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  #21  
Old 26.08.2011, 11:45
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

Hi Isolated

You posted your original message around 1.5 hrs ago and you've been given several good and professional contact addresses and telephone numbers where you can seek help.

May I suggest that - instead of lingering around on the English Forum - you actually start contacting one or more of those addresses, because your situation does seem to be quite difficult and urgent.

Good luck!
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  #22  
Old 26.08.2011, 11:48
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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You're a mother, an adult and you still relies on your parent's opinion???

What kind of parenting is that! Take your responsibilities and grow up!!!

How old are you???


I'm off this topic because i'm already quite annoyed by such a "attitude".

And i'm sure they'll be 100 of posters who will feel sorry for you and feed your victim comments.

Where are you from? Where is she from? Are your basic cultures the same?

I do not know enough about Greek culture to say but it is entirely plausible, even in this "enlightened age" for people (even those who are from supposedly more "progressive" cultures) to still honor traditional moral values to a degree that seems nonsensical to anyone not of their family or social group.
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  #23  
Old 26.08.2011, 11:49
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

Here is what I managed to salvage. Maybe you can present this to the organization that helps women, to make them understand what you went through:




My name is Sofia and I am Greek. 3 years ago I married a Greek, in a civil wedding, in Greece. We have a 3 years old daughter.


I don’t speak German and my English is not so perfect.

4 years ago- July 2007- I met my husband in Cyprus. He told me he was divorced , he had a child, that his ex-wife lives in Greece with their daughter, and that he paid alimony. But I found out he told me a lot of lies since we met.


When I got pregnant, 6 months after I met him, my life became a mess. He wanted to rush out of Cyprus. Apparently he didn’t pay bills to the bank, cheat on some people and wanted to run away from possible jail. And so, when I was 5 months pregnant, we went back to Greece, to my parents.


At this point I would like to refer to you that my parents are very traditional people. My father is addicted to alcohol and it is because of him that I left my parents home. I was very afraid of him.

In June 2008 we started living in my parent’s house, with the excuse that my partner was going to look for a job. I never believed he was actually going to try or that it was going to work.


Firstly, his divorce wasn’t complete.
Secondly, his identification card was false/wrong: he was really born in 1979, but the ID said 1978.


After a while he decided to leave me, and go to Tubai(?). I thought I was going to turn mad, specially because of the pressure my parents did on me – where is he? what are we going to do? etc.

After some negotiations (? WTF ?) he decided to marry me on August 2008, and go live in Schondorf, Germany, where his mother had lived for 10 years. In Germany we lived in a pension in Rust-Europapark. He isolated me and then started telling me that he was going to leave me, and that I would have to live by myself with a new born child.

5 days after leaving the hospital, after the birth of our child, I found out the fridge and cupboards were empty. There was no more money. We had a fight and he kicked me, while I had the new born child in my lap, and threatened me. He tried to hit me with a mirror. I screamed but nobody listened me. I was terrified, but I decided to stay with him because I didn’t have any other place to go.


The days passed, and I prayed everyday to God. I was living a fake life.


July 2009, after of a lot of fights, I decided to go back to Greece, with the excuse of the Baptism of our child. I got a job because we didn’t have money, and was supporting him all alone. After a while he decided to leave me again to find a job in New York.

After of a lot of fights he came to Greece with me. He re-started the threats and tried to make people believe that I was crazy and nothing of what I was saying was true.


My father kicked me out of the house. I asked for my husband’s help again, because I didn’t have any strength to raise my baby alone, without any support.


November 2009 I went back to Germany – Lahr. He started doing things which they made me crazy: he started seeing other women, while there was no basics furniture in our house. While we were fighting, I was screaming like a crazy, but none of the neighbours came to help me. Who knows what he was telling them about me!


I had no telephone, no mobile and no money. He told me that if I called the police, they could take from me my baby and close me to a psychiatric clinic. So I decided to comply.


On Februar 2010, after he hit me bad enough to leave bruises and I called the police, he decided leave Germany.


3 months later, I was a mess. I felt that I didn’t love my baby, I wanted to kill myself, my parents, specially my father, were threatening me, etc. (guess you went back to Greece at this point?)


On May 2010 I got a job. For a while, he stayed in Germany. He called me at my parents house, a trying to fix the things- saying things like I love you, you are right on everything, come to live together as a family etc.


In June 2010 he came to Greece to ask forgiveness and my parents promised him that I would go back to him.

In July 2010, he went to Zurich. He started a new job and for a while he fooled me into thinking he had changed , that the city calmed him, that we can do a new start , have a better living, that he will respect me, and that I could find a job with only with my knowledge of English, or after I learn German.


In those days I was dreaming that my life was going to change and even my parents were convinced that everything would be perfect.


I didn’t take any decision.


In February 2011, my boss insulted me and pressured me, till I felt like a nothing. The Law in Greece does not support the worker's right so I quit from my job.


In April 2011, I went back to my husband in Switzerland, to an apartment in Glattfelden . There was no furniture, because he expected me to buy everything here with my savings.

The problems started again and he succeeded to make me nervous and destroy all my hopes of a better life.


He doesn’t care for his family, he keeps telling me things to make me go crazy. He threatens me everyday that I will lose my baby, or demands me to go back to my parents, if I want to live better than this.


He never tells me what his plans are for our family. On Monday 22/8/11 we fought again because he thinks he doesn’t need to inform me of anything. The car got broken and he had to pay over 1500 CHF to fix it (I guess he used the money without telling you?). We started a fight and he was trying to hit me, so I attacked him in self defence. As a result, he spoke on telephone with a lawyer and made his suitcase to leave. My world was destroyed. I started yelling, hitting him, crying, and I called police.

The police came but I was so scared I didn’t know what I could tell them - I thought that I would lose my baby. They took a look at my papers and left.


Please if somebody wants to help me, I would appreciate. After the police left he made me regret the day I was born. I don’t know how I am going to live from now on!
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Last edited by Helm; 26.08.2011 at 12:13.
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  #24  
Old 26.08.2011, 11:49
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

if i have to get back to greece where do you beleive i have to go to live withou money. The salary in greece is about 500 chf how do you beleive a woman can pay rent, kindergarten, food, bills without help.

Of course men have rights, in this situation my husband has another child , he doesnt pay any nutrition, and when they divorced the child doesnt exist.
According to greek low they cheated the court , so it seems that he is bigamist
  #25  
Old 26.08.2011, 11:49
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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What does that means?
Can the husband not protect the baby?
Does the husband have RIGHTS also?
I almost forgot that "men" are also human beings with rights and duties towards their own children. But that's only theory in practice it's all about "the protecting woman".
Do you feel good to suggest to a woman with obvious serious serious issues (no social skills, not seeking help where appropriate, violent, desperate, totally dependent personality, not respecting the law, etc..., etc...) to "run away" with their child? Sorry I meant her child because men have no rights.

Ha I though we were in 2011, we men and women had equal rights. My mistake.

PS: I won't even debate with the "what happened between them, blablabla". They need professional help, counseling, and psychological treatment that I can not give.

Farthers for Justice campiagn is at the next stop
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  #26  
Old 26.08.2011, 12:04
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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Here is what I managed to salvage. Maybe you can present this to the organization that helps women, to make them understand what you went through:
You are a very nice person
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  #27  
Old 26.08.2011, 12:10
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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You are a very nice person
Awwww thank you ^^

I met quite a few women that suffered domestic violence in a foreign country, therefore I know how difficult it is to express yourself in a foreign language, and actually be able to call for help. One of the most difficult steps for a woman that suffers physical abuse is actually accepting they need help. And being in a strange country with a strange language is hard enough!

I hope you get the help you need Sofia!
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  #28  
Old 26.08.2011, 12:15
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

Ugh... I feel so sorry for you Isolated, my sister-in-law was in the process of escaping from her abusive husband when I first met my wife. In her case she'd been psychologically and physically bullied so much that she didn't couldn't think straight enough to get away from him. Eventually she made the choice after he put a knife to her throat with their 3 year old daughter watching and spend the next 3 years running away from him ...he very literally chased her across Europe. He's another of these guys that can persuade the world that the sun shines out of his ar$e and that he couldn't possibly do all those things, she must be crazy. Sister-in-law is now happily remarried and living on the opposite side of the continent from where she started but it was a rough ride.

What to do?
- Leave him. No questions, no "but I still think I love him", leave right now. Today.
- Call the organisations others have already provided the details for and they'll look after you and advise you what you can do next here in Switzerland.
- Don't go back to him when the adrenaline wears off.
- By all means speak to your parents and try to explain things to them, but whatever you do don't tell them where you are (just say "I'm safe") as they sound as if they're only interested in how you're relationship reflects on them. Guaranteed they will tell him how to find you when he starts feeling the pressure from his own family to get you and your baby back. As Corsebou said, you are an adult and must accept your responsibilities, which in this case, includes NOT listening to or doing everything your parents say and doing what is best for you and your baby!
- although I realise that praying every night may be some comfort, you are the only person that can make any difference to this situation so it is up to you to take action to make it change. You have already started making that change by posting on EF and asking for help, now you just need to keep on going.
- Try to remember that there are people that can help and others that have experienced similar things. By getting in touch with the various organisations already listed, you'll be able to share your experience with other women who may be further along in the process of getting their lives back together and may be able to guide you.
Good luck, and if you get a chance, keep us posted on how you're doing.

Last edited by Moscat; 26.08.2011 at 12:28.
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Old 26.08.2011, 12:31
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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Tubai(?).
Possibly Dubai? Seems more likely than the various "Tubai"s in Somalia, Indonesia, etc etc.

In any even - good luck OP. Take control of the situation and you're halfway to that better life.
  #30  
Old 26.08.2011, 12:37
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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thank you a lot for that. i appreciate for the direct answer. about my english i took first certificate in english 1997, but i never use the language for such specially reason . I became violent too to protect myself and my baby.
My husband has the gift to changes the truth.
My parents do not want to help me
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if i have to get back to greece where do you beleive i have to go to live withou money. The salary in greece is about 500 chf how do you beleive a woman can pay rent, kindergarten, food, bills without help.

Of course men have rights, in this situation my husband has another child , he doesnt pay any nutrition, and when they divorced the child doesnt exist.
According to greek low they cheated the court , so it seems that he is bigamist
Look - your situation sounds very complicated especially with regards to the legality of the marriage etc. No one is in the position to advise you unless they are specialised in Greek family law and jurisdiction matters.

However, if you've made up your mind to leave this marriage for good, the most important thing now is to seek help at the Frauenhaus.

Dont email them. The number has been posted in a post above. Call and go to them. They are experts who will be able to guide you on which issues to tackle first.

If you've made up your mind to leave him for good (get a divorce), dont worry about what your parents think. They arent the ones going through this.

Finally, keep a cool head for the sake of your child. Screaming at him and involving the police really doesnt do you any favours when it comes to custody in the future.

Good luck and I really hope everything works out for you.
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Last edited by summerrain; 26.08.2011 at 12:49. Reason: grammar
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Old 26.08.2011, 12:39
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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Awwww thank you ^^

I met quite a few women that suffered domestic violence in a foreign country, therefore I know how difficult it is to express yourself in a foreign language, and actually be able to call for help. One of the most difficult steps for a woman that suffers physical abuse is actually accepting they need help. And being in a strange country with a strange language is hard enough!

I hope you get the help you need Sofia!

thank you, thank you so much! i will sent it to all organisations.
  #32  
Old 26.08.2011, 12:52
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

Don't send it to anywhere - call your nearest Frauenhaus for advice, they are much better equipped to help you than a bunch of strangers on here. Call them now.
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  #33  
Old 26.08.2011, 12:59
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

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For all concered,
As i am searcing to internet for help i found this site which helps women from others countries.
My name is Sofia and i am Greek married with greek too 3 years ago in greece with political wedding.
I have a daughter 3 years old.
i dont speak german and my english is not so perfect.
4 years ago-july 2007- i met my husband in Cyprus and my drama just starts!
He was telling me lies all the time, he hide things from me. The only things that i knew were that he was divorced , he had a child and that his ex wife lives in greece with ours daughter , he sent money and all was ok!
When i got pregnant , 6months later,all my life became a mess, he wanted to rush to leave cyprus before he was going to close him in to jail, he didnt pay the banks, he cheated some people and so 5 months pregnant we went greece to my parents.
In this part i would like to inform you that my parents are very traditional people and my father is alkohol addicted and because of him i left from my house because i afraid of him.
June 2008 we went to my family house with the reason that he will found a job, but i never believe what he was going to do.
First his divorce wasnt complete.
Second he has wrong identify , he was really born in 1979 but the identify wrote 1978.
After those he left for tubai with the thought of leaving me, when i understand that, i was going to get mad and from the other side my parents pushed me like where was he? what -are we -going to- do e-tc.
After of some negosiations he decided toget married me august 2008 and to go to live in germany , because his mother and him lived for 10 years in Schondorf.In Germany I lived a parody, we lived in a panshion in Rust-Europapark he isolated me and then started the threats from people from Cyprus and Greece , he was telling me that he was going to left me, and i had to live by myself with a new born child..
5 days after living the hospital when i get in to the house the fridge and cupboards were empty because of not having money, after a fight he kicked me with the new born child in my lap and threated me and he was tried to hit me with a mirror, then i screamed but nobody listen me and because of terrifying i stayed with him because i didnt have any other place to go .
The days passed everyday i prayed to god, i was going all by myself to supermarket to feed him and i was living a fake life.
July 2009 after of alot of fights i decide to go in Greece with the excuse of the Baptism of our child, i got a job because we didnt have money but he was decide for another time to left me and he started find job in new york.
After of alot fights he came to Greece we did the mystery and he started again the threats and he was trying to made the other believe that i was crazy and nothing of all that ia m saying were true.
My father drove me off the house and i started again of asking his help because i didn have any strengh to grow up my baby alone without any support.
November 2009 i went back to Germany - Lahr and he was trying to do things which they made me crazy, other women, no basics furnitures in house and when we were fighting i was screaming like a crazy and nobody of the neightbous help me , they treat me like a trash.Who knows what he was telling on them for me
No telephones, no mobile, no money and he was treating that if i called the police they could take from me my baby and they would close me to a psychiatric clinic.
Februar 2010 after of hit me and fights which caused damages-some of them i did and i scream polizei-polizei he decided to<< help me >> to leave Germany.
3 months i was amess i feel that i didnt love my baby, i wanted to kill myself, my parents wanted again to drove me off, my father threating me etc.
May 2010 i got a job, in while , he stayed in Germany in another town and he called me at my parents house and he was trying to fix the things- like i love you, you have right for everything, come to live together as a family etc.
june 2010 he came to Greece to ask forgiveness and my parents promised him that i will come back.
July 2010 got in Zurich he started job and he was fool me again that he changed , the city calmed him, we can do a new start , better level of living , that he will respect me, i could find ajob only with my english, after i learn german and others things.
From those days i was dreaming that my life is goin to change, my parents were convinced that everything will be perfect .
I didnt take any decision,
Februar 2011 my Director spoked me with words with bad meaning und underesteamed me and i felt like a nothing. The Law in Greece does not support the worker's right so i quit from my job.
April 2011 i followed him in Switzerland in a apartement in Glattfelden , isolated without furnitures and he was expect from me to buy everything here with my savings.
The problems starts again, he succeedeed to make me nervous, to destroy all my hopes of a better life.
He dont care for the family, he is telling me things to make me crazy, he threats me everyday tha i lose my baby, other times he tells me: - crush and get out from here go to your parents to live better!
The decisions for family affairs are taken from others and he never tells me what his plans.
Monday 22/8/11 we fight again because of not inform me for anything, i understand that we have no money again, the car is broken and according to him we had to pay over of 1500.00 chf, oh!my God everything turned to my head he was trying to hit me and i start to attack him, the result he speaks in telephone with a lawyer and prepair his suitcase my world destroyed i start yell, hit him, crying and he threat me that he call the police.
The police came but i scared so much i didnt know what i have to tell - i thought that i lose my baby-they see my papers and they left.
Pleace if somebody wants to help me i would appreciate. i learn for my mother because i threat him if you leave that house i will throw all his papers and i did it after the police l;eft that he made me to regret the day that i born!
That i never imagine what i am going to live from now on!
I smell a fish ,Greek fish
  #34  
Old 26.08.2011, 14:11
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Re: s.o.s Iam afraid and i dont know what to do!!!

The OP has now had the correct advice.
Discussing the ins and outs of the case will not help anyone.
If Isolated comes back and wishes to have this re-opened to say what happened when she contacted the authorities, she should click on one of her posts in this Thread, on this sign, (at the top, on the right, on the same line as the time of the post) and ask that a Moderator remove the 'Closed' sign.
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