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Old 17.04.2011, 12:24
armandair
 
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How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

This is something I wanted to ask the members for quite a long time, and Nil's post about strangers hitting kids got the ball rolling. Her topic is actually quite a good one. Although the thread is closed now, the question still remains:

How do you deal with situations or people who involve your child - no matter what age - in an unwanted, strange or even dangerous situation or encounter. How do you prepare your child to a) see this coming and b) react upon it in an appropriate manner.

Every day we hear or read news about children being the victim or some sort. On a smaller scale I guess everyone can tell a tale about encounters of the unwanted kind.

I personally believe that "education" is the best way to be prepared. Well it worked when I was a child. But these days things are a bit more dramatic.

My little one is too small now, but I have to start at one point to inform or to tell the framework of unwanted situation.

The bit strange thing is: at one point you go on with dream figures like santa claus and who else is there around, on the other hand you have to educate and inform your really small child about how to act to strangers.
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Old 17.04.2011, 12:52
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

You cant prepare them for everything because life is so unpredictable. Heck, even I am not prepared for everything in life. But if you are referring to how to deal with strangers, I dont things are more dramatic than they are before. The media simply makes it so and its our responsiblity as parents to raise them with good values and instill a healthy dose of common sense. That to me, is half the battle won.

No, I dont have a child yet, but thats what I plan to do with mine, in the future.
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Old 17.04.2011, 12:52
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

I sent my eldest to a self-defence course here: http://www.selbstsicherheit.ch/

It was not really about fighting back but about recognising situations, how to react to a strangers request, that it is OK to cream & shout if they feel threatend. My son got a lot out of it at the time & even though he no longer remembers doing the course (it was a few years ago) I still go over some of the themes with him from time to time.
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Old 17.04.2011, 13:46
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I reckon that statistically, the little bean will have more to fear from his dad and me than any stranger, so I intend to make our mental and emotional health a priority, along with some kind of martial arts training for the little one.
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Old 17.04.2011, 14:29
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

Yes, life itself is rather unpredictable. Most of the time the incidents are fortunate. If not, as a grown up you can make a balanced judgement about everything (or use the complaint corner of EF), minors cannot do this quite often.

They are not more dramatic than before, but now a days you can speak about it.

The post is not simply about how to deal with strangers, but also on a smaller level how to deal with verbal abuse, or being bullied at school, or getting hit by someone.

We speak here about minor children.

E.g. the Brazilian kid of my neighbor got told by a lady at Migros "go back where you're coming from" - he is 5 and did not even know what that was all about.

I personally think it's shocking that you go after small kids.


I do agree with your point of good values and a huge dose of common sense.







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You cant prepare them for everything because life is so unpredictable. Heck, even I am not prepared for everything in life. But if you are referring to how to deal with strangers, I dont things are more dramatic than they are before. The media simply makes it so and its our responsiblity as parents to raise them with good values and instill a healthy dose of common sense. That to me, is half the battle won.

No, I dont have a child yet, but thats what I plan to do with mine, in the future.
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Old 17.04.2011, 14:30
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

I'm not so sure about it. The moment you let your kid go to day care or school, they are open to any kind of good and bad actions towards and from them.

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I reckon that statistically, the little bean will have more to fear from his dad and me than any stranger, so I intend to make our mental and emotional health a priority, along with some kind of martial arts training for the little one.
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Old 17.04.2011, 14:30
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

My parents just drilled me when I was young that I wasn't to go with strangers or get in their cars and if someone tried to drag me off I was to scream and shout like a banshee and try to fight.

When I was a scout leader in the UK, we often used to practice "stranger danger" and teach the kids what to do if they are caught out on their own and find themselves in a threatening situation.

With my little boy now, it's more difficult - he's big chums with anyone that will chat to him, which is a nice bubble I don't want to pop by saying "Actually some people who seem nice can be dodgy weirdos that like to hurt children so it's best if you view everyone with equal suspicion and don't talk to anyone."
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Old 17.04.2011, 14:36
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

I got around this one by saying it was fine to talk to people when myself or daddy were with them but on their own they have to be more careful. I made it more about the situation than the person.

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With my little boy now, it's more difficult - he's big chums with anyone that will chat to him, which is a nice bubble I don't want to pop by saying "Actually some people who seem nice can be dodgy weirdos that like to hurt children so it's best if you view everyone with equal suspicion and don't talk to anyone."
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Old 17.04.2011, 14:41
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

Don' forget the internet. You think your child is safe at home and they are chatting or on FB getting approached by strangers.
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Old 17.04.2011, 14:50
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

Yes net awareness is really important.

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Don' forget the internet. You think your child is safe at home and they are chatting or on FB getting approached by strangers.
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Old 17.04.2011, 14:53
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I'm not so sure about it. The moment you let your kid go to day care or school, they are open to any kind of good and bad actions towards and from them.
Sure, but if they have the confidence and self-esteem that comes from a healthy family environment and from experiencing good conflict resolution behaviour, then they should be able to handle things using their own common sense. And of course in an age-appropriate way. While I think there are a lot of strange people in the world, the vast majority are not psychopaths.
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Old 17.04.2011, 15:05
armandair
 
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

A strong and healthy private environment would also be my first approach. Often the action or inaction for the child being in a situation, starts with parents and not necessarily the child itself.

I also do believe that children with a weak personal background are more often targets because in the first place a source of warmth, encouragement, trust and feeling of security is missing. If you have a real home than it's also easier to speak about problems or things that happened outside.

It's also important to control the broader environment like day care or school. Not in a freaking weird way, but rather to let the people who are in everyday contact with the child know, that someone is watching over her/him. And if a problem occurs they will step in.

Last edited by armandair; 17.04.2011 at 15:33.
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Old 17.04.2011, 15:24
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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I'm not so sure about it. The moment you let your kid go to day care or school, they are open to any kind of good and bad actions towards and from them.
Actually,children are pretty vulnerable from the moment they are born ( or even before, in some cases.)

A quick browse of news from around the world this mornnig, and I saw one case of a father having killed his children, wife, then himself; one of a mother who attempted to kill her children and herself and another of a mother who who did kill her child and then herself - all from developed "western" countries.

Yesterday afternoon, at the supermarket checkout, I saw a man deliberatly hurt his female partner by jabbing the grocery trolley sharply at her - I have visions that the young child with them is not immune from his frustrations either.

Most expereienced teachers have, at some stage of their career, had concerns about the possible abuse of a child. Unfortunatley , it is not always possible to do anything about the situation if there is not concrete evidence.

As both a parent and a teacher, I feel that it is a shame that we do not show more care and support for family, extended family and community. Being a parent of young children is much more stressful than many acknowledge, which is an important factor to be considered when discussing how to keep our little ones safe.
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Old 17.04.2011, 15:57
armandair
 
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

This morning it was about 10C and sunny. Neighbor is out and about in a t-shirt with 6months old baby sporting about the same outfit Far too cold for little one at least.

It starts with small steps to take care of others.
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Old 17.04.2011, 16:08
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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This morning it was about 10C and sunny. Neighbor is out and about in a t-shirt with 6months old baby sporting about the same outfit Far too cold for little one at least.

It starts with small steps to take care of others.
Seen this a lot in the UK. My mum reckons it toughens them up

Brrr....
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Old 17.04.2011, 18:15
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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This morning it was about 10C and sunny. Neighbor is out and about in a t-shirt with 6months old baby sporting about the same outfit Far too cold for little one at least.

It starts with small steps to take care of others.
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Seen this a lot in the UK. My mum reckons it toughens them up

Brrr....
To some of us lot from scotland 10 C is summertime .
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Old 17.04.2011, 18:20
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

I actually think it is more about kids seeing parents and copying, than anything else. You can put your dearest one in a judo all you want, you can teach him self defense and how to not take crap from people, but if one is a doormat herself, lets people walk over them, cut in front of them in a store everyday, push her around and snub, the child will most likely do just that. Sad as it is. It's a very boring mantra, very unsophisticated, but "kids do as kids see". They accept what they see every day as a normal status quo, and just instinctively veer towards this. So, theories are all good, but if one does not think how we actually behave at home, in front of kids, with others, in every day life, it is hard to preach or push kids towards some ideal skills.

Dad gave me a really loud whistle when I was ten and said, if somebody attacks, you blow your whistle while you run as fast as you can. I have forced myself into certain degree of assertiveness, which was not always easy, but one really has to..

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Sure, but if they have the confidence and self-esteem that comes from a healthy family environment and from experiencing good conflict resolution behaviour, then they should be able to handle things using their own common sense. And of course in an age-appropriate way.
Unfortunately, age appropriate is also ignoring common sense whatsoever. Happens. Kids are kids, certain amount of brainfarts will happen.

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This morning it was about 10C and sunny. Neighbor is out and about in a t-shirt with 6months old baby sporting about the same outfit Far too cold for little one at least.

It starts with small steps to take care of others.
I totally agree. I mean I come from culture that worries about kids a tad too much since our birthrate just basically does not exist. But, what irks me is a parent with fur coat and supper warm Ugs and a few months old baby in a pushchair, with no blanket, no hat, no shoes just little cold feet in super thin socks sticking out. So cold they are constantly somnolent.
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Old 18.04.2011, 00:04
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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While I think there are a lot of strange people in the world, the vast majority are not psychopaths.
I do try to remember this. It is unfortunate that the news that tends to stick in my mind as a parent is generally the most horrible stories with the most tragic outcomes. It is difficult to find myself equipping my small child with knowledge of what body parts are "private" and are therefore off limits to anyone. The media tells us that child predators are keen on knowing the best way to form a connection with a possible victim, and I feel I would be remiss in assuming that my child would be immune to the kinds of ploys used. I prefer to err on the side of caution, even as I feel I have taken away a bit of my child's innocence by having to explain that there are evil people in the world who want to hurt children.
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Old 18.04.2011, 00:43
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

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I reckon that statistically, the little bean will have more to fear from his dad and me than any stranger, so I intend to make our mental and emotional health a priority, along with some kind of martial arts training for the little one.
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I'm not so sure about it. The moment you let your kid go to day care or school, they are open to any kind of good and bad actions towards and from them.
Childen are far more at risk in the home, with family members or accidents. Just look at some of the NSPCC statistics

In the community, most organisations have formal childcare procedures and Health & Safety policies. How many families do the same?
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Old 18.04.2011, 08:07
armandair
 
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Re: How to prepare your child for encounters of the strange kind ?

I strongly believe in the concept of empowerment, for parents and children.

The possibility to speak up and its encouragement are a real benefit of today's world for children.

Even in my childhood to obey to a certain degree was, well required. I sort of had the 60's touch, so anarchy was all the rage in school and at home, but in no way it was to the extend we experience now.

I wish my child to speak up, if need be also against me or her father.
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