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Old 13.01.2011, 19:22
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Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

My second virtual mother begs and pressures me to visit her every weekend for lunch and dinner. I am flattered by the attention and the love she showers on me but what is a reasonable frequency in your opinion?

Btw we live in the same city. I feel once a month is more than enough. What do you think? How often would you visit?

Would your answer be different if she was alone and lonely?
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Old 13.01.2011, 19:40
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

I'd go one a week for an hour or an hour and an half.
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Old 13.01.2011, 19:49
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

Once a week is waaaay too much. Unless you really like her and have nothing better to do . Now, if she was sick (and nice)...
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Old 13.01.2011, 19:51
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

What is your relation with her? That is big part of the answer...
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:04
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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What is your relation with her? That is big part of the answer...
She is my Mother In-Law

Do you mean the quality of the relationship? I have no direct problems with her but hanging there gets bit boring after 30 minutes.

I also feel guilty as I don't visit my mum as often due to her being in another country. Once a year
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:05
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

does she make cookies when you visit?
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:06
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

more seriously how does your wife feels about it?
How often does she want to visit her mother?
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:08
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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She is my Mother In-Law

Do you mean the quality of the relationship? I have no direct problems with her but hanging there gets bit boring after 30 minutes.

I also feel guilty as I don't visit my mum as often due to her being in another country. Once a year
I got that she was your mother in law.... Yes I wanted to know how close you are with her.

Did you ask your husband what he thinks? It is his mother so he knows her quite well.

If I was close of my Mother In-Law, I'll go crazy. No matter how lovely she is.

If I was close to my mother, someone would have been dead.

If I was close to my step mother, I would have spend a lot of time with her during the week!
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:09
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

Is she Swiss?

I'm sure she is only being nice.
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:10
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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She is my Mother In-Law

Do you mean the quality of the relationship? I have no direct problems with her but hanging there gets bit boring after 30 minutes.

I also feel guilty as I don't visit my mum as often due to her being in another country. Once a year
Well, than if she lives close I'd pop in for 40 mins to say Hi. Say you are coming by for a cup of coffee/tea but you can't stay long. Does your SO go with you too or just you?
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:13
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

So it depends on lots of things...

does she make you a nice meal? Does she expect to be invited back to yours?

are you the husband or the wife?

do you have kids? are you planning of having kids.

I'd say there are a few good reasons to see her every week or 2 -
a) you haven't had kids yet, but are planning on it - you'll be grateful for her taking the kids off you when they arrive!
b) you have kids - leave them with her now!
c) you're the husband and your wife is v. attached to seeing her mother - you may create tension with your other half by not wanting to go often. (and, vice versa i guess, if you're the wife and you hubby is a mummy's boy)
d) she makes a great meal for you and packs you off with left overs for the wk

Now, what about leaving your other half with her on alternate visits while you catch up with friends/have a manicure/go for a run/read a book, so you half the no. occasions you have to see her, but she still gets to see her beloved son/daughter...
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:14
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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does she make cookies when you visit?
Cookies, cake, soup you name it. She thinks I am slim and don't eat enough.


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more seriously how does your wife feels about it?
Stressed

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How often does she want to visit her mother?
Once a month but pressure and guilt makes it once a week.
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:17
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

It definitely depends on a lot of things! For example, my mum sees my dad's parents at least once a week (they all go to the pub quiz together), if not more often. My best friend, who lives very close to her partner's parents, sees them once every two weeks (and they are probably the nicest people on the planet!). However, with my ex I tried to avoid his parents like the plague (his dad suddenly started to hate me one day for some inexplicable reason).

Personally, I think it's great she wants to spend time with you. I would like to have that kind of relationship with my partner's mum (although she does live in France, so it's rather difficult!). I think even if it gets a bit difficult after half an hour, miniMia's suggestion of an hourish once a week is perfectly reasonable, just a quick coffee or something. You should always make the most of people who care about you
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:19
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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My second virtual mother begs and pressures me to visit her every weekend for lunch and dinner. I am flattered by the attention and the love she showers on me but what is a reasonable frequency in your opinion?

Btw we live in the same city. I feel once a month is more than enough. What do you think? How often would you visit?

Would your answer be different if she was alone and lonely?
If you enjoyed visiting her, you wouldn't even be asking yourself this, would you?

There are no rules of behaviour for situations like this, it's really what you feel comfortable with. You are lucky to have a mother-in-law who really enjoys your company.
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:22
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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She is my Mother In-Law

Do you mean the quality of the relationship? I have no direct problems with her but hanging there gets bit boring after 30 minutes.

I also feel guilty as I don't visit my mum as often due to her being in another country. Once a year
Dont feel guilty. I visit my (maybe) future MIL every couple of months and my mom twice per year (2 hour direct flight vs total of 7 hours travelling time).

It helps that i love the UK
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:30
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

Sounds like you're more guilted to visit than really want to....when my husband and I lived in the same city as my dad, we saw him a couple of times a week, usually went out for dinner together at least once a week and talked to him nearly every day on the phone. One or the other or both of us would talk on the phone to my dad. My dad was a funny guy, very outgoing, sometimes a tad irrational but we enjoyed his company.

My husband's father is in the Netherlands, so when we lived in the US, we saw him a couple of times a year. Here we see him every few months.

Neither my husband nor I has had the experience of mothers in law, so I can't say there.

It really depends on whether or not you enjoy the company of your inlaws. If they're amusing, they like you and they feed you....it's not so bad.
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:30
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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Is she Swiss?

I'm sure she is only being nice.
Not Swiss. She is from a warm country both in climate and with regards to warmth of the heart Yes she is being nice and I did not mean that she was bad.

Ok I will visit her once every 14 days. I was looking for some external input and the thread has served it's purpose for me.
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:37
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

She likes you, you could be like hundreds of other folk who have a vehement hatred for their MiL and vice versa. Enjoy
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Old 13.01.2011, 20:52
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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Ok I will visit her once every 14 days.
Sounds like a good compromise
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Old 13.01.2011, 21:20
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Re: Mother In-Law! How often is too much?

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My second virtual mother begs and pressures me to visit her every weekend for lunch and dinner. I am flattered by the attention and the love she showers on me but what is a reasonable frequency in your opinion?

Btw we live in the same city. I feel once a month is more than enough. What do you think? How often would you visit?

Would your answer be different if she was alone and lonely?
i'd say about once a day or two. or maybe once a month if you brought a present, say, an ipod touch 4g.
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