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  #21  
Old 12.04.2011, 19:17
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

That's funny... I actually did try that once.. She asked me where i was goign after work and I told her it was private. When she persisted, I told her I was going to my evening job on Langstrasse as that is what we 'African chicks' do in Switzerland.. She felt very embarrassed..

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OK this is an opportunity to give the most wild answers to the where are you going question...

My starter for 10.

"I am off to the Serengati to watch the graceful and spectactular migration of wildebeeste"

"I am off to IT to watch the graceful and majestic migration of data" works well to wind up IT collegues
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  #22  
Old 12.04.2011, 19:22
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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That's funny... I actually did try that once.. She asked me where i was goign after work and I told her it was private. When she persisted, I told her I was going to my evening job on Langstrasse as that is what we 'African chicks' do in Switzerland.. She felt very embarrassed..
Everytime you tell her it is private, she is going to push to know more, for sure! So your best bet is to answer those kind of answers. She will eventually get bored of them and stop asking.

We should create a thread called:

What do you do tonight?

-wash my hair
-peel potatoes
-shave my snake
-count how many rice I have left in the box
-etc..
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  #23  
Old 12.04.2011, 19:32
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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Hi,

I'm hoping that some of you can shed some light as to how to deal with my extremely difficult Swiss colleague.. I'm not attributing her behavior down to her being Swiss, but perhaps some of you may have experience in how these issues are dealt with over here..

I work for a multi-national as a PA and the colleague I work with does the same job. We both manage a group of directors and run the office together. At the beginning we got along really well and she was super helpful. Then after a few months her attitude started to change and she became incredibly moody every day. I thought it was something I had done so I asked her on a few occasions and she would usually say it was nothing to do with me. She is extremely efficient at her job but an extreme control freak at the same time.. If i dont give her a response on something right away, she will ask me every 10 seconds until I do.. She has this very aggressive and bossy approach, whereas I am the complete opposite.

She constantly asks me personal questions about where am I going and what am i doing. If when i tell her its private, she still persists! I've never experienced anything like it.. She continuously interferes in my work and questions everything I am doing...Then suddenly she will perk up and be super nice to me, and go out of her way to do things for me.. But usually the next day the mood has switched and we can ignore each other for days..I have sat her down twice now to try and talk about it and she has apologized once but nothing has changed since then... I'm beginning to seriously wonder if she may be bi-polar...

It is really starting to affect me and I have started to hate coming in to work..I'm utterly miserable most days..I dont have issues with my bosses at all, just her and she is not even my boss! I am really not sure what to do anymore, except leave which I dont want to do, as it's a very good job... Any advice please?
Don't give her so much power. She can only effect you as much as you let her. The Swiss bark but don't bite. They're not so emotional, and this is where they nip most of us in the bud. They can stand there like a fossil and take it all in, while we sweat it out and worry about what it all means. For some reason she feels "superior" to you, and maybe by your behavior you've allowed it. Or she's just curious about you. Why not "break the ice" and invite her out for lunch or an evening drink and tell her how you really feel. Not in a negative way. Spice it up with a sense of humor and tell her "you know you're working myh nerves there in the office, what are you trying to do put me into an insane asylum?"
This comment is not to hurt your feelings in anyway...but the Swiss can be perfectionist. Are you slipping somewhere in your work, is there something more you should be learning or doing and you're not doing it? Is your training period over?
The Swiss can be bullies too. Maybe she's trying to "push you out." Invite her out and get into her head a bit. It's the best way to get things balanced out. Plus, the Swiss have a funny way of showing they like you too sometimes. She may actually like you.
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  #24  
Old 12.04.2011, 19:43
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Thanks you make some really valid points.. I have def given her way too much power.. As it was my first job here, I was happy in the beginning for her to lead the way..Sometimes she can be beyond nice and seems to genuinely care about wellbeing. Last week another employee was rude to me and she sent me a text saying she didnt like that someone was rude to me... I was like WTF? As it just doesnt add up when she does things like that. as she is super rude to me most of the time..

She is a super perfectionist whereas I am not.. I get things done but just in my own time.. Im not all over everything like she is.. She did once say that she feels im too relaxed..My trial period is over.. I do get the sense sometimes that she is curious about me.. Another strange thing is she takes great interest in what I wear... If i dress up one day she oggles at me all day and then the next day she comes dressed up, which is not normal for her... Who know what is going inside her head...


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Don't give her so much power. She can only effect you as much as you let her. The Swiss bark but don't bite. They're not so emotional, and this is where they nip most of us in the bud. They can stand there like a fossil and take it all in, while we sweat it out and worry about what it all means. For some reason she feels "superior" to you, and maybe by your behavior you've allowed it. Or she's just curious about you. Why not "break the ice" and invite her out for lunch or an evening drink and tell her how you really feel. Not in a negative way. Spice it up with a sense of humor and tell her "you know you're working myh nerves there in the office, what are you trying to do put me into an insane asylum?"
This comment is not to hurt your feelings in anyway...but the Swiss can be perfectionist. Are you slipping somewhere in your work, is there something more you should be learning or doing and you're not doing it? Is your training period over?
The Swiss can be bullies too. Maybe she's trying to "push you out." Invite her out and get into her head a bit. It's the best way to get things balanced out. Plus, the Swiss have a funny way of showing they like you too sometimes. She may actually like you.
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Old 12.04.2011, 19:51
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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Thanks you make some really valid points.. I have def given her way too much power.. As it was my first job here, I was happy in the beginning for her to lead the way..Sometimes she can be beyond nice and seems to genuinely care about wellbeing. Last week another employee was rude to me and she sent me a text saying she didnt like that someone was rude to me... I was like WTF? As it just doesnt add up when she does things like that. as she is super rude to me most of the time..

She is a super perfectionist whereas I am not.. I get things done but just in my own time.. Im not all over everything like she is.. She did once say that she feels im too relaxed..My trial period is over.. I do get the sense sometimes that she is curious about me.. Another strange thing is she takes great interest in what I wear... If i dress up one day she oggles at me all day and then the next day she comes dressed up, which is not normal for her... Who know what is going inside her head...
Oh I laughed at that. Let's be honest. Only you, me and our EF friends reading this are in on the joke. Why? Simply because we live here and deep down we are all loving it... We would have never had the opportunity to learn about the oddness of others (obviously some Swiss types) if we had stayed at home and never moved to a foreign land. Have you ever considered that you will never know, no matter how close you may get to her, what exactly is going on in her head?

All good then. Smile, go to work and be you. Come home and wonder about it when you've got nothing to do. Thank God everyone here is not like that. It, to me, is as entertaining as reading a good book these days.
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  #26  
Old 12.04.2011, 19:53
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Thanks Transition you made me smile.. Im super nervous about my kontrolltestfahrt tomorrow morning and this thread has kept my mind off it and made me laugh at myself a bit..

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Oh I laughed at that. Let's be honest. Only you, me and our EF friends reading this are in on the joke. Why? Simply because we live here and deep down we are all loving it... We would have never had the opportunity to learn about the oddness of others if we had stayed at home and never moved to a foreign land. Have you ever considered that you will never know, no matter how close you may get to her, what exactly is going on in her head?

All good then. Smile, go to work and be you. Come home and wonder when you've got nothing to do. It to me is as entertaining as reading a good book.

Last edited by Nadia77; 12.04.2011 at 19:55. Reason: spelling
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Old 12.04.2011, 20:05
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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Thanks you make some really valid points.. I have def given her way too much power.. As it was my first job here, I was happy in the beginning for her to lead the way..Sometimes she can be beyond nice and seems to genuinely care about wellbeing. Last week another employee was rude to me and she sent me a text saying she didnt like that someone was rude to me... I was like WTF? As it just doesnt add up when she does things like that. as she is super rude to me most of the time..

She is a super perfectionist whereas I am not.. I get things done but just in my own time.. Im not all over everything like she is.. She did once say that she feels im too relaxed..My trial period is over.. I do get the sense sometimes that she is curious about me.. Another strange thing is she takes great interest in what I wear... If i dress up one day she oggles at me all day and then the next day she comes dressed up, which is not normal for her... Who know what is going inside her head...
Sorry I am now going off-track
I doubt what kind of relationship your colleague wants from you
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  #28  
Old 12.04.2011, 20:28
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

The different faces of bipolar disorder
  • Bipolar I Disorder (mania or a
    mixed episode)
    The classic manic-depressive form of
    the illness, characterized by at least one manic episode or mixed episode. Usually—but not always—Bipolar I Disorder also involves at least one episode of depression.
  • Bipolar II Disorder (hypomania and depression)
    In Bipolar II disorder, the person doesn’t
    experience full-blown manic episodes. Instead, the illness involves episodes of hypomania and severe depression.
  • Cyclothymia (hypomania and mild depression)
    Cyclothymia is a milder form of bipolar disorder. It
    consists of cyclical mood swings. However, the symptoms are less severe than full-blown mania or depression.
__________________________________________________ ______
Common signs and symptoms of mania include:
  • Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely
    irritable
  • Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
  • Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
  • Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
  • Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
  • Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
  • Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
  • Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
  • Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)
__________________________________________________ _______
Common symptoms of bipolar depression include:

Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
Irritability
Inability to experience pleasure
Fatigue or loss of energy
Physical and mental sluggishness

Appetite or weight changes
Sleep problems
Concentration and memory problems
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt

Thoughts of death or suicide
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  #29  
Old 13.04.2011, 14:06
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

A bit off the topic so im sure it will be moved or deleted... I passed my kontrolltesfahrt today! No way psycho suzie colleague is getting to me today!
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Old 13.04.2011, 14:13
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Don't tempt me.

Congratulations. I'm all in favour of ego-boosting news in such a case. ('ego-boosting' in the nicest possible way).
More power to your arm but foot not too far from the brake if you see me out on my bike!
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Old 13.04.2011, 14:14
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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A bit off the topic so im sure it will be moved or deleted... I passed my kontrolltesfahrt today! No way psycho suzie colleague is getting to me today!
Great. Very happy about that for you... are you going to tell her?
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  #32  
Old 13.04.2011, 14:16
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Thanks! I'm soo relieved.. Well Psycho Suzie had already texted me whilst I was on my test sending a row of question marks and asking me what is happening....

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Great. Very happy about that for you... are you going to tell her?
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  #33  
Old 13.04.2011, 14:43
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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Thanks! I'm soo relieved.. Well Psycho Suzie had already texted me whilst I was on my test sending a row of question marks and asking me what is happening....
Honestly, I'd love to hve a psycho colleague at work. Not that it would be more productive, but probably more fun than EF: Come up with a weird story and continuously give hints away to drive her absolutely nuts.

I think I'd go for the "sleeper cell" or hit-man one... every day throw in one hint and refuse to comment on it further:

"Do you know a good place to practice shooting? I'd prefer a discrete indoor place where not an entire village sees me..."

"Do you know a club nearby where I could refresh my Krav Maga? I am so out of shape..."

"Are laser sights illegal in Switzerland? How about armour piercing ammunition? Silencers?"

"If you'd want to meet somebody really discreetly where nobody could hear and see you, where would you go?"

"Do you know a real estate website where I could find something like a remote cottage? Or many some barn or even a garage? Something where I can store stuff without the neighbours annoying me?"

And finally: "Of course I could tell you where I am going tonight, but then I'd have to shoot you..."
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  #34  
Old 13.04.2011, 14:45
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Someone in my family is like this. The best strategy I found so far is giving silly answers that make no sense at all. Of course served with a smile

After that you have two choices:

a) she completely goes ballistic
b) or accepts your pun

But as this is a professional environment, I would really talk with HR - because after a certain time you will have given too many stupid answers and
it might backfire to you

Not everyone has a good sense of humour

Last edited by armandair; 13.04.2011 at 14:57. Reason: HR addition
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  #35  
Old 13.04.2011, 17:20
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Hi Nadia,

I saw a lot of very helpful advice from EF members and I think you will use it to your advantage. I so understand you problem, I was in a similar situation, but the person was not flirting with "bi-polar" but had a personal agenda to destroy my reputation. The problem was she succeeded because she had some advantage on her side (like sucking up to the boss and she was also higher in rank than me) and because I was the way I was at that time: shy and not wanting to enter a conflict.

I lost because I didn't open my mouth when I should have (courtesy of another colleague that was advising me to keep quiet- and hardly did I know she was a two-faced person who actually agreed with this mean person's behavior) and I ignored some signals that were coming my way.

So if you have a colleague like that, step up, confront her directly, gather all the information that you may use to defend yourself and (optionally) use it against her, focus on your work and don't let rumors spread. Kill them while they are just blooming.

Ittigen gave very good advice, HR should be notified about that but in a friendly manner, the idea is that you want to help that person (if it turns out she is bi-polar) and also you want a thumbs up from HR for not being a meany when reporting her.

MusicChick also presented a very good point- envy. This is exactly what was my problem, this person hated me because I started on the same job she started and then kept moving up and I feel she didn't like how fast I moved. But be careful, these people have a dark agenda usually, they like creating emotional problems to others so as MusicChick suggested, write down the things she does, it will help you on the long run.

Keep it professional only, involve the HR, write down the unusual behavioral examples. No more being nice, in these types of cases it's better to be as neutral as possible.

Keep my fingers crossed for you!
And this happens in every country I'm sure...
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  #36  
Old 13.04.2011, 17:39
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Thanks Andreea. I did receive a lot useful advice and feel already somewhat more empowered than I did before.. I know realise that i cannot continue to keep quiet and allow this work situation to dominate my life.. My husband has even complained about it saying that he feel it is affecting our relationship , because I am always miserable because of it..

Time to stop living in fear and take action...Thing is back home, I wouldn't allow this to go on for so long, but because i am still uncertain of myself here, I have not felt as confident to deal with it..



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Hi Nadia,

I saw a lot of very helpful advice from EF members and I think you will use it to your advantage. I so understand you problem, I was in a similar situation, but the person was not flirting with "bi-polar" but had a personal agenda to destroy my reputation. The problem was she succeeded because she had some advantage on her side (like sucking up to the boss and she was also higher in rank than me) and because I was the way I was at that time: shy and not wanting to enter a conflict.

I lost because I didn't open my mouth when I should have (courtesy of another colleague that was advising me to keep quiet- and hardly did I know she was a two-faced person who actually agreed with this mean person's behavior) and I ignored some signals that were coming my way.

So if you have a colleague like that, step up, confront her directly, gather all the information that you may use to defend yourself and (optionally) use it against her, focus on your work and don't let rumors spread. Kill them while they are just blooming.

Ittigen gave very good advice, HR should be notified about that but in a friendly manner, the idea is that you want to help that person (if it turns out she is bi-polar) and also you want a thumbs up from HR for not being a meany when reporting her.

MusicChick also presented a very good point- envy. This is exactly what was my problem, this person hated me because I started on the same job she started and then kept moving up and I feel she didn't like how fast I moved. But be careful, these people have a dark agenda usually, they like creating emotional problems to others so as MusicChick suggested, write down the things she does, it will help you on the long run.

Keep it professional only, involve the HR, write down the unusual behavioral examples. No more being nice, in these types of cases it's better to be as neutral as possible.

Keep my fingers crossed for you!
And this happens in every country I'm sure...
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  #37  
Old 13.04.2011, 20:00
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

Has the OP thought of eating a lot of garlic every day and answering to that boss with a big smile and heavy breath for a while?
I like garlic, I would try it. See if she still comes whole day smelling garlic fragrance.
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Old 13.04.2011, 20:30
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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.. My husband has even complained about it saying that he feel it is affecting our relationship , because I am always miserable because of it..

Time to stop living in fear and take action...Thing is back home, I wouldn't allow this to go on for so long, but because i am still uncertain of myself here, I have not felt as confident to deal with it..
That is exactly how I felt when I was working there (the company with the bad rep) and I took all my anger and frustration home; little did I know then that my then fiancee, now husband, was feeling down and grew tired of my emotional state.

Later I read how bad it can affect a relationship, so now I know it's a BIG NO NO; and also I am lucky to have him, because he is great and never turned his back on me, instead he offered me an overview of how it might turn out if I continued in that particular situation ...it's good you are taking active measures, I'm sure things will work out soon

It's also good to have a bff who can, from time to time, listen to your whining, I have one and I used to tell her my problems, and she was always a ray of sun in a cloudy sky; not too often though, only when you have too much build up inside, and of course if you know she is willing to give you her shoulder so you can cry away
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  #39  
Old 13.04.2011, 20:59
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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A bit off the topic so im sure it will be moved or deleted... I passed my kontrolltesfahrt today! No way psycho suzie colleague is getting to me today!
What is a kontrolltesfahrt?
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Old 13.04.2011, 21:04
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Re: Help! My Swiss colleague is driving me mad!

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What is a kontrolltesfahrt?
Driving test.
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