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Old 15.02.2011, 22:04
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Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

My lovely husband and I sit at a crossroads. We have to decide where to live for the next 18 months to 2 years.

On one hand, we can stay in Lausanne. Our B permits have been renewed through to November 2012 and my husbands job is secure. We're feeling settled here and are learning to like the slower pace of life. We're considering adding to the family shortly (we want to get a dog) and then in a year to 18 months we'd like to try having a baby.

On the other hand, my husband has been offered the same position he holds here, in Silicon Valley. There is no extra money involved (his salary would be the same in US$ as Chf), but we would be starting from scratch again and going through the hellish ineptitude and stress that comes with relocating with the company. They don't do if often and the past two moves have not gone smoothly. Financially it doesn't seem to put us in a better place and going by past experience, the move would mean that my husbands wage would not increase at his subsequent pay review. His job will not be as secure. But my husbands career would get a boost. We're not sure when we'd feel settled enough to try for a family.

If we stay in Switzerland and turn down the offer of a move, it is possible that his career with his current company will stagnate.

There are other factors but these are the basics.

I'm not asking what you think we should do, but rather... whats your priority? Do you put your family life and security ahead, or your career?

Last edited by nic80; 15.02.2011 at 22:18. Reason: whoops! spelling...
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:16
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

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On the other hand, my husband has been offered the same position he holds here, in Silicone Valley.
Is that the place where all the world's best plastic surgeons work?

Anyway, i'd choose family and security, unless I felt that the career move is something that might not come again and in the long term would help make my family/security situation better.

Kash.
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:21
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

A lot depends on how old you both are.
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:23
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

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A lot depends on how old you both are.
I'm 30, husband is 37
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:27
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

I would choose to stay in Switzerland! The economy here in general, and also the Job market it is more stable then in US!If you think to have a future family, you should also consider that Switzerland is more safe for children then Silicon Valley.
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:36
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

Family life is more important to me.

Jobs can be up and down and can change without prior warning - your family is the stable thing.

When I look back my career is certainly different and I in a different place than I ever imagined it would be.

Mr S is still with me though
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:39
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

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I'm 30, husband is 37
The reason I mentioned it was that you said you were planning for a baby.

I didn't realise until my wife and I talked about it but a hell of a lot of people that we know do have trouble making a baby (for many different reasons) and for some it takes a long, long time. For some sadly, they never do.

So, please bear that in mind with your plans.

But you can have a baby anywhere and here an California are both pleasant places so you can probably take location out of the equation.
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:42
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

Personally, I've never had an interest in a career.

Tom
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:43
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

Speaking from painful recent experience, I would put life before career, no doubt at all. No matter how good you are at your job, no matter how often you have been told that you are just the sort of person the company needs, at some point some VP on the other side of the world will decide to go for a "strategic business realignment" and suddenly you won't be needed any more because you're in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I will always be committed and do my best at work, but there are more important things.
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:46
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

I'm not sure that this is the sort of question you would want advice for from strangers, but as you have asked the question in a public place, I would suggest that the family always comes first. Careers (like jobs) come and go, but if you have a strong stable relationship (and/or kids), these should always come first. You live your life for the people in it, not the pay cheque (no-matter how big it may be) - after all, you can't take it with you (sorry about the cliche!)
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:52
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

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I'm not sure that this is the sort of question you would want advice for from strangers, but as you have asked the question in a public place, I would suggest that the family always comes first. Careers (like jobs) come and go, but if you have a strong stable relationship (and/or kids), these should always come first. You live your life for the people in it, not the pay cheque (no-matter how big it may be) - after all, you can't take it with you (sorry about the cliche!)
We're not making our decision based on the answers from the forum. But sometimes it really helps to throw things out into the ether and see what comes back. Already from the comments above we have additional items to add to our pro's and con's list for both California and Switzerland

Not to mention its easier for people to be honest with their opinions when there's a semblance of anonymity. As my social life is also intertwined with the forum, a number of people reading this know me personally
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:55
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

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Speaking from painful recent experience, I would put life before career, no doubt at all. No matter how good you are at your job, no matter how often you have been told that you are just the sort of person the company needs, at some point some VP on the other side of the world will decide to go for a "strategic business realignment" and suddenly you won't be needed any more because you're in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I will always be committed and do my best at work, but there are more important things.
Wow, thank you. This is almost word for word what my husband said about an hour ago. There will be other career opportunities (and some already in the pipework for the future) but it would be rather lovely to settle and focus on 'us' for a while.
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Old 15.02.2011, 22:58
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

The future ain't what it used to be. Live to work or work to live. Everyone sees the black from the white in that sentence. The one you want is the one that you aren't thinking about. The one that worries you is getting your attention. Stop worrying. Quality of life.

Sorry, that sounds like a Horoscope.
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Old 15.02.2011, 23:00
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

5 years ago, my answer was unequivocally, career.

My answer now is unequivocally family. Things change. People change. Right now, do what you think its best for your shorter term plans (ie: starting a family). I've learnt never to plan too far ahead because life is too volatile to do so - but never lose sight of the big picture.

Personally, I'll stay in Switzerland if I were you guys - not because I am such a huge fan of this country - there are days that I am, there are days that I am not as fond. If I remember correctly, you havent been married for too long? Its best to focus on the marriage after a stressful move, put down some roots and look forward to starting a family. Switzerland isnt too shabby a place to settle for sometime. Plus you say that his career with the company will stagnate but he always has the option to move to another company within Switzerland. I never understood what people mean when they say "career boost" if the position and money remains the same. Sorry, thats the mercenary in me talking.

Good luck in whatever you both choose to do

PS: really glad to hear that you are much more settled now btw!
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Old 15.02.2011, 23:03
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

I think that's quite a complicated question actually, although it sounds simple..... for me my family is certainly the most important thing in the whole world. But, that includes for example my husband (and me) being reasonably happy in our jobs and having enough money to have a decent life - we don't expect to drive sports cars and have expensive holidays but we do expect to have A car and A holiday for example.

So, I think I would say if a new job was going to be good for our family - maybe in the long term even if it might be hard for a short time - or if it was going to make my husband utterly miserable if he didn't take it then I think we would go for it. But we would certainly take into account what all our family wanted. So for example we'd think long and hard about a job that would take the kids a long way from their grandparents - even though they don't live in the same country as us now, it's important to us that our kids have a relationship with their grandparents and that they're not just someone who sends you presents.

For some people career is very important - progressing in their field and getting recognition for their work. I know people who simply aren't happy without having that.

For me I've never needed that - I'm quite happy doing a job that I can do well and pays OK - I don't need to be forever challenged and moving up. I work to live not live to work.

And despite all the difficulties here of being a two working parent family, Switzerland is a nice place to bring up kids. It may be a bit old fashioned in a lot of ways, but kids are lot more free to play and get dirty here and do a lot of the things I did as a kid (like playing football in the street and making dens in the woods), which sadly isn't the case in a lot of places these days.

In the end family is more important to me than career. But having a job and keeping a job and putting money on the table is also a part of keeping the family happy.
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Old 15.02.2011, 23:05
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

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The future ain't what it used to be. Live to work or work to live. Everyone sees the black from the white in that sentence. The one you want is the one that you aren't thinking about. The one that worries you is getting your attention. Stop worrying. Quality of life.

Sorry, that sounds like a Horoscope.
First logical horoscope I've ever read!
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Old 15.02.2011, 23:12
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5 years ago, my answer was unequivocally, career.

My answer now is unequivocally family. Things change. People change. Right now, do what you think its best for your shorter term plans (ie: starting a family). I've learnt never to plan too far ahead because life is too volatile to do so - but never lose sight of the big picture.

Personally, I'll stay in Switzerland - not because I am such a huge fan of this country - there are days that I am, there are days that I am not as fond. Plus you say that his career with the company will stagnate but he always has the option to move to another company within Switzerland. I never understood what people mean when they say "career boost" if the position and money remains the same. Sorry, thats the mercenary in me talking.

Good luck in whatever you both choose to do

PS: really glad to hear that you are much more settled now btw!
This is what is shocking me the most. 4 months ago, I'd have pushed my husband to follow his career. But now, we're both yearning to settle down and know where we're going to live for the next year or so.

The 'career boost' the higher ups keep talking about really just means 'more networking opportunities' and so he'll get the next promotion quicker

I'm loving this settled feeling I've finally started to attain too, which is probably why I'm struggling with the thought of uprooting us again.
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Old 15.02.2011, 23:14
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

sounds cheesy, but I agree ... your company won't look after you when you're sick or old. your family would.
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Old 15.02.2011, 23:40
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

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I think I would say if a new job was going to be good for our family - maybe in the long term even if it might be hard for a short time - or if it was going to make my husband utterly miserable if he didn't take it then I think we would go for it....

For some people career is very important - progressing in their field and getting recognition for their work. I know people who simply aren't happy without having that.

For me I've never needed that - I'm quite happy doing a job that I can do well and pays OK - I don't need to be forever challenged and moving up. I work to live not live to work.
This is why I gave up my job to move here. It is/ was to be good for us in the long term. Which is why I have qualms about saying no to the company for the next move. I may be frustrated in the short term but if its what he wants I'd be pulling out the packing boxes. I am a little afraid that after a year or so of 'settling down' and if the worst case career stagnation comes into the picture, that my husband may regret not moving...
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Old 16.02.2011, 00:00
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Re: Family life or career? Whats more important to you?

1) family and baby
2) quality of living
3) career
=
Switzerland!
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