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  #21  
Old 11.02.2011, 09:09
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

My advice is for your husband to go tell HR to F off until you've actually had the baby. Tell them you ain't moving while you're heavily pregnant.
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Old 11.02.2011, 09:20
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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My advice is for your husband to go tell HR to F off until you've actually had the baby. Tell them you ain't moving while you're heavily pregnant.

Depending on where Nil is moving to may not make it such a big issue. If it is a country where English is main language then some things can be sorted before the move; appointments with GP's, midwives etc.

I moved heavily pregnant and with a 14 month old to a country where I knew no one. I helped as much as I could to unload the boxes and move furniture at 37 weeks as it needed to be done.

My personal opinion is also it depends on the mother and how she copes with stress. Yes things can go wrong with a pregnancy but that can happen whether you are in your "home" country or a new country and I personally feel your can't spend the whole time worrying about something that may or maynot happen.

Has Mr Nil had the opportunity to visit the new job? If not, is a scouting mission going to happen where he can look into the options available and ask for recommendations from future colleagues?

Last edited by ka pai; 11.02.2011 at 09:50. Reason: typo
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Old 11.02.2011, 09:35
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

Nil,

I think it is doable if it is really THE opportunity but I am with economisto in saying that this should be delayed by 2-3 months.

No job needs you that urgently and I am not sure I would want to work for a company which shows so little sensitivity.

Could hubby not start the new job remotely? Maybe travel there a couple of times? And then move when baby is 6 weeks or so?

If you do decide to move, either before or after, then for me it is a must to have ALL the possible help of relocation agencies and do as much as possible from here.

They should help with move, nursery, nanny, house search, hospital and doc, health insurance etc etc etc

All in all, I think women are great at sorting things out and rising to the challenges so I am sure you will make it no matter the decision

One thing only on flying: it is true that ALL airlines have their own regulations and they can refuse boarding for any reasons they see fit. Also some require doc certificates only from a list of approved docs etc. So pls check this carefully to avoid stress for you and all.

Let us know how it goes!!!
K
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Old 11.02.2011, 09:37
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

My mum almost gave birth to my younger sister during an international move.

It wasn't on a plane though as in those days, you could travel with your household belongings on a ship.

Apparently the crew were having bets on whether the birth would happen at sea or on dry land.
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Old 11.02.2011, 10:14
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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Which is more important to you, your job or your baby ? I'm sat here with my 4 month old baby and when i look at her, the answer rreally isn't difficult.

Just imagine something happens during the trip, or move, something normaly preventable or that you could get assisitance rapidly if needed, how would you feel for the rest of your life ?

Is the job really that important after all ?
And what if her and her husband have no choice as it's possible it could be a forced relocation due to her husband's job??
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Old 11.02.2011, 10:24
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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And what if her and her husband have no choice as it's possible it could be a forced relocation due to her husband's job??
I doubt if any company would force a move if your partner was heavily pregnant, just think of the liability they leave themselves open for, not to mention bad publiciity in the worst case scenario.

(please feel free to groan economisto)
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Old 11.02.2011, 10:32
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

Don't just consider the practical aspects. Thionk about the stress as well. Moving internationally is a big stress where everything changes at once (house,job,country,etc etc etc). Do you want to put your body through that at this time??? Can you quantify what effect that will have on the baby?

Time for some thinking about setting priorities. IMHO
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Old 11.02.2011, 10:47
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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I doubt if any company would force a move if your partner was heavily pregnant, just think of the liability they leave themselves open for, not to mention bad publiciity in the worst case scenario.

(please feel free to groan economisto)
Of course not, but what they will do is take another person who is available when they need him/her.

No liability here, it is not like you can claim the company itself caused anything and at least in Europe, very little interest about such stories...

In the end they offer something, you make a choice. And with every choice there is certain scenarios playing out...

Your post does not answer the question Nil asked nor helps her make a decision, at worst could simply guilt her and no mother needs that in such a situation where she is trying to make the best decision for her and her family.

K
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Old 11.02.2011, 10:57
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

Ok Thanks all for your feedback, good, bad and in between.

We are looking at all possibilities and options. Like I said earlier, it may happen before the birth. But keep in mind that we are educated people with life experience and we would never put me and the baby at risk for a job.

The job opportunity is in Europe. We can do it by plane or by car (which will be easily 10 hours trip).

The others opportunities are out of Europe which I wouldn't do before the birth.

If all those possibilities must be taken before the birth, hubby could go there and organise his schedule to do 4 days work and come back on fridays for weekends at home. But he won't let me alone with a new born and a toddler after the birth, that won't happen!

I appreciate you feedback but I would appreciate much more if we could focus on a to-do list for me, as a preggos on the edge of a move and labor. The move or not the move before the birth decision will be taken according of how they will make our life comfortable.

Nil
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Old 11.02.2011, 11:06
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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The job opportunity is in Europe. We can do it by plane or by car (which will be easily 10 hours trip).
Maybe you should move by ambulance ?
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  #31  
Old 11.02.2011, 11:20
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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Maybe you should move by ambulance ?
Yeah, you see it is not they don't look friendly or somethin'....

I think I'll do fine without! But thanks for the offer!

We should send them to some of my friends on this forum!

Last edited by Nil; 11.02.2011 at 11:37.
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Old 11.02.2011, 11:28
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

I think that once you know for certain where you will be moving to, EFers will be able to give you country-specific advice and possibly put you in touch with people locally. That should make your life a lot easier.

In terms of practicalities - out of the possibilities you know of right now, do you speak the local language? Otherwise, you might want to translate a list of key practical words related to giving birth/babies/toddler care, etc.

I'd also get information about registering the birth, registering at the consulate, and all the admin-type things, since different countries have different requirements and it might be a hassle to have the paperwork ready when you've just moved.

HTH
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Old 11.02.2011, 11:42
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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The job opportunity is in Europe. We can do it by plane or by car (which will be easily 10 hours trip).
I came here in car from London at 34 weeks preg, it was a 12 hr trip and have to say it was really uncomfortable, but you get through it and it's worth it to not be left on your own for the birth. Would have been more comfortable on plane but we were bringing all my personal stuff, and at least driving you can always turn and head for the nearest hospital if you have problems (if driving in Europe make sure you have your healthcare/E111 card with you, nowhere would refuse you help anyway). I would suggest taking only what you need immediately and having other stuff sent later. Use a moving company, the cost is worth it!

If you do fly, like others say it depends on airline, I got refused boarding by BA at 28ish weeks as I had forgotten to check, I just walked to the Swiss desk and bought a ticket for immediate boarding no problems. Always worth ringing in advance to check policy and and having a docs note even if they say it's not required.

Let us know if/when you know where you're going and there will probably be loads of people who can offer you specific advice and maybe even practical help!
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  #34  
Old 11.02.2011, 12:08
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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The job opportunity is in Europe. We can do it by plane or by car (which will be easily 10 hours trip).
I assume this is in Turkey. I would move by car, over 2 or 3 days. You can stay in a hotel each time, drive for 3.5 hours per day. You could stop in Venice, Dubrovnik, and somewhere in Greece () before arriving in Istanbul. If you're travelling further than this, perhaps a rethink?

I imagine travelling any more strenuously than that would be very uncomfortable when heavily pregnant, but flying and airport-with-toddler games would be less than amusing.
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Old 11.02.2011, 12:43
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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My advice is for your husband to go tell HR to F off until you've actually had the baby. Tell them you ain't moving while you're heavily pregnant.
Nil, I am with economisto.

A company making a heavily pregnant spouse move just tells me one thing, and one thing only: no regard for the employee's welfare whatsoever. Moving, getting married and pregnancy are life's most stressful events and you are doing 2 out of the three.

Best to start asking hubby to speak to HR and work out solutions around your situation. I really wouldnt let them gloss over this home situation just because he is needed for this new job. Yes, he needs it to pay the bills but you and the baby's welfare shouldnt be neglected too. See if he can fly to the new location for a couple of days a week and do the big move in parts.

Meanwhile, I'll simply check out accomodation sites, playgroups, schools, hospital and obgyn. options - get recommendations just to give you an idea of what to expect in the new country. Also start mentally make lists of what you want to take or sell - and start getting rid of stuff you dont want since you mentioned that there is a high posssibility that the move will happen. Small things like gathering boxes, packing away stuff might ease the stress a little.

Good luck and I hope you find out either way soon.
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Old 11.02.2011, 13:58
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

Do you have a sister, aunt, best friend who could come and stay with you- if you decide to stay until after baby is born. As some kind soul said above, there are many EFfers in your area who would rally round, I'm sure. Depending on dates, i could even come over and stay - or stay at a B&B nearby.
Going in premature labour on the way is defo NOT a scenario any of us would accept as a reasonable risk. I have not got official figures, but about 10% of women go into premature labour beyond 36 weeks, without the stress of a move and a long journey- so with those 2, the incidence would be much higher, I imagine. Any expert views here?
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Old 11.02.2011, 14:19
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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I assume this is in Turkey. I would move by car, over 2 or 3 days. You can stay in a hotel each time, drive for 3.5 hours per day. You could stop in Venice, Dubrovnik, and somewhere in Greece () before arriving in Istanbul. If you're travelling further than this, perhaps a rethink?

I imagine travelling any more strenuously than that would be very uncomfortable when heavily pregnant, but flying and airport-with-toddler games would be less than amusing.
Nein not Istanbul. To go there by car takes much more time then 10 hours.

The company will move us and make the packing. I have not one finger to move in that. they pack for you and unpack for you. And no matter when we will be moving before or after, they will fly us on business class, I won't accept less then that in our circonstances.

I am already doing research on internet about the places (hospital, daycare, etc) We won't have to look for an appart since they will put us in a temporary one.

Even if we move after, I find it more stressful. At least the baby is in a safe place getting food and all needs. But moving with a 6 weeks old baby add a lot of extra work and stress, me think!
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Old 11.02.2011, 15:44
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

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Even if we move after, I find it more stressful. At least the baby is in a safe place getting food and all needs. But moving with a 6 weeks old baby add a lot of extra work and stress, me think!
I don't think it has to be. You're leaving Switzerland which means you're going to have more disposable income for things like someone to help you. You should find out about possibilities for live-in help from arrival. This can be either specialist nanny-type help for either of the kids or both, or someone to do the other stuff - cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. If you do research now, come up with exactly what you need and know how much it'll cost, you can get HR to fund it. You can't really approach them without specifics though. Also, you can visit the destination now to scope out and meet a doctor etc that you get along with. I would arrange meetings with 3 or 4 doctors/midwifes etc and find out who and what you like. Basically I think a load of planning can get around all this headache.
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Old 11.02.2011, 17:26
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

TodayOnly - why 2 groans for Economisto in this thread? I don't get it, as his advice really does make sense.
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Old 11.02.2011, 17:47
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Re: Moving away when heavily pregnant? (Last trimester)

I moved 8 and 1/2 mo too, it was fun. I organized it myself, pretty much, since hubs was working, he hired the van and had people move his workshop. Otherwise, my family came, it was a team effort, my bros and their amazonian girlfriends, I cooked for them and organized sleeping arrangements. For a half a day we chilled (since they took two cars and drove to us, the entire night, so they had to relax before moving). We packed, moved, it all took a weekend, since we were moving only from the boondocks here to la cote. It was lovely to have my people here helping us, we wouldn't have made it otherwise. My folks are almost 70 but they worked hard, too, I still feel bad about it. They moved us and drove off the entire night back to go to work in the morning. I will owe them forever. I was half set up when they left, it took about 10days to get all settled down, and a few days on top to sew some stuff for nursery and arrange the room, we also got the most basic furniture set up, I made the last stitch and went to hospital to deliver. I found the doc afterwards, also arranged the insurrance and birth certif afterwards. It was horribly stressful, but since it was in the high energy nesting phase, it worked! I had phoned about the delivery the local maternity ward, and they checked me right away. The OB just sent the file to the maternity ward. Dont dread it. I didn't have a tot to deal with, but a crazy cat, but otherwise it was actually quite ok. It's all about the mindset. Looking back, it would have been a bigger nightmare if this happenen half way through the pregnancy, since I was tired all the time. The last month was not bad. I strongly recomend have family or a good friend helping you out, people are amazingly helpful if you ask...I also found the new neighbors very welcoming, a lady in the house pointed me at services, the maternity ward had info on post natal care and socializing, etc. Don't stress, it will pan itself out.
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