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Old 11.04.2011, 17:19
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Re: Depression Sufferers

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Some cases are very serious, no doubt about it and those people are in need of strong support from professional, friends ansd family members. But when someone begins to lose those support one after one and can't hold on the same long term support, what does it tells us? That all of those who walked away did it because they are selfish or because they were tired to support someone digging into his own self-pityness?
Disclaimer... I haven't read the whole thread...

Turning the situation around, there is nothing worse than being that person whose lost the support of family and friends.

I suffer from 'mental health problems'. Before I moved here, my brother had to help me a lot. This affected him so badly he became ill. He would say that while it wasn't all my 'fault' the strain of looking after me played a part.

Now I've been here a year and a half... and my parents are feeling the strain, so much so that in my last crisis they had to tell me I couldn't go and stay with them - because they couldn't cope.

Now I wouldn't say I enjoy my problems, or the attention I get from them. But I have had to accept that my family just can't cope with me when I'm really ill.

Add in a psychiatrist who admits she doesn't know how to help me, and a therapy group that seems to be making the problems worse... it is hard.

But sometimes there's nothing that can be done. The medication doesn't always help, therapy tends to be a 'one size fits all' and you may not quite fit in any of the boxes, and even the specialists get stumped sometimes...

It's hard for everyone, the sufferer and their friends and family. But please don't assume that just because someone isn't making progress it means they aren't 'trying', or that they are stuck in self-pity. Sometimes there just isn't an easy solution.
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Old 11.04.2011, 19:39
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Re: Depression Sufferers

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Disclaimer... I haven't read the whole thread...

Turning the situation around, there is nothing worse than being that person whose lost the support of family and friends.

I suffer from 'mental health problems'. Before I moved here, my brother had to help me a lot. This affected him so badly he became ill. He would say that while it wasn't all my 'fault' the strain of looking after me played a part.

Now I've been here a year and a half... and my parents are feeling the strain, so much so that in my last crisis they had to tell me I couldn't go and stay with them - because they couldn't cope.

Now I wouldn't say I enjoy my problems, or the attention I get from them. But I have had to accept that my family just can't cope with me when I'm really ill.

Add in a psychiatrist who admits she doesn't know how to help me, and a therapy group that seems to be making the problems worse... it is hard.

But sometimes there's nothing that can be done. The medication doesn't always help, therapy tends to be a 'one size fits all' and you may not quite fit in any of the boxes, and even the specialists get stumped sometimes...

It's hard for everyone, the sufferer and their friends and family. But please don't assume that just because someone isn't making progress it means they aren't 'trying', or that they are stuck in self-pity. Sometimes there just isn't an easy solution.
Totally right, and this is why I am asking all those questions. Because being myself at the end of the string with that friend, I am looking at all of those years of depression she has been into, thinking how to know when the person is really trying hard and when it is self-pitying. Because it isn't black or white and because so much time passed, so much trouble, stress and frustrations for nothing, basically.

Believe me, I am not talking like I never been there, I have. I also told my story somewhere in this thread. But I came out of it and it was damn hard like all the people who did came out of it. And I don't think someone got it easier because he is healed, nor that someone has it harder if he still didn't healed.

But I began to think it is something to do with what you are doing about it.... In her case, at least.
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Old 11.04.2011, 19:44
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Re: Depression Sufferers

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I was thinking more about someone who had a bad experience in his/her life and after tons of therapies, meds and supports still can't get over it, can't live his/her life.
Who are you (or anyone) to say that whatever happened is something anyone else should "get over"?

Everyone deals with their problems in their own way, at their own speed. For me, growing up with some need to put an outward appearance to the world that everything is alright, it is very tough to "get over" anything because I spend A LOT of time pretending there is nothing wrong. So then, to the people I do talk to about it, it seems that nothing is ever getting better, that I'm not taking their advice, or whatever... but in order for me to make it seem like I CAN do whatever it is, I have to at least appear able to do it, if that makes sense?

So, for me, it is (often, lately) a matter of two steps forward and sometimes only one step back but also, just as often, three steps back. Going to ask for help at RAV for getting work was huge for me, going the next week to GGG to ask for help with language classes even bigger as I was already "bruised" from having to deal with RAV. (Of course, in my case, it is made worse by needing assistance from folks back home who are not actually helping, this is the stumbling block that throws be back three steps... I finally worked up the "courage" to go and seek help officially and my backup isn't there.)

Perhaps for your friend who has (or hasn't) gone to therapy and has (or hasn't) taken some meds to try to help is in a similar frame. Trying to make things work but something happens, something that maybe seems inconsequential to you, that puts a stumbling block in her way and makes it feel like the effort was wasted or useless or worse.


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Difficult to see one from the other one. And when one questinoned it, it is automatically seen as being a jerk to be so insensitive.
Maybe think of it a different way and stop asking yourself (or anyone else) about it...

People generally seek each other out for company and yes, attention as well. If we didn't, there wouldn't be so many of us who are "Forum Veterans" here and there wouldn't be folks with large numbers of either type of rep blob.

People who make themselves sick or continue to allow themselves to be sick (as you imply later) possibly are suffering from more mental impairment than "simple" depression. A person with Münchausen Syndrome may "feign" depression as likely as any other ailment - this does not mean that they're not in need of help, rather that they need a different sort of help than they are trying to get.

So, perhaps it would be "easier" for you to consider that the attention seeking itself through discussion about their depression, requests for help, etc etc MAY be a sign of a different / additional underlying mental problem.
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Old 11.04.2011, 20:08
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So being the witness of this, how should someone react? After such a long time, after so much support, help and listening, one can lost trust in someone's capacity and interest to get out of this situation....

The depression sufferer of my exemple lose people around, lose support and trust. Not because they are not interested but because they have just enough to not see any progress. Seeeing someone doing something but without really doing something.

It is like the person loves to go to therapies after therapies because it shows that he/she is doing something about it but doesn't hold on the informations and knowledge that brings those therapies. So it looks like the person is always hard working on the problem but not resolving it.

It's frustrating to see someone you care about in that situation, for sure.

Therapy doesn't work for everyone, because not everyone has the ability to think about things very deeply, or some people have to first be taught by the therapist how to think about things, but it still might not work. Then there's the matter of having the right therapist! Finally, if someone experienced significant trauma during their formative years, they basically have to re-wire their brain, how they see everything, how they react, how they relate to others. It's an enormous endeavour, and can take a long time.

And as Peg said, perhaps depression is not that person's main problem.
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Old 11.04.2011, 20:37
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Re: Depression Sufferers

This friend is the only friend I have that goes as far as our teenage years, I have been through a lot with her and saw many things.

If I am asking those questions today is because after all those years of support, of attention and help from me, from her family (who gave up) from hospitals, therapies, doctors, meds, gouvernment and friends who came around, stayed a while and eventually left, nothing changed.

I know her better than most of the people around her. I wouldn't think of her as a potential cry for attention if I didn't know her so well already. But lately, it did hit me that it could be it. And this is why I am asking opinions about it. Because I am too closely involve emotionally with her to see if it is a cry for help or attention.

Being sick and suffering of depression is something that isolate you a lot.

But when do you see it is for attention pure and simple.... that is more difficult and tricky.
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Old 11.04.2011, 20:50
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Re: Depression Sufferers

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This friend is the only friend I have that goes as far as our teenage years, I have been through a lot with her and saw many things.

If I am asking those questions today is because after all those years of support, of attention and help from me, from her family (who gave up) from hospitals, therapies, doctors, meds, gouvernment and friends who came around, stayed a while and eventually left, nothing changed.

I know her better than most of the people around her. I wouldn't think of her as a potential cry for attention if I didn't know her so well already. But lately, it did hit me that it could be it. And this is why I am asking opinions about it. Because I am too closely involve emotionally with her to see if it is a cry for help or attention.

Being sick and suffering of depression is something that isolate you a lot.

But when do you see it is for attention pure and simple.... that is more difficult and tricky.
As several people have mentioned there is no simple way of being able to cure depression. The 'cry for attention' may be an acceptance that she is in a position to do something about this. Whatever the situation, support from those closest to her, such as you, will be invaluable.
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Old 11.04.2011, 21:00
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This friend is the only friend I have that goes as far as our teenage years, I have been through a lot with her and saw many things.

If I am asking those questions today is because after all those years of support, of attention and help from me, from her family (who gave up) from hospitals, therapies, doctors, meds, gouvernment and friends who came around, stayed a while and eventually left, nothing changed.

I know her better than most of the people around her. I wouldn't think of her as a potential cry for attention if I didn't know her so well already. But lately, it did hit me that it could be it. And this is why I am asking opinions about it. Because I am too closely involve emotionally with her to see if it is a cry for help or attention.

Being sick and suffering of depression is something that isolate you a lot.

But when do you see it is for attention pure and simple.... that is more difficult and tricky.
You definitely have the right to ask questions after being in this complicated relationship for so long.

I don't know what to tell you, though. Is she able to be a real friend to you? If so, maybe you'll just have to accept that she may never change, and be honest with her about the things she does that disturb you. It's okay for you to set limits, you may even help her by doing so. I've managed to alienate a lot of people in my life, and things only started getting better when people started being honest with me and refused to take any crap. Yes, I was depressed, but they made it clear in a gentle way that I wasn't excused from contributing to the relationship in a positive manner. Then they stuck around and insisted, kind of like Super-Nanny.
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Old 11.04.2011, 21:36
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Re: Depression Sufferers

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You definitely have the right to ask questions after being in this complicated relationship for so long.

I don't know what to tell you, though. Is she able to be a real friend to you? If so, maybe you'll just have to accept that she may never change, and be honest with her about the things she does that disturb you. It's okay for you to set limits, you may even help her by doing so. I've managed to alienate a lot of people in my life, and things only started getting better when people started being honest with me and refused to take any crap. Yes, I was depressed, but they made it clear in a gentle way that I wasn't excused from contributing to the relationship in a positive manner. Then they stuck around and insisted, kind of like Super-Nanny.
Thanks really. You gave me much more answers that I expected.

I accepted from her behaviors that I would have never accept from other people on the fact that she was sick and needed help, needed me. She did a lot of bad things to me. But I sticked around and help her out despite those things she did. Why? because I believe she wasn't thinking ''right'', that she was weak and fragile. That she was not able to see what she was doing at the moment she was doing it and because no one was sticking around, not even her family.

You are right, this relationship as been a one way. I gave a lot of my time, my energy and support and she has been taking it all, without giving back, just asking for more. I was ok with it because I believed she needed it, she couldn't give back something she was missing for herself...

Depression is a common illness that will affect most of the people at some point in their life. Most aren't serious and with a little help will go away. Some are deeply into it and it is very difficult to get out of it. And for people around those who are suffering, it is a very difficult task as no one is really prepared to what to do, how to do. Many people will just stay as far as possible from the person to not get involve and some will be there no matter what. But sometimes the no matter what reaches is limit too.
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Old 12.04.2011, 00:27
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Re: Depression Sufferers

A heart felt thanks to each and everyone who expressed with such eloquence their own personal experiences of such a debilitating illness. I think that the postings are bulging with abundance of useful advice and meaningful suggestions. I just wanted to add "living with the Black Dog" and "Sunbathing in the Rain" by Gwyneth Lewis, both books a good read for these experiences.

Good Luck, your in great company
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  #290  
Old 17.04.2011, 08:18
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Re: Depression Sufferers

just a word, from my own recent experience.

A real Depression is long to heal and even if you think it's under control with drugs, it can still "say hello".

So my own is linked with a strong social phobia (that's for the newbies who don't know me).
It's actually under control, and I started to work again two weeks ago (with the help of the AI insurance (Invalidenversicherung in German) who found me a job).

But I had to meet a friend coming in Geneva for the first time, and with the stress linked to my newly started job, I just got my fears back, the depressive stuff back too, and I cancelled everything.

I'm now OK, saw my psychiatrist, talked about that and had my drug adjusted, and if that friend is still Ok to meet me, the project will be on its (great) way.

(I found my fears were also about "will my friend appreciate this visit with me, as I fear to not doing an interesting visit...)


Thanks to have read this.
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Old 17.04.2011, 11:05
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Re: Depression Sufferers

Just saw this thread. I have depression and PTSD. Never diagnosed because we just dont talk about these things from where im from. Im scared of answering the phone. Im scared of stepping out the door. I hate crowded places. I expected it to get worse upon arriving here. But i accept that i cant avoid all those and face them head on when necessary. Ive been like this for i think more than 5 years...even before the traumatic event in my life. I can promote the idea of "mind over mood". Thats how i deal with it. The fears are always there but since iam open about this to my fiance, he was also honest with me and we´ve had the "no excuses, he wont take the crap attitude but would be willing to listen" talk. Everytime i fall into that hole (happens few times a week/month and worsens when theres pressure/challenges). I think about my daughter and my husband to be and i think of that talk we had. It could take hours thinking and not moving and i just have to tell myself that i have no choice but to be victorious. Even for just that day. I take it one day at a time. Everyday could be a battle. Maybe ill get it diagnosed and get meds soon to be able to function much better in my life but one thing for sure is that LOVE sort of healed me. I made so much progress within one year of being in this relationship with my fiance and we (including my family) can all say the healing is very obvious.

Well, this is a very personal(and corny) post but i hope it helps people who can relate or have the same problem.
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Old 17.04.2011, 11:10
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Re: Depression Sufferers

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I made so much progress within one year of being in this relationship with my fiance
Thanks for your post.

I believe that Love is the ultimate healer, sadly it's not always easy to find it.

I happened to fall in Love when I was dealing with my problem, and it actually released everything for me, everything was possible.

That was an interesting time.....
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  #293  
Old 09.05.2011, 11:41
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Re: Depression Sufferers

just got this link on my facebook

http://www.leanonme.net/ie


Chances are you know someone who is affected by depression, but they may feel too scared, ashamed or overwhelmed to tell you. Lean on Me shows how you can be a real friend to someone with depression.


In French, German, Italian and English
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  #294  
Old 03.11.2011, 13:56
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Re: Depression Sufferers

Im 6 months pregnant and having depressions. This time i would like to be diagnosed and maybe get rid of this for good. How expensive is it? I dont know if i will need/want medication but to start with, i want to know what exactly im dealing with (after decades of being convinced its there but not getting help). I used to self-destruct but i dont want to go back to that life. I want to find out if my demons have a name and rebuke/fight them out of my life. I live near Baden, does anyone know where i could go to be checked? Should i wait until i had my baby? Im in the middle of a crying spell right now (3rd time this week) and i have no one to tell. I missd my language class (again.im in no shape to go)I dont want to be a burden to my husband. Thanks for reading
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Old 03.11.2011, 14:07
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Re: Depression Sufferers

Well done for reaching out for help, this can be very hard. To not speak to your husband about this sounds very lonely to me but I absolutely understand - I've had bad experiences with admitting to being depressed myself. I don't think you should wait for treatment but if money is an issue, then I propose you do as follows:
  • Go see your GP or even the doctor who is looking after you during your pregnancy, hormones can do funny things - tell him you need help
  • He should then refer you to a psychiatrist, who will talk to you and assess your situation - whether medication is needed or psychotherapy is best
  • If they suggest psychotherapy, you will normally be "passed on" to a psychotherapist who will work as a delegate of the psychiatrist - that way the health insurance should cover most of the cost (90%)
Be honest about the fact that you cannot pay a great deal yourself right from the start, as there is no official regulation for psychotherapists, or rather, anyone can call themselves a psychologist, regardless of educational background.

Please don't be ashamed of your feelings, it takes strength to admit you are not ok.
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Old 03.11.2011, 14:19
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Re: Depression Sufferers

I suffered from severe depression during my recent pregnancy. I had stupidly decided to lower my meds when falling pregant without asking medical advice, and this proved to be a very bad idea.

I asked for help, and everybody was very helpful. I got referred to a psychiatrist (everything is paid back by my insurance). Specific cares where taken when I gave birth, as it is a very delicate time for depression-sufferers, with all the hormonal imbalance going on.

Feel free to pm me if you want to speak about it, as I don't feel very comfortable giving too much personal details on a public forum.
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Old 03.11.2011, 15:26
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Re: Depression Sufferers

Ditto, go and speak to your GP as soon as possible.
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Old 04.11.2011, 23:07
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Re: Depression Sufferers

Or, if you prefer to go contact directly a specialist, you may try the Swiss Foundation Against Anxiety and Depression (they work with this practice).

Either way, please get professional help. It is a disease, and you don't have to suffer. If you had a bad tooth, you would have already seen a dentist, right?
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Old 05.11.2011, 07:18
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Re: Depression Sufferers

I've just re-read this thread with interest and I see vitamin D coming up constantly. The only natural source apart from the sun can be found in butter. It's one food stuff where I turn a blind eye to the calories, in winter.

I've recommended eating butter and exposing some of their child's skin when ever the sun shines, to the Indian mum's who arrive in Switzerland at the beginning of winter. I often see a lethargy set in after a while with some of the Asian children at my playgroup. Of course same for the mum's, as most of them are living without an extended family for the first time and dealing with culture shock. I'm not saying it's a cure all but if it can help ward off anything more serious developing it's worth a try.
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Old 05.11.2011, 11:27
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Re: Depression Sufferers

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I've just re-read this thread with interest and I see vitamin D coming up constantly. The only natural source apart from the sun can be found in butter. It's one food stuff where I turn a blind eye to the calories, in winter.

I've recommended eating butter and exposing some of their child's skin when ever the sun shines, to the Indian mum's who arrive in Switzerland at the beginning of winter. I often see a lethargy set in after a while with some of the Asian children at my playgroup. Of course same for the mum's, as most of them are living without an extended family for the first time and dealing with culture shock. I'm not saying it's a cure all but if it can help ward off anything more serious developing it's worth a try.
Also thyroid problems, in particular hypothyroidism, and iron deficiency anemia can also be the cause of depression. Normally doctors don't bother to check it, even if women around our age are prone to suffer from it. If you go to a GP, you might want to specifically ask for her to check it. Per se, it doesn't justify major depressives disorders, but it is factor who helps it and might unable you to fully recover.
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