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  #21  
Old 21.05.2021, 23:40
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

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There is nothing to be gained by not providing a good reference
I understand why someone wouldn't want to give good reference to someone who did bad onto them.
In a sense, reference means that I'm vouching for that person, for things I wrote were good.

@ForestW, I'd probably just told her - you know, the best I can do for you after everything is to write nothing at all.

In short, explain that it's in her best interest to not push you and be happy with 1&2 parts and leave the part 3 alone. I like that description from HIAO


And if she pushes, then yes, I'd ask legal advice how to write it properly, so that she cannot sue you, but that you don't give/tell anything you don't want to tell.

I mean, I couldn't praise someone for ability to cook or change diapers if they stole things from me. The person comes with all their traits, and obviously those negative ones impacted the work quality here since this work is based on good relationships.

It's not like she started snoring too loud and that was the reason for stopping the job, then yeah, I'd definitely praise all good things we had hoping that next employer won't have such light sleep.
But theft is completely different thing. You trust someone to look after your kid and your home, and they're stealing from you?! That's you being violated and make you question what else is missing but you just haven't found out yet. Bad bad feeling to have.
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  #22  
Old 22.05.2021, 08:35
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

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Yes, there are always two sides.

Tom
Not on a Möbius strip.



While there are always two sides to a story, around here I just answer the questions according to the facts provided, rather than endlessly speculating on the "real" circumstances.

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  #23  
Old 22.05.2021, 09:24
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

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While there are always two sides to a story, around here I just answer the questions according to the facts provided, rather than endlessly speculating on the "real" circumstances.
You and Tom are two sides of the never-ending EF story...
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Old 22.05.2021, 09:36
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

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You and Tom are two sides of the never-ending EF story...
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  #25  
Old 22.05.2021, 10:10
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

Employing an "employee who has been substandard" for five years speaks volumes about the employer. Specially in one's home and around children. Might not have been fun to work for them.

OP's question is futile. They gave an "Arbeitsbestätigung" (confirmation of employment) which stated duration and job-description. Apparently even a reason for ending it, which is already a bonus. An employee can't demand more than that. The mantra in this country concerning this subject is "if you can't say something good, stay silent".

Might be a Friday thread. Should have been declared a rant as nobody here seems to fall for the attempt of making it look like a valid problem of a poor victim.
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  #26  
Old 22.05.2021, 13:31
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

The unreasonable actions of your former nanny, while miscalculated and hassling, sound to me like the powerless actions of someone who feels her powerlessness, desperate in the face of unemployment and having to return to her home country. The threat she made of legal recourse is likely empty; might you be attributing more malice (and power) to her than is due?

What puzzles me about your post is the absence of any mention of how she treated your child (the top duty of a nanny), and your child's relationship with her (surely a relationship with many distinct qualities as it lasted 5 years). The only mention of a child is your parenthetical comparison of the nanny's room to your daughter's. Something emotional feels missing in the way you're approaching this issue.
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  #27  
Old 22.05.2021, 13:46
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

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There is nothing to be gained by not providing a good reference, it's Friday & I believe there is more to the story than we are being told.

The OP believes I am being a troll, she registered her account for this thread, there may be a troll but it is not me I rest my case ma Lord
I share that view . When I am asked for references - I say "write it yourself and send it my way" as way I see someone doesn't reflect necessary effort that given someone put into the job and I may miss on what someone see as his/her high achievement.

Missing recognition is one of the reasons people change jobs - it's not a money ( even so money is part of the recognition ) .

5-years working for anyone - means for 4.years and 9-months someone was doing good enough job for employer - making Zeugniss 95% good and 5-% neurtal. Perhaps the part of "person has been dismissed on grounds of no need ."
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  #28  
Old 22.05.2021, 18:47
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

and perhaps to give some "feel and touch" to OP

Most managers reading Zuegnis do NOT read what is in it - but what is "not in it". So omitting things that one clearly would expect to see tells the story.

When Zeugnis looks "great" and too good to be truth ether it's luck or simply someone writing it had a good imagination and a bit of artistic touch - and I'd ignore it and have my own judgment to see what the person is about.

Example of missing words : trustworthy , reliable , precise , helpful , friendly , team player, ambitious , keen , learn , security , talented . There is more of course - but by "not" using these - you write "good looking" Zeugnis which when read by professional managers doesn't look all that good.

I am not saying "do it" - all I am saying is how it could be done.

I requested my Zwischenzeugnis some time ago and was bit surprised - and that alone tells me how I am being seen or how uneducated my +1 is ... however since that changes yearly ...I don't care
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  #29  
Old 22.05.2021, 19:57
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

I am not sure how useful is a letter with hidden notes to an unexperienced reader. If somebody else is to employ her as a nanny it is not very likely they'd be able to catch those settle hints. I am not sure I would (though I guess I'd like to call-up the previous employer rather than rely solely on a letter that could very well be forged).
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  #30  
Old 22.05.2021, 20:09
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

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The unreasonable actions of your former nanny, while miscalculated and hassling, sound to me like the powerless actions of someone who feels her powerlessness, desperate in the face of unemployment and having to return to her home country. The threat she made of legal recourse is likely empty; might you be attributing more malice (and power) to her than is due?

What puzzles me about your post is the absence of any mention of how she treated your child (the top duty of a nanny), and your child's relationship with her (surely a relationship with many distinct qualities as it lasted 5 years). The only mention of a child is your parenthetical comparison of the nanny's room to your daughter's. Something emotional feels missing in the way you're approaching this issue.
I don't get why OP kept this nanny under their roof, it must have been something they got out of this convenient situation (longer unpaid hours? house chores not in the contract?)... Posing as the perfect employer cheated by an evil person in an obviously subordinate role, nah, I'm too cynical to believe all of these.

@OP, don't mean to insult. Your story might be accurate. It's just how it comes across to me.
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  #31  
Old 22.05.2021, 21:32
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

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The only mention of a child is your parenthetical comparison of the nanny's room to your daughter's.
Likewise the husband, the only "we" or similar I see is "we no longer needed the help" in the makeshift reason to kick the nanny out.
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Old 22.05.2021, 22:29
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Re: How should I provide a Letter of Reference for a nanny which didn't end on good t

Thanks to everyone who took the time to post valuable advice from the perspective of someone trying to help. Absolutely, there are always two sides to every story, and I was telling you mine whether you believe it or not. I was asking for advice based on my perspective, and unfortunately the usual trolls rear their heads out of their deep, dark basements in their mum's homes.

I've never posted anything on this forum before (which is why I have a new handle), because I have read enough posts here to realise that 50% will be truly helpful people, whilst the other 50% people are...well...the ones who live in their deep dark holes. But the latter 50% are enough to keep many away unfortunately. I'm in no way bothering to defend myself but just simply stating my perspective as a new user who was not sure whether or not to ask for advice here, and unfortunately got stung (as I'd expected but hope not to get) with the usual pitiful and useless comments.
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