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venice 16.09.2011 13:29

HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
dear all,

my son suffered a concussion (we just came back from the doctors, so it's
certain) whilst at school yesterday. I already talked to the teacher and need to
decide how to proceed because he's supposed to be leaving for klassenlager next
monday. I don't mean the medical side - that's taken care of and we are
supposed to check how it develops in the next hours, if monday morning he's
fine he can go, otherwise kinderspital.

what I mean is, how do I go about it with the school - do you have any
experiences to share? I thought I had seen a thread recently to this effect, but
can't find it any longer.
we don't want to make an unneccessary big deal about it, as the teacher is
supportive, but I'm awfully worried that my son might suffer again from this
bully when "no one's watching". this other kid has caused him to fall or attacked on several occasions - always when a teacher was present. they just simply don't seem to notice. we've only just arrived, and he already has so
many new things to deal with: he is still settling in with all language problems
involved (although german mother tongue he still understands little
schweizerdeutsch), he was recovering from flu and suffers from asthma. plus he's
one year younger and physically much smaller than all other boys. with the
others in his class he gets along real well, he's such a funny and peaceful and
caring little sunshine, it's just sooo unfair.

thanks for listening - any advice will be greatly appreciated
eleonora

EarME 16.09.2011 13:37

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Does your son know the boys name who is beating on him? If he does I think you need to have an informal discussion with the teacher expressing your concerns. You may find out that this kid has already been warned and he is simply a thug that needs some serious help.
If you let the situation go it will most likely continue and others may also be in a similar situation. It may be easier to put things off but in my experience you have to address them at some point and the sooner the less stress is involved. Good luck

ecb 16.09.2011 13:42

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Eleonora How dreadful. All my sympathies to you and your son.

I appreciate you may not wish to rock the boat, but this is bullying and it is out of control. I would not even suggest an informal chat, but a formal one, to put it clearly on record what is happening, and to get formal proposals as to how this is to be dealt with.

The parents of the boy who is doing this need to be told, and the boy needs to be spoken with and given clear consequences should his actions continue.

Of course, the age old dilema then becomes, will this make the bullying worse? I cannot answer that, and if you fear it is a real possibility then of course, it makes taking my advice seem not so sensible, instead EArme's advice might be best.

All the best

Guest 16.09.2011 13:42

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
One kid deliberately injuring another child to the point where they suffer concussion is certainly a reason to take it higher in the school. That is totally unacceptable.

Can you approach the parents of the bully directly seeing as the school doesn't seem (at least at this point) overly concerned with this kind of behaviour.

That's just bloody dangerous.

EarME 16.09.2011 14:11

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
I really suggest you first talk with the teacher before making stuff official. The playground is a rough place, always was and will be. It actually helps that there is some rough play going on but I agree bullying is not acceptable.
If the teachers do not want to listen then go ahead and put it in text.
Remember life is not so much fun all the time and these years start to teach your kids how the real world is.

Mel07 16.09.2011 14:15

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EarME (Post 1341256)
I really suggest you first talk with the teacher before making stuff official. The playground is a rough place, always was and will be. It actually helps that there is some rough play going on but I agree bullying is not acceptable.
If the teachers do not want to listen then go ahead and put it in text.
Remember life is not so much fun all the time and these years start to teach your kids how the real world is.

That's a really depressing way to look at it. Why should getting a concussion be one of life's lessons? Any kind of physical abuse, by whatever age, is not OK and the kids who perpetrate it should be taught not to do it, rather than the poor kids at the receiving end having to learn how to take it. :mad:

venice 16.09.2011 14:31

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
thank you so much for your support - it's so great to have this forum, I would sometimes feel completely lost otherwise.
I'm going to see the teacher this afternoon and tell her about the doctor's report (school needs to know anyway becoause he missed school yesterday and today and won't be able to catch with his homework etc - I want her to consider this at evaluation stage)

she knows from the start which boy it is, he seems to be well known (the whole thing started with him stealing school equipment from my son. we suggested my son should bear patience and ask to have his things back and eventually he got them). I have no idea, though, how the school approaches this kind of problem here - I know at his school in germany it would have been immediately and officially addressed with all parties involved by the teacher herself. here the teacher put my son (in his already difficult situation) next to this bully to start with! only now, after this, she has said she will move him.

I will tell her that I will send him to the lager if he rapidly gets better again - as the doctor suggested - but only if I have a positive feeling that the teachers will very closely monitor this other kid. to be fair the teacher has already said that if the other kid continues to bully my son he (the bully) will have to leave the lager.
on the other hand - as you can imagine - my son is trying to attract as little attention as possible and to blend in. so it's not easy to help him without making things even more difficult for him.

but I agree that life is hard, life is the best school and this is a big city compared with where we lived before, with all its drawbacks. now the most important thing is that there are no medical consequences.

prof. taratonga 16.09.2011 14:34

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Hi, I would ask the teacher if they could set up an agreement with the family of the other kid that if he starts bullying others in the Klassenlager he has to go back home and visit regular school with another class.

Guest 16.09.2011 14:35

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by venice (Post 1341310)
but I agree that life is hard, life is the best school and this is a big city compared with where we lived before, with all its drawbacks. now the most important thing is that there are no medical consequences.

Just remember that falling out of a tree or off a bike and getting a concussion is "just life". Getting a concussion by being thumped by a bully is NOT and your son's school should immediately recognise the difference.

I hope it all goes well for you this afternoon at the school. Maybe write some bullet points down beforehand so you don't forget anything if you get flustered, although you do sound pretty composed about the whole thing.

mirfield 16.09.2011 14:37

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
I might be wrong here, but I think that giving someone concussion isn't a school matter; it's a police matter.

The parents might take a little notice when the law turns up on their doorstep.

venice 16.09.2011 14:49

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
yes, being "composed" is a big issue in a country where everybody seems to be so incredibly calm apart from me. I'm carrying bullet points with me all the time, on all subjects under the sun.

I get the impression that the teacher - although she appears nice enough - resents the fact that she has to speak high german with me. maybe I'm just being paranoid. I simply do not understand a word of what she says otherwise. in this situation I almost wish I didn't speak german and were a completely exotic foreigner, so they would have to speak english or some other understandable language...

Yosemite Sam 16.09.2011 15:01

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
I've found this thread very interesting. Thanks for all the useful advice.

My six year old went to kindergarten between May and August this year and was bullied by another boy in his class. At first it was pushing and name calling. We approached the kindergarten teacher but she took the view that she didn't see it so it didn't happen.

It soon escalated to the bully pushing my boy onto the road near a moving car. We approached the kindergarten teacher again who said it wasn't her concern as they were not on kindergarten property at the time. I wasn't expecting her to move mountains to stop the bullying but her response wasn't the most helpful I've ever come across.

My four year old is now going to kindergarten. After reading this thread I'll certainly be speaking to the bully's parents if I see this happening to him!

EarME 16.09.2011 15:08

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mel07 (Post 1341270)
That's a really depressing way to look at it. Why should getting a concussion be one of life's lessons? Any kind of physical abuse, by whatever age, is not OK and the kids who perpetrate it should be taught not to do it, rather than the poor kids at the receiving end having to learn how to take it. :mad:

What you never had a fight at school. We live in the world not a bubble.
And remember there is always two sides to a story. Jumping in with an official complaint, you ever here about the boy that cried wolf.
I got hit by a rock when I was a kid and had blood all down my face but so did the other kids.

venice 16.09.2011 15:09

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
how awful, poor kid. hope it's better now. these bullies must be stopped! (in their own interest, by the way, since their parents seem incapable of raising them) I'm off to see the teacher and will post later with the results of my mission.

ecb 16.09.2011 15:11

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EarME (Post 1341382)
What you never had a fight at school. We live in the world not a bubble.
And remember there is always two sides to a story. Jumping in with an official complaint, you ever here about the boy that cried wolf.
I got hit by a rock when I was a kid and had blood all down my face but so did the other kids.

I think you are swimming against the collective tide here.

Or put it another way, if this was a woman who had been abused by her partner so badly that she ended up in hospital with concussion, what would you be saying then? Have a quiet word with him??

Just because children are involved is no reason to apply lower standards.

EarME 16.09.2011 15:22

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Yosemite Sam (Post 1341368)
I've found this thread very interesting. Thanks for all the useful advice.

My six year old went to kindergarten between May and August this year and was bullied by another boy in his class. At first it was pushing and name calling. We approached the kindergarten teacher but she took the view that she didn't see it so it didn't happen.

It soon escalated to the bully pushing my boy onto the road near a moving car. We approached the kindergarten teacher again who said it wasn't her concern as they were not on kindergarten property at the time. I wasn't expecting her to move mountains to stop the bullying but her response wasn't the most helpful I've ever come across.

My four year old is now going to kindergarten. After reading this thread I'll certainly be speaking to the bully's parents if I see this happening to him!

Now this I find a problem.
Teachers must take bullying seriously and not turn away. A fight is one thing but a child which believes they can hurt and torment others needs help and support. Normally there is a reason the child is reacting in this way, it could be problems at home so it is important the teachers are involved. That bully could be in a seriously bad home.

AVANZA 16.09.2011 15:22

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Hi, so this is a bit unconventional but look, you asked for opinions and I will give mine.

I was bullied at Senior High School for years. And I was just told, ignore it, ignore it, just leave it alone etc...

And then one day, you know what... I got sick of it. I got sick of being punched.

So I hit him so hard I knocked him out. And i mean hard....

Never got bothered again

So, if you want my honest advice...

do two things

1) teach your kid how to throw a good punch
2) have the nice chat with the teacher about how its not ok for Kid A to be a bully.


When part 2 fails, part 1 comes into action.

You tell your kid to pick his moment and open up on the bully and dish out the pain.

Wont be going to a doctor about concussion again.

*note* dont do this while Kid A is in a group of 3 or 4 people. Do it when they are alone, and you really gotta do it in such a way that the kid seriously hurts... not just wounded pride kinda sore.

EarME 16.09.2011 15:27

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ecb (Post 1341390)
I think you are swimming against the collective tide here.

Or put it another way, if this was a woman who had been abused by her partner so badly that she ended up in hospital with concussion, what would you be saying then? Have a quiet word with him??

Just because children are involved is no reason to apply lower standards.

I am sorry but can you read. 'I agree bullying is not acceptable.'


16.09.2011 15:33

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Sympathies, it isn't easy here as teachers believe in not interfering in disputes. But concussion is way over the top.

In your shoes I would go to the parents this evening, before the boy's bedtime, and tell the parents what has happened.
Tell them that anymore bullying will result in a prosecution.

Follow it up with a letter with copies to the school and the police. The problem is the next time the parents will say "He is
such a good boy, & this is the first time anything serious has happened...etc " you need to document it.

EarME 16.09.2011 15:42

Re: HELP - concussion caused by schoolmate
 
Some interseting if not weird comments here. Sounds like there are a few parents who are just itchin to start a fight.
This is not the way you stop bullying. You need to address why the bully is doing what they are doing.
I realise for a parent they wish to protect their child and so do I.


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