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  #21  
Old 18.01.2011, 18:56
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

Thinking about it, my parents were 'living apart' for most of the time from the time I was born until I was nearly five. It must have been terribly hard on the mothers at the time but everyone was in the same boat.

Mr L and I did a three month stint apart once, meeting at weekends, and I was glad it didn't go on any longer.
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  #22  
Old 18.01.2011, 19:04
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I am currently in that situation - over a distance that does not allow to meet each weekend - more once every 6-8 weeks... It really isn't fun but a short term sacrifice for a career. "Till dead do us apart" did not mean that you stay physically in one place, but that you do not break up and start new relationships - even if you stay in the same village.
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  #23  
Old 18.01.2011, 19:09
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

When my wife and I got married, we kept our two 1 1/2 room places (one in ZH near the ETH, the other in Watt near my work), as finding a bigger place was a PITA, and having a place downtown and outside was convenient (and I like to walk to work).

When we moved to Ticino, I moved 100% first, and my wife four months later, as she was pregnant and wanted to work until she got a doctor certificate saying that she couldn't work (though she worked for a month or more after her DR first offered her one) to her 12 weeks paid leave, but came down on weekends until then.

Tom

P.S. Also, until we moved to Ticino (nearly two years after we got married), we were each registered as living in two different towns (though, within the same Canton). And, since we got married while on vacation in the US, for the better part of a year I was 'married', but my wife not! (as she was Swiss, her marriage had to be confirmed, and I as a US citizen who married in the US, no such problem)

Last edited by st2lemans; 18.01.2011 at 19:44.
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  #24  
Old 18.01.2011, 22:41
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I remember my parents had to do this for a year or two when I was around 10 years old. My parents' house was having a hard time selling, and my dad had just gotten a new job about 12 hours away. My older brother had to go with him to start at a new school. My parents are still together and seem to be doing fine, but I was never as close to my dad or my older brother as I have been with my mother or younger brother after those years.
So, even if it ends up working out fine for the couple, it puts a lot of other stress on the rest of the family relationships.
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Old 18.01.2011, 23:11
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

5 years going on maybe 6-7. This time around.


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Agreed, but how much is a "while"?
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  #26  
Old 18.01.2011, 23:24
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

It's nothing new - sailors off at sea, have been around ( or rather not around) ever since boats were invented. Military folk spend long periods apart; long distance truckies; politicians, (they come and they go) seasonal workers, skilled specialists on short and medium term contracts (I.T)Pilots; agricaultural staff.....

I may be cynical, but I am sure that I have seen marriages that have only survived because of the regular periods apart.
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  #27  
Old 18.01.2011, 23:49
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I have to be honest,,,,,,

I think it sucks!
We moved to CH in June, but since Oct I've had to take a job 750km away.
I manage to get home, at best, 3 out of 4 weekends.
(I must say it is fantastic going home though!!! )
But it does feel like I haven't ACTUALLY moved to CH. More of a frequent visitor,,,,,BOOOO!!

Circumstances dictate though. You just have to 'suck it up' and crack on with things. Its not easy though.
It does make it easier (and cheaper) if you are planned ahead. At least you then know when you will be seeing each other again!

SKYPE is god send though. It really does make a difference.
How did people cope without it!!
(and as a side note, does anybody know how it works?? How can it be free? Its not like they make money from advertising is it? Ahhhh the misteries of the interweb and technology,,,,its the devil's work, I tell you!)
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  #28  
Old 19.01.2011, 00:05
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

We began our wedded life like this- me stuck in a hospital bed in traction in Switzerland, and OH stuck with his job in UK. Very tough as there was no Internet/Skype or even telephone. We knew how to write great letters in those days, lol. Must dig them out and read them again one day. Arrgghh.

Hope it won't last too long for any of you. Have friends who've been married for about 15 years, he in Northern Africa and she in USA. How just don't know how that works.
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  #29  
Old 19.01.2011, 00:12
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

yup,
non ov us know how to spell any moor, let alone right a letta these dayz!


(but is it just me, or does it make you feel 'wanted' and 'loved' when you are sent a letter in the post?!?!?! Small things make a world of difference)
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  #30  
Old 19.01.2011, 00:21
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

yes- I think it would be nice to write letters again. Have started to do so with my little grandson - postcards for now as he's only 4! lol.
But I really think there is something really romantic about letters.
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  #31  
Old 19.01.2011, 03:04
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

Mr. Z and I are currently living on opposite sides of the world. Its awfel, and it won't change for at least another year..maybe longer. We've been doing this for almost 2 years, and personally I don't think it makes a relatinship any stronger. You spend to much time apart and get used to the "single" life again (aka: not being answerable to anyone, more time with friends, freedom to bring back your 'single personneuroses', all the bad habits you have to supress for your relationship are suddenly "allowed" and basically more freedom in general). It makes it that much harder when you are back spending time together, we both find it difficult (although he would never say that I am anoying him or anything).

And then there is the inevetable 'crush' that you get WILL get on other people. Its impossable to not develope an attraction to another person while you are apart from your partner. I know I did and it only caused more missery to an already difficult situiation.
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  #32  
Old 19.01.2011, 09:02
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I've had a few serious relationships that involved long distance (i.e. Europe to North America) and I appreciate how tough it can be. :/

But then there are people like my flatmate, who have a family an hour away, go home every weekend and sleep around during the week. Regular visits to prostitutes and sex houses (not sure of the vernacular here but it represents wherever you go to have public, group sex) are included. He's very happy with the situation although his partner is apparently clueless.

I'm not necessarily suggesting it's more likely that a partner cheats where distance is involved. It's likely just easier to do so without getting caught.
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  #33  
Old 19.01.2011, 11:00
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

Yep thats us, started nearly 4 years ago now! He got a great job in Univ. of Bern, I managed to find a great job here in Ticino 6 months after we moved to Swissland. We thought it would be temporary but time rapidly flies! It's a bit frustrating as in a way it seems somewhat like life is on hold, we need to find a solution, as 4 more years of this wouldn't be the best. Especially as I travel quite a bit for work, it makes travel fairly complicated as we try to coordinate between Malpensa or Zurich to minimise the train journey down here. I dunno, it doesn't sound that bad in principle but it makes the day to day organising life stuff fairly difficult. And we don't even have any sprogs yet...
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  #34  
Old 19.01.2011, 11:29
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I married young and the first 6-7 years were like 510km apart from each other; he being the weekend BF turned spouse turned husband.

In between our 8th year to 13th year or so, we have had few opportunities to live together as a family on and off... From our 14th year up to now (our 20th anniversary), we somehow live together as a real family the longest...

therefore I have no option but to leave everything in home country and decided to move to CH along with 2 teens this Mar 2011, following my spouse's job transfer.

reason being, I know how difficult it is as a single parent with 2 toddlers (then) and how much the children missed their father and vice versa.

The key to such marriages/ reunion? IMHO, only one word - TRUST!
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  #35  
Old 19.01.2011, 11:39
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I did it for a while, reasons being that we owned the house my partner was living in and she didn't really want to give it up as it was almost perfect for us and the price we'd get would never get us something comparable over here. Also the kids were in school and we were worried about disrupting that. Well, she was more worried than I was, but she got her way.
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Old 19.01.2011, 15:36
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

he being the weekend BF turned spouse turned husband.

typo error "...weekend BF turned spouse cum father".
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  #37  
Old 19.01.2011, 20:24
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

We promised we would not do it again but after nearly 2 years in Switzerland where our family life has been great, we 're doing it again..

Hubby will move to Hong Kong early MAy,on the day of my daughter's 7th birthday, but at least he will be not going before as he should.. and me and our 2 daughters will meet him mid July. But for me staying here with the girls until the school year even if it is only kindergarten makes more sense.. then , in Asia, he will work in CHina Monday-Friday and he will come to us at weekends ( when he won;t be traveling that is).....it's a 4 year contract but at least we will have a life again , I will be able to work again and even though we will see each other less we will have more time together as a couple ( here we've been able to go out twice just the 2 of us in 18 months) and he will have more quality time with the girls at weekends.

Well, if we do get our visas sorted...
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Old 19.01.2011, 21:00
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I am here working, wifey is in N. Japan since the end of May... working....Financial commitments meant it had to be..... she doesn't know enough German to get a job here.... I would like to move there... she wants to come back here.... but there would be a better quality of life in Japan. I am aiming to be either there or here with her by the end of the year...

Many couples do what they have to do..... even though it sometimes isn't nice or easy..
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Old 19.01.2011, 23:12
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

I am currently in Naples Italy, otherhalf is in Luzern. We have been doing the weekend commute since October.

Since he was in the States for the previous year (we thought it would be a month), we think it is great we are in the same time zone, and we get to see each other so often.

How does it work? We talk several times a day, SKYPE often, have long weekends almost every weekend, and we are committed to and trust each other. I think we are closer now, more appreciative of the time we spend together.

Weekend partners would not be my first choice; but, I look at it this way, we have a house in the South of Italy and one in Luzern!

Oh, and BTW, when you have two houses and one of you travels every weekend, housekeeping becomes a challenge!
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Old 19.01.2011, 23:26
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Re: Married but living apart and meeting on weekends etc.

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I am currently in Naples Italy, otherhalf is in Luzern. We have been doing the weekend commute since October.

Since he was in the States for the previous year (we thought it would be a month), we think it is great we are in the same time zone, and we get to see each other so often.

How does it work? We talk several times a day, SKYPE often, have long weekends almost every weekend, and we are committed to and trust each other. I think we are closer now, more appreciative of the time we spend together.

Weekend partners would not be my first choice; but, I look at it this way, we have a house in the South of Italy and one in Luzern!

Oh, and BTW, when you have two houses and one of you travels every weekend, housekeeping becomes a challenge!
I bet.
We only get the chance to talk 2 or 3 time/week, with Skype, Japan is 8 hours ahead of us at the moment so finding the chance when I am not working or she is not sleeping or working is not so easy....
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