still working!) very, very hard to have found/achieved these things in my life in Switzerland. But it was and is worth it.

At least you have a job that you enjoy... that's very, very important. And good support from your work colleagues. Like I said above, maybe there is a chance that the two of you will be able to resolve your differences with one another and start afresh... if not, then... who knows what reasons really brought you to Switzerland - and that's an exciting prospect! I know it's difficult in times of crises, but: don't question yourself and your decision for coming here. Try to go a little bit more with the flow.

Like the others have all advised you to do - throw yourself into learning the language, and get out there and meet new people. It really is an excellent start that you have a job that you enjoy, at least that area of your life is sorted.

I wish you the best of luck with this new chapter in your life.

I am very touched by your story. And thank you for sharing it with us. It is truly inspiring. Good luck!
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  #55  
Old 20.08.2010, 10:20
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

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I am very touched by your story. And thank you for sharing it with us. It is truly inspiring. Good luck!
hey, thank you. all the best to you too.
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  #56  
Old 20.08.2010, 13:44
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Should we organise something for all broken hearts - past and present??

Would be good to meet and exchange stories....or maybe not.....!!??
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  #57  
Old 20.08.2010, 14:27
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

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Would be good to meet and exchange stories....or maybe not.....!!??
I think I will pass on that. I'd rather move forward than re live my past.
What's done is done.
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  #58  
Old 20.08.2010, 14:41
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

I agree, but could be a bit of a laugh - wasn't thinking of wallowing in misery......
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  #59  
Old 20.08.2010, 14:42
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

Ditto.....

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I think I will pass on that. I'd rather move forward than re live my past.
What's done is done.
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  #60  
Old 07.11.2011, 00:37
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Re: Moving here for love...staying after the breakup - advice?

breakups are extremely tough, only good thing about going through a breakup away from home is that you get less sympathy therefore you get over it faster which is a good thing in the end...
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