That's a horrible read, but I'm glad she made the move and trust you'll be the good father she needs, and give her all the support she needs (and god, she'll need it).

The brother of my mother had a horrific situation about 25 years ago when he divorced his wife. Being a woman, his ex got the custody of their 2 daughters easily. She didn't want them though, she just took them to put pain on him. And then she put them to an orphan home. This was of course long time ago; but he had to fight the system to get his daughters from the orphan home to his home and to get full custody. As horrible as that is.
He flipped his life for them, and I have never seen happier family.
This man is my icon ever since. There is no man, in the whole world, who I look more up to.

I'm so sorry you and CJ are going through this.

From the threads the two of you have written here and there, you're both clearly loving parents, and that's what all of your children need. You'll find a way. It might not seem that way just now in the middle of this storm, but it will work out.

For starters your ex took action, in the sense that she sent your daughter to you. That will be a clear message to any court in regards to who you are. It means trust, responsibility, and parenting.
My guess would be that your son will perhaps follow.
Also regarding court, your daughter might be asked her opinion as she is now considered, at age 12, to be capable of judgement.
Don't worry about your child adapting, children do so very well when they feel cared for and have support.

For the rest.. Nil is spot on in both her reaction and her statement.

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"Il mondo è fatto a scale, chi le scende e chi le sale"

I'm so sorry all of you have gone through/are going through this difficult time. Love conquers all.

CJ is the perfect person to be around your daughter as a woman figure. From some of her stories, we know she didn't have it easy with her own mother and I think this will help both of them to connect and share something in common. Your daughter will appreciate to have a ''girl'' who kind of knows what she is going through!

Nil

This is a terrible situation for all of you to deal with. I hope that with support you all come through this much stronger.

It is difficult to understand what makes a woman stay with a man who is abusive, whether to her or the children. Through my work I have encountered several similar situations. I mention one in particular as it MAY offer a possible explanation.

A woman was in a relationship with an abusive husband. The daughter was not being physically harmed. Social Services etc. were involved and tried to persuade the woman to take action against her husband. Things came to a head and the woman was held hostage. Armed Police were required to free her. Despite suffering physical injuries she was not going to press charges. It was only the intervention of Social Services taking her daughter into care that prompted her into taking action.

The thought that her daughter was suffering emotionally and could have been physically harmed gave her the courage to agree to the prosecution of her husband.

Her driving force was her daughter's welfare. I wonder if this may also have been a factor with your daughter. Her Mum may have realised that being with you was the best thing for her. That must be a very hard thing for a Mother to do or admit.

Thankfully, in the case I mentioned, the husband is behind bars now. The Mother and Daughter have been reunited.

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"I'll say I can't tell you when, But if my spirit is strong, I know it can't be long, No questions I'm not alone, Somehow I'll find my way home" Rod

What a horrible situation I am really sorry that this has happened. I don't have any new advice from what you have already been given.

I have no idea what makes a mum give up on her child, but from reading the posts it sounds like your ex wife is not in a very good situation.
Children can be very protective of their parents and if you ex wife is not in a safe situation and your daughter knows this then your daughter might not want to leave voluntarily. Therefore it could be possible that your ex wife felt that she 'had' to be horrible to your daughter in order for your daughter to leave. I have heard of cases where children put themselves in danger in order to protect their parent.

I wish you and your family all the best.

I wish I could posrep all of the lovely people that have responded, I really do. Sadly my appreciation is limited to this post. I have surely landed in the EF bosom and am eternally grateful. I am convinced my feelings are justified and my course is just. From the bottom of my heart I thank you all, and assure you I will endeavour to produce the just results you predict. Big hugs going out, right will prevail xxx

I'm also very much touched by the positive reaction of EF. It's just the proof that you never walk alone. Sometimes only this thought is comforting enough, well at least for me, but I hope to speak for others as well.

Sometimes it's really hard to give "proper" and actual advice, but just to know there are people behind you is provides the necessary for the moment.

I think your approach of not wanting to tarnish your ex-wife's image in your daughter's mind is the correct one but also your feelings about it are normal as well.

I do not think you need to actively sing your ex-wife's praises but simply be there to respond to issues your daughter brings up on her own. Your daughter loves both of you and hearing negative things from either side would be more hurtful for her.

I sent you a PM regarding a youth group for meeting other children.

I also second the suggestion of finding a hobby for her where she can meet others. Perhaps if you list her interests, someone on the forum might know of a group she could join.

So sorry to read your post. At least your daughter has a good caring father. I have two daughters that I would do anything for. Fingers crossed your daughter will be ok. Hope she can talk through things with someone..
Love

Kath

UTH,

How is your daughter?

It is almost a week now, how she goes by?

Nil