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-   -   remarks on sex-related matters at school (https://www.englishforum.ch/education/305817-remarks-sex-related-matters-school.html)

Helek 14.09.2021 12:56

remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Hi all,
My son(age 13) joined a new class with new colleagues.
During this first weeks of this semester one of the new colleagues started to target my son with different remarks on my son's dick and so on. This is know as a mobber and he has several followers. This guy already did mobbing in the past according to his other colleagues.
Anyhow, so far this remarks reached the point where the guy with his followers was debating in front of the class(during breaks, of course) what type of gay is my son.
This is very disturbing for me and especially for my son.
What you doin this situation? One option would be to query each kid's parents but there are 4 or 5 kids, so is a bit challenging or the other option would be to address this with the school. But i dont know if this is ok here in CH because the could see this as normal and stamp me as a hysterical parent.

Thank you for your advises,

Ato 14.09.2021 12:59

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Have your son ask the bully what kind of man is he looking for?

Island Monkey 14.09.2021 13:05

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Maybe your son should reply, that as he is so interested in his dick, that maybe he is the gay one?

Id speak to the school.

TonyClifton 14.09.2021 13:18

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helek (Post 3348913)
Hi all,
My son(age 13) joined a new class with new colleagues.
During this first weeks of this semester one of the new colleagues started to target my son with different remarks on my son's dick and so on. This is know as a mobber and he has several followers. This guy already did mobbing in the past according to his other colleagues.
Anyhow, so far this remarks reached the point where the guy with his followers was debating in front of the class(during breaks, of course) what type of gay is my son.
This is very disturbing for me and especially for my son.
What you doin this situation? One option would be to query each kid's parents but there are 4 or 5 kids, so is a bit challenging or the other option would be to address this with the school. But i dont know if this is ok here in CH because the could see this as normal and stamp me as a hysterical parent.

Thank you for your advises,

Take it up with the school, it's the only way to go as a first step.

Helek 14.09.2021 13:18

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FairDinkum (Post 3348930)
To understand the situation...I didnt get it, how they see each other's penises? ?

there was no such situation, was only based on assumptions and i dont think this is the issue.
I think is more the situation as-is, AFAIK this is embarrassing for my son, even more when there are girls around and is disturbing him because it makes him angry and cannot concentrate on the lessons and so on. Moreover this seems to look like sexual harassment(according to google, of course).

Helek 14.09.2021 13:21

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Island Monkey (Post 3348924)
Maybe your son should reply, that as he is so interested in his dick, that maybe he is the gay one?

Id speak to the school.

I was thinking at this but replying would lead to a verbal ping-pong and potentially physical assault. And this is the last think i want.

Harrie Nak 14.09.2021 13:23

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Considering he must be about the same age as your son, I'd go to school to have a word with him if school doesn't take action. Probably won't happen again after.

komsomolez 14.09.2021 13:27

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
I'd suggest that your son will have to speak up to the bullies and also in front of the class make a point that he wants them to stop. If they don't, he should speak to a teacher.

You may also speak to the school behind the scenes, but I think it is important for him as he new guy to show up and not be ridiculed for bringing his mom in.

Bossa Nova 14.09.2021 13:40

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Hi Helek,

I am really sorry to hear this, it must be awful for your son. I was bullied in school at that age as well, and the worst part about it was that the girls were from quite dysfunctional/rough families where their parents didn't care about the situation at all. To them bullying was just what kids to do each other, and only sissies complain about it.

However, my parents were very supportive of me and took the matter to the teacher and then the principal, which at the time felt really embarrassing, but it did help with the overall situation. The bullies had a meeting with the principal, and their behaviour did change afterwards, even though it was still really awkward and stressful for me to be around them.

I would recommend approaching the teacher. Hopefully in this day and age they must have some training in how to deal with bullying situations in the classroom, and perhaps there are protocols in place for how to proceed. Your son definitely should not be made to feel that as a 13-year old he should try to deal with this on his own. It is such a tough age, and he still is just a kid.

Sending positive vibes your way,

B.

Ato 14.09.2021 13:40

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Traubert (Post 3348960)
Have you really no control over your puerile minds and compulsion to answer?

The mother and child are clearly distressed about this. This is not for you to carry on joking about.

First response was genuine. Make a fool of the bully.

After that I got carried away....

But yeah, don't bring mammy in or it'll only get worse.

Treverus 14.09.2021 13:41

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helek (Post 3348941)
there was no such situation, was only based on assumptions and i dont think this is the issue.
I think is more the situation as-is, AFAIK this is embarrassing for my son, even more when there are girls around and is disturbing him because it makes him angry and cannot concentrate on the lessons and so on. Moreover this seems to look like sexual harassment(according to google, of course).

Ok, I dont know where you are from and I know that different cultures have very different attitudes to the topic of bullying.

In Switzerland is the attitude like in Germany on the relaxed side. Teenage boys making fun of each other with something they know is unacceptable - in this case homophobic comments - is seen as somehow normal. If your son is singled out by a gang on a continuous basis and they do more than "make him feel embarrassed in front of girls" is the situation a different one, but in all honesty: if you rush to the school for what you described so far is there a high chance that you make it worse. The teacher wont take you very serious and will most likely give some half-aresed speech to the class... which in turn will if anything motivate the boys to do more... not less.

I think Atos reply was best - the kid needs to learn to defend himself in a non-violent way. Bullies look for easy targets. If they risk getting more embarrased than him with the right come back will they pick some easier victim.

Island Monkey 14.09.2021 13:45

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Traubert (Post 3348960)
Have you really no control over your puerile minds and compulsion to answer?

The mother and child are clearly distressed about this. This is not for you to carry on joking about.

I wasnt joking! :confused:

Helek 14.09.2021 13:46

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Traubert (Post 3348960)
Have you really no control over your puerile minds and compulsion to answer?

The mother and child are clearly distressed about this. This is not for you to carry on joking about.

Thank you but I am his father.

Chuff 14.09.2021 13:52

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helek (Post 3348913)
Hi all,
My son(age 13) joined a new class with new colleagues.
During this first weeks of this semester one of the new colleagues started to target my son with different remarks on my son's dick and so on. This is know as a mobber and he has several followers. This guy already did mobbing in the past according to his other colleagues.
Anyhow, so far this remarks reached the point where the guy with his followers was debating in front of the class(during breaks, of course) what type of gay is my son.
This is very disturbing for me and especially for my son.
What you doin this situation? One option would be to query each kid's parents but there are 4 or 5 kids, so is a bit challenging or the other option would be to address this with the school. But i dont know if this is ok here in CH because the could see this as normal and stamp me as a hysterical parent.

Thank you for your advises,

1) Tell the teachers what is going on, it's what they are there for and it is not down to you to solve this yourself. Obviously it is not normal to go through this kind of public bullying and you are not hysterical for reporting it. Your sons mental health is more important than your own insecurities, so take action and make this stop as soon as possible before your son begins to dread going to school in the morning.

2) Put your son into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or Thai Boxing class. By the age of 15 or so he will have a lot more confidence, be able to look after himself properly and in addition he will make some new friends.

Axa 14.09.2021 14:02

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ato (Post 3348965)
First response was genuine. Make a fool of the bully.

After that I got carried away....

But yeah, don't bring mammy in or it'll only get worse.

Traubert wants to overthink this. Let's do it.

Teachers are overworked folk, so most of them are in defensive mode. If the teacher has already identified the bully, the teacher will be very receptive to any comments from Helek. If not, it's just another helicopter parent that needs some tough love treatment. After all, kid bullies are very good to keep appearances with adults. Consider for a moment that if the bully has not history, another teacher may make fun of your kid and now the problem is bullying from children and adults.

So, if the teacher(s) already know the problem, go talk to them. If not, the crazy ideas from Ato and Island Monkey may work. In an ideal case, all the kids laugh at the bully and happy ending. In other case words are lost to the wind, but as you inferred the physical assault is one way to get the bully down. In that case the teacher cannot look the other way and has to act.

parnell 14.09.2021 14:09

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helek (Post 3348942)
I was thinking at this but replying would lead to a verbal ping-pong and potentially physical assault. And this is the last think i want.

Young boys are going to have to learn to take and even give a punch along their way in life - if I look back I'd much much rather that my kid takes the odd lump over relentless psychological abuse.
I like what Ato wrote - teach him to be able to take a punch - God knows he'll need to learn that.

Helek 14.09.2021 14:31

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by parnell (Post 3348986)
Young boys are going to have to learn to take and even give a punch along their way in life - if I look back I'd much much rather that my kid takes the odd lump over relentless psychological abuse.
I like what Ato wrote - teach him to be able to take a punch - God knows he'll need to learn that.

Well, the thing is that i understood that this guy-bully already received some physical correction from another kid which was bullied in the past and the bullied kid was punished by the school and even the police was involved in that nasty thing. Therefore, i am reluctant in this particular case.

Axa 14.09.2021 14:46

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helek (Post 3348993)
Well, the thing is that i understood that this guy-bully already received some physical correction from another kid which was bullied in the past and the bullied kid was punished by the school and even the police was involved in that nasty thing. Therefore, i am reluctant in this particular case.

That's great for your kid and you. Your complain will be just another one in a long list.

If the teachers are fed up of this kid, they'd be more than willing to listen to new problems and send the bully to the right school where it becomes someone else's problem.

PS. the story about being bullied by children and adults is my personal experience. It seems my mom "cried wolf" too soon. No one at the school have noticed anything, then she was regarded by teachers as the crazy one that exaggerates and me like the softie that cannot take or give a punch as normal young boys do. Politics are important at such young age...

MusicChick 14.09.2021 14:58

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
A friend's friend walked into a classroom and directly asked the bully what kind of heavy situation is making her so aggressive and mean to her daughter. And how can she, her daughter, the entire classroom, all the teachers and entire school help her become a normal person again. It worked a treat.

Chuff 14.09.2021 14:58

Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helek (Post 3348993)
Well, the thing is that i understood that this guy-bully already received some physical correction from another kid which was bullied in the past and the bullied kid was punished by the school and even the police was involved in that nasty thing. Therefore, i am reluctant in this particular case.

That doesn't make any logical sense to me. Why would you be more reluctant when the guy has a history and therefore your complaint will be taken more seriously? :confused:


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