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  #61  
Old 08.09.2011, 09:58
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Re: Separation...

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I think the OP might be loooong gone... Only done one post so far.
So she still needs to make nine more before she can start selling her ex' stuff in the market place...
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  #62  
Old 08.09.2011, 10:00
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Re: Separation...

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So she still needs to make nine more before she can start selling her ex' stuff in the market place...
OT: Are you up early or late to bed?
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  #63  
Old 08.09.2011, 10:10
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Re: Separation...

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OT: Are you up early or late to bed?
It's 16.10 here... (?)
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  #64  
Old 08.09.2011, 10:21
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Re: Separation...

Jumi2- I do wish that you had been prepared a bit better for the wide spectrum of responses that have followed your first and only post. I hope that you can filter through the subsequent posts with the understanding that your situation (separation and the end of the relationship between you and your partner) has been experienced by a considerable number of forum members, and that the common element in each of those situations is most importantly keeping your children's emotional well-being at the forefront of priorities and also retaining legal counsel to help you with the formalization of your separation.

Of course each contributing member cannot know all of the reasons and contributing factors that have led you to this juncture, and each is limited in their response by the constraints and emotional baggage they carry from their own experience. I hope that you are able (especially since you are admittedly experiencing your own grief, anger, and resentment) to see through any response that you consider unhelpful or even hostile, and attribute it not so much as a personal attack, but an element that stems from the poster's own experience (personal experiences being what you originally sought per your original post). It is my observation that many of the responses come from men who have been on the other side of a situation such as yours. I would encourage you to please see that as an indication that men can be just as emotionally toppled by a split, and to try to understand how the wording within your original post might be offensive to them despite their having no direct knowledge of your personal situation.

I wish you and yours well as you work through this very difficult time.
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Old 08.09.2011, 10:25
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Re: Separation...

Whoa people. Talk about projecting. So much fuss over one phrase in quite a long post, which is otherwise not unreasonable.

That one phrase may sound rather harsh but as a mother and trying to imagine myself in the same situation, here are the reasons why I would want to know how much control I would have over the father's access to the kids (I expect a father would feel the same in the reverse situation):

What if he wanted to take them out of school and take them home (ie on a plane, out of the country) to see his family? Would I get a say? Could I stop him if he was determined to do it?

What if he was taking them out in the evenings and not getting them back (or to bed at his place) until very late and they had to get up for school the next day? Could I have a say in that so that they weren't exhausted for school?

What if he was going through a string of girlfriends and the kids were having to deal with this (here's where I project my own experience of childhood - from both parents - absolutely hated it). Could I advocate for the kids if they were uncomfortable with this?

There are probably a million other scenarios, on both sides, where a parent would want to know how much control they get over the access of their former partner has to the kids. While it sounds a bit harsh, it does not necessarily mean it is for vindictive purposes (although, of course, it can be in many instances). I don't know this woman or her motivations, but her question would be something I could imagine myself asking in the same situation.
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  #66  
Old 08.09.2011, 11:53
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Re: Separation...

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Sometimes, as vintage poster Nastasha used to say "Sometimes you have to harden the f*** up and take reality check".

AYB
And that's your references?

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I think the OP might be loooong gone... Only done one post so far.
Can you blame her?

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Whoa people. Talk about projecting. So much fuss over one phrase in quite a long post, which is otherwise not unreasonable.

That one phrase may sound rather harsh but as a mother and trying to imagine myself in the same situation, here are the reasons why I would want to know how much control I would have over the father's access to the kids (I expect a father would feel the same in the reverse situation):

What if he wanted to take them out of school and take them home (ie on a plane, out of the country) to see his family? Would I get a say? Could I stop him if he was determined to do it?

What if he was taking them out in the evenings and not getting them back (or to bed at his place) until very late and they had to get up for school the next day? Could I have a say in that so that they weren't exhausted for school?

What if he was going through a string of girlfriends and the kids were having to deal with this (here's where I project my own experience of childhood - from both parents - absolutely hated it). Could I advocate for the kids if they were uncomfortable with this?

There are probably a million other scenarios, on both sides, where a parent would want to know how much control they get over the access of their former partner has to the kids. While it sounds a bit harsh, it does not necessarily mean it is for vindictive purposes (although, of course, it can be in many instances). I don't know this woman or her motivations, but her question would be something I could imagine myself asking in the same situation.
I am happy you bring this up, I didn't want to go into details when I said to think of the kids first and how my parents used us to get to each other.

My dad used to do exactly what you said. Bringing me home way pass the say time, leaving me up at night very late and I would be very tired and naughty when back to my mother with trouble to focus in school. Bringing me in vacation in the US and telling my mother we wouldn't come back.

My mother couldn't do anything against it. Because he didn't act on it and the judge couldn't stop my dad to bring me in vacation. He didn't have the intention to take me away but had great pleasure to scare my mom to death!

So yes, I believe the OP should knows where she stand in this arrangement and the what if.

You think you know someone until it breaks down. And you find out that the person you used to deeply loved is somebody else. Anger can makes people do a lot of things.
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  #67  
Old 08.09.2011, 12:05
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Re: Separation...

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It's 16.10 here... (?)

Oh yeah got the time diff wrong. So just woken up from your mid day nap then?
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  #68  
Old 08.09.2011, 12:47
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Re: Separation...

you guys need to watch a bit more East Enders - drama seems to be found in any and every thread these days and the members have turned into judge, jury and hang man
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