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Old 03.12.2019, 10:12
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Is this Mobbing?

Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this personís manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
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Old 03.12.2019, 10:20
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

Do you need the networking to maintain a good standing in your job? Will those lunches provide you with contacts that will get you further?

Only you can really assess the importance of those social functions. However, if youíre giving off a negative vibe during those times, then it would be better for all if you donít attend.

By the way, I can imagine others are feeling the same way as you but no one wants to rock the boat.
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Old 03.12.2019, 10:22
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this person’s manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
I am not sure I understand the question.. are you asking if you are the one mobbing if you don't socialize with your colleagues? Mobbing is plural... generally it's a group thing of multiple people vs one other person. If this is simply a case of you politely declining going for daily coffees then I fail
to see how you are engaging in mobbing unless you are actively telling people that the reason is your colleague and then they also stop going too.

In the end some level of socialising with colleagues is recommended, so you will need to define a reasonable minimum that will still allow you to maintain some good working relationships but also to reduce contact with the colleague you don't like.

Never tell people the reason for why you are doing this otherwise you will only add fuel to the fire with your colleague and potentially damage your own reputation. Also, always be at least polite on a surface level with a colleague even if you really don't like them... never give them ammunition to use against you.
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Old 03.12.2019, 10:36
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

In short: No it isnt.
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Old 03.12.2019, 10:59
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

Not mobbing, but being an Ostrich. Hiding from a problem does nothing to solving it.

At these social times try and draw the positive out of him. Ask him about his weekend, or a recommendation for a new car, his family, etc.

You likely can improve his behaviour if you try.
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Old 03.12.2019, 11:34
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

Fathom to say it has to do with your company's or department's culture. In the end it could lead to mobbing if you decide not to participate. I myself am not a great fan of such team enforced and regulated social activities and can understand your concerns.
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Old 03.12.2019, 14:37
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

I normally go running at lunchtime - my colleagues are more than welcome to join instead of eating canteen stodge.
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Old 03.12.2019, 14:46
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this person’s manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
That's what you need knitting for, a very large math book, a novel in an uncommon language or food that looks unappealing and a very wide smile. You are there. But people leave you alone.

Playing chess on a tablet is a great deterrent, too.

I second the lunch break running, as well.
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Old 03.12.2019, 14:58
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.
Whoever it is saying that sounds like a crashing busy-body and someone who probably needs to look up the definition of "mobbing" in the dictionary. It's basically the OPPOSITE of mobbing behaviour.

Do what you want in your lunch hour. You don't need to make a big show of being busy with all sorts of bullshit-showy stuff. Just eat your food, go for a walk, go to the shops, do what you want. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.
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Old 03.12.2019, 15:19
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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I normally go running at lunchtime - my colleagues are more than welcome to join instead of eating canteen stodge.
I either go home for lunch, or go motorcycling.

Lunches with colleagues are only when it's on the company's dime.

Tom
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Old 03.12.2019, 15:21
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences...I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties... I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.
I would say you don't really need to repackage - you appear more introverted than you might think.
Best definition I ever heard about introverts: they drain their batteries when with people and recharge when alone or 1:1. Its basically what you wrote above.
Come to the dark side!
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Old 03.12.2019, 15:46
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

It's not so dark.
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Old 03.12.2019, 16:36
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.
This seems to mean that you have already discussed your feelings about "Colleague" with "Someone"?

Does Someone also work with you and Colleague, in other words, was Someone's advice given to you from within the specific context of your workplace, knowing you both?
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Old 03.12.2019, 21:42
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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Not mobbing, but being an Ostrich. Hiding from a problem does nothing to solving it.

At these social times try and draw the positive out of him. Ask him about his weekend, or a recommendation for a new car, his family, etc.

You likely can improve his behaviour if you try.
Some people are like a disease, a smarter solution is to prevent contact in the first place.

I also believe that people are not evil, at lest 99.99999% percent, but some choose to be mean at workplace. They look for victims and would continue back-stabbing until crushed. It guess the OP might witness such case.
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Old 04.12.2019, 08:55
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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You likely can improve his behaviour if you try.
You think? That's too much "The Good Place" for a person described as
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lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare
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Old 04.12.2019, 09:38
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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Good morning to all,

One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true? I would not put it past my colleague to go that route at the next negative performance review (I am not this person’s manager), but to be clear, I am fine with a polite good morning and once a year holiday party. It is the daily coffees and periodic lunches that are simply sucking the life from me.

Many thanks in advance for any insight anyone can share.
In another post you have written you are employed in CH as a lawyer. I guess you know sufficient things about laws in order to protect yourself from potential accusations? How could that be mobbing? Mobbing is not failure to socialise.

Most of us have been taught to remain polite in every situation, but some people simply don't deserve our politeness. Though I wonder if avoiding lunches and coffees with them would be seen as impolite or rude, because when you decide to avoid that person you'll avoid the whole group. I would try to ignore him/her first tbh and not cut myself from the rest of people who might not even like her btw... If she won't let you be at least in public, with all the others around..... life is too short to be well-mannered all the time, even with the assholes (I can see my mom shaking her head )...
If you decide to go down that route of total avoidance, as someone else has already mentioned, no need for elaborated excuses, or showy stuff, just mind your own business without many explanations.

Last edited by greenmount; 04.12.2019 at 09:53.
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Old 04.12.2019, 09:48
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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One of my colleagues is lazy, manipulative, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare. I work for a large company that embraces the coffee and lunch with colleagues (not always, but often). Of course, there are a few introverts who typically do not participate and do so without any consequences, but none of those in my team. I am beginning to think I need to re-package myself as one of those people because I just cannot handle wasting precious time on social niceties involving this horrible person. However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.
Be very, very careful how you deal with this.

Employment laws are such here that an employee gets great protection - unfortunately it's usually the one doing the mobbing or being otherwise difficult who gets the best protection.
It's against the law for this kind of information to get passed onto future employers.

Here's an example:

At my wife's last place of work, one of her employees was lazy, selfish, back-stabbing, negative, hateful, and an overall nightmare (I cut and pasted that from your post as it was identical behaviour).

This employee also accused my wife, her boss, of mobbing. While this employee enjoyed several months vacation due to work-place stress etc, my wife was dragged over the coals. No evidence was found. There wasn't any.
She put my wife through hell for a few months though.
The employee left the company in the end.

It was only a few months later that my wife discovered that the same employee had pulled the same stunt at the previous place where she had worked - accused the employer of mobbing and having several months off due to workplace stress because of the 'mobbing'.

The story doesn't end there though.

The employee now has a new job, at a new company. However, she's not currently as the office. She's been signed off sick for a few months due to workplace stress and mobbing by her new boss.

Can you spot a pattern?

As I wrote - tread carefully.
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Old 04.12.2019, 10:07
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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You think? That's too much "The Good Place" for a person described as
As I recall, it took the threat of imminent death to get one of the them to improve. I hope you're not suggesting the OP try that!
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Old 04.12.2019, 15:27
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Re: Is this Mobbing?

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However, someone recently told me that the failure to socialize can be considered mobbing.

Can this really be true?
It can. Mobbing is about the behaviour of a group towards an individual.

If an individual is excluded or isolated by a group, including where they refuse to socialise with the individual, or by enlisting their coworkers to do the same, it fits a definition of mobbing.

It's not my impression that these are the behaviours you're describing. You're instead considering making some changes to how you want to spend your breaks and free time.

My recommendation is not to discuss the unpleasant personality traits of your colleague with other co-workers, unless you're making a formal complaint about their behaviour.
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