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Old 27.01.2011, 10:47
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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In your dreams.... Where do you think Little Princess is coming from, he? Believe it, no me!

I call her little monster, Ti-cul, and Çirkin (which means ugly)
now now now Nil, you really dont want little Princess to turn out with psychological issues do you? Having a mother who calls her "ugly" and putting her down, even affectionately?

Alot of posters are bang on point when they say that her perspectives will change when #2 arrives. I was the centre of attention for 7 years when my sister arrived (yep - 7 years!! she was unplanned for, I still get the satisfaction from taking the mik till today). I was the eldest grandchild in my mum's side, and a favourite with my paternal grandmother. Life couldnt be better till that little sh!t arrived.

No one jumped when I snapped my fingers anymore. I suddenly wasnt that cute. Everyone was cooing over that little bundle. Ugh. I even went to school and wrote on the blackboard "SISTER FOR SALE". Guess the amount of trouble I got into when my teacher called my mum up, concerned about my welfare.

All I got was a "HTFU" from my parents (not so crudely of course) and soon learnt that the world really doesnt revolve around me - all the time anyways.
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:49
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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...she was unplanned for, I still get the satisfaction from taking the mik till today...


You got ishoos...

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Old 27.01.2011, 10:53
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

So beside me having not such of a strong mothering exemple, calling her Little Princess on a public forum () or Ugly and screewing up her entire futur in a way or an other....

Beside all of that, how do parents work out the way other people treat their kids?

Longbit got a good exemple. Oldhand point out something that I totally agree with, all kids should be equal at all time. I find it sad to see some teachers not hiding their preferences toward certain kids. Not fair!

Kids getting gift based on their good looking shouldn't be acceptable. It give them the idea that their look will bring them what ever they want and it doesn't matter if they have a bad behavior... (even if it is like that in the society, it doesn't make it right and it is certainly not an excuse to accept this as a fact and let them act this way).
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:53
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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You got ishoos...
Hello have we met?
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:57
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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So beside me having not such of a strong mothering exemple, calling her Little Princess on a public forum () or Ugly and screewing up her entire futur in a way or an other....

Beside all of that, how do parents work out the way other people treat their kids?

Longbit got a good exemple. Oldhand point out something that I totally agree with, all kids should be equal at all time. I find it sad to see some teachers not hiding their preferences toward certain kids. Not fair!

Kids getting gift based on their good looking shouldn't be acceptable. It give them the idea that their look will bring them what ever they want and it doesn't matter if they have a bad behavior... (even if it is like that in the society, it doesn't make it right and it is certainly not an excuse to accept this as a fact and let them act this way).
Come on, you know it was just light hearted banter and good natured teasing.

I agree that good looks shouldnt be part of the equation when it comes down to getting away with bloody murder. But in reality, majority of the people in this world still gravitate towards good looks - even in adulthood. Hence the obsession for plastic surgery and perfection for some.

Just do your best as a parent to keep her grounded. You cant control actions of others - but you can teach her to be grateful.
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:59
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

There are essentially two types of kids - cute children and what we call in German "AK"... still: better spoiled and cute than an Arschlochkind....

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Old 27.01.2011, 10:59
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Hello have we met?
Nope, but I'm the last of 3 with a 7 and 5 year gap to the older sisters...
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:00
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Come on, you know it was just light hearted banter and good natured teasing.

But I agree that good looks shouldnt be part of the equation when it comes down to getting away with bloody murder. But in reality, majority of the people in this world still gravitate towards good looks - even in adulthood. Hence the obsession for plastic surgery and perfection for some.
Sorry I forgot to put this at the end of my sentence. No matter what parents do, they never do it right... it is a scientific fact!
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:02
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Nope, but I'm the last of 3 with a 7 and 5 year gap to the older sisters...
So the youngest one, and unique boy.... You have been spoiled rotten and your big sisters made you pay for it.... Didn't they?
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:03
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Kids getting gift based on their good looking shouldn't be acceptable. It give them the idea that their look will bring them what ever they want and it doesn't matter if they have a bad behavior... (even if it is like that in the society, it doesn't make it right and it is certainly not an excuse to accept this as a fact and let them act this way).
I think you are looking at a causal relationsip where there isn't one. Most day care people love all kids and I'm sure the shopkeepers etc enjoy giving sweets to all kids.

You believe that its because she is good looking/cute and of course people say this as they do with all children. But in truth all parents think the same, and shopkeepers and everyone who is paid to give a service know this, or are just being nice.

Just another example highlighted in this case
About good looking people getting what they want in Bahnhoffstrasse, what do you think the actually beautiful woman says to the pot-bellied guy buying her things? he is her prince charming and good looking too no doubt

So my thoughts on this are, some people will flatter to get what THEY want too
EDIT: To actually say something useful for advice:

If you think she is beautiful, tell her that and how much you love her unconditionally. Treat as a normal child, but always look for the best for her and bring her up balanced with self esteem and knowing she can do anything. In my view a lot of 'beautiful' adults have been screwed up by people who only look for their looks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think if you find someone that is truly yours its important to have beauty as it is for all, but more importantly it is important to encourage and let people know they are beautiful inside too and actually develop a personality rather than issues.

If shopkeepers want to give her sweets, as long as she says 'please' and 'thank you' she won't go far wrong.
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:16
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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So the youngest one, and unique boy.... You have been spoiled rotten and your big sisters made you pay for it.... Didn't they?
Of course not much, anyway, not that I noticed
  #32  
Old 27.01.2011, 11:17
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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I think you are looking at a causal relationsip where there isn't one. Most day care people love all kids and I'm sure the shopkeepers etc enjoy giving sweets to all kids.

You believe that its because she is good looking/cute and of course people say this as they do with all children. But in truth all parents think the same, and shopkeepers and everyone who is paid to give a service know this, or are just being nice.

Just another example highlighted in this case
About good looking people getting what they want in Bahnhoffstrasse, what do you think the actually beautiful woman says to the pot-bellied guy buying her things? he is her prince charming and good looking too no doubt

So my thoughts on this are, some people will flatter to get what THEY want too
EDIT: To actually say something useful for advice:

If you think she is beautiful, tell her that and how much you love her unconditionally. Treat as a normal child, but always look for the best for her and bring her up balanced with self esteem and knowing she can do anything. In my view a lot of 'beautiful' adults have been screwed up by people who only look for their looks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think if you find someone that is truly yours its important to have beauty as it is for all, but more importantly it is important to encourage and let people know they are beautiful inside too and actually develop a personality rather than issues.

If shopkeepers want to give her sweets, as long as she says 'please' and 'thank you' she won't go far wrong.
I don't think any parents think their kids are not beautiful! We all think they are the best and the most extraordinary ones!
  #33  
Old 27.01.2011, 11:20
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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I don't think any parents think their kids are not beautiful! We all know that ours are the best and the most extraordinary ones!
Fixed that for you...
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:23
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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I don't think any parents think their kids are not beautiful! We all think they are the best and the most extraordinary ones!

hahaha---not true. I had realist parents. They reinforced it from early on: We'll be honest you're not too easy to look at, so you're gonna have to work extra hard at school to get anywhere in life.
and of course the nickname "ugly-boy" for a good 15 years. But it definitely taught me realism. They always spoke such things in a positive loving way so it never bothered me severely (i think).
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:31
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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and of course the nickname "ugly-boy" for a good 15 years. But it definitely taught me realism. They always spoke such things in a positive loving way so it never bothered me severely (i think).
...is that what your pyschiatrist told you?
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:34
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

if the problem is the kid being too cute, can't you just uglify her? i mean, no need to splash acid on her face or cut a scar along her cheek. but maybe dress her in stupid clothing. or shave off all her hair or if all else fails make her wear a brown paper bag over her head.

Last edited by Phil_MCR; 27.01.2011 at 11:49.
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:47
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

You can't change other people and how they react or act towards your kids. But I honestly don't think it leaves a lasting impression. For a moment it feels good to have someone say "look at you, you are just adorable" or whatever.
The lasting impressions are made by the parents. After all, YOU are the most important person in your child's life (and whether we like it or not it usually stays that was for a lifetime).
What I think is important is to make your child aware of her inner beauty.
I wouldn't worry or make a big deal or even react to how others react to your charming daughter. I also wouldn't negate the compliments (like by saying maybe "oh, at home she is a real monster"- or whatever). If someone pays ME a compliment I usually answer automatically "oh no no, that's not true bla bla" and I always have to stop myself doing this to compliments made to my kids. (Does this make sense?)

Anyways, when you see her doing something nice, thoughtful etc., let her know by saying "I saw you shared your favourite toy with --, that must have been hard to do. or that was generous". Or maybe "you noticed that little boy was sad, and you made him feel better by holding his hand"

And if she says "mom that lady thinks I'm pretty. You can say: She thinks you're pretty on the outside and I happen to know you are pretty on the inside too."
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:49
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

Nil, you have earned a lot of respect from me for recognizing that you have a problem. Many parents refuse to see this kind of thing.

People seem to be implying that it will correct itself. It won't. At least, I don't think so. A balanced and respectable adult knows their place in the world. The lessons she's learning right now will shape the course of her adult life. Good luck.
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Old 27.01.2011, 11:52
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

The mean point in the topic isn't the kids being cute but being spoiled because of it. Because lets face it, most kids are cute.

When bad behaviors are not punished because the kid is cute, it doesn't make any good on the long run.
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Old 27.01.2011, 12:03
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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You can't change other people and how they react or act towards your kids. But I honestly don't think it leaves a lasting impression. For a moment it feels good to have someone say "look at you, you are just adorable" or whatever.
The lasting impressions are made by the parents. After all, YOU are the most important person in your child's life (and whether we like it or not it usually stays that was for a lifetime).
What I think is important is to make your child aware of her inner beauty.
I wouldn't worry or make a big deal or even react to how others react to your charming daughter. I also wouldn't negate the compliments (like by saying maybe "oh, at home she is a real monster"- or whatever). If someone pays ME a compliment I usually answer automatically "oh no no, that's not true bla bla" and I always have to stop myself doing this to compliments made to my kids. (Does this make sense?)

Anyways, when you see her doing something nice, thoughtful etc., let her know by saying "I saw you shared your favourite toy with --, that must have been hard to do. or that was generous". Or maybe "you noticed that little boy was sad, and you made him feel better by holding his hand"

And if she says "mom that lady thinks I'm pretty. You can say: She thinks you're pretty on the outside and I happen to know you are pretty on the inside too."
I really appreciate this piece of advice! My daughter got a gift from one of her teacher (she was the only kid who got one from her) which I found nice but totally unfair for the other kids. I couldn't say something about this but it made me realised that my daughter get away with a lot of things.

And guess what? She now began to act up when she doesn't get her way and they told me that this week.... Dah! I have been telling them this exact thing for ever! She got used to be treat in a way and they kept doing it until now and they realised that they have a problem...

And I am the only one who isn't surprised.
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