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Old 14.09.2021, 12:56
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remarks on sex-related matters at school

Hi all,
My son(age 13) joined a new class with new colleagues.
During this first weeks of this semester one of the new colleagues started to target my son with different remarks on my son's dick and so on. This is know as a mobber and he has several followers. This guy already did mobbing in the past according to his other colleagues.
Anyhow, so far this remarks reached the point where the guy with his followers was debating in front of the class(during breaks, of course) what type of gay is my son.
This is very disturbing for me and especially for my son.
What you doin this situation? One option would be to query each kid's parents but there are 4 or 5 kids, so is a bit challenging or the other option would be to address this with the school. But i dont know if this is ok here in CH because the could see this as normal and stamp me as a hysterical parent.

Thank you for your advises,
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Old 14.09.2021, 12:59
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

Have your son ask the bully what kind of man is he looking for?
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:05
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

Maybe your son should reply, that as he is so interested in his dick, that maybe he is the gay one?

Id speak to the school.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:21
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Maybe your son should reply, that as he is so interested in his dick, that maybe he is the gay one?

Id speak to the school.
I was thinking at this but replying would lead to a verbal ping-pong and potentially physical assault. And this is the last think i want.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:27
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

I'd suggest that your son will have to speak up to the bullies and also in front of the class make a point that he wants them to stop. If they don't, he should speak to a teacher.

You may also speak to the school behind the scenes, but I think it is important for him as he new guy to show up and not be ridiculed for bringing his mom in.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:40
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

Hi Helek,

I am really sorry to hear this, it must be awful for your son. I was bullied in school at that age as well, and the worst part about it was that the girls were from quite dysfunctional/rough families where their parents didn't care about the situation at all. To them bullying was just what kids to do each other, and only sissies complain about it.

However, my parents were very supportive of me and took the matter to the teacher and then the principal, which at the time felt really embarrassing, but it did help with the overall situation. The bullies had a meeting with the principal, and their behaviour did change afterwards, even though it was still really awkward and stressful for me to be around them.

I would recommend approaching the teacher. Hopefully in this day and age they must have some training in how to deal with bullying situations in the classroom, and perhaps there are protocols in place for how to proceed. Your son definitely should not be made to feel that as a 13-year old he should try to deal with this on his own. It is such a tough age, and he still is just a kid.

Sending positive vibes your way,

B.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:40
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Have you really no control over your puerile minds and compulsion to answer?

The mother and child are clearly distressed about this. This is not for you to carry on joking about.
First response was genuine. Make a fool of the bully.

After that I got carried away....

But yeah, don't bring mammy in or it'll only get worse.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:45
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Have you really no control over your puerile minds and compulsion to answer?

The mother and child are clearly distressed about this. This is not for you to carry on joking about.
I wasnt joking!
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:46
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Have you really no control over your puerile minds and compulsion to answer?

The mother and child are clearly distressed about this. This is not for you to carry on joking about.
Thank you but I am his father.
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Old 14.09.2021, 14:09
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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I was thinking at this but replying would lead to a verbal ping-pong and potentially physical assault. And this is the last think i want.
Young boys are going to have to learn to take and even give a punch along their way in life - if I look back I'd much much rather that my kid takes the odd lump over relentless psychological abuse.
I like what Ato wrote - teach him to be able to take a punch - God knows he'll need to learn that.
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Old 14.09.2021, 14:31
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Young boys are going to have to learn to take and even give a punch along their way in life - if I look back I'd much much rather that my kid takes the odd lump over relentless psychological abuse.
I like what Ato wrote - teach him to be able to take a punch - God knows he'll need to learn that.
Well, the thing is that i understood that this guy-bully already received some physical correction from another kid which was bullied in the past and the bullied kid was punished by the school and even the police was involved in that nasty thing. Therefore, i am reluctant in this particular case.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:18
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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To understand the situation...I didnt get it, how they see each other's penises? ?
there was no such situation, was only based on assumptions and i dont think this is the issue.
I think is more the situation as-is, AFAIK this is embarrassing for my son, even more when there are girls around and is disturbing him because it makes him angry and cannot concentrate on the lessons and so on. Moreover this seems to look like sexual harassment(according to google, of course).
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:41
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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there was no such situation, was only based on assumptions and i dont think this is the issue.
I think is more the situation as-is, AFAIK this is embarrassing for my son, even more when there are girls around and is disturbing him because it makes him angry and cannot concentrate on the lessons and so on. Moreover this seems to look like sexual harassment(according to google, of course).
Ok, I dont know where you are from and I know that different cultures have very different attitudes to the topic of bullying.

In Switzerland is the attitude like in Germany on the relaxed side. Teenage boys making fun of each other with something they know is unacceptable - in this case homophobic comments - is seen as somehow normal. If your son is singled out by a gang on a continuous basis and they do more than "make him feel embarrassed in front of girls" is the situation a different one, but in all honesty: if you rush to the school for what you described so far is there a high chance that you make it worse. The teacher wont take you very serious and will most likely give some half-aresed speech to the class... which in turn will if anything motivate the boys to do more... not less.

I think Atos reply was best - the kid needs to learn to defend himself in a non-violent way. Bullies look for easy targets. If they risk getting more embarrased than him with the right come back will they pick some easier victim.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:23
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

Considering he must be about the same age as your son, I'd go to school to have a word with him if school doesn't take action. Probably won't happen again after.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:18
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Hi all,
My son(age 13) joined a new class with new colleagues.
During this first weeks of this semester one of the new colleagues started to target my son with different remarks on my son's dick and so on. This is know as a mobber and he has several followers. This guy already did mobbing in the past according to his other colleagues.
Anyhow, so far this remarks reached the point where the guy with his followers was debating in front of the class(during breaks, of course) what type of gay is my son.
This is very disturbing for me and especially for my son.
What you doin this situation? One option would be to query each kid's parents but there are 4 or 5 kids, so is a bit challenging or the other option would be to address this with the school. But i dont know if this is ok here in CH because the could see this as normal and stamp me as a hysterical parent.

Thank you for your advises,
Take it up with the school, it's the only way to go as a first step.
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Old 14.09.2021, 13:52
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Hi all,
My son(age 13) joined a new class with new colleagues.
During this first weeks of this semester one of the new colleagues started to target my son with different remarks on my son's dick and so on. This is know as a mobber and he has several followers. This guy already did mobbing in the past according to his other colleagues.
Anyhow, so far this remarks reached the point where the guy with his followers was debating in front of the class(during breaks, of course) what type of gay is my son.
This is very disturbing for me and especially for my son.
What you doin this situation? One option would be to query each kid's parents but there are 4 or 5 kids, so is a bit challenging or the other option would be to address this with the school. But i dont know if this is ok here in CH because the could see this as normal and stamp me as a hysterical parent.

Thank you for your advises,
1) Tell the teachers what is going on, it's what they are there for and it is not down to you to solve this yourself. Obviously it is not normal to go through this kind of public bullying and you are not hysterical for reporting it. Your sons mental health is more important than your own insecurities, so take action and make this stop as soon as possible before your son begins to dread going to school in the morning.

2) Put your son into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or Thai Boxing class. By the age of 15 or so he will have a lot more confidence, be able to look after himself properly and in addition he will make some new friends.
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Old 14.09.2021, 15:06
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

It is interesting, just had a few Days ago discussion with some Locals and Foreigners about Bullying amongst Kids.

I was quite shocked to learn, that a Girl who I have good Contact with her Parents, was bullied, verbally abused and some Times beaten by a Boy ! From School, this happened when they were 12 last Year. Actually, I believe some of the EF Members probably heard the Story as it happened where I live now.

Basically, bottom line - nothing happened. The School showed no signs of active treatment of the situation and the Parents got the feeling that they should accept it or leave it.

I am sorry to say, but I heard similar Story from a Friend in Bern who's Wife is actually working in a Governmental Office, so not really a "no power" Family.

I also faced the situation at the Kids Verein here in Lachen, where the Trainer chose just to "let it fly" and lets move forward, no need for talking about it.

Well, no idea how they deal here with these issues - if you feel your Kid, irrelevant what Age - went under such situation, it is your right to take action - I would 1st try to speak nicely with the Parents, 2nd Teacher, 3rd School HeadMaster / Board whatever.

On a side Note - as an ex Government Official (in Israel) in the Ministry of Public Security I made some WorksHops / Courses in Kids/Teenage Behaviour - and all over the World - Kids are not Naive as we think, especially today with TikTok and the proximity of Social Networks which influence them and actually cause more and more Bullying. It is our Jobs as Parents, Educators and, at last resort, Authorities to help the Kids who suffer.

Feel free to contact me via PM if u want to discuss it in private.
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Old 14.09.2021, 15:35
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

Bullies try to find their target's weak point. Their attempts at bullying succeed, however, only if the target actually happens to feel the same way about that point.

Sometimes it can help to learn about the matter the bully is mentioned, so as to get to the point of being able to reply, very briefly, and leave the matter at that. This can be achieved with knowledge.
Shape and size of the penis? Well, everyone's different: length, circumference, shaft, head.
Gay? Sure, some people are and some people aren't, that's just the way the world is.
Genitals related to sexual orientation? There's no scientifically known connection.


A determined bully will then turn to a next topic, in order to try to achieve the hurt they are trying to inflict. But the victim doesn't have to take the bait, and can just let what the bully said stand, as it is, showing no particular emotionally strong response.
You don't speak the language properly. Yes, that's true. Just n months/years ago, I didn't know a word of it.
You don't know anything about TV-Series X. Okay, do you want to tell me about it?
Your phone is completely out of date. You're right, it's not the newest. It still works okay.
Your mom is so awkward/ your dad is so fat. Well, she's the only mom/he's the only dad I have.
Your glasses are ugly. Well, I'd much prefer not to need them.
Your haircut is awful. Maybe. Fortunately hair grows again.


If the victim does not enter into the provocation of the bully, it can, in the best cases, result in the bully's just getting bored, and turning his attention away.

Of course, this doesn't always work, as each bully has their own set of things that give them a buzz.

I agree with those parts of the suggestions, above, about hleping the child to build self-confidence, both physically and psychologically. Also, yes, speak to the teacher, quietly, to ask for his/her advice on how to approach this, since they already know the bully.
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Old 14.09.2021, 16:03
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

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Hi all,
My son(age 13) joined a new class with new colleagues.
During this first weeks of this semester one of the new colleagues started to target my son with different remarks on my son's dick and so on. This is know as a mobber and he has several followers. This guy already did mobbing in the past according to his other colleagues.
Anyhow, so far this remarks reached the point where the guy with his followers was debating in front of the class(during breaks, of course) what type of gay is my son.
This is very disturbing for me and especially for my son.
What you doin this situation? One option would be to query each kid's parents but there are 4 or 5 kids, so is a bit challenging or the other option would be to address this with the school. But i dont know if this is ok here in CH because the could see this as normal and stamp me as a hysterical parent.

Thank you for your advises,

We have been always advised to talk to the culprits parents. Apparently this is the way it's dealt with in my neck of the wood.
Parents were mortified and tried to arrange play dates etc never had any problems ever since.

Now I am guessing it also depends on the age of the children and gender with boys being more stubborn and unwilling to repair the damage or admit their guilt. Why not get in contact with their parents and invite those kids over for a football game or something similar?
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Old 15.09.2021, 08:57
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Re: remarks on sex-related matters at school

Talk to the school, write an email to the teacher that your son is being bullied. Include the details around the type of bullying. The schools usually have a teacher assigned or counsellor to support in these types of situations. I hope your son is ok.
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