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  #21  
Old 10.05.2011, 10:25
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

The email has been sent now. Thanks to everyone for the help.

DB, I did leave the comments about the boy in the email as I sent it before reading your comments. Will I cause myself trouble now do you think?

Damn. Where's the recall button in Outlook??!!
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:31
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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Will I cause myself trouble now do you think?
Nah. The daycare will be used to it.

But it might still be worth remembering it when you meet them...
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:32
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

Your poor little girl, I understand having seen the photos why you are so angry.

In the letter, I would be tempted to remove mention of the other child (other than to state that you had been informed that on (however many occasions it was) that ?? child caused the injury. I would ask that they investigate how the injuries were caused. I say this because it needs to be a complaint against the nursery and not the child if that makes sense?

I would be very concerned that your daughter has received injuries that have not be reported to you (for example the scratches). This suggests a failing in their child protection procedures (although I only have experience of child protection in the UK, I would be surprised if there is not a requirement for parents to be informed of an incident causing injury). Adequate reporting is important, at this stage you do not know how your daughter received her injuries, and there is (hopefully highly unlikely) a possibility that injuries could have been caused by an adult and not a child. I would therefore ask what their reporting procedures are and to ask why you have not been informed of each incident.

With complaint letters, it is always better to keep them as brief, factual and unemotional as possible. I would ask for a meeting with the person in charge and set a deadline for when you would want this meeting to happen by.
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:35
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

whoops, sorry, my comments are too late. I hope you get this resolved and your little girl is able to enjoy her time at childcare again
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:36
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

Sending the email seems to have stoked my anger up about three notches

I really want to march down there and collect my daughter. Either that or go and pay the boy's mum a visit (she works in the same building as me although I don't know her well).

Just realised the last comment makes me sound like one of the Mitchell's from Eastenders
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:38
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

DB is right - you shouldnt be saying sorry at all. I saw the pictures yesterday and seeing them again is making me even more livid. As the others have said, keep the tone of the letter sharp, no-nonsense and factual.

1. I am writing with regards to the incident dated 9th May where I've been informed by (member of staff's name) whereby (little shit's name) has bitten my daughter. Upon closer inspection, not only has my daughter got a bite on her arm, there were (name other injuries). Please see attached time stamped and dated photos of the above mentioned injuries.

2. Say that you understand children engage in the occasional fights but the extent of her injuries have reached a level which is excessive and unacceptable because (reasons - for example: you've mentioned this to staff previously but nothing has improved).

3. You want solutions and suggestions from them on how to prevent similar incidents from happening in the future.

good luck - channel all that frustration to strength in dealing with the kindergrippe. I sense that they are most likely to brush you off - dont let them.

Another alternative is to take a day off work and see if you can bump into the parent of that offending child. Have a stern word with her and show her the extent of your daughter's injuries. Hopefully, she might be horrified and ashamed enough to give her son a good tongue lashing.

EDIT: doh, just saw that you were thinking along the same lines of speaking to the boy's mum. Another suggestion is to ping Oldhand. She runs a playgroup and might have other ideas on how you can deal with this situation.
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  #27  
Old 10.05.2011, 10:38
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

Even if she provoke the other boy that's no excuse. The Nursery has an obligation to keep the children safe. Yes kids will be kids and that would be a good reason if this happened once or twice...but if it is progressively getting worse then something needs to be done.
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:41
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

Hey Mimi, I understand how you feel but take a deep breath have a ciggy or a coffee and breath again. It will get resolved. You have made the first positive step and now the ball is in their court.
I feel exactly the same everytime something happens to my precious boy and later when all is resolved I think ok so was not so bad! Don't go to the other mum let them deal with it it is what you pay them for after all.
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  #29  
Old 10.05.2011, 10:44
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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Don't go to the other mum let them deal with it it is what you pay them for after all.
Why not? That little savage might be good as gold at home and she might have no idea of how he is behaving with other children. Disciplining starts at home. Day care teachers can only do so much.
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:44
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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I really want to march down there and collect my daughter. Either that or go and pay the boy's mum a visit (she works in the same building as me although I don't know her well).
I would strongly caution against any such action.

Your quarrel is with the behaviour management policy of the daycare unit, not this hapless woman who is powerless to prevent her child from biting other children while he's being supervised by other people.

As I said before: even though you might feel differently, the reality of the situation is that it is about your daughter's care, wellbeing and safety, and not about the other boy's behaviour.

Direct contact with the boy's mother at this stage is going to earn you a fast track to the "hysterical mother" box, and won't do anything to help mini-mimi's situation.
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  #31  
Old 10.05.2011, 10:48
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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Direct contact with the boy's mother at this stage is going to earn you a fast track to the "hysterical mother" box, and won't do anything to help mini-mimi's situation.
I see it more of trying to nip the problem from various angles. Pardon not intended
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:51
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

I think at this stage it would not be a good idea as Mimi is obviously feeling quite emotional and angry by the situation it is not the best time to have a discussion with the offenders mum.
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Old 10.05.2011, 10:52
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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I see it more of trying to nip the problem from various angles. Pardon not intended
It really would do more harm than good.

At the moment, Mimi is dealing directly with the daycare centre. She can focus her attention on that - emotionally difficult, to be sure, but relatively simple from a tactical perspective.

Bring the mother into the mix and she'll end up fighting a battle on too many sides.

This isn't about the boy. This is about Mimi's daughter.

It might look like a trivial distinction, but it is crucial to the resolution of the problem.
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  #34  
Old 10.05.2011, 10:58
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

I agree with TJ45 and DB. If I were to go and see his mum I am fairly sure that I would lose my temper and say something that won't help me or mini-mimi at all. She is aware that her little darling bites my daughter but doesn't seem bothered.

I sometimes bump into her at work and we exchange pleasantries and I don't plan on changing that. If daycare suggest a parent's meeting then that's up to them but in the meantime I will see what they have to say.
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Old 10.05.2011, 11:00
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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I would strongly caution against any such action.

Your quarrel is with the behaviour management policy of the daycare unit, not this hapless woman who is powerless to prevent her child from biting other children while he's being supervised by other people.

As I said before: even though you might feel differently, the reality of the situation is that it is about your daughter's care, wellbeing and safety, and not about the other boy's behaviour.

Direct contact with the boy's mother at this stage is going to earn you a fast track to the "hysterical mother" box, and won't do anything to help mini-mimi's situation.
This is very sound advice from DB.
You need to try to stay calm (easier said than done when your child is involved) and discuss all your grievances with the daycare manager in the first instance. Try to avoid accusing this boy directly (he's not the only child in daycare after all) but voice your concerns about the situation in general and the frequency of the injuries your daughter has sustained. Perhaps ask them if they were aware of the scratches on her legs too.

Maybe ask them to outline their policies regarding behavioural problems and bullying (if they actually have any) and what training the staff have to deal with these kind of problems.

Explain that you are concerned for the wellbeing of your daughter and would appreciate their help in resolving the situation.

By asking for their help and proposed solutions you will avoid being labelled as the paranoid mother from hell.

Your next course of action will then depend on the outcome of your discussions with the management.

Good luck with everything. It will be very interesting to see their behaviour when you go to collect her later.
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Old 10.05.2011, 11:02
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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I see it more of trying to nip the problem from various angles. Pardon not intended
Don't worry, I feel the same. I would love to go down there and show the little monster how it feels a bite or two and some scratches on his legs...

The mom may not know how bad he is. Or she may know it but believe he is an angel brang to earth to be loved and praise by all no matter what. If it is the case, she may take it very bad any critics regarding her son and may decide to do absolutely nothing about it and fight it back by making the whole situation worse for mimi and mini-mimi.
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Old 10.05.2011, 11:04
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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I would strongly caution against any such action.

Your quarrel is with the behaviour management policy of the daycare unit, not this hapless woman who is powerless to prevent her child from biting other children while he's being supervised by other people.

.

I agree. Even if you were able to sort the problem with the other boy directly with his mother, there will always be other children who bite, kick, scratch etc. It is the nursery that needs to improve the way it manages this behaviour. I have worked with schools in one of the most deprived areas of the UK, where a significant proportion of the pupils have severe behavioural problems. However, because the schools have well trained staff, excellent policies and procedures, the children are still safe while in school. Also, as I said above, if the incidents are not recorded and reported, where is the evidence that it was this boy and not another child or indeed an adult that caused the harm?

What Mimi has described is not a one off incident and the nursery needs to change, improve or actually implement its procedures because something isn't working.
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  #38  
Old 10.05.2011, 11:05
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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She is aware that her little darling bites my daughter but doesn't seem bothered.
You can't be sure of that.

It is possible that, behind the scenes, she is having regular meetings with the daycare centre about her son's behaviour. It is possible that she is working through a behaviour plan in collaboration with the daycare unit. It is possible that she is worried sick about her son's behaviour. It is possible that she is trying to pluck up the courage to speak to you about the incidents with your daughter.

It is also possible that none of the above is true.

The point is that none of it is any concern of yours. Let Mini-mimi be your only concern, and leave the rest of it to those whose problem this lad's behaviour really is.
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  #39  
Old 10.05.2011, 11:07
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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Don't worry, I feel the same. I would love to go down there and show the little monster how it feels a bite or two and some scratches on his legs...

The mom may not know how bad he is. Or she may know it but believe he is an angel brang to earth to be loved and praise by all no matter what. If it is the case, she may take it very bad any critics regarding her son and may decide to do absolutely nothing about it and fight it back by making the whole situation worse for mimi and mini-mimi.
If he is indeed an angel then he certainly hit a lot of the ugly tree branches on the way down

Saucer of milk for table two please
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Old 10.05.2011, 11:12
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Re: How to complain to daycare?

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You can't be sure of that.

It is possible that, behind the scenes, she is having regular meetings with the daycare centre about her son's behaviour. It is possible that she is working through a behaviour plan in collaboration with the daycare unit. It is possible that she is worried sick about her son's behaviour. It is possible that she is trying to pluck up the courage to speak to you about the incidents with your daughter.

It is also possible that none of the above is true.

The point is that none of it is any concern of yours. Let Mini-mimi be your only concern, and leave the rest of it to those whose problem this lad's behaviour really is.
I can be kind of sure as we have had a "friendly" chat about the situation before. Her attitude was that it is normal behaviour for kids and they raise their son to stand up for himself
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