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  #41  
Old 07.09.2011, 21:19
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

I would rather be unemployed* and retain my dignity and self respect, but that's just me.

AYB


* This is irrespective of how comfy life is on the RAV (Fatmanfilms refers)


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Nice advice. Don't give your day job
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  #42  
Old 07.09.2011, 22:00
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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At some stage, the one who is doing the original bequeathing, has to let go and realise that once they are dead, they need to let go of all control.
I so agree with this what you wrote.

If you have something and pass it onto somebody, I tend to think it is up to the somebody to take care of his own will and who he wants to pass it on. Kids, wife, who ever. It's not like you can give somebody a house and say, only if you don't sell it, or you don't die first, since then it would be your wife (who you probably love but who cares since she might just be after our house..)..I might be medieval in this, but prenup, ok. Afternup, just coz a son wedded a foreigner and inlaws do not want to pass it onto her side, it's getting a little too far. Cash just means too much here. To rub the local wealth in, to exclude somebody from will, is just bizarre. Kids get married, and inherit. If they chose wrong, or tragedy happens, it's the babies who get inheritance. If the daughter-in-law remarries after their son's death, well, that's life, at least their grandchildren will have a new dad. I am glad I am not inheriting houses, really. People just need to get their own stuff and never count on anyone passing anything onto them.
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  #43  
Old 07.09.2011, 22:03
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

Indeed. I think it is really important. "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" refers.

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People just need to get their own stuff and never count on anyone passing anything onto them.
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  #44  
Old 07.09.2011, 22:15
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

Takes time.... acceptance takes time.
Their home is probably the realization of the parents life long dream. Tis normal to feel protective.
If everybody involved is in fine health why not do the ehevertrag, it can always be changed in a few years.
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  #45  
Old 07.09.2011, 22:25
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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I would rather be unemployed* and retain my dignity and self respect, but that's just me.

AYB


* This is irrespective of how comfy life is on the RAV (Fatmanfilms refers)
As I work every month I don't know how comfy it would be for someone not working, from many of the posters, no that comfy.

Best FMF
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  #46  
Old 08.09.2011, 13:04
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

Thanks for all the advice, specially the technical stuff. Just to clarify, I'm a housewife and don't intend to look for work any time soon. This means i have not brought much in the way of wealth to the marriage except personal savings and whatever may be inherited from my own family overseas in the future. I would also want this protected and to remain in my possession in case of divorce. I understand therefore the opinions that inheritance/family houses etc. should remain in the family and I agree.
I also agree that once a house is handed down to the next generation, whilst you're still alive and in the same house, it is theirs to do with what they choose - in my husband's case, to renovate. However let's not forget that while he inherits the house, he also inherits the debt on it. In case of his early death, I don't want to be saddled with his family's debt and have to use my own savings to pay it. so how to make sure they will somehow provide for that eventuality in order to keep their house till our daughter is of age? That's up to them or my husband?
Truthfully i have no intention of selling their house, I'm more interested in having a happy home than raking in the cash, but you never know. Sadly its difficult to craete a happy home with this hanging over everything.
As for my husband's sibling, unfortunately it seems they have heard one too many stories on this topic and are sure i am out to do just that and have produced offfspring to effectively 'really get my claws on the family gold'!
Odd family in law? you betcha.
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  #47  
Old 08.09.2011, 13:23
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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However let's not forget that while he inherits the house, he also inherits the debt on it. In case of his early death, I don't want to be saddled with his family's debt and have to use my own savings to pay it. so how to make sure they will somehow provide for that eventuality in order to keep their house till our daughter is of age?
Unless you have life insurance to clear the debt, there is a very good chance you won't be able to keep the house as you won't be able to pay the mortgage.

The Swiss generally never pay off their mortgage leaving 65% outstanding, it's hardly 'owning' an asset.
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  #48  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:08
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

Am I wrong?

The way I see this is if your husband own the house and pay for it, it is money that is not use for the direct family, means: you, the kids and himself. And since you are not ''working'' you depend on him, so his money is your money, his debts, your debts.

Let's imagine he dies (bless his heart) and you both spend 10 years of income in the house, I would think that you put half of the money into it, so half of the payments are yours,

No?
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  #49  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:18
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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Am I wrong?

The way I see this is if your husband own the house and pay for it, it is money that is not use for the direct family, means: you, the kids and himself. And since you are not ''working'' you depend on him, so his money is your money, his debts, your debts.

Let's imagine he dies (bless his heart) and you both spend 10 years of income in the house, I would think that you put half of the money into it, so half of the payments are yours,

No?
No, not in Switzerland.

My girlfriend's parents' house was only her father's property, when he died half of the house was inherited by her mother, the other half by her and her sister. They gave their mother usofrutto, which means a) their mother cannot sell the house and b) their mother can't will the house to anyone else, i.e. it becomes theirs on her death. If they hadn't given their mother usofrutto, then the house would have to be sold (or someone would have to come up with the cash to buy out the others), and the proceeds divided 1/2 (mother) 1/4 (each daughter).

Tom
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  #50  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:31
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

So if your husband puts money every month in a house which is not yours but this money is also not used to/and for the family (you, kids) you still have no rights on it?

Let assume that the family as to cut on some stuff to be able to pay the monthly morgage, etc.... The money you don't have in your pocket, that you can't use is just gone, as a wife just like that? The wife had to compromised and was involved too...
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  #51  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:33
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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Thanks for all the advice, specially the technical stuff. Just to clarify, I'm a housewife and don't intend to look for work any time soon. This means i have not brought much in the way of wealth to the marriage except personal savings and whatever may be inherited from my own family overseas in the future. I would also want this protected and to remain in my possession in case of divorce. I understand therefore the opinions that inheritance/family houses etc. should remain in the family and I agree.
I also agree that once a house is handed down to the next generation, whilst you're still alive and in the same house, it is theirs to do with what they choose - in my husband's case, to renovate. However let's not forget that while he inherits the house, he also inherits the debt on it. In case of his early death, I don't want to be saddled with his family's debt and have to use my own savings to pay it. so how to make sure they will somehow provide for that eventuality in order to keep their house till our daughter is of age? That's up to them or my husband?
Truthfully i have no intention of selling their house, I'm more interested in having a happy home than raking in the cash, but you never know. Sadly its difficult to craete a happy home with this hanging over everything.
As for my husband's sibling, unfortunately it seems they have heard one too many stories on this topic and are sure i am out to do just that and have produced offfspring to effectively 'really get my claws on the family gold'!
Odd family in law? you betcha.
When the house gets put in his name, you will need insurance. We have the same. It's an insurance policy that pays off the house should the main earner die.

What does your husband say about this? Did you marry in Switzerland? If you did there is an automatic contract. If you didn't maybe that worries them as it's unknown what type of "regime" you are under.

Anyway, tell them that you will "think about it" and that it's time to drop the subject because you are not discussing it any more. Period. If they bring it up again, repeat what you said last time "i'll think about it. & I'm not discussing it anymore". If they REALLY keep going say "if you push me, you will not get what you want".

I hate when families regurgitate issues over & over again.
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  #52  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:34
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

I would feel bad trying to lay claim on SOMEONE ELSE'S property (i.e.not something I own, worked for, or paid for).

Also with regard to putting money into the house - if you didn't have the house, you'd have to pay rent anyway. It's not the same as going into a savings account.

Money breaks families and relationships. It's not worth the stress. How about focusing your positive energy on accruing some of your own assets instead? Either alone or as a married couple?
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  #53  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:40
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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I would feel bad trying to lay claim on SOMEONE ELSE'S property (i.e.not something I own, worked for, or paid for).

How about focusing your positive energy on accruing some of your own assets instead? Either alone or as a married couple?
She is a housewife. What her husband does is her money too. The money he is not spending on a daycare, a nanny, a cleaner and a cook is money she is working for.

What about what is mine is yours? The money he is not investing in his immediate family but into his parent's house isn't money she isn't using to feed the kids, pay the bills, buy clothes or take family vacation with.
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  #54  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:43
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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Thanks for all the advice, specially the technical stuff. Just to clarify, I'm a housewife and don't intend to look for work any time soon.
Have you considered paying into the AHV the minimum every month? This will ensure you receive a pension when you are old and wrinkled.
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Old 08.09.2011, 15:48
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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So if your husband puts money every month in a house which is not yours but this money is also not used to/and for the family (you, kids) you still have no rights on it?
..
Almost all the money is just interest on the money borrowed, it's not buying an asset.

So rather than rent a house they are renting the money that was used to buy the house without any intention to repay the loan.
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  #56  
Old 08.09.2011, 15:49
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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Have you considered paying into the AHV the minimum every month? This will ensure you receive a pension when you are old and wrinkled.
Being married has the disadvantage that you only get 1.5 pension's in retirement.

It's approx 480chf a year for the minimum payment IIRC.
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Old 08.09.2011, 15:54
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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I would feel bad trying to lay claim on SOMEONE ELSE'S property (i.e.not something I own, worked for, or paid for).

Also with regard to putting money into the house - if you didn't have the house, you'd have to pay rent anyway. It's not the same as going into a savings account.

Money breaks families and relationships. It's not worth the stress. How about focusing your positive energy on accruing some of your own assets instead? Either alone or as a married couple?
Inter family bullying also breaks families. The couple really have to get together on this one though. We don't know what the husband thinks.

She shouldn't be bullied into doing something she doesn't quite understand. I imagine (& hope) that her DH's parents aren't on their death beds. This can wait.
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Old 08.09.2011, 15:54
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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So if your husband puts money every month in a house which is not yours but this money is also not used to/and for the family (you, kids) you still have no rights on it?

Let assume that the family as to cut on some stuff to be able to pay the monthly morgage, etc.... The money you don't have in your pocket, that you can't use is just gone, as a wife just like that? The wife had to compromised and was involved too...
As was previously mentioned, it is possible to have separate finances while married, i.e. what each person earns is theirs, and theirs alone.

Tom
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Old 08.09.2011, 15:57
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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Have you considered paying into the AHV the minimum every month? This will ensure you receive a pension when you are old and wrinkled.
Yes. They should be doing this as well as specifically adding accident insurance for her on her health insurance policy.

Anyway, Swiss husbands should know all this stuff! lol.
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Old 08.09.2011, 15:57
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Re: swiss husband's family insisting on an ehevertrag!

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As was previously mentioned, it is possible to have separate finances while married, i.e. what each person earns is theirs, and theirs alone.

Tom
Yes of course, but what when the wife is at home and DO NOT earn a salary? She is working too. She is doing what they would probably paid someone else to do if she did work.
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