..nah, but I'm certain you'd say "boy, good thing I've worked hard enough so that my family can take care of this huge medical bill after I'm gone."

Okay...

The pace of life here is slower, giving more time to family. Yes it is safer, better than the rat race countries. This can be appealing to many of us, who want to experience life and not force ourselves into competition.
However sometimes I find it could be overprotective and conservative. Also fast moving life, a bit of competition is not necessarily bad. It forces you to excel. I always wonder, if I grew up my kids in such an “Ideal” environment, would they ever be able to cope up in a fast moving country?
I think it is always easier to adapt to a relaxed lifestyle but not the other way around

Family above all !!!!!!!!!
Do what is best for your family (or future family)
as long as you guys are happy !!!!!!!!!

I would definately put family first although you do have to do a little planning for the future. If the move isn't going to have a significant effect on your hubbys career if it were me I would stay put...to much stress with moves!!! lol

Lets also see the other side of the medal... working mums - how do you do it? it ain't heaven here either.

I wouldn't wait with kids. Younger your body is, easier it is to deal with the whole shebang, you bounce back in no time...Older you are, for some it is even late when they are 30, I remember my old Gyno telling me to have kids at 20, compared to 30, a piece of cake.

I think it really depends on what you need...I miss independent people and art, but the mess in the US, lack of decent health system, etc is scary. But, people I know from there are some of the most interesting souls on earth. I get tired of the obedience, boredom, routine and yawny sameness here. The lack of work opportunities and flexible choices. In the US I would hate how far my family is, they are really helpful so that would hurt, plus, I need my family to be exposed to greater family, so if you decide to have kids, keep in mind you will have to probably travel or people to you, more than now.

I think your hubby needs to decide what is worth for him career wise, you need to decide what you need as well. If for him it is not such a positive career move and you want to start a family, I'd do it here. You need to have enough cash, though, for day care, or be at peace for staying at home with kids. In the US day care is a lot more available, careerwise I am sure it would be easier for you as well, but life is a completely different rhythm there.

I'd also keep in mind, you guys do not have the baby yet, if things go slow, where would you get most accessible help with reproduction, postnatal care if things go wrong. Usually, it is a lot easier to decide on these things, when one is childless, since you don't have to think about languages yet, schooling, etc.

__________________
"L'homme ne peut pas remplacer son coeur avec sa tete, ni sa tete avec ses mains." J.H. Pestalozzi

“The only difference between a rut and a grave is a matter of depth.” S.P. Cadman

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." A. Einstein

Nic80 why do you continue to be so serious? You realize this is the only life you have so why live it in such a stressful way? I would recommend moving to USA as it is the best country in the whole world after Switzerland lol

This just goes to prove how very little you know about me from a few of my posts on a forum . My first and very real response to your post is this:



But thankfully I (usually) have a filter between my brain and mouth/ keyboard and I'm fairly careful about what I put out into the ether as it often can be misinterpreted.

There are times in life to take it seriously using self analysis/ reflection and logical reasoning. And doing so (and thereby making well thought through and careful decisions) brings bountiful rewards. There are also times when being juvenille is the thing to do. I have used this forum for some serious topics, but anyone who has met me face to face knows that I'm flippant, cheerful and lighthearted just as (if not more) often than serious

I would put family first, if I had to make that sort of choice. Happily I'm a stay-at-home-mum with the occasional bit of translation work to do at home. But like lots of people have said, it's also important for both partners to be happy in their jobs. If my husband was miserable in his job, and an opportunity came up that we were both convinced would make him happier, I would leave Switzerland for that. Even though the children and I love it here! (In fact just over two years ago that did happen and we tried to leave, but that's another story) But as long as he's content, I'd stay here.

There's also the matter of extended family. Moving back to the UK could be on the cards for us if the grandparents became seriously ill, for instance, since they adore their grandchildren and would be very miserable not to see them. I don't know how that looks for you but long-haul travel becomes a whole lot more expensive once your child turns two! Just a thought (and I have only read half the thread so my apologies if someone has already said this).

Given the choice between SV and Switz, we'd stay here. But that's just us.

Michaela

Oh Dear!

You already took too much of your time and energy to answer him. Not worthed!

Like you, we are dealing with some important decisions and it seems difficult to find the answer. We did a pro and cons list but it isn't true science of what the reality will be when in the move!

Best of luck, I am losing a bit of my sleep on it.

Argh! Sleep must be overrated.. I too have been losing sleep trying to work out the correct thing to do. And the pro and con list seems to be failing us at the moment too. We're awaiting some information so that we can make a firm decision but I'm currently a swinging pendulum. One moment yes, the next no
I hope you too can make your decision soon and then we both can get some sleep!

If you can't make a decision it means it's about even so it's pretty equal either way. This means you can flip a coin, but in any case you shouldn't stress too much. I think you, personally should go to Silicon Valley next week to walk around for a few days. Figure out if it takes your fancy.

Consider whether you'll be happy to be a stay at home mum - for at least 12 years (if you have one child) more - if you have more children. Starting, developing or continuing a career in Switzerland for women with children in Switzerland is very difficult, not impossible, but very difficult.

Switzerland is a traditional society - children do have more freedom here, to walk to school alone from age 5, play outside more etc. But the whole system really does depend on the presence of 1 parent primarily at home (usually mum)

That would be the biggest question I'd be asking myself, how do I see my life? Do I want to return to work - or stay at home?

No simple answers -Switzerland has alot to offer, but some drawbacks that need to be seriously considered too.

I've been lurking for a while, and the OP has finally brought me out of lurkdom.
The OP is not American, if I understand correctly, so before any family vs. career questions are even raised, have you considered your immigration status in the US? What does it mean they "want you to move to Silicon Valley"? On what visa? For example, H visa means your husband would be tied to his current employer, the visa would be time-limited to 5 years, and if he loses his job through a merger, for example, he would have only a tiny window of opportunity to find another job before the two of you have to leave the country. You would have H4 and no right to work. Even the limited US safety net might not be available to you if something bad happened. It takes a very long time to get a green card and not be dependent on an employer anymore.
Do you trust your husband's employer enough to take the risk? Do you trust the US government enough? Having gone through the entire naturalization process in the US, I think at 37 it is a big risk.
Make sure you fully understand what the move means in immigration terms. You are lucky to have a choice whether to accept it.

I'm a little confused by the career or family dichotomy. Do you have family in Europe? If not, that really isn't the choice you are making. Maybe "feeling settled vs. feeling unsettled (again)" or "known vs. unknown" is more apt.

I think it would be impossible to make a decision without visiting the place and learning about housing, vacations, schools, etc. Your husband needs to know EXACTLY why they want him to move. Being at the right hand of the boss might be incredibly advantageous going forward -- or maybe the boss is just a demanding jerk who has no real pull in the company. I find it odd that there is no financial bump/bonus, especially if he will be giving up vacation days (likely with a move to the U.S.). In my experience, his career will definitely stagnate at this company if he says "no" -- depending on how many people want him to move and their roles in the company.

SF is one of the most expensive places in the U.S. so you might not be gaining at all financially. It is also an infamous rat race and the traffic is terrible; however, some people LOVE it for the opportunities and excitement. Depends on your perspective. You would really need to visit to get a feel for the environment. Has the company offered you a trip?

Also, the "American school system" argument really doesn't make sense from an American perspective. School systems are locally run. Some are beyond terrible and others are stellar. This isn't at all fair -- but it means that you can't make a choice based on how the rest of the world thinks the U.S. school system works. I can't tell you how many Europeans I know who have been VERY pleasantly surprised by their children's (public) school experiences here. Of course, the kids haven't gone to school in downtown Detroit but in wealthier suburbs. SV is rumored to have some outstanding schools; Oakland, not so much. If you compare school systems using the PISA study, you need to compare individual states or the results are meaningless (not easy to find, but I know there is at least one study out there).

To really make a good decision, you need to understand all of the facets of the company's politics leading to this relocation, figure out why they aren't offering a salary bump/promotion, and visit the SV. Otherwise, it's all just opinions from the peanut gallery.

I can only go by what people type on an online forum. Bit like how you assumed that I like raspberry when in reality I prefer strawberry


Maybe you are not careful enough as for me there is no comparison between family and career. I have been in a very high paying job and I have been a house husband looking after the kids. There is no comparison. The only people who will put career above family are people who don't have a decent family life to begin with Not meant personally at you but a general observation.


My point was that you are doing bit too much of that. In life enjoying the journey is more important than over analysing every small detail. For example going down water slide of life one should have fun instead of worrying about the angle of curve, number of joint lines on the slide or the exact shade of the blue used on the slide. You think over analysing will really solve anything? Five pages later if you are honest you have learnt exactly what you knew before. Life can't be planned in detail like some here seem to think.

You will probably be offended by my post but I was just trying to help in my own special way.

Maybe you should start a thread on how to add someone on the ignore list properly. Seems you haven't managed such a simple task despite your repeated promises. You should contact a mod again to complain about me or better still ask them for guidance on how to add me to your ignore list

Think about all the new people you could impress with your family rants in a new country You could also repeat all your threads on the new local expat forum. It's a win win situation for you. So do MOVE!

I've done both.

First time around i was chasing the almightly dollar which resulted in an expensive divorce, a heart breaking wrench from my daughter. She is now an adult and we're only just comming back to what could be called a semblance of a normal relationship.

Second time around, 4 month daughter, i have my own business, my offices are close to home, the most important fact i learned : There's absolutely no point being the richest person in the cemetary !

Whatever monies i earned by following a career was spent in the divorce, which was amicable, but houses, cars, alimony and child care is expensive if you follow your career as normaly you begin to earn good money if you are really that dedicated.

If you really are that serious about following a career to the end, is family life really for you anyway as to drag your family around the world, miss various birthdays or kids school plays for the sake of a few more dollars is really very selfish and egoistic if you consider it truthfully.

At a certain point in time you'll realise you have enough shirts in the cuboard to last a lifetime. It's at this point you begin to understand about other things notably your family but quite often, it's already too late and you're a weekend parent, and not every weekend at that.

Does the fact you have a high powered career really mean that much ? No private life, travelling at the drop of a hat, getting sacked even faster just to have a larger bank balance or bigger car or fancier holiday...

Over a certain point money doesn't buy happiness, it may give an illusion or even it could be considered as a vital ingrediant, but with or without money, seeing your family each day, that's probably the closest most of us ever get to true happiness.

Without a shadow of doubt, FAMILY comes first, second & third, gold, silver & bronze or whatever else, work is a distant 4th place and should be considered in the light of a necessary evil to fulfill the pleasures in life only.

If it's really so close, have you tried making a "final" decision and seeing how you feel about it? You know the old thing of just picking one; if you decide x and then feel miserable, probably you should have picked y, so now you know to pick y.

(Also for Nil - hopefully you both get some sleep soon!)