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Old 18.04.2011, 08:29
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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I wish my child to speak up, if need be also against me or her father.
I agree with you. To constantly request obedience and dwelling on discipline, for the sake of easier parenting, even if parents think it is better for the kid's future, is probably not the most practical thing. There is no intelligence, it's only routine repetition.

By enabling our kids being autonomous of us, even if it means the occasional tantrum when teeth don't want to get brushed, spunky kids have their own head, will more likely be testers, will be more independent of our orders and advice, will end up being street smart, will have to improvise a lot more than followers and come up with different scenario, will have to realize grown ups are not all the same with their attitudes and ways than when one is the perfect, unquestioning child..Or so I hope.

There is no real tangible link, just judging form my own experience. Wanting to have a well adjusted child sometimes means letting go of him, to enable him to make his own decisions.

I think it is paradoxical and maybe does not make sense, we think we can't let kids make their own choices since they have no experiences, but they learn from our mistakes, soak up from our own fears and M.O.s. It can be at 3yr, can be at 16, there are no set rules for this. It all comes from self worth and confidence a child grows to feel in a secure, supportive and positive home.

I find that a lot more important than self defense courses.
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  #22  
Old 18.04.2011, 09:48
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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I agree with you. To constantly request obedience and dwelling on discipline, for the sake of easier parenting, even if parents think it is better for the kid's future, is probably not the most practical thing. There is no intelligence, it's only routine repetition.

By enabling our kids being autonomous of us, even if it means the occasional tantrum when teeth don't want to get brushed, spunky kids have their own head, will more likely be testers, will be more independent of our orders and advice, will end up being street smart, will have to improvise a lot more than followers and come up with different scenario, will have to realize grown ups are not all the same with their attitudes and ways than when one is the perfect, unquestioning child..Or so I hope.

There is no real tangible link, just judging form my own experience. Wanting to have a well adjusted child sometimes means letting go of him, to enable him to make his own decisions.

I think it is paradoxical and maybe does not make sense, we think we can't let kids make their own choices since they have no experiences, but they learn from our mistakes, soak up from our own fears and M.O.s. It can be at 3yr, can be at 16, there are no set rules for this. It all comes from self worth and confidence a child grows to feel in a secure, supportive and positive home.

I find that a lot more important than self defense courses.
I employ a technique that I learned from one of my son's daycare ladies which I thought was quite good. Rather than always telling him what to do, I give him a "measured" choice which seems to go down easier, so rather than telling him to "go and brush your teeth" I say "OK, you can either brush your teeth or put those toys away first."

He still gets a bit huffy because neither task is particularly interesting to a little boy but at least he gets to choose for himself and feels a bit more in control.
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Old 18.04.2011, 10:12
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

That's a really good point. To be able to choose gives a lot of freedom. And after a while, he will be able to make more complex choices or to judge himself how and to what extend he wants to be involved in something.
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Old 18.04.2011, 10:20
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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That's a really good point. To be able to choose gives a lot of freedom. And after a while, he will be able to make more complex choices or to judge himself how and to what extend he wants to be involved in something.
As a parent, the above is so much easier said than done. My kids are now teenagers and it's a difficult balancing act on how much freedom to give vs. being responsible, hovering parents. I've discovered good communication and honesty between both parties help make better decisions for all.

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Old 18.04.2011, 12:45
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

So far, with my 6 year old, i had a simple talk with her about strangers. I told her that you cant tell which are good or bad just by looking at them. Im still just beginning to teach her the balance between being communicative and being tactless, as not to offend strangers or guests. But as for young boys, what im worried about is going to public restrooms if the dad is not there. At what age should he be allowed to go to the men´s room on his own?
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Old 18.04.2011, 12:50
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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So far, with my 6 year old, i had a simple talk with her about strangers. I told her that you cant tell which are good or bad just by looking at them. Im still just beginning to teach her the balance between being communicative and being tactless, as not to offend strangers or guests. But as for young boys, what im worried about is going to public restrooms if the dad is not there. At what age should he be allowed to go to the men´s room on his own?
Ours goes into either loo depending on who is with him (mum or dad). I guess that will continue until I am sure he won't spend hours in there on his own fiddling about with the taps, toilet paper or hand dryer.
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Old 18.04.2011, 12:51
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

I think this really depends on the maturity of the child and where you are. My oldest who is 9 always goes on his own but if it is a really public toilet as in on the street I have been known to wait outside & even on occasion open the door a little & shout in to him much to his embarassment . My 4 year old normally always still goes with either myself or my husband but in a place such as a restuarant he can go with his big brother.

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At what age should he be allowed to go to the men´s room on his own?
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Old 18.04.2011, 14:09
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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At what age should he be allowed to go to the men´s room on his own?
I think it is a case by case situation for both parent and child. My 5 year old daughter go by herself, no need to call on her or anything. However I have had to tell myself many a time "just let her do it her by herself she will be fine". 99% of the time thats true but I find that there is a 1% chance that something will go wrong ie she cant do her trousers up ect, so myself or hubby are always just a shout away. Also as bad as this sounds, she has no "inhabitions" about walking out of the toilet holding her trousers up and announcing to wherever we are about the fact she cant do the button or whatever up on her trousers..

I have been very lucky with my daughter in regards to strangers and daily life, not sure if it is the way I have raised her or just the way she is, but she has a good head on her shoulders and is very well behaved/mannered ,and I find that for all she is very outgoing and very confident and talks to everybody whether we be at the park or on a tram she has the sense to gauge a stranger and stay away/ not speak to them if she feels like there is something not quite right.
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  #29  
Old 19.04.2011, 05:39
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

I think from a very small age they have an extremely good sense or gut feeling about what's going on and if it's something in their interest or something / someone does just not feel right or ok.

That's really something one can encourage as a parent. In most cases we as adults don't remember this instinct or try to out smart it with our brains.


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if she feels like there is something not quite right.
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Old 20.04.2011, 13:37
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

Just wanted to share this link, which deals with internet safety - unfortunately it's only in French & German.

http://www.actioninnocence.org

The above link also leads to:

http://www.campagne-netcity.org/web/FR/home.aspx
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Old 20.04.2011, 18:58
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

[QUOTE=MusicChick;1172032]I actually think it is more about kids seeing parents and copying, than anything else. You can put your dearest one in a judo all you want, you can teach him self defense and how to not take crap from people, but if one is a doormat herself, lets people walk over them, cut in front of them in a store everyday, push her around and snub, the child will most likely do just that. Sad as it is. It's a very boring mantra, very unsophisticated, but "kids do as kids see". They accept what they see every day as a normal status quo, and just instinctively veer towards this. So, theories are all good, but if one does not think how we actually behave at home, in front of kids, with others, in every day life, it is hard to preach or push kids towards some ideal skills.

/QUOTE]

Great point of view = to Rudolf Steiner's "Jeder Erziehung eine selbst Erziehung".
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