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Old 26.04.2018, 08:55
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Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Is this common over here? I'm a bit and think it's totally inappropriate. She invited him and told him he could come if I agreed. Obviously I didn't so I look like the bad guy. Now she's trying to get an invite to visit us at home so she can "see his toys and where he plays". Not amused, but don't want to complain if it's actually considered normal in this (sometimes unfathomable) school culture.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:02
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

How old is your child?
Did she say why he was being invited?
Do you know any other parents at your child's school who have had similar invites in the past?
Is your child having any problems at school?
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:07
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

8
She'd been talking about her house, garden and pets and he likes animals. We can't have pets due to living in a top floor flat.
No, not heard of any others being invited.
Yes, he's having problems. Which are finally being sorted because the child in question has also now punched another child, not just mine.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:10
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Obviously a PEEEEEAAAADDOOOOOOO!!!!!11!! Best call the Daily Mail quick.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:19
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

However good her intentions, I don't think it is appropriate. I would definitely say no.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:24
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Obviously!

I'm sure she does have good intentions but it seems a blurring of the teacher/pupil boundary and seems inappropriate. Plus the way in which it was done annoyed me. If she wants to make an invitation, surely it should come to me first, not to my son? What happens if the other children find out? What would the other staff think?
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:27
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

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8
She'd been talking about her house, garden and pets and he likes animals. We can't have pets due to living in a top floor flat.
No, not heard of any others being invited.
Yes, he's having problems. Which are finally being sorted because the child in question has also now punched another child, not just mine.
Well good to hear the problem is being sorted.
I don't know what to say to you to be honest, perhaps the hang-ups are on your side, you know, being aware of similar occasions ending up bad and making headlines in the UK and US press can quickly make us suspicious and turn us protective. maybe it's just a sincere offer by someone who cares about and gets on with children, perhaps a way to take his mind of the bad things he has been experiencing at school lately. I guess you may wish to get to know her better before deciding, her offer to come to your home may be a good starting point to alieve your worries and reassure you.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:33
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Maybe they are. For me it is unheard of for a teacher to invite a child to their home or try to wangle an invite to the pupil's home. That's why I asked if it is common in Switzerland and part of the school culture that no-one explained to me.

My (Swiss) mother in law and husband both think it is inappropriate, but I'm aware their experience of school is from 30 odd years ago.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:35
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

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Obviously a PEEEEEAAAADDOOOOOOO!!!!!11!! Best call the Daily Mail quick.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:37
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Just a thought, are you sure she invited him, and it's not the other way round?
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:42
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Yes, because she spoke to me when we were discussing another matter and said she had already invited him.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:46
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

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Just a thought, are you sure she invited him, and it's not the other way round?
Good point that needs clarifying. Perhaps she mentioned animals she has, he said "oh, I like animals, can I come and see them?" to which she replied of course, I'll speak to your parents. However, correct to say that the invite should have come through her to you.


Our 2 kids were never invited to any Swiss teachers' homes (well, some were French frontaliers), and both suffered bullying, mind you the teachers were all a bunch so-and-so's with whom even we never got on with and differed in view point.
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Old 26.04.2018, 09:48
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

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Just a thought, are you sure she invited him, and it's not the other way round?
You mean "Can I see your animals at home, Miss?" ?

OP - I wouldn't get upset about it, would write a letter asking the TA for the reason your kid was invited to TA's home, ask if perhaps regular class does not suit her teaching ways in some ways? Keep a copy of it. I know of a whole class of similar age being invited to teacher's house and garden for a party but there were some parents present and everybody thought that it was cool. I understand why you are wigged out. Your kid may behave differently if other classmates aren't around, maybe they are trying to figure out if it is the class environment that's causing him troubles (there are other ways to go about it, of course).
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Old 26.04.2018, 10:00
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

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Maybe they are. For me it is unheard of for a teacher to invite a child to their home or try to wangle an invite to the pupil's home. That's why I asked if it is common in Switzerland and part of the school culture that no-one explained to me.

My (Swiss) mother in law and husband both think it is inappropriate, but I'm aware their experience of school is from 30 odd years ago.
No, it is not common in Switzerland. Some people in these jobs however - teachers, social workers, etc. - do not know how important boundaries are. Specially if you want to do a good job.

If it's about the animals she has, you could find out how keen your son really is to see them (or if a visit to a zoo would do the same for him) and if he really is, you could visit her with him. Once.
Strange thing is that after you did not allow it, she wants to visit you "to see his toys". LOL.

I wouldn't think too much about paedophilia etc. it's probably just an over-enthusiastic teacher. Is she young?

The situation is simple: You don't want this. You make your point. Best have a talk to her - don't expect her to just realize herself, she won't, looking at it all from an all different angle than you - tell her you appreciate a considerate teacher but to please keep it to school hours and -matters.

She will probably be all surprised - don't be unsettled by that, stick to you point. Cool and friendly.
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Old 26.04.2018, 10:47
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

I agree with Curley. It's highly inappropriate.

Good luck.
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Old 26.04.2018, 10:59
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Unless it‘s the whole class who visit the TA‘s, I‘d say it was today inappropriate and you should discuss this the teacher/headteacher...
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Old 26.04.2018, 11:16
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

Totally agree with the sentiments above. She invited the child but not the parent and child together?

If it's a genuinely kind offer, it's misguided. Most importantly, you feel that it's inappropriate. That's your instinctive reaction. Don't let any possible societal 'norm' encourage you behave against your own instinct as a parent. After all, this is a teaching assistant and not the class teacher, and I would definitely be asking the school if this is common place.
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Old 26.04.2018, 11:26
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

I will disagree with the terms used and since we do not know the context, I would exert caution prior to judge so quickly.

1) It's not necessarily "inappropriate" it might be "clumsy".

2) We do not know the context. As someone said, it might be a young person, full of hopes and goodwill who might try to "do the right thing" by knowing better the child (who might have issues). Also, "happening in Switzerland" means nothing, for example, if the situation would happens in Geneva, sure, the Teacher Assistant actions would be classified as weird and branded will all kind of nasty names. If it would happens in my village of 300 souls, the Teacher Assistant should be given benefit of the doubt and situation should be definitely moderated.

I would certainly consider your own actions and their possible impact prior to do anything. Only you know the context. Would you really report in writing someone trying to do the right thing (which might be so clumsy that the initial intention appears to be failing)?

PS: I also agree, nobody is forcing you to accept regardless of the appropriate/innapropriate status. Just make sure not to react in disproportionate way if there were good intentions behind.
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Old 26.04.2018, 11:38
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Re: Teaching Assistant inviting son to her home

So do I get this right reading between the lines>
a) your kid got punched by a classmate
b) your kid wasnt taken seriously by the teacher
c) the bully beats up another kid making it clear your kid was right in the first place.
d) the teacher feels bad and wants to invite your kid to play with his animals


Sounds like a case of a very bad conscience to me... which would also explain why the teacher kind of avoids talking to you.
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