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  #21  
Old 16.09.2011, 16:57
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

Simply put, your kids are in the care of the school when they're on the property and going to and from school (certainly leaving I'd expect some responsibility).

I'd address the school formally to act and tell them that, if they do not or cannot handle the situation, you will involve the police as this is assault.

Consider also contacting the newspaper and if you have legal insurance, contact them.
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  #22  
Old 16.09.2011, 17:06
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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Hi, so this is a bit unconventional but look, you asked for opinions and I will give mine.

I was bullied at Senior High School for years. And I was just told, ignore it, ignore it, just leave it alone etc...

And then one day, you know what... I got sick of it. I got sick of being punched.

So I hit him so hard I knocked him out. And i mean hard....

Never got bothered again

So, if you want my honest advice...

do two things

1) teach your kid how to throw a good punch
2) have the nice chat with the teacher about how its not ok for Kid A to be a bully.


When part 2 fails, part 1 comes into action.

You tell your kid to pick his moment and open up on the bully and dish out the pain.

Wont be going to a doctor about concussion again.

*note* dont do this while Kid A is in a group of 3 or 4 people. Do it when they are alone, and you really gotta do it in such a way that the kid seriously hurts... not just wounded pride kinda sore.
second that. maybe take some tips from little zangief:



i think it is important that boys manage to fend for themselves somehow - they'll have to do it in later life. doesn't always have to be physical defence. i was a very small kid and the few bullies that tried to get me regretted it


Last edited by Phil_MCR; 16.09.2011 at 17:17.
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  #23  
Old 16.09.2011, 17:15
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

KB88111 - would it not be a good idea to initially work with the teacher and the school, and all involved - taking it very seriously but at the same time remaining positive. Of course the other measures you mention can be kept up the sleeve in case this is not resolved, no?
Any idea why your child is in a class with kids older than him? If he is small in stature and has not acquired the language used most of the time, wouldn't perhaps be better to be with kids his own age or younger- to give him confidence in every way? Not that this is any excuse in any way, shape or form, but perhaps it doesn't help.
In the UK we started with this new system called 'peer support- - where slightly older kids took under their wing others in lower classes who had relationship problems, and worked so well. In the UK too, a child who beats another, even if he has been bullied, will still be in trouble and possibly punished and excluded- not sure about CH nowadays.

See www.peersupporttraining.co.uk
this was first implemented in a school I taught at, and was so successful that it has taken on big time all over the UK. It also addresses the issue that bullies are always kids who are suffering all sort of bullying or other kind of abuse themselves, in the home, the community or previously at school.

Quote from BBC website:

A scheme which trains school children to help fellow youngsters discuss bullying has helped to cut the problem in Leicestershire. The Peer Support scheme involves coaching for senior pupils to help younger children talk about bullying when they ask for advice.
It has helped to see a 17% fall in bullying in primary schools, according to Leicestershire County Council.
The scheme has now been copied by schools across the UK.
Under the programme pupils are identified as peer supporters, helping others combat abuse.
The scheme was introduced in Gartree High School in Oadby in 2000, one of the first in the UK and the benefits are now being felt.

Last edited by Odile; 16.09.2011 at 17:37.
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  #24  
Old 16.09.2011, 17:24
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

Odile, it's my impression that little joy has resulted or is expected from the school. I view it as a carrot rather a stick
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Old 16.09.2011, 17:30
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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how awful, poor kid. hope it's better now. these bullies must be stopped! (in their own interest, by the way, since their parents seem incapable of raising them) I'm off to see the teacher and will post later with the results of my mission.

Perhaps wait for the report on the meeting first. Let's stay positive, despite the seriousness of the problem.
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  #26  
Old 16.09.2011, 18:25
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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Some interseting if not weird comments here. Sounds like there are a few parents who are just itchin to start a fight.
This is not the way you stop bullying. You need to address why the bully is doing what they are doing.
I realise for a parent they wish to protect their child and so do I.
Got to add another comment.
We live in a community. By reporting, aggressively challenging and blaming everyone else without addressing the underlying problems causes a community to fragment. UK has some terrible problems in the cities where both adults and children have no respect for authority because the underlying problems have never been addressed.
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  #27  
Old 16.09.2011, 18:33
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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I think that giving someone concussion isn't a school matter; it's a police matter.
This was my first thought as well. Whilst I'm not a Swiss lawyer I would imagine that the school also owes a duty of care or is under an analogous obligation.

I wholeheartedly agree that rough horseplay in the playground and sports that get you a bit battered and bruised are good things that produce stronger characters. A small boy in a class where most are older than him receiving a concussion is way beyond this. No-one should be forced to participate anyway - some prefer books or whatever.

I'm also in favour of the old "punch the bully back" trick - worked a few times for me on kids who were older but forgot that I was still bigger! However, the OP suggesting that her son gives the bigger, older bully a wallop would weaken her/her son's position without achieving anything, I fear.

Very best of luck getting it sorted, anyway! Don't give up and think that doing nothing is best - bullies need stopping.

Last edited by RobM; 16.09.2011 at 18:36. Reason: Syntax
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  #28  
Old 16.09.2011, 18:42
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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Simply put, your kids are in the care of the school when they're on the property and going to and from school (certainly leaving I'd expect some responsibility).
Sorry, no teacher responsibility once the children leave school land.

There lies another problem: if the bully is not controlled by its parents he will wait outside the school gates. Threaten the parents with a prosecution, they are the first solution to the problem.
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  #29  
Old 16.09.2011, 19:03
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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Threaten the parents with a prosecution, they are the first solution to the problem.
That might be a bit of a last resort, but I like it as that!
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  #30  
Old 16.09.2011, 19:16
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

A long while ago my neighbour's 8 year old boy was bullying my 5 year old son. I waited until he was near some rose bushes and nobody was looking, and pushed him in, backwards first. He cried all afternoon while his mother pulled the thorns out. He avoided us afterwards like the plague, and he never went out again when my son was playing.
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  #31  
Old 16.09.2011, 19:23
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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What you never had a fight at school. We live in the world not a bubble.
And remember there is always two sides to a story. Jumping in with an official complaint, you ever here about the boy that cried wolf.
I got hit by a rock when I was a kid and had blood all down my face but so did the other kids.
Oohh blood on face - you so hard.

Concusion is quite another matter. Cuts and bruises are no big deal. Concusion through violence is a criminal matter. The fact that children are involved just means go to school first - officially and on record - and if no joy go to the police.

OP - take the medical report (get one from your doc) with you.
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  #32  
Old 16.09.2011, 19:35
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

Venice are you and son OK, are you back? Hope the meeting went well.
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Old 16.09.2011, 19:45
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

here I am - worried mum's report! it was a very interesting experience which mirrors more or less every opinion which has been expressed so far - so thanks to all. especially to those who sympathised, of course

first of all - I am relieved that my son seems to be feeling better, so we'll leave the kinderspital for another time or hopefully never. it's not a big drama if he misses out on a couple of days klassenlager and has to join later, either. I just want him to recover.

when I went to the school the teacher, who declares that she hadn't realised what was going on, announced she had discussed the issue with the class in the morning, with the result that
A. all children agree that N. is picking on my son and had witnessed what had happened, ie that he deliberately physically attacked him on various occasions (more than me had told me about, as a matter of fact).
B. although my son hasn't made any friends in the girls' department by declaring during a verbal fight that they are "the ugliest girls he has ever seen" (not funny, ungentlemanly and unacceptable, we will certainly address this issue with him), the girls were fair enough to state that he is clearly the offended party.
C. the bully, N., seems to have been jealous that my son has made friends so soon, although he is new. apparently some of the kids N. had managed to make friends with accepted my son "too soon". but this doesn't surprise me as he is an extremely sociable little guy and has felt welcome from the beginning notwithstanding all the difficulties.

this just to get the facts right and rule out the "crying wolf" theory.

but the teacher then announced that over lunch she had called N.'s parents and told them to come and speak to her and me! swiss efficiency! at first I was a bit shocked at what could be awaiting me because I've always tried to avoid confrontation with other parents as I find it really unpleasant. I think children should sort themselves out on their own and this has always worked perfectly for our family.
but then the father came in, with N. himself and we had an emotional but good talk. after the bashing by his schoolmates, N. seemed repentant (maybe my wishful thinking). so of course his tears triggered my italian mamma's feelings and I was very conciliatory. in the end we ended up bashing the sports teacher who apparently, according to N.'s father, is unattentive and is guilty of "letting many injuries happen" in the past couple of years.
I don't know, maybe that's unfair on her, too. but the good thing - and here comes the useful part for other parents - was that the teacher was extremely thankful to me that I had talked to her about it. on one hand she said I should have gone to her before, on the other she kept saying how good she finds my "laid back" attitude, wanting that the kids solve their problems on their own. she said this is very untypical here and that swiss parents are constantly running to the school complaining about the most marginal things and that she would have expected me to be there every day complaining about something because of the whole situation. ok, so we tried to blend in a bit too much.

the outlook is that I have the official confrimation by the teacher in fornt of N.s father that all teachers are going to very closely monitor the situation all week and in the future. she literally said: "so no one can say that you hadn't said anything!"
this sounded like an admonition for N's father who promised to talk to his son again and make sure his behaviour changes.
she stressed that I should NOT worry and that the school feels now in charge. they will also ask the Sozialarbeiterin of the school to address the issue (and similar issues) in a workshop with the children.

my little satisfaction: I had three people (teacher, bully and bully's father) talking high german for 50 minutes!!!

and so I guess it's official: TALK TALK TALK!!! as soon as something happens. it seems to work.

thank you for all your support. it has made a long and worrying day much easier.
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  #34  
Old 16.09.2011, 19:51
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

Excellent news - always better to talk and try to resolve. You never know, the boys might end up being friends. Let's hope it works and that this experience helps your son with the class and fitting in. Bravo (I am a grand-mother now, but I remember the 'agony' of similar problems when my kids were little, and my grandson in his first year at school last year- arrgh).
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  #35  
Old 16.09.2011, 21:35
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

Thanks for coming back and reporting to us.

Well done to you for managing this episode so well. Supermum Award of the Week.



And glad to hear your son is feeling better and is managing to not take things to heart too much.
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  #36  
Old 16.09.2011, 22:08
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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Thanks for coming back and reporting to us.

Well done to you for managing this episode so well. Supermum Award of the Week.



And glad to hear your son is feeling better and is managing to not take things to heart too much.
I agree, well handled. As for as all the stupid advise of going to the police etc. be very ashamed with yourselves, I hope a lesson is here.
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Old 16.09.2011, 22:19
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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I agree, well handled. As for as all the stupid advise of going to the police etc. be very ashamed with yourselves, I hope a lesson is here.
That's a bit off. No advice is "stupid" if it's well meant. "Misguided" maybe or "not in agreement with what certain posters happen to think". Most people are concerned with the OP's situation and trying to help, not point-scoring.
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  #38  
Old 16.09.2011, 22:29
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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A long while ago my neighbour's 8 year old boy was bullying my 5 year old son. I waited until he was near some rose bushes and nobody was looking, and pushed him in, backwards first. He cried all afternoon while his mother pulled the thorns out. He avoided us afterwards like the plague, and he never went out again when my son was playing.
I'm sure I'll get a groan for approving of this but...there are some kids.... my daughter used to get bitten almost daily by this one boy and he even once bit her on the /face/. To my astonishment, she would vacillate between saying how much she liked this boy and how much she didn't like this boy. Oh, the teachers talked to him, etc., but what it came down to was that his dad was, for lack of a more precise term, a real douchebag, so much so that the apple was really still attached to the tree. I used to fantasize about shoving him into a thorny bush or somesuch with the admonition that he should amend his biting ways. It may not be right, really, but there are some kids, just as there are some adults, to whom a primal show of dominance is the only thing that gets through. As much as adults like to think that they aren't kids anymore, the more I watch young children play, the more I understand the adult world.
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  #39  
Old 16.09.2011, 22:36
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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my little satisfaction: I had three people (teacher, bully and bully's father) talking high german for 50 minutes!!!

and so I guess it's official: TALK TALK TALK!!! as soon as something happens. it seems to work.

thank you for all your support. it has made a long and worrying day much easier.
Kudos to you for getting some resolution on this rather serious event. I must admit that, even with a private school, I find the schools here communicate a lot less than what I was accustomed to in the US. As a concussion is nothing to trifle with, especially in someone so young, I'd hope they give you something in writing as well as some sort of plan if "N." starts acting up again.

Also, maybe get your son enrolled in a judo course or something where he can learn to defend himself and understand he doesn't have to take that stuff if he doesn't want to. As someone who was the bullied for much of my early years, I'm an advocate for teaching kids that the epiphany of turning the tables and not being the victim is a very powerful one.
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Old 16.09.2011, 22:44
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Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate

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That's a bit off. No advice is "stupid" if it's well meant. "Misguided" maybe or "not in agreement with what certain posters happen to think". Most people are concerned with the OP's situation and trying to help, not point-scoring.
Yep you really should read the entire thred. When we all say good luck in a positive way.
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