Hello, i am from South East Asia, I got married to my Swiss husband in Switzerland in the early 2009, after that we went to Asia to travel until August 2009 we came back to Switzerland and since then i stayed with him in here, now we have a small baby 11 months old. Our marriage got worse and now it went to my last limit. I want to divorce. I have to tell you my real situation: I have no job (never been working in Switzerland), also means i have no income, my German lever is just enough for some basic daily conversations. I have permit B.
My question is:
1. What can i do to get the permit to be with my son?
1. How is my chance to get my baby to stay with me after divorce?
2. Can i go back to my country with my baby (if i get the permit to stay with my baby)?
3. If i do not have the permit to stay with my baby, do i have the permit to stay in Switzerland to see my baby sometimes?

To go until this last step is very painful for my son and for myself also, please help!

Hi Tappyvn, and I am so sorry to hear about your predicament, particularly with a very young child. I am afraid that I cannot offer you proper advice, but feel sure that there are others on the Forum who will be able to advise you. I wish you the best of luck.

My first advice would be to seek out professional counselling - first as an individual and then try to do marriage counselling as a couple. Having a new marriage plus a baby brings rapid change and a lot of stress. The amount of stress you go through now to try to build your marriage up, may be worth it for the sake of your little one....

Even if you do eventually decide to abandon the marriage, at least you should have the support of a counsellor who can help you through the process and help you to see clearly with your decisions...

Hi there tappyvn,

I feel so sorry for you, I think it's a really hard situation to be in.
First of all, I do believe that in a baby will stay with its mum, unless there is some reason a mum can't look after it. So don't start to worry about that. I hope someone on here can advise you properly, although I think you can ask some questions at your embassy here in Switzerland.

As far as I am aware, there should be no issues in going back to your country with your baby, though I am unsure about a permit to stay here for your baby especially with no income coming in.

Really, good luck, and take care.

Hi, sorry to hear that. Please look for professional advice:
Informationsstelle für Ausländerinnen

Thank you all for your supports and comforts. I would like so much to thank you for each post but i don't have enough of posts in this forum yet to have that right. Special thank you prof. taratonga, how stupid i am, 1 year and a half living here without any knowledge about my rights in this country. I don't even dare to call a lawyer because i don't know how to pay them, as i don't have any money in my hand here in Switzerland except some money for daily foods.

It's not stupid, it happens to a lot of people. 30min counseling is free and anonymous, if it's urgent they will send you to the right people or advice a lawyer. Don't worry about money, your husbands money is also your money. Wish you good luck.

First things first, it would be most highly unlikely that any judge or judicial organisation will seperate you from your baby son, and as your son is Swiss and you express a desire to be with him, you'll get a residence permit of some sort.

Just think of the human rights fall out and the media frenzy if the jusge sends you home with out your son, no newspaper is big enough to handle it !

Go to the social services or commune office in your area (Thun) if you can't afford a lawyer they will appoint one for you. You could also ask your embassy, possibly.

With your husband, don't be vindictive, be fair and objective and you'll get on just fine, it takes 2 to make a marrige and the faults are usualy about 50/50 split. Don't use the child as a bargaining chip, it NEVER works out for you, for him or your future ex, keep your dignity, far better.

It is also worth looking at his/your insurance policies, if he is Swiss then you probably have lawyer insurance they will give you a lot of advice over the telephone. Quite often here because of the number and type of insurances most people use an insurance broker, so if you can find an insurance policy most likely it will have the brokers name on it, so you can call and ask them if your covered. Also go to your local Germainde and see what family support services are available in your area, regardless of weather you decide on divorce or not there is a child involved, so trying to keep the lines of communication open and civil (which is damn hard I admit) but critical for everyones future. Most important to help this process is to slow down and relax, if a conversation gets angry politely tell him you need a few minutes to think and walk away so you can calm down and think clearly again. The big question is "is there love in the relationship?" but with day to day stuff you drive each other crazy, if there is still love there you can sort the other stuff out, my wife and I drive each other crazy at times but that is part of any normal marriage. Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best.

Hi tappvyn, sorry to hear your story, I know a good lawyer if you haven't got one already, please send me a private message.

how many times have i seen this same exact story on EF in the past year?

women from south east asia: stop marrying swiss dudes.

I am sorry to hear about your marriage problems. I just wanted to let you know that I am also married to a Swiss man. We have 2 small children. We also have had our ups and downs and reached a breaking point. Space helped me alot. I went 6 weeks to my family abroad. Originally it was planned for 2 weeks, but after the time was over, I realised I need more time. We had a few important phone calls while I was away. This helped me see things clearer and helped him to make the effort to listen and not always go in the defense and most important of all to notice that he should not take me for granted! We find ourselves here as a new mom in a foreign country alone and without our families. It is really not easy. Please feel free to let me know when you need someone to talk to...you are not alone! We are often in your area

Thank you all,
I found your sharings very useful, special from RTN and Natascia. Could i share a piece of heavy stone in my heart to feel a bit relaxed?
I was not prepared enough to be a housewife in a foreign country like this, just left my career and my family in my country to follow the call of Love. Since my son is born, we started quarrels, just because of different opinions and stubborness from both sides. I grew up in a not happy family, my parent had too much quarrels and just tried to find the supports from their children by telling bad about each other. I tried most of the time to talk with my husband in the polite and calm way, but recently he normally replied by shouting and abusing words, that went to my limit, i have my pride also. I don't want my child to grow up like me anymore, that is why i consider to stop this marriage. I know he is not a bad person, and not like SCRAMBLED said, i do not agree that you included all the South East Asia women in your words. Nobody is the same, no case are the same, you cannot just adjust by few sentences that you have read in this forum or any others. I dont find it helping.
I don't think my husband is bad, but too stubborn, and i found out we can hardly fit each other, and i believe that, sometimes the wrong partner can turn the other to be bad. And the freedom for both would bring back the peace and the real people.
The happy and also the worried thing is, this early morning, after a sleepless night because of another conflict, i just made a pregnancy test (which i doubted already) and it was positive.
Which Natascia said would be perfect for me, to go back to my homeland for few weeks, but the problem is, my husband would not let me to take my son anywhere without him. I am so tired of being here alone in this foreign country, being far away of the working life and being confident, standing on my own feet.

Dude, that is seriously uncalled for.

OP, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like your husband has a nasty temper and being in a foreign land far away from your family and with limited financial resources makes it even more difficult. Having another baby on the way sure complicates matters but please do not think that you are alone.

Take the useful advice of prof taratonga and get professional help, or PM another poster above, who has offered the contact of a good lawyer. In almost all jurisdictions, you will not be forced to be separated from your son unless you are an awful mother, which I am sure you are not. The professionals will point you in the right channels in finding your feet again.

chúc may mắn

__________________
Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.

...you don't even know her.

So he's stubborn , you're stubborn - marraige takes shedloads of work , try professional counselling I would say before resorting to lawyers.

If he's not a bad guy - and you say he's not then surely it would be a bit rubbish of you to bring his kid away from him - in the eventuality that courts find - as is usual - in the case of the mother ?

What's stopping you from rejoining "the working life" , learning the language , many do it here - my wife amongst them (and yeah we fought like dogs in the past).

OP-I agree your situation is not great. But I have to ask how long have you been feeling like this, because if you are newly pregnant (again), then it seems like this situation may also be a very new development? Is there any chance it could be your raging hormones (from the pregnancy) and really just commonplace marital disagreements?

Sometimes you feel the situation is so bad you have to get out. Other times, maybe it is better to take a step back, breathe, and re-evaluate.

Divorce isn't (always) the best (or only) option. Marriage is about compromise. Just be 100% sure it is the right decision before you do it because divorce in itself causes many many more problems. And when kids are involved, it is even more difficult.

You have very good suggestions above, so I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide.

I know I overreached with that, it was intended to be hyperbole. but only because i'm genuinely concerned that this type of scenario is repeating itself too often -- women from often disadvantaged backgrounds marrying (often older and once divorced) western men whom they barely know, and leaving behind their friends, family, community network to come to a strange land, where the lack of language skills and familiarity with laws and rights leads to a serious power imbalance in the relationship, compounded when too often the reality of daily life vs. having a great time on holiday in SE asia turns the relationship sour.