Hello all,

I wasn't really sure where to put this, I suppose it's a sort of health matter. I saw my boyfriend off this morning at the train station. He's gone to Mexico for three months for research and I'm already feeling the pain of being apart. We were having a long-distance relationship until I moved here at the end of September, so you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. I don't really know how to feel better and was wondering if anyone had been through something similar and could give me advice. I never found a way while I was living in the UK and he was living here, and that was when I was living with my parents. I absolutely hate being alone, and don't really know how I'm going to handle coming home to an empty house every day. I only have a couple of friends here, it's very difficult to make any more. I imagine some of you will find this post a bit pathetic, and to be honest I feel quite pathetic writing it, but I really struggle when I don't have company (especially someone as special as my other half, and he really is my other half). Any help would be appreciated, thank you all.

Get a cat.

I wish - we're not allowed pets in my building.

get one anyway. An indoor cat like mine. A cat will keep you company.

I get its hard but seriously, use the opportunity to make some friends, start building your life up here in Switzerland, get involved with stuff that really interests you - he might be your other half but you are still a person in your own right!! You had a life before him, you will be fine for 3 months.

I will hopefully be joining a concert band after Christmas (I don't have my horn with me... not sure I can bring it back here, but I can at least bring the mouthpiece and borrow a horn!). I'm hoping this will be a good way to meet people, but it's so hard to integrate in this area. I don't have any Swiss friends here, it's such a shame. It's not just about having friends, though. I find coming home to an empty house horribly depressing. I don't really know how to feel like I'm not alone in the place I should feel the most comfortable.

Hi,
I have been in same situation many times and currently too

Best is too get involved into fitness activities like joining Gym, joining dance classes.
Also can particiapate in jogging & walking groups in evening in zurich.
Watching movies, stuying for career making.

Also you can explot time in engaing yourfelf in cooking 8 making new dishes and enjoying it.

Regards,

I like the cooking idea, I love baking. I think things would be much easier if I were in Zurich, but unfortunately that isn't the case! I'm going to try and get my German back up to a decent level and start Italian at home to try and occupy myself in the evening. Thank you for all the suggestions, it's appreciated.

hmmm.... and I didn't know you could get to Mexico on the train.

mrs G and I ( before she was mrs. G ) did the long distance thing for 3 years.... all I can suggest is staying in touch by every means possible... phone, email , snail mail... I think especially snail mail.. in the day of E this and E that we sometimes forget the importance of seeing the persons actual handwriting..it's much more personal.


best of luck,

Hi, this is a great time to make new friends...also, try salsa..lots of energy, great people, and the exercise is excellent! Also, keep in touch with Skype..

it won't solve the empty house problem, but why not come along to some of the social events that are on this forum, that way you will pass the time meet people and be less dependent on the other half in future

One of the great things about being alone is all the things you can do that you can't do before because you had to consider what the other person wanted. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and you'll be surprised about the fun you can have (FWIW, I went through some serious gf withdrawl when I went off to grad school)

maybe try to get into a routine like coming home & skype/video call your boyfriend. That way you might not feel bad walking into an empty apartment if you know you'll get to chat even if it's just for a few minutes (because I guess he'll be in the middle of his workday). then by the time you get through your evening routine, like cooking dinner or whatever, you'll have settled a bit and it might take the sting out of being on your own.

Take up a hobby that keeps you busy for the nights when you are at home. Now is a good time for making Christmas cards

I can relate as my husband travels quite a bit for work and I hate the nights in an empty house. He's not been away for 3 months (thank goodness!).

On the first night I make it a habit of doing the things that I wouldn't normally do when he's home... pour myself a great glass (or 2 ) of red wine. Put some music on (the house doesn't feel as empty this way). Cook myself something delicious (or eat dessert for dinner). Have a warm bath with lots of bubbles. Wrap myself in a warm robe and either watch a movie I like but my husband would loathe or read a good book. I enjoy some 'me' time!

The second night... I ask a friend to go out for dinner/ movie with me or repeat the above

But there is so much you can do! Join a book club? Take yourself to the movies? Meet new people? Head out to a gig?

The worst thing you can do is sit at home alone feeling badly for yourself. If you are sitting at home alone... spoil yourself and make sure you're doing something you enjoy! Some nights it just sucks. Something will go wrong and you want to chat/ cry etc and the time difference means he's stuck in meetings or asleep. These are the times I remind myself I'm a big girl who managed to look after myself very well before I met him and I can still do so.

You'll be fine. Keep yourself busy and you'll be amazed how quickly 3 months will pass

sorry couldn't resist... but seriously get a grip!

Thank you for all the suggestions and words of support (and for those who sent comforting PMs too). I would definitely go for this suggestion...

... but I like really scary horrors... just not when I have to sleep alone!

Lovedoctor, the Quagmire post made me smile, but at the same time the reason I wasn't sure whether or not I should post this topic was because I thought I might get reactions like your "get a grip" comment afterwards. I realise that for some people, this doesn't seem like a problem at all, but for me it's horrible, and I feel really, really down. I know you didn't mean it in a nasty way at all, so I'm not offended, but it shows that people can be really, really different. Are you the kind of person who likes alone time? I'm definitely not!

Thanks to everyone again, I'm going to try out some of the suggestions, really get my head down and study German and Italian, and hope that these three months whizz by!

Plan your days ahead and use the time to take some cheap day trips to Bern or other near places - Neuchatel is on a really good train line.
if you really get down nip back to the UK and visit some friends & family. Neuchatel is a very young place and there seem to a lot of new people on the forum moving there.
Have you been to the Cafe du Cerf?
When I am next in Neuchatel I will let you know and maybe we can have a coffee or something....

Yes, I have been to the Cerf, and plan on going back as much as possible! Please do let me know when you plan on coming to Neuch next, I'd love to go for a coffee.

Do you like Gilligans Island? When I was out of work, I'd just sit around in my underwear all day, eat Fruit Loops and watch Gilligan's Island. I wasn't even aware if anyone was around me or not.

Here you go, get started, you can thank me later:
http://www.amazon.de/Gilligans-Islan...0670716&sr=8-1

I think Fruit Loops can be had in Coop (if not, then try Migros). Have fun. I'll gaurantee you'll be so into Gilligan the Skipper too, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star the professor and Mary Ann...that you won't even notice your boyfriend when he walks in the door 3 months from now. High-five.