Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Employment  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03.12.2019, 09:12
Newbie
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Schwyz
Posts: 4
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Grateful has no particular reputation at present
Is this Mobbing?

Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this personís manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03.12.2019, 09:20
olygirl's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: d' Innerschwiiz
Posts: 6,237
Groaned at 273 Times in 183 Posts
Thanked 14,065 Times in 4,316 Posts
olygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Do you need the networking to maintain a good standing in your job? Will those lunches provide you with contacts that will get you further?

Only you can really assess the importance of those social functions. However, if youíre giving off a negative vibe during those times, then it would be better for all if you donít attend.

By the way, I can imagine others are feeling the same way as you but no one wants to rock the boat.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03.12.2019, 09:22
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 12,221
Groaned at 857 Times in 600 Posts
Thanked 16,650 Times in 6,545 Posts
Chuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this person’s manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
I am not sure I understand the question.. are you asking if you are the one mobbing if you don't socialize with your colleagues? Mobbing is plural... generally it's a group thing of multiple people vs one other person. If this is simply a case of you politely declining going for daily coffees then I fail
to see how you are engaging in mobbing unless you are actively telling people that the reason is your colleague and then they also stop going too.

In the end some level of socialising with colleagues is recommended, so you will need to define a reasonable minimum that will still allow you to maintain some good working relationships but also to reduce contact with the colleague you don't like.

Never tell people the reason for why you are doing this otherwise you will only add fuel to the fire with your colleague and potentially damage your own reputation. Also, always be at least polite on a surface level with a colleague even if you really don't like them... never give them ammunition to use against you.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank Chuff for this useful post:
  #4  
Old 03.12.2019, 09:36
Treverus's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Luxembourg
Posts: 11,647
Groaned at 292 Times in 249 Posts
Thanked 21,806 Times in 7,947 Posts
Treverus has a reputation beyond reputeTreverus has a reputation beyond reputeTreverus has a reputation beyond reputeTreverus has a reputation beyond reputeTreverus has a reputation beyond reputeTreverus has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

In short: No it isnt.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank Treverus for this useful post:
  #5  
Old 03.12.2019, 09:59
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nyon
Posts: 2,733
Groaned at 116 Times in 82 Posts
Thanked 3,120 Times in 1,567 Posts
bowlie has a reputation beyond reputebowlie has a reputation beyond reputebowlie has a reputation beyond reputebowlie has a reputation beyond reputebowlie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Not mobbing, but being an Ostrich. Hiding from a problem does nothing to solving it.

At these social times try and draw the positive out of him. Ask him about his weekend, or a recommendation for a new car, his family, etc.

You likely can improve his behaviour if you try.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank bowlie for this useful post:
  #6  
Old 03.12.2019, 10:34
robBob's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Zurich
Posts: 2,378
Groaned at 45 Times in 32 Posts
Thanked 2,077 Times in 1,137 Posts
robBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond reputerobBob has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Fathom to say it has to do with your company's or department's culture. In the end it could lead to mobbing if you decide not to participate. I myself am not a great fan of such team enforced and regulated social activities and can understand your concerns.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank robBob for this useful post:
  #7  
Old 03.12.2019, 13:37
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Albisrieden
Posts: 4,806
Groaned at 107 Times in 75 Posts
Thanked 7,125 Times in 2,636 Posts
nickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

I normally go running at lunchtime - my colleagues are more than welcome to join instead of eating canteen stodge.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank nickatbasel for this useful post:
  #8  
Old 03.12.2019, 13:46
MusicChick's Avatar
modified, reprogrammed and doctored≤
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 14,809
Groaned at 273 Times in 199 Posts
Thanked 17,177 Times in 8,900 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this person’s manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
That's what you need knitting for, a very large math book, a novel in an uncommon language or food that looks unappealing and a very wide smile. You are there. But people leave you alone.

Playing chess on a tablet is a great deterrent, too.

I second the lunch break running, as well.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03.12.2019, 13:58
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.
Whoever it is saying that sounds like a crashing busy-body and someone who probably needs to look up the definition of "mobbing" in the dictionary. It's basically the OPPOSITE of mobbing behaviour.

Do what you want in your lunch hour. You don't need to make a big show of being busy with all sorts of bullshit-showy stuff. Just eat your food, go for a walk, go to the shops, do what you want. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank for this useful post:
  #10  
Old 03.12.2019, 14:19
st2lemans's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Lugano
Posts: 28,541
Groaned at 1,929 Times in 1,462 Posts
Thanked 33,708 Times in 16,084 Posts
st2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
I normally go running at lunchtime - my colleagues are more than welcome to join instead of eating canteen stodge.
I either go home for lunch, or go motorcycling.

Lunches with colleagues are only when it's on the company's dime.

Tom
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03.12.2019, 14:21
VFR on top's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Used to be Basel.
Posts: 1,083
Groaned at 31 Times in 21 Posts
Thanked 2,384 Times in 891 Posts
VFR on top has a reputation beyond reputeVFR on top has a reputation beyond reputeVFR on top has a reputation beyond reputeVFR on top has a reputation beyond reputeVFR on top has a reputation beyond reputeVFR on top has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences...I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties... I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.
I would say you don't really need to repackage - you appear more introverted than you might think.
Best definition I ever heard about introverts: they drain their batteries when with people and recharge when alone or 1:1. Its basically what you wrote above.
Come to the dark side!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank VFR on top for this useful post:
  #12  
Old 03.12.2019, 14:46
MusicChick's Avatar
modified, reprogrammed and doctored≤
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 14,809
Groaned at 273 Times in 199 Posts
Thanked 17,177 Times in 8,900 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

It's not so dark.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank MusicChick for this useful post:
  #13  
Old 03.12.2019, 15:36
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 6,784
Groaned at 60 Times in 49 Posts
Thanked 9,630 Times in 3,965 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.
This seems to mean that you have already discussed your feelings about "Colleague" with "Someone"?

Does Someone also work with you and Colleague, in other words, was Someone's advice given to you from within the specific context of your workplace, knowing you both?
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
  #14  
Old 03.12.2019, 20:42
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: central
Posts: 53
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 32 Times in 18 Posts
yello has no particular reputation at present
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
Not mobbing, but being an Ostrich. Hiding from a problem does nothing to solving it.

At these social times try and draw the positive out of him. Ask him about his weekend, or a recommendation for a new car, his family, etc.

You likely can improve his behaviour if you try.
Some people are like a disease, a smarter solution is to prevent contact in the first place.

I also believe that people are not evil, at lest 99.99999% percent, but some choose to be mean at workplace. They look for victims and would continue back-stabbing until crushed. It guess the OP might witness such case.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank yello for this useful post:
  #15  
Old 04.12.2019, 07:55
Caleb's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Rheintal
Posts: 841
Groaned at 10 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 1,239 Times in 521 Posts
Caleb has a reputation beyond reputeCaleb has a reputation beyond reputeCaleb has a reputation beyond reputeCaleb has a reputation beyond reputeCaleb has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
You likely can improve his behaviour if you try.
You think? That's too much "The Good Place" for a person described as
Quote:
lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04.12.2019, 08:38
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 9,099
Groaned at 309 Times in 252 Posts
Thanked 12,874 Times in 6,736 Posts
greenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this person’s manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
In another post you have written you are employed in CH as a lawyer. I guess you know sufficient things about laws in order to protect yourself from potential accusations? How could that be mobbing? Mobbing is not failure to socialise.

Most of us have been taught to remain polite in every situation, but some people simply don't deserve our politeness. Though I wonder if avoiding lunches and coffees with them would be seen as impolite or rude, because when you decide to avoid that person you'll avoid the whole group. I would try to ignore him/her first tbh and not cut myself from the rest of people who might not even like her btw... If she won't let you be at least in public, with all the others around..... life is too short to be well-mannered all the time, even with the assholes (I can see my mom shaking her head )...
If you decide to go down that route of total avoidance, as someone else has already mentioned, no need for elaborated excuses, or showy stuff, just mind your own business without many explanations.

Last edited by greenmount; 04.12.2019 at 08:53.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04.12.2019, 08:48
Tom1234's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Kanton Luzern
Posts: 14,747
Groaned at 466 Times in 372 Posts
Thanked 20,638 Times in 8,556 Posts
Tom1234 has a reputation beyond reputeTom1234 has a reputation beyond reputeTom1234 has a reputation beyond reputeTom1234 has a reputation beyond reputeTom1234 has a reputation beyond reputeTom1234 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.
Be very, very careful how you deal with this.

Employment laws are such here that an employee gets great protection - unfortunately it's usually the one doing the mobbing or being otherwise difficult who gets the best protection.
It's against the law for this kind of information to get passed onto future employers.

Here's an example:

At my wife's last place of work, one of her employees was lazy, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare (I cut and pasted that from your post as it was identical behaviour).

This employee also accused my wife, her boss, of mobbing. While this employee enjoyed several months vacation due to work-place stress etc, my wife was dragged over the coals. No evidence was found. There wasn't any.
She put my wife through hell for a few months though.
The employee left the company in the end.

It was only a few months later that my wife discovered that the same employee had pulled the same stunt at the previous place where she had worked - accused the employer of mobbing and having several months off due to workplace stress because of the 'mobbing'.

The story doesn't end there though.

The employee now has a new job, at a new company. However, she's not currently as the office. She's been signed off sick for a few months due to workplace stress and mobbing by her new boss.

Can you spot a pattern?

As I wrote - tread carefully.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Tom1234 for this useful post:
  #18  
Old 04.12.2019, 09:07
NotAllThere's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Baselland
Posts: 12,110
Groaned at 188 Times in 165 Posts
Thanked 17,429 Times in 7,094 Posts
NotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
You think? That's too much "The Good Place" for a person described as
As I recall, it took the threat of imminent death to get one of the them to improve. I hope you're not suggesting the OP try that!
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 04.12.2019, 14:27
HIAO's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bellevue
Posts: 1,162
Groaned at 6 Times in 5 Posts
Thanked 2,948 Times in 814 Posts
HIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Is this Mobbing?

Quote:
View Post
However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true?
It can. Mobbing is about the behaviour of a group towards an individual.

If an individual is excluded or isolated by a group, including where they refuse to socialise with the individual, or by enlisting their coworkers to do the same, it fits a definition of mobbing.

It's not my impression that these are the behaviours you're describing. You're instead considering making some changes to how you want to spend your breaks and free time.

My recommendation is not to discuss the unpleasant personality traits of your colleague with other co-workers, unless you're making a formal complaint about their behaviour.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank HIAO for this useful post:
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Mobbing in Switzerland bails Employment 165 05.06.2015 22:31
Cyber mobbing MsWorWoo Jokes/funnies 29 07.12.2014 13:15
Mobbing - How does one handle it ? online Employment 30 07.11.2013 22:49
Help me mobbing my colleague!!!! Praktikum Employment 55 03.06.2011 13:50
Mobbing in the office, what to do? miso Complaints corner 20 19.09.2009 17:54


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 12:12.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0