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Old 15.09.2011, 15:35
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

Maybe a slight cultural difference with Romandie Simon. No apology is required at all, I agree- but why not apologise for the kids throwing stones, and say you'll explain not to do it again? Can it do any harm- this is what I would do show 'willing'. Depending on how it is done, not an admission of guilt at all, but just to show 'willing'.
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Old 15.09.2011, 15:37
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

i think the neighbour's point is that they are being left without sufficient supervision and causing trouble i.e. throwing stones in the drain.
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  #23  
Old 15.09.2011, 15:43
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

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i think the neighbour's point is that they are being left without sufficient supervision and causing trouble i.e. throwing stones in the drain.
I tell off my kids if they throw stones in the drain. Especially where we live.

The point is that the stones have to come from somewhere - the surface of our car park which we pay to maintain. They get thrown into our drain - which we pay to get cleaned-out.

I've told other peoples' children off for doing the same.
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Old 15.09.2011, 15:44
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

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I disagree, you need to make your stand in a polite but firm way to be respected, that's the done thing. An apology is often viewed as an admission to guilt here, hence the reluctance of some Swiss to apologize for walking into you when they feel it's not their fault.
We're talking about situations like this which I consider to be of no importance, had it been something related to my work, my well being etc., the hell I would not have apologized..
Small neighbourly frictions like that are of no importance to me. I don't care what a neighbour with too much time on her hands thinks of me. I'd be polite and maybe submissive (fake it) to save myself a headache and potential follow ups. (I've always done like that and it worked)
LE: And what Odile said

Last edited by greenmount; 15.09.2011 at 16:06. Reason: not typo..
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Old 15.09.2011, 15:46
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

IMO

The thread title dos not fit with the contents of the OPs post. She's being misleading (perhaps to get a favourable response).

She did the same thing in another post.
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Old 15.09.2011, 15:50
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

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IMO

The thread title dos not fit with the contents of the OPs post. She's being misleading (perhaps to get a favourable response).

She did the same thing in another post.
yes. i guess maybe "is it wrong to let your children throw stones down drains?" may be better.

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My daughter only plays right outside our building where i can see her from our balcony and kitchen
when you saw your daughter throwing stones in the drain, did you think it was OK? if so, then i can see where your neighbour may have a disagreement with you.

or maybe you didn't see this and she is not as well supervised as you think.
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Old 15.09.2011, 16:35
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

Thanks for the feedback. The title is like that because after being confronted i feel like i dont know if its REALLY ok to let a 6 yr old out alone. If i would ask my mum who´s been here once, she would say definitely not. So im just being honest. Its a good point if you think where the kids took the stones from..could be from someone´s garden. And i know its abit serious to throw stones in the drain which was cleaned just a few weeks ago.

I had to fake it through the lecture and just smiled at the lady until she went away and stopped pointing at me and my daughter who was hiding behind me the whole time. Amazing if she went to all the other kid´s apartments to talk to their parents, and how she knew which door to buzz. I would closely supervise for a while now just in case she´s watching from somewhere.
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Old 15.09.2011, 16:50
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

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Thanks for the feedback. The title is like that because after being confronted i feel like i dont know if its REALLY ok to let a 6 yr old out alone. If i would ask my mum who´s been here once, she would say definitely not. So im just being honest. Its a good point if you think where the kids took the stones from..could be from someone´s garden. And i know its abit serious to throw stones in the drain which was cleaned just a few weeks ago.

I had to fake it through the lecture and just smiled at the lady until she went away and stopped pointing at me and my daughter who was hiding behind me the whole time. Amazing if she went to all the other kid´s apartments to talk to their parents, and how she knew which door to buzz. I would closely supervise for a while now just in case she´s watching from somewhere.
Putting a positive slant on it, I'd be more happy, not less, if a nosey old lady was keeping an eye on my children in the street. Makes it a bit safer, not less.

It's the way it used to be in a lot of places.

I'd make friends with the old lady and use her to your advantage.
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  #29  
Old 15.09.2011, 16:58
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

Yep - little old ladies defo have their advantages too. One of my neighbours in the UK seemed a bit grumpy and nosy when we first moved in our 2nd house in UK- with a 2 year old and a 7 months bump. I humoured her and had her round for coffee- she turned out to be surrogate Granma, look after my 2 year old when I went into labour, babysat- an absolute gem.

This is what communities are all about - nosy neighbours can be a pain- or turn out to be the very ones that will help you, support you, pick up your little one when hurt or bullied, and call the cops when your house is being broken in. Come as a package- good and bad. As a teenager, I couldn't stand it- as a mother, it turned out to be the best thing.
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Old 16.09.2011, 01:29
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

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Yep - little old ladies defo have their advantages too. One of my neighbours in the UK seemed a bit grumpy and nosy when we first moved in our 2nd house in UK- with a 2 year old and a 7 months bump. I humoured her and had her round for coffee- she turned out to be surrogate Granma, look after my 2 year old when I went into labour, babysat- an absolute gem.

This is what communities are all about - nosy neighbours can be a pain- or turn out to be the very ones that will help you, support you, pick up your little one when hurt or bullied, and call the cops when your house is being broken in. Come as a package- good and bad. As a teenager, I couldn't stand it- as a mother, it turned out to be the best thing.
Kids will be kids and will definitely get up to mischief, because that is what kids do. So sometimes they need to be told off and taught and sometimes I am the one to do so because I catch them in the act, so to speak. Most of the kids on our street play without any parents watching them, for the most part and not much happens as the kids are busy. Maybe in the case of the OP the kids were bored and throwing stones was all they could come up with. I find it odd that so many of the simple outdoor activities that I played as a kid seem to have disappeared. I can't recall seeing any of the kids on our street ever skipping rope. That was hours of fun, at least for us girls.
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  #31  
Old 18.09.2011, 06:02
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

Whether she can play outside alone or not is unrelevent..she did something wrong, you should have a word ,punish her and then have her apologise to the neighbour as suggested above. Do you know the kids she hang around with. My daughter got in some trouble while playing with 2 brothers in particular. I did not allow to play with them anymore.
Do you know the other parents. I got to know the other parents so we would phone each other, to check with each other where the kids are etc...

Since I 've left Switzerland , this has to be THE thing I miss the most, letting my daughter play in the fresh air with all her mates around. She has lost this freedom here in HK. And I'm glad she 's had this experience because she is much more independent compared to her new friends here who are n't even allowed to take the lift just one floor down to come to ours. But as long as they can read and write by age 5, this is ok
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Old 18.09.2011, 08:00
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

Of course you should let her play outside - as mentioned by others, it is great that kids are allowed to be kids here and parents don't have to keep at least 1 eye on them at all times.

We had a neighbor in Germany who got annoyed when the kids would use sidewalk chalk in front of her house (we had 1/2 of a double house so our front doors were about 3 m apart). She would come out and wash it off. I told the kiddos not to do it, but it would still happen every now and again. She finally said something about it and I made sure I told her that I told/asked the kids not to do it, and made sure they knew not to do it. But it did still happen occasionally (wasn't just my kids, the whole neighborhood). I would then clean it up and tell them again. Kids will make mistakes, and it's ok, just make sure you tell them and if they do something wrong, they are punished (if necessary).

In the end I think I threw away the rest of the stubs of sidewalk chalk
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Old 18.09.2011, 08:08
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

You can't win....I gave some kids a stern talking to recently because they were playing street hockey against our garage door (which has a communicating door to a play room where our bird's cage is and where the dogs spend a lot of time). Every time the ball hit the garage door it drove the animals mad. Not to mention the marks against the garage door and a broken small perspex window. Anyway, I gave them hell and said that it was private property and if I saw them again I would call the police and they should go play elsewhere (i.e. use their own garage door which is similar to our's...).

That evening I have the Dad around complaining that I should have spoken to him and not the kids. Anyway he got an earful too for good measure.

I would have left it at a dressing down for the kids (who are almost teenaged if not already) as they got the message. But if Dad wants me to let him have both barrels too...by all means.
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Old 18.09.2011, 08:41
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

I dont' see the problem. I was playing outside alone when I was 4! (yes, I remember back that far -- although i can't remember what I wrote in an e-mail yesterday).

But growing up is about screwing up and learning what is acceptable behavior and what isn't from ALL adults. So if your child was dragged to your door by an angry Swiss woman, don't take it personally.

Personally, I'd like to know what's wrong with throwing stones into a drainage ditch. Huh? I don't get it.
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Old 18.09.2011, 09:03
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

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Personally, I'd like to know what's wrong with throwing stones into a drainage ditch. Huh? I don't get it.
It clogs up the drainage and someone has to take them back out again.
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Old 18.09.2011, 10:39
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

Yes folks, I am that grummpy old woman, and I'm not even old yet!
If I see the local kids up to mischief (like hitting a tied up dog, chucking rocks, picking on littler kids) I make sure they know someone saw what they did and found it unacceptable.
I also tell the kids I look after (because I mostly do it in front of them to make an impact) that when they are playing out in the streets, (which I don't actually let them do now but I feel it's never too early to begin training) that there is always someone watching and if they do shit, someone will see and comment. They now believe that everyone is like me and behave like angels and even tsk at the antics of some of the other local monkeys*.

Edit; *this, of course will be straight out the window once peer pressure comes into play, after all, kids is kids innit.
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Last edited by i-b-deborah; 18.09.2011 at 11:48. Reason: to add the edit bit as I understand how the little buggers tick
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Old 18.09.2011, 10:51
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

It is not wrong. Just follow your heart that's the right way.
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  #38  
Old 18.09.2011, 10:57
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

I think it is perfectly fine to tell off a child doing mischief in the street. It takes a village to raise a child. I don't think it's ok though to hunt the parents down and start yapping to them about their parenting skills.
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Old 18.09.2011, 11:36
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

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It clogs up the drainage and someone has to take them back out again.
I don't think children chucking rocks into a drainage ditch is going to clog it. However, all of the debris that gets washed into it will clog it.

Drainage ditches clog. It's a matter of fact, and people get paid to unclog them. So... there's no measurable harm in children being children and chucking rocks into them.

HOWEVER, when they build a rock dam in front of said drainage ditch, then we have a problem...
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Old 18.09.2011, 11:52
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Re: Is it wrong to let my 6 yr old play outside on her own?

Gravel/stones have to be dredged from lakes, etc, and transported- and cost an absolute bomb to re/place- for the owners, Gemeinde, or whatever.
Isn't it strange though - when people ignore kids they are accused of not caring, and when they deal with them, they are accused of interfering. That woman was right to deal with kids she felt were doing wrong, right to come and tell you - but absolutely wrong to go on about your parenting skills.
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