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  #21  
Old 31.01.2011, 22:12
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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In that case, give a little bruise to the mother and father on a daily basis. "It's OK!"

Get outta there. You'll find a new job in no time; this site alone often sees people advertising for help.

Good luck.
This is funny .
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Old 31.01.2011, 22:16
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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In that case, give a little bruise to the mother and father on a daily basis. "It's OK!"

Get outta there. You'll find a new job in no time; this site alone often sees people advertising for help.

Good luck.
Yeah, probably safer, too. Who knows what is going on in that family with that kind of philosophy..
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  #23  
Old 31.01.2011, 22:23
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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Schlagen ist verboten in der Schweiz

Beating is forbidden by law in CH.
Yeah , tell that to 5 year old kid
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  #24  
Old 31.01.2011, 22:34
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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Yeah, probably safer, too. Who knows what is going on in that family with that kind of philosophy..
True. The first time I was Au Pair in Belgium I was also getting smacked sometimes by a 6yrs old spoiled boy. The other 3 children were ok. I was quite confused at first and even one day I was about to cry as I couldn't believe I was letting myself humiliated by him so I had to do something about it. I talked to the parents and things didn't change much, they said: ''Oh well, he is a child, he doesn't understand.'' Oh really, if he can kick me , then he has the ability to understand that it is not ok to hit me. He was mentally healthy so no problem here. Anyway that family was a bit...let's say they were embrassing a ''different philosophy''.
Eh...I was young and without experience, I learned a lot since then and I only had happy jobs after that.
I am lucky my current host family is wonderful, my host mother has teenagers so no problems like being kicked, more of other problems, but not physical.
When I worked as a nanny, my ex bosses always trusted my judgement and even backed me up, for all our sake .
If the nanny and the parents don't work together because the parents think is ok when their child hits the nanny, then something is wrong and no nanny should stay in a family that doesn't appreciate her.
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  #25  
Old 31.01.2011, 22:55
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

Thanks to all of you for replies.
From the past, I always manage to get well with kids, so something like this really shocked me and hurt me.
I had a little chat with parents,...no back up! "The kid just being a kid, it's normal." Well not normal for me,...will spent a night for looking a new family.
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  #26  
Old 31.01.2011, 22:55
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

You must look at your contract- were you hired by an agency?

I ask because I used to take my little boy to the park, met an aupair whose host family were breaking rules. She had 4 children to look after, the mother was supposed to work part-time and she was supposed to have time to study.
The mother was best friends with the woman who ran the au pair agency. The mother worked full-time and the au pair had to share a room with two other children. The kids were wild and when something got broken she was told it happened during her watch, so she had to pay for it.

I told her to talk to the agency, she did but they wouldn't move her. Later we learned of other au pairs who were treated as virtual slaves and some who were well treated and well-paid.

I am used to rough an tumble with kids, but the problem is that if an accident happens while they are beating you up e.g they go to hit you, hit a wall and break their arm, then you may be held responsible. So I know that rough and tumble has limits to ensure the safety of all parties concerned.

She asked if she could stay with me- I said fine, but no contract. She was fantastic. I gave her the same money plus time off and time to study, better food and no household chores. She loved it. She just looked after my son for 20 hours a week-took him swimming, to playgroups, park etc. Weekends and evenings free. She had her own room and took what she wanted from the fridge or ate with us. etc. No cooking No cleaning except after herself and my son when she had charge of him.

The woman she worked for threatened to sue me- she said that I had stolen her property. The problem was that the agency were threatening the au pair for breach of contract, it was just a threat. She was very worried that they would report her to immigration as she was in the UK on an au pair type visa.

It is important that you look at your contract and talk to the hiring agency. Put everything in writing and log all events. You are not happy, and you have enough experience to know what you are talking about, you have tried communicating your situation, so find another job.

Last edited by hoppy; 01.02.2011 at 02:48.
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  #27  
Old 31.01.2011, 22:59
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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Thanks to all of you for replies.
From the past, I always manage to get well with kids, so something like this really shocked me and hurt me.
I had a little chat with parents,...no back up! "The kid just being a kid, it's normal." Well not normal for me,...will spent a night for looking a new family.
Yeap. You have to leave. Good luck with finding a great family!
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  #28  
Old 01.02.2011, 07:29
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

and for your information - if you are with an agency, they will help you to find a new family. If you are on your own, the contracts are usually not binding, not to mention that there is a legal 3 months probation period during which you can quit with one week notice.

It sounds like the kid is misbehaving, and the parents haven't explained him what is decent behaviour. There are lots of sites where looking for an au-pair, greataupairs.com is imho one of the best, without charging the prices of agencies. As you are already in ZH, you can meet any family in person, that will be a big ++
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  #29  
Old 01.02.2011, 07:42
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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Hm, I honestly wouldn't do that. This could really give the child a feeling of inferiority (I'm not going into details now) and I think it is bit unfair. ...
Of course it's unfair. You're teaching the child the way of the world - it manifestly is unfair, and don't get into an arse kicking contest with a centipede.

Naturally you wouldn't use such techniques with an autistic child! Any method of discipline/maintaining control must be tailored to the individual child.

I remember a technique used by rugby players. When they knock someone down, they help them up... but pinch the muscle under the arm pit. This causes pain, the victim swings a punch at the instigator, and gets sent off for fighting.

My point is that so long as you've got the parents' backing, there's no reason for a 5 y.o. to be in control of any situation.
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  #30  
Old 01.02.2011, 17:25
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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Naturally you wouldn't use such techniques with an autistic child!
NO, I wouldn't use the mentioned method (physical restraint) on autistic children. There are other methods of disciplining children with autism.
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  #31  
Old 10.02.2011, 12:57
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

May be the child is having communication problems with you. Try being a little bit nicer to the boy and being his friend. Let him know you care for him. Also talk to his parents about it and how dehumanizing it makes you feel.
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  #32  
Old 10.02.2011, 13:03
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

From my experience here as an au pair the way they raise children is VERY different from any other family I've worked with.

They tend not to disiplin their children so much over here, trying to get them to learn in their own way what is wrong and right, and giving children freedom to make and exercise their choices. Coming from the UK where my experience of upbringing children is totally different, its very hard to adjust to. There is no punishment for anything in the family I work with - no raised voices when the children are blatantly misbehaving. At first its hard to cope with, but you have to understand its a cultural thing and most familys over here are similar (from what I've been told by alot of other au pairs!)
If you don't think you can work with it then try finding another family, maybe British but living over here? Good luck!
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Old 10.02.2011, 13:05
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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There are many ways of disciplining a child without hitting them. Inflicting pain is of course a no-no. But making the lovely little child uncomfortable is entirely a different manner, and there's so many ways. Physical restraint is a good one. Sit on their legs, pin their arms to the floor. They're allowed to get up again when they're willing to behave.

I saw this done by a child psychologist on British TV, and I've done it myself from time to time. Very effective. You can hold them down pretty much indefinitely, and they can't do anything about it. You establish control.

If, however, the parents won't back you up - give notice immediately.
Good advice and when you leave remember to stick your tounge out at the little bugger.
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  #34  
Old 10.02.2011, 13:27
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

Have you explained to the parents that you are will be looking for another post as it is impossible, in the current situation, to take care of their child? That might just rattle them enough to take more notice. The parents need to wake up. They probably don't want to go through the situation of looking for another au pair, so it might be enough to get their attention.
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  #35  
Old 10.02.2011, 14:12
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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From my experience here as an au pair the way they raise children is VERY different from any other family I've worked with.

They tend not to disiplin their children so much over here, trying to get them to learn in their own way what is wrong and right, and giving children freedom to make and exercise their choices. Coming from the UK where my experience of upbringing children is totally different, its very hard to adjust to. There is no punishment for anything in the family I work with - no raised voices when the children are blatantly misbehaving. At first its hard to cope with, but you have to understand its a cultural thing and most familys over here are similar (from what I've been told by alot of other au pairs!)
If you don't think you can work with it then try finding another family, maybe British but living over here? Good luck!
That's funny to me. I lived in 4 different places in Switzerland but all in the German speaking part. I never saw it, maybe child-rearing has changed in the last few years. Apart form the racism I found that life for young children was idyllic in Switzerland. It was the responsiblity of the the whole community to care for and discipline the children.

It was great because the children, had free run and would sometimes be playing 5 or 10 minutes walk or more away but someone was always watching. My daughter still yearns for it and I think that my children would probably want to raise young children in Switzerland.

The only problem for me, was that they didn't start schooling young enough. I would have to nail them to the seat for Music practice, while their friends played outside. Both my children could read and write by the age of 4. So they bumped up a year, but waiting a year or two doesn't seem to do the Swiss kids any harm. The other problem was trust- how could the Swiss let their kids play where a minder was not watching 24/7. What I learned is that the whole community is watching and the kids know it! all the kids were expected to be home at certain times. Mealtimes and bedtime were especially important.

There were a lot of routines, like all walking in the correct way to school and having the essential back pack organized and social organizations. they knew the local police and elders and always made sure that they greeted people politely. But when they were playing they gave vent to their imaginations and they were very active.

For the Swiss it is very important that children learn to appreciate and care for their environment and social responsibility.

I think that the problem in the teenage years is that often the type of mentoring, fathers and mothers passing on skills, does not continue.
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  #36  
Old 10.02.2011, 14:22
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

OP, how much do you weigh? No less than a 5 year old, I am sure! Not that I am advocating violence, but the next time he/she tries it again with you, simply hold the child firmly and restrain him/her from doing it. I am sure you are more than capable of physically restraining/overpowering a 5 year old gently and ask them why they are doing it, and explaining that its wrong?

Glad that you are looking for another family. If the parents arent with you about the wrongs and rights, its best to find another family who is more sensible.
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  #37  
Old 10.02.2011, 14:44
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

You cannot lay a hand on the child it is both immoral and apparently illegal.
If a five year old is able to abuse you to the extent that you are bruised and the parents think this is acceptable you should leave.
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  #38  
Old 10.02.2011, 14:47
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

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My situation is: I came here to Zurich work as an au pair (more like nanny) with hours I have to put up with, but don't have any problem with it (as I like to be with kids), unfortunately I'm getting beat up by 5yo kid, as I can not communicate in German yet, it's hard to explain to the parents what is going on. I was told that it's my problem and kid behavior is OK and little bruise is nothing!
I worked as nanny for 7 years (in London, Belgium, USA) but I never had problem with families or with kids. I came here to learn new language and thought with bilingual family (English/Deutsch) will do a great, plus I enjoy to work with kids. Even though I have experiences with mostly US families, my experiences are not appreciate here, as the German way of life is better(been told). Please anyone can help me out?
I'm EU citizen, F, and still in my 20's, ...I'd love to learn German and have a new experience.
Thanks
beat up the little kid. it will learn who is boss. and the parents already OK'd him having a little bruise.
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Old 10.02.2011, 14:51
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

Unfortunately, I don't have nothing really valuable to add, but I just would like to say that you seems to be a very nice Nanny and I would be happy to have had you when I was around 3, 4, 5, 26 years old.
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Old 10.02.2011, 14:54
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Re: Anyone can help me [Au Pair] ??? Being abused by child!

Give this guy a call...

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