Hello all,


I had a bf and i got pregnan from him, and now I am about to deliver but we are separating.

We did not plan that when I first figure this out. It is only now, and he is moving out and I have to be a single mother now.

I am a bit scare.

As per we are not married the Custody is 100% mine, he still need to recognise the baby, and all i want is to survive.

I am from Spain and I have no job right now. I worked in Switzerland before.

I would like to have free movement, I mean to be able to move between countries with enough freedom, I know i need a solicitor.

But which can of advice can give me about my new situation.

Will I survive?


Regards


Silly

Some reading up for while other members provide their feedback to your questions:

http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/Home/Arc...tml?cid=983940

http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/specials...l?cid=29087718

should I start over as single mom in CH?

single mum needs childcare advice, zurich

Becoming a single mum in Switzerland

Of course you will survive, you'll be surprised just how strong you really are.
Do try and live in a city when you know the language and can cope.
Try and organize to get some help, for immediately after the birth.
with kindest regards

Hi,

Really sorry to hear your situation I hope you get things sorted and it all turns out ok for you.

Hya

Life as single mum is possible, but it needs a lot of strenght and organisation.
If you haven't got problems of any kind with your baby's father then it's quite easy.
He will have to recognise the baby as his at the townhall where you live,then someone from social services ( at least that is the case in canton bern) will draw up with you two a so called unterhaltsvertrag ( contract of support) in this it will be stated that,

- the baby is his
- you have sole custody ( you can however also opt for shared custody)
- amount of alimony to pay to you as support for the baby
- visiting rights, if need be, they are stated in detail

As sole custodian of the baby it is up to to you to decide where you live, later on which schools the kid goes to and so on and so forth.With shared custody the father gets to have his say about that as well and if you get on fine,despite not being in love anymore this may be a good way. A child is a ginourmos responisbilty and needs father and mother.........

from my own experience, i can tell you it won't be easy and will bring you to your limits at times, it is very important to have a network of friends and possibly family around you ...however,,i am a single mum for the second time,,,and when i look back at what i have achieved and how my kids have turned out i am immensely proud to have manged to overcome all the obstacles we hit at times and this is 'reward' enough for me !!

I hope you will manage well and wish you all the best !!!

Sylv

Yes you will survive I promise you It seems so daunting at the beginning but once you start getting things sorted out it will start to get easier. I was absolutely terrified when I found myself in the same situation but one year on and I could not be happier (well maybe a few million in the bank would be nice ).

You will get through this and come out the other side stronger and happier. If you ever want to meet up and have a chat then let me know.

I feel for you, this was me 4 years ago.

I am single mother but from the UK.

I know that this is and incredibly emotional time, not only are you dealing with the separation from the father, the imminent birth of your child and no doubt you are probably scared and frightened about the future. Too much stress to deal with at the wrong time.

You really need to assess what it is you want, and do it soon! Do you want to go home and be around your family and have their support, it's incredibly difficult if you are completely alone here and the father is not wanting to know, especially for the first few months. You are not going to be very employable for the first few months anyway as baby is completely dependent upon you.

What are you going to do for money?
Are you entitled to anything from the Swiss system?
Would you be better off in another EU country, France, Germany etc?
Is the father reliable and wanting to know the child after it's born?
Can you trust him?

At the moment you can make all the decisions about your future, before the baby is born! Once the baby is born then it's not so easy. I am not aware of the Swiss laws but in the UK the father can apply for parental responsibility and once awarded if you are not in an amicable relationship then it can be used as a power tool.

In the UK for instance, once the father is included on the birth certificate, he has equal rights to you, Married or not, it does not matter. In my case we were also not married, but I included him on the birth certificate. After all he is the father. He did not contribute to the child at all! He could afford it, he just didn't. I had to give up my job to raise our child and was living on state benefits for the beginning. This was a future I did not want for our child, so I got a job here in Switzerland. But I could not just move!! I had to apply to the courts to get permission to move with our child to another country. This cost me £10,000! I won the case and I am now here!

You say you want free movement, however you also need to consider the child. If the father is reliable and trustworthy and is really keen to be part of the child's life, then you should perhaps sit and discuss with him, soon, how things are going to be after the birth and what role he wants to play and also the financial side and his contributions.

If they are not so good and he is not reliable and wanting a role you need to make some choices, soon, because as I said before, it could be very difficult for you to move in perhaps a year's time.

If you can get things clear in your mind before the birth, then you can relax and give the attention you need to yourself and your new baby, otherwise these things can drag on.

You will survive, of course you will, your child will be the best thing in your life, it won't be easy but you will get there. Good luck!!

Im asking apologies in advance for writting in spanish, but I read she also speaks spanish and for me its easier to explain in that language. Anyays a summary is:
I adivice her to get social help, and when she is out of pregnancy and ready to work it will all be better. They help with rent, insurance and pocket money for food and stuff, also with krippe in case she starts a german curse (assuming she doesnt speak german) or when searching for a job. I think if the father will not stick around for the kid is better not even ask for recognition because you still get 100% custody, but share rights with him (cannot just leave the country, ask for passport etc) although if he recognize the baby he is asked to pay baby pension ie 700 to 1000 minimum.
Thanks for understanding.

Primero que nada quiero que sepas que admiro tu valentia, eres una mujer muy fuerte y estoy segura que saldras adelante. En cuanto tengas a tu bebe en brazos veras que todo valio la pena y si bien sera un poco menos facil, cuando tu bebe comienze a llamarte mama y a abrazarte, no habra nada que no hagas por tu hijo.
Ahora bien, esto es lo que se por que amiga que tuvo una situacion similar:
El hecho que el no reconozca al ninho te da la custodia al 100% en todos los aspectos, si el lo reconoce tu sigues teniendo la custodia pero al tener un padre no puedes manejarte sola, viajar sin avisarle etc. y el tendria que pasarte una pension por el ninho, depende de varios factores pero entiendo que va entre 700 a 1000 francos a menos que el tenga mucho dinero entonces puede ser mas.
Como eres de espanha, no necesitas que el reconozca al ninho para permanecer en suiza y depende de que tan bien conozcas a tu exnovio, si crees que de todas formas no va a estar presente para tu hijo mejor que ni lo reconozca por que solo te ata a el pero el no estara atado a ti hijo.
Si puedes conseguir empleo ahora seria genial (no recuerdo si comentaste que tan avanzada estas en el embarazo) si puedes conseguir algo es mejor, pero en caso que no, te aconsejo que vayas a la oficina de asistencia social de tu gemaide y solicites el apoyo. Entiendo que ellos se hacen cargo de tu renta (1,100 para una persona soltera pero cambia en cada gemaide), tu seguro y de tu hijo, y te dan una cantidad al mes para comida y cosas que necesitan. No es mucho pero a mi amiga le sirvio bastante y no vivio miserablemente ddurante ese tiempo. Ellos te ayudan a organizar si necesitas clases de aleman, a conseguir babysitter por el tiempo que vas a las clases. Tambien cuando sea tiempo que tu bebe ya este inscrito en krippe y tu comienzes a buscar trabajo.
Lo que te comento es lo que ella paso hace 3 anhos, ella si estaba casada y no EU. El tuvo que darle pension a ella y ala beba, primero vivia afuera de zurich, no recuerdo que gemaide y la asistencia social no fue tan amable, pero cuando encontro departamento en zurich me dijo que ahi le ayudaron mucho mas.
Espero que te sirva, si quieres podemos platicar despues por privado. un abrazo y animo mujer!

Our first child was born before getting married, but since we were going to get married we went to gemaide and he recognize the baby. They told me I will have custody but he still has saying on where he lives etc. because now the kid has a father (in written). It was not a shared custody but still in the moment the father puts his signature in the birth certificate then he has rights, minimum but he has, as well as obligations because he must pay.
We were planning a trip as family so i called the mexican embassy to make te passport and they didnt want to give it because the father was not there to sign, same thing when i went to ask for the swiss pass. And my husband didnt go because we though it was not necessary
You may want to ask very good before deciding wether he recognizes or not, might change from gemaide. And read really carefully anything you sign.

oopps, then I stand corrected,,,,I know the basic process is still the same but the most what i have written was when i was a single , unmarried mum almost 21 years ago and what happened then, sorry if i gave out some misinformation.

Now my situation is completely different........

I'm not sure it has changed TBH. I am an unmarried single mum and although her father has recognised that she is his and pays maintenance for her, I am the sole guardian. I do not need his agreement when deciding on schools, daycare, when and where she goes on holiday and things like what vaccinations she has. I decide all of this alone (although to be fair I do run it past him to make sure he doesn't have any massive problems with anything I do, but that is out of niceness on my part and not a requirement that the government/law stipulates to me). I applied for and obtained her Swiss and UK passport without any input from her father and regarding visitation rights, he isn't entitled to much time by law although I let him see her whenever he wants.

Hola Silly Mind,

I have so much to say on this subject but perhaps a phone call would be better to discuss?

I too am a single mother, speak fluent Spanish and am a lawyer as well. I have researched the swiss laws that could affect you and know them well. I will send you a PM with my contact info. so you can call me whenever you are ready. I hope the knowledge I acquired from personal experience will help you, even if just a little. At least I am someone who you may feel understands your situation, and as a single parent, that goes miles :-)

Overcoming single motherhood has been by far the most challenging, yet most rewarding achievement of my life. It makes you a much stronger and wiser person, and the bond between you and your child is especially unique because you are a team, pushing forward just the two of you.

Stay strong!

It's best not to put the father's name on the birth certificate if you're not together. Sometimes even if you are. Having to ask permission in order to make a decision can be quite challenging. If the mother and the child's dad are on good terms they can always speak about things. But if the mother has sole custody at times there are decisions that must be made quickly or with time limits....Good Luck

I got advice of solicitor etc.
The GGG solicitor, you can consult it for 10 fr and you have 15 mins with him/her. It is on thursdays from 17 to 18.

As well i found something in the internet called STEP, you call and they call you back and a solicitor gives you advice.

I do not really want to be mean with the father of the baby. But somehow he obligates me to be mean cos he is so sellfish.

As well the custody is 100% for the mother in Switzerland, if the babies parents are Swiss residents the custody is for the mother.

Do you have enough clothes for the baby? do you already know the sex?
I have new clothes for baby girl because we were told our first baby was going to be a girl but turned out to be a boy so I never used the clothes. My second baby is also a boy and he is growing so fast I already have a lot of boy clothes looking very good. If you are interested we could meet, Im also trying to make a circle of friends with little babys and you speak spanish too so It will be cool, what do you think?

Hi

They told us is going to be a girl. I was looking in the internet second hand clothes, cos I am a bit scared of not having enought money and trying to safe as much as i can.

I will email you my details and yes we can meet, i need social life.

Thanks very much

Hi do you think I can talk to you about something similar to this?