Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Family matters/health  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07.09.2011, 00:55
musings's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Over the border
Posts: 225
Groaned at 6 Times in 5 Posts
Thanked 329 Times in 138 Posts
musings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeable
Visitors After Birth

Haven't thought much about this but I just learned that my mother-in-law took holiday time around my due date. I wasn't planning on having any visitors for at least a few days afterwards - perhaps even a couple of weeks - so I may have to break it to her gently but I feel bad about it.

I really like her though, and she'd be the only one I'd consider for a visit that early....but she'd have to keep it between us otherwise the rest of the family might feel bitter.

How did you handle visitors? Helpful or hindering?
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank musings for this useful post:
  #2  
Old 07.09.2011, 07:01
swisspea's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: From one side of lake Zurich t
Posts: 6,401
Groaned at 42 Times in 31 Posts
Thanked 6,553 Times in 2,998 Posts
swisspea has a reputation beyond reputeswisspea has a reputation beyond reputeswisspea has a reputation beyond reputeswisspea has a reputation beyond reputeswisspea has a reputation beyond reputeswisspea has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

Is this your first or subsequent baby ?

For my first, I had too many visitors. With the second there were not as many visitors, and my MIL was the only one to visit the baby within hours of the birth...a few close friends visited the next day at the hospital, and a few after that at home...

For our third we had visitors the day he was born, but he was born at home, so it was totally under our control, and I didn't do anything special - we kept him pretty quiet and there was minimal interruption - but by that time, as the 5th member of the family, there was already plenty going on...

I had absolutely no problem with family being 'bitter' about seeing/not seeing. Most people are very understanding about leaving you to rest and not wanting to interfere - but perhaps that can be a little cultural too...and depends on how you are feeling.

We had a bassinet for the baby that was on wheels. If I was in bed resting, and bubs was asleep, my husband would just wheel the baby out and the visitors could admire without interrupting my sleep...

You should not have to lie about it - if anything you can tell them the doctor said to keep minimum visitors - if you find the birth tough, or arent' coping, the doctors/nurses will be the first to advise limiting visitors to only those who help your recovery ...
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank swisspea for this useful post:
  #3  
Old 07.09.2011, 07:22
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Visitors After Birth

Find out why she's taken the time off - perhaps she just thought she'd be on standby in case you need some errands running rather than to hover over you and the new baby.

The first week you can stay in the hospital so there wouldn't be much for her to do, anyway.

We had to refuse people visiting (even family) a few times straight after I came home with my new baby but I left it to my husband to deal with because I couldn't trust my hormones to keep me from either crying, laughing hysterically or going postal.

The worst time was having someone round when I was in a bit of a state about breast feeding. I was too wound up and couldn't get the baby to latch on. My son was turning various shades of red and screaming the house down and the person visiting was hounding me with an overload of advice.

As Swisspea says, people should understand.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank for this useful post:
  #4  
Old 07.09.2011, 07:39
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Lovely Alsace
Posts: 137
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 91 Times in 52 Posts
ng1412 has made some interesting contributions
Re: Visitors After Birth

Hi, you may find that you actually do want her there after the birth!

I had my baby in the UK and when I was discharged from hospital after 4 days, my husband took two weeks off on paternity leave and my parents and his then came down but stayed in a local B&B so they could help out during the day but then leave us in peace to deal with the nights ourselves.

I was really grateful of their help, I didn't think I would be but I was bed bound for about 2 weeks and they took her out in her pram for long walks round the village and did all the cooking/cleaning. It was lovely to have a bit of quiet time to myself to catch up on a little sleep, because boy did I need it!!
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank ng1412 for this useful post:
  #5  
Old 07.09.2011, 08:14
Kristanez's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Home and native land
Posts: 600
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 589 Times in 252 Posts
Kristanez has a reputation beyond reputeKristanez has a reputation beyond reputeKristanez has a reputation beyond reputeKristanez has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

I am not a parent, but my best friend has three daughter (all under 5) and after every birth her mother has arrived for about two weeks. And that two weeks has been a huge blessing for her in terms of:
a) learning the ropes
b) physically recovering
c) getting enough sleep
d) starting with a helper in terms of all those daily chores, etc.

Do you think your MIL will be supportive that way (in which case it could be quite nice) or will she be giving advice and getting in your space, making it more work and more challenging to get to know your wee one?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07.09.2011, 12:34
musings's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Over the border
Posts: 225
Groaned at 6 Times in 5 Posts
Thanked 329 Times in 138 Posts
musings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeable
Re: Visitors After Birth

Quote:
View Post
Is this your first or subsequent baby ?

I had absolutely no problem with family being 'bitter' about seeing/not seeing. Most people are very understanding about leaving you to rest and not wanting to interfere - but perhaps that can be a little cultural too...and depends on how you are feeling.
Thanks Swisspea - It's my first so I have no idea how I'll recover and I might be in a freakout mood about breastfeedng etc. The French are pretty baby crazy & my SIL just had her 2nd a month ago and it was a frickin boisterous zoo in her room the next day with 12 people!! And with her running around looking fab as usual

Quote:
Find out why she's taken the time off - perhaps she just thought she'd be on standby in case you need some errands running rather than to hover over you and the new baby.

The first week you can stay in the hospital so there wouldn't be much for her to do, anyway.

The worst time was having someone round when I was in a bit of a state about breast feeding. I was too wound up and couldn't get the baby to latch on.
Thanks Sandgrounder - I'm definitely worried about getting the breastfeeding going. My SIL doesn't breastfeed (apparently not very popular in France) so having guests was easier - and I'll admit fun since a few of us had a chance to feed the new baby

My MIL did take it off as a 'just in case' so I may take her up on it. She's not at all intrusive and with 2 baby grandkids at the the moment, she's the most experienced. Plus my DH only gets one day (ah Switzerland!!) so it's a bit of a gamble scheduling his holidays in advance!!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07.09.2011, 12:49
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rheinfelden AG
Posts: 245
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 154 Times in 93 Posts
noella has made some interesting contributions
Re: Visitors After Birth

Take all the help you can get! I had my mum for all 3 of my girls and she was such a help, holding the fort whilst I looked after baby or in those "why won't this baby stop crying moments " she would calm the baby!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07.09.2011, 13:04
drmom's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Somewhere in SG
Posts: 2,341
Groaned at 12 Times in 12 Posts
Thanked 2,187 Times in 1,050 Posts
drmom has a reputation beyond reputedrmom has a reputation beyond reputedrmom has a reputation beyond reputedrmom has a reputation beyond reputedrmom has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

I'm with those who think the extra help (and grown up to talk to) is a benefit and not a bother. But I was one of the most laid back first time parents according to my daughter's pediatrician...
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07.09.2011, 13:07
musings's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Over the border
Posts: 225
Groaned at 6 Times in 5 Posts
Thanked 329 Times in 138 Posts
musings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeable
Re: Visitors After Birth

Fortunately, my MIL speaks no English and my French is just OK so we get along well on lots of smiling - hence, no arguments likely!!

Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07.09.2011, 13:46
Textoch's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Texas, USA (formerly Vaud, CH)
Posts: 1,201
Groaned at 25 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 3,058 Times in 937 Posts
Textoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

Quote:
View Post
Haven't thought much about this but I just learned that my mother-in-law took holiday time around my due date. I wasn't planning on having any visitors for at least a few days afterwards - perhaps even a couple of weeks - so I may have to break it to her gently but I feel bad about it.

I really like her though, and she'd be the only one I'd consider for a visit that early....but she'd have to keep it between us otherwise the rest of the family might feel bitter.

How did you handle visitors? Helpful or hindering?
Just a suggestion that might work for you: After you are discharged from the hospital, decide on a couple of days/hours during the first few days you are at home when family and friends are welcome to come by. Be proactive by "inviting" them via SMS or email. That way you can avoid "surprise" drop-in visits along with continuous streams of visitors that last all day long. You can also be sure that the house is presentable beforehand and plan for some refreshments (i don't mean anything fancy here) to be on-hand for the visitation times as well. Be sure to feed the baby just prior to the visits. It also helps in that you can be sure to be dressed, since some of those post-partum days can easily fly by and you find yourself in pajamas without your teeth being brushed at 18h!

Your MIL could help you with the tasks to get ready. Hopefully if everyone is invited for the same times, no bitter feelings will result!

If that is too much, or you are not feeling up to it, just tell yourself that saying "no" to visits is perfectly acceptable for as long as you need to!

Best wishes for a healthy, happy little one!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Textoch for this useful post:
  #11  
Old 07.09.2011, 13:57
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Visitors After Birth

"Preparing refreshments" for guests during my post partum days consisted of a vague nod in the direction of the kitchen and a "you know where the kettle is, can you make one for me while you're at it? And can you just put that washing on and empty the dishwasher while you're at it?" Anyone giving a snotty look or remark didn't get another invite.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank for this useful post:
  #12  
Old 07.09.2011, 14:13
Textoch's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Texas, USA (formerly Vaud, CH)
Posts: 1,201
Groaned at 25 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 3,058 Times in 937 Posts
Textoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

Quote:
"Preparing refreshments" for guests during my post partum days consisted of a vague nod in the direction of the kitchen and a "you know where the kettle is, can you make one for me while you're at it? And can you just put that washing on and empty the dishwasher while you're at it?" Anyone giving a snotty look or remark didn't get another invite.
Meh, I know, it just sounded more hospitable to phrase it that way! For me personally it meant providing some plastic cups and maybe some water in a pitcher, along with a sleeve of cookies on the table for any little kids that happened to come over.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Textoch for this useful post:
  #13  
Old 07.09.2011, 14:28
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Zurich
Posts: 240
Groaned at 8 Times in 6 Posts
Thanked 92 Times in 58 Posts
EarME is considered unworthyEarME is considered unworthyEarME is considered unworthy
Re: Visitors After Birth

Any chance someone could change the title of this.
I was worried for a minute
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07.09.2011, 15:12
wattsli1's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Basel Land
Posts: 730
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 943 Times in 338 Posts
wattsli1 has a reputation beyond reputewattsli1 has a reputation beyond reputewattsli1 has a reputation beyond reputewattsli1 has a reputation beyond reputewattsli1 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

First time round I told people not to visit me at all. I was absolutely in a flap with Breastfeeding and at that time did not want to have to deal with it in front of people. To be honest I could barely be bothered to talk to anyone anyway. The only exception was my Mum because I felt OK about being slobby and house looking a tip in front of her and she was actually helpful in terms of doing shopping, looking after me and taking the baby out for walks in the pram when he wouldn't settle.

Second time round I was so much more relaxed about everything that I wished people had visited me more as I was physically absolutely fine, baby was feeding and sleeping well and I was bored out of my mind!! But nobody did!

So I guess really it depends on you and how you feel afterwards. Any guests you have you should be able to say "clear off I don't want you here" at the last minute without them getting the huff. Or as others said "there's the kitchen, make me a cup of tea and do the washing up while you're there please".
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank wattsli1 for this useful post:
  #15  
Old 07.09.2011, 15:21
TammieE's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: AG
Posts: 288
Groaned at 10 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 187 Times in 103 Posts
TammieE is considered knowledgeableTammieE is considered knowledgeableTammieE is considered knowledgeable
Re: Visitors After Birth

Quote:
"Preparing refreshments" for guests during my post partum days consisted of a vague nod in the direction of the kitchen and a "you know where the kettle is, can you make one for me while you're at it? And can you just put that washing on and empty the dishwasher while you're at it?" Anyone giving a snotty look or remark didn't get another invite.
Exactly. Keep a list of things you need help with and when someone comes, share it. Any reasonable person won't expect you to play hostess and don't worry about everything being tidy. People understand and actually will be too busy looking at the baby to notice! I remember a tip I got. Put on a robe if you want guests to stay less time! It tends to make them think you need rest. lol
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank TammieE for this useful post:
  #16  
Old 07.09.2011, 15:24
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Visitors After Birth

Quote:
View Post
Exactly. Keep a list of things you need help with and when someone comes, share it. Any reasonable person won't expect you to play hostess and don't worry about everything being tidy. People understand and actually will be too busy looking at the baby to notice! I remember a tip I got. Put on a robe if you want guests to stay less time! It tends to make them think you need rest. lol
Sorry, completely off topic but wanted to share - my aunt puts out "Get Well Soon" cards on her mantlepiece if she's got guests coming that she doesn't want to stay too long.

Sneaky naughty trick...
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank for this useful post:
  #17  
Old 07.09.2011, 16:26
mabern's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: V.South West of Zurich
Posts: 1,193
Groaned at 7 Times in 6 Posts
Thanked 417 Times in 285 Posts
mabern has an excellent reputationmabern has an excellent reputationmabern has an excellent reputationmabern has an excellent reputation
Re: Visitors After Birth

I had all our visits (friends and colleagues) within two or three hours of the birth (all three of us were in fine form) -but in the hospital.
I would not have wanted anyone in our house for visits and neither of us had any family in the country not even visiting, so there was no entertaining to be done. No help either though, but we honestly didn't need or want it.
We took the baby out to visit any other friends and abroad to visit family so we were the guests always! Less work, no hassle and 100% control.
But I did have my other half at home with me a lot, so if you won't, perhaps his mother will be very welcome if you get on really well.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank mabern for this useful post:
  #18  
Old 07.09.2011, 18:55
musings's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Over the border
Posts: 225
Groaned at 6 Times in 5 Posts
Thanked 329 Times in 138 Posts
musings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeablemusings is considered knowledgeable
Re: Visitors After Birth

Thanks all - good suggestions!

Fortunately, my hubby's got a strong domestic streak and loves to whip stuff up for guests so I'm sure he'll put something together if we have people over.

Having them come to the hospital though will prevent them from 'camping out' and drinking and being boisterous so I might send the message out that we MAY be asking them to stop by the hospital if all goes well
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank musings for this useful post:
  #19  
Old 07.09.2011, 19:04
Sky's Avatar
Sky Sky is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere special far away
Posts: 4,322
Groaned at 69 Times in 51 Posts
Thanked 7,190 Times in 2,662 Posts
Sky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

Quote:
View Post
Haven't thought much about this but I just learned that my mother-in-law took holiday time around my due date. I wasn't planning on having any visitors for at least a few days afterwards - perhaps even a couple of weeks - so I may have to break it to her gently but I feel bad about it.

I really like her though, and she'd be the only one I'd consider for a visit that early....but she'd have to keep it between us otherwise the rest of the family might feel bitter.

How did you handle visitors? Helpful or hindering?
You can't do that to your mother in law, it's her grandchild, she's not just any visitor. Put up with the fact that you will be crowded by immediate family. It's not only your child, it's also a grandchild and perhaps a nephew/niece. You can limit visits to immediate family.

I wouldn't even suggest telling her or your own mother to wait. It's inconceivable. In most cases they'll be there within hours. If they are made to wait a few days, they'll never forget it.

Also.. you just might be happy to have your mother in law or mother around depending on the type of delivery you have. It doesn't mean that they should live in your flat (a new family needs privacy and space and shouldn't be serving anybody) but to let them help out (cook a few dinners, help with the house chores etc) is letting them show you their love.

Love with out being invaded: a delicate balance to find
__________________
.
"Il mondo è fatto a scale, chi le scende e chi le sale"
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Sky for this useful post:
  #20  
Old 07.09.2011, 22:47
Nickers's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Zurich
Posts: 3,693
Groaned at 41 Times in 35 Posts
Thanked 4,899 Times in 1,697 Posts
Nickers has a reputation beyond reputeNickers has a reputation beyond reputeNickers has a reputation beyond reputeNickers has a reputation beyond reputeNickers has a reputation beyond reputeNickers has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Visitors After Birth

My first visitors were my parents when my baby was 2 weeks old (had a few friends pop into the hospital and a couple of friends popped in at home (one set stayed way over their welcome and I got pretty stressed as I wanted to feed the baby and go to bed and they were still here at midnight!

Anyway I was sad that my family wouldn't see the baby for 2 weeks but when it came down to it I was really happy we had those 2 weeks without anyone visiting and staying over to get to grips ourselves before welcoming people to stay in our home - the breast feeding was fine in front of my mum at first but everyone else I felt very self conscious about and got fed up of having to go into the bedroom for ages to feed

Regards needing help, I can't say I felt I needed any help at all, I savoured the peace
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Nickers for this useful post:
Reply

Tags
birth, birth plans, hospitals, visitors




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Birth registration / Birth Certificate Zürich -- List of documents ip2012 Permits/visas/government 0 29.08.2011 08:43
Hospital Bags: What to pack for the stay at the hospital after birth pixie4bears Family matters/health 97 10.05.2011 09:27
After Birth help and tips Nil Family matters/health 26 09.04.2011 19:53
Swiss Passport after birth gis Permits/visas/government 5 30.05.2010 19:59
Annoying Visitors jobfin Complaints corner 45 07.02.2008 14:08


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 13:26.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0