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Old 27.01.2011, 09:15
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Cute kids = Spoiled

We had this conversation about beautiful people being more successful. Here a new subject; Pretty kids are spoiled!

And believe me, I am not spoiling my daughter, I even got the ''discipline'' sticker on my forehead!

My daughter is pretty, everybody melt for her and she can get everything she wants from everybody. A cute smile, a flying kiss and there we go, ask; it is yours!

Now understand me well here, I know her pretty well (I made her!) She has a strong personality and she is very bossy. So I don't give in, I have to make sure that she understand who is the boss in the house. She behave well with me, she will listen and do as what she has been told.

But at the moment she is around other people, I have to control her but the other people too!!! If I let them, they will give her the moon! If I discipline her, they try to stop me. If I want her to do a specific task, they will do it for her!

Even the caregiver at her playgroup are spoiling her. She wants something, she will get it right away! They all say that she has a great personality, that she is such a sweet pretty little girl, but she is ruling them! I told them many times since many months to not give in, to discipline her and not answer at every little demand. Didn't do much.... She is sooooo cute!

I believe that it doesn't do any good for kids to be treated like kings and queens.

She did a crises the other day in a store, a lady gave her a Dora bag (for free!!!!) which should have been given only after a certain amount of purchase of the brand! Because? She is sooooo cute!

What it does teach her? If I show some tears and a little puppy face, I'll get my way!

And I am not telling you the work I have to re-do for weeks everytimes she sees her grand-parents... Which I can understand, they are there to spoiled them. But strangers??

If at least her cute smile could get me a house..... (I'm joking! Or am I?)
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Old 27.01.2011, 09:34
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

Maybe when your daughter goes to school it will change, because there are lots of pretty girls and boys around. She will feel, that she is one of a crowd.
There are not only advantages for your daughter in being pretty, because she still has to prove herself in life.
I do understand what you are saying and I can assure you, that it will equal out in time. No harm though in having charm and getting more out of life:-)
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Old 27.01.2011, 09:41
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

Says the one calling her daughter "little princess"....

Honestly, it sounds to me you're just trying to find a subtle way to tell us how great your little princess is.
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Old 27.01.2011, 09:45
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Says the one calling her daughter "little princess"....

Honestly, it sounds to me you're just trying to find a subtle way to tell us how great your little princess is.
In your dreams.... Where do you think Little Princess is coming from, he? Believe it, no me!

I call her little monster, Ti-cul, and Çirkin (which means ugly)
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Old 27.01.2011, 09:47
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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What it does teach her? If I show some tears and a little puppy face, I'll get my way!
What's wrong with that?

Sounds like a lesson in real life, to me, as that's exactly how the world works.

Anyone fancy a stroll down the Zurich Bahnhofstrasse with me this afternoon?
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Old 27.01.2011, 09:48
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

My kids are all cute, and not the least bit spoiled. Though they are aware of their good looks. Inherited from their mother, I hasten to add.
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Old 27.01.2011, 09:54
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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We had this conversation about beautiful people being more successful. Here a new subject; Pretty kids are spoiled!

And believe me, I am not spoiling my daughter, I even got the ''discipline'' sticker on my forehead!

My daughter is pretty, everybody melt for her and she can get everything she wants from everybody. A cute smile, a flying kiss and there we go, ask; it is yours!

Now understand me well here, I know her pretty well (I made her!) She has a strong personality and she is very bossy. So I don't give in, I have to make sure that she understand who is the boss in the house. She behave well with me, she will listen and do as what she has been told.

But at the moment she is around other people, I have to control her but the other people too!!! If I let them, they will give her the moon! If I discipline her, they try to stop me. If I want her to do a specific task, they will do it for her!

Even the caregiver at her playgroup are spoiling her. She wants something, she will get it right away! They all say that she has a great personality, that she is such a sweet pretty little girl, but she is ruling them! I told them many times since many months to not give in, to discipline her and not answer at every little demand. Didn't do much.... She is sooooo cute!

I believe that it doesn't do any good for kids to be treated like kings and queens.

She did a crises the other day in a store, a lady gave her a Dora bag (for free!!!!) which should have been given only after a certain amount of purchase of the brand! Because? She is sooooo cute!

What it does teach her? If I show some tears and a little puppy face, I'll get my way!

And I am not telling you the work I have to re-do for weeks everytimes she sees her grand-parents... Which I can understand, they are there to spoiled them. But strangers??

If at least her cute smile could get me a house..... (I'm joking! Or am I?)
Without sounding too harsh, maybe she is a bit like her mum!! from your other threads trying to work out what is "normal mothering" given your history can not be easy, no criticism just an observation. I face a similar "problem" with my boys but take the philosophy that whilst I am a parent and primary caregiver, I do not own my children, they are their own little people. All their actions and interactions with other people make them the individuals that they are, just the same as it was for us. If everyone else says she is a well behaved, charming child then you must be doing something right, but you can't control the world. She will learn in time that what happens in one place or with one person may not happen somewhere else, a child's "job" is to get what they want when they want it, using any means possible, from the first cry for milk to the tantrums as they get older, so she is pretty much normal but has some extra qualities (cute, charming, direct) to help her achieve this. - Relax

I believe in reincarnation (rightly or wrongly) so maybe she had past lives spent in servitude so this life she gets to have things a bit easy?
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Old 27.01.2011, 09:58
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

I actually find the not so perfect looking kids cuter. I think it's wrong of the playgroup leaders to give her preference because she's pretty, all the kids should be treat the same.
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:01
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

Don't worry Nil, as soon as the little "Prince" arrives, little Princess will quickly realise that she can't get what she wants as soon as she wants it

She'll also have to share the attention of strangers with her younger brother which is no bad thing.

All kids think they are the centre of the world.
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:02
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

My daughter, at your daughter's age, used to ask so heart-meltingly for sweets at the bakers that the assistant gave her them. I objected so I stopped going there and started making my own bread. It back-fired a bit though as she preferred mine anyway.
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:04
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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I actually find the not so perfect looking kids cuter. I think it's wrong of the playgroup leaders to give her preference because she's pretty, all the kids should be treat the same.

I agree, they should, but in reality from my experience it's not the case. My munchkin has got two of the girls from daycare wrapped around her finger where others aren't as fussed. Some people just bond more with one kid and find it difficult not to show a preference. Munchkin still has girls from the baby group she was in come to visit her in the toddler group because they miss her
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:06
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Without sounding too harsh, maybe she is a bit like her mum!! from your other threads trying to work out what is "normal mothering" given your history can not be easy, no criticism just an observation. I face a similar "problem" with my boys but take the philosophy that whilst I am a parent and primary caregiver, I do not own my children, they are their own little people. All their actions and interactions with other people make them the individuals that they are, just the same as it was for us. If everyone else says she is a well behaved, charming child then you must be doing something right, but you can't control the world. She will learn in time that what happens in one place or with one person may not happen somewhere else, a child's "job" is to get what they want when they want it, using any means possible, from the first cry for milk to the tantrums as they get older, so she is pretty much normal but has some extra qualities (cute, charming, direct) to help her achieve this. - Relax

I believe in reincarnation (rightly or wrongly) so maybe she had past lives spent in servitude so this life she gets to have things a bit easy?
That is an interesting point of view. But it doesn't change the challenge of people giving her everything she asks for.

You see, if a child is spoiled, it MUST come from the parents... But in the reality, it doesn't necessary happened this way.

According to your reasoning, I don't know much about mothering since I have a mother who wasn't good at it. But since I have never been emotionnally spoiled, we guess that I would give her everything to ''make up'' for what I missed. Which will make ME spoiling her. But here is the trick, I am not spoiling her and as I said, I am pretty good on the discipline thing.

Or maybe you mean that I am too strict with her and normal people () are acting normally toward her? Which will mean that I am too rough on her?
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:06
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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In your dreams.... Where do you think Little Princess is coming from, he? Believe it, no me!

I call her little monster, Ti-cul, and Çirkin (which means ugly)
That's a bit harsh, if you treat her normally there is a fair to reasonable chance that she'll turn out to be normally emotionally developed in later life, if you call her ugly when she's not, and chastise her specifically for the kind actions of others, a psychological conflict will develop.

Introducing situations that a young mind can't handle could condition her to actually believe she is ugly, especially when she is told this by an authority figure. Punishment of a child for acts out with that child’s control can cause extreme stress in a young mind some studies have shown that these psychological conflicts can contribute to conditions in later life such as schizophrenia.
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:08
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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I agree, they should, but in reality from my experience it's not the case. My munchkin has got two of the girls from daycare wrapped around her finger where others aren't as fussed. Some people just bond more with one kid and find it difficult not to show a preference. Munchkin still has girls from the baby group she was in come to visit her in the toddler group because they miss her
Thank you! You know what I am talking about! Wait when she reach 2 and begin to realise it but worst, when she realise what she can get from it!!!!
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:12
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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That's a bit harsh, if you treat her normally there is a fair to reasonable chance that she'll turn out to be normally emotionally developed in later life, if you call her ugly when she's not, and chastise her specifically for the kind actions of others, a psychological conflict will develop.

Introducing situations that a young mind can't handle could condition her to actually believe she is ugly, especially when she is told this by an authority figure. Punishment of a child for acts out with that child’s control can cause extreme stress in a young mind some studies have shown that these psychological conflicts can contribute to conditions in later life such as schizophrenia.
Ok calm down here... Those nickname in our language are made to be cute not to destroy their self-esteem! It is a cultural thing and it didn't destroy a whole nation.
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:15
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Anyone fancy a stroll down the Zurich Bahnhofstrasse with me this afternoon?
...I thought you were allergic to that street
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:16
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

Nil, TBH, Little Princess(TM) is going to get a shock when #2 arrives. I wouldn't stress too much about it.

As DB says, it is the way the world works to a large extent, anyway.

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My kids are all cute, and not the least bit spoiled. Though they are aware of their good looks. Inherited from their mother, I hasten to add.
Good to see that credit is given where credit is due
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:16
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It is a cultural thing and it didn't destroy a whole nation.
Just remind me, again, what happened to the empire which dominated most of Eastern Europe, the Middle East and North Africa for the better part of a millennium? You know, the one that seized the greatest, most fortified city the world had ever seen? The one that beseiged Vienna, terrorised the Latins, subjugated the Byzantines?

And which country is it which keeps begging to join the EU, but keeps getting turned down for being a bit rubbish?

Just askin' like...
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:19
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

Are you suggesting that the fall of the Khalifate was because the Khalif's mother said he was ugly git?
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Old 27.01.2011, 10:19
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Re: Cute kids = Spoiled

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Just remind me, again, what happened to the empire which dominated most of Eastern Europe, the Middle East and North Africa for the better part of a millennium? You know, the one that seized the greatest, most fortified city the world had ever seen? The one that beseiged Vienna, terrorised the Latins, subjugated the Byzantines?

And which country is it which keeps begging to join the EU, but keeps getting turned down for being a bit rubbish?

Just askin' like...
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