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  #21  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:14
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Re: Smoking and kids

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and it seems I'm right in thinking that some people really don't think I have a point at all.
Of course you have a point!

I had a point when I "thought" the asbestos classroom my one son was in was affecting his health. Then, years later, it was discovered that un-painted asbestos was hazardous to health ...

Go with your own feelings. You are the parent, and his health is your concern. No-one else really cares (meaning "out there")
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  #22  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:20
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Re: Smoking and kids

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I think it's important for people in a position of responsibility to set a good example and not smoke in front of kids.
Of course they shouldn't, but sooner or later someone the child loves and respects will be seen smoking a cigarette. What happens when he meets his lovely 1st Grade teacher in town, cigarette in hand? What happens when he sees his football coach or CEVI leader round and about with a cigarette? People smoke, and children see them smoking, no matter how discreet they might try to be.

The same, incidentally, applies to other habits like spitting, nose picking and pushing on trains. Part of the learning process is understanding that even cool people can be idiots sometimes.
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  #23  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:29
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Re: Smoking and kids

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I think it would be more rational for you to find a new caregiver rather than to ask or expect her to not smoke at all during the times that your son is under her care. I say this because most smokers can't just simply NOT smoke for hours on end. Nicotine addiction is HELL, as is the process of trying to quit. And while smoking may not be a wise choice, I really don't think that someone who smokes should be considered immoral.
No, I know that. And actually I'm an ex-smoker myself too - so I do really know....

I don't think badly of her because she smokes. I don't think she's a bad person. Or a bad mother or anything like that. In fact I quite like her. I just don't want her to smoke in front of my son and that's that.

Most of all I feel angry about the fact that I found out from my 7 year old that she smokes and not the TEV or her. I feel pretty stupid that I didn't ask the question directly - I just assumed.
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Old 20.09.2011, 00:32
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Re: Smoking and kids

Do most kids with a tagesmutter grow up to be tagesmutters themselves?

No? Then you've got nought to worry about. Now go give your kid a doughnut.
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Old 20.09.2011, 00:38
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Re: Smoking and kids

Jesus the OP writes as if this lady is injecting heroine or sniffing coke in front of the child! Cigarettes are legal mate!!
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  #26  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:38
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Re: Smoking and kids

I'm with DB on this: The main "factor" that would lead a kid (usually a teenager) to smoking are his peers or slightly older people he sees as cool. Not some old fart (everybody older than, 20?).

You can not really prevent this from happening. All you can possibly do is to try and teach him the strength to resist.


IMHO, your reaction is a bit over the top and will probably be perceived that way.
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Old 20.09.2011, 00:39
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Re: Smoking and kids

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Of course they shouldn't, but sooner or later someone the child loves and respects will be seen smoking a cigarette. What happens when he meets his lovely 1st Grade teacher in town, cigarette in hand? What happens when he sees his football coach or CEVI leader round and about with a cigarette? People smoke, and children see them smoking, no matter how discreet they might try to be.

The same, incidentally, applies to other habits like spitting, nose picking and pushing on trains. Part of the learning process is understanding that even cool people can be idiots sometimes.
In theory, I do agree with you - but this is not theory! It's my son and he's only 7 and I'm his mum and it's not necessarily all logic and rational thought when you're a mum and you're pissed off.

We've had the whole discussion about "people do stupid things and you shouldn't copy them" but frankly he's very impressionable at the moment. If I can protect him right now, then I will, if I can't always in the future then I'll deal with that when it happens. But right now I can do something about it and so I will....
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Old 20.09.2011, 00:42
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Re: Smoking and kids

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In theory, I do agree with you - but this is not theory! It's my son and he's only 7 and I'm his mum and it's not necessarily all logic and rational thought when you're a mum and you're pissed off.

We've had the whole discussion about "people do stupid things and you shouldn't copy them" but frankly he's very impressionable at the moment. If I can protect him right now, then I will, if I can't always in the future then I'll deal with that when it happens. But right now I can do something about it and so I will....
So what's the point of this thread then? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to?
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  #29  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:47
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Re: Smoking and kids

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So what's the point of this thread then? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to?
I recon it's because we haven't had an anti smoking thread for at least 48 hours
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  #30  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:47
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Re: Smoking and kids

I do agree that it is peer pressure that mostly influence kids and not "old people", he will be around people who smoke, drink etc when he gets older.

I am an outside smoker myself and I know I am not setting a good example and I know I have to quit.

But the deal is, you do not like it and want it for your child, which is your right. I really don't think you are being unreasonable. This is what you believe and what you stand for and fear of not being able to find someone else shouldn't stop you from changing it around.

Just say that you should have asked before hand (even if you think they should have told you, by saying it this way, putting the blame on yourself, they won't become your enemy ), that you really like her but that you don't want to your son to be exposed to a smoker.
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  #31  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:52
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Re: Smoking and kids

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In theory, I do agree with you - but this is not theory! It's my son and he's only 7 and I'm his mum and it's not necessarily all logic and rational thought when you're a mum and you're pissed off.

We've had the whole discussion about "people do stupid things and you shouldn't copy them" but frankly he's very impressionable at the moment. If I can protect him right now, then I will, if I can't always in the future then I'll deal with that when it happens. But right now I can do something about it and so I will....
He's hardly going to start smoking at 7!
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  #32  
Old 20.09.2011, 00:53
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Re: Smoking and kids

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I'm with DB on this: The main "factor" that would lead a kid (usually a teenager) to smoking are his peers or slightly older people he sees as cool. Not some old fart (everybody older than, 20?).
Actually whilst peer pressure is an issue, the fact is that kids having a parent or close family member who smokes are twice as likely to start smoking than the ones from non-smoking households.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/31304.php

Of course there are lots of factors and no way you can control all of them but being a non smoker yourself is a good start for your kids.
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Old 20.09.2011, 00:59
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Re: Smoking and kids

Perhaps a compromise could be found: ask the Tagesmutter to spike here cigarettes with some good old Dutch weed. The smell will be sweeter and your child may prefer that:
* Tagesmutter happy
* Child happy
* You happy

Everbody happy!
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  #34  
Old 20.09.2011, 01:01
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Re: Smoking and kids

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Actually whilst peer pressure is an issue, the fact is that kids having a parent or close family member who smokes are twice as likely to start smoking than the ones from non-smoking households.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/31304.php

Of course there are lots of factors and no way you can control all of them but being a non smoker yourself is a good start for your kids.

Then don't start again
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  #35  
Old 20.09.2011, 01:01
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Re: Smoking and kids

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In theory, I do agree with you - but this is not theory!
My point wasn't "theory".

One doesn't stop a child burning himself by throwing the stove away...
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  #36  
Old 20.09.2011, 01:02
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Re: Smoking and kids

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So what's the point of this thread then? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to?
No - well - yes - well - maybe - kind of

Basically it's about getting some idea of what kind of reaction I might get when I bring it up with the tagesmutter herself and/or the TEV.

I want to have a non smoking childminder, and I don't want to burn my bridges with the TEV by coming across as ranting loon, so think I'd rather be a ranting loon on here and get it all out of the way Does it make any sense?? No?

[oh sod it, maybe I'll just go to bed then, thank you thank you all I bid you all adieu ]
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Old 20.09.2011, 01:04
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Re: Smoking and kids

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No - well - yes - well - maybe - kind of

Basically it's about getting some idea of what kind of reaction I might get when I bring it up with the tagesmutter herself and/or the TEV.

I want to have a non smoking childminder, and I don't want to burn my bridges with the TEV by coming across as ranting loon, so think I'd rather be a ranting loon on here and get it all out of the way Does it make any sense?? No?

[oh sod it, maybe I'll just go to bed then, thank you thank you all I bid you all adieu ]
Why not just calmly say that you want a non-smoking childminder and would therefore like to change? Nothing more, nothing less. You don't have to justify why you want it.

Go on, be a tiger
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  #38  
Old 20.09.2011, 01:16
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Re: Smoking and kids

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So what's the point of this thread then? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to?
No... I think the OP was just trying to sort her feelings and thoughts out about it -- and was just seeking some help and advice. And yes, maybe also a little bit of validation about her feelings, but that's just human nature at work!
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Old 20.09.2011, 01:18
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Re: Smoking and kids

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No - well - yes - well - maybe - kind of

Basically it's about getting some idea of what kind of reaction I might get when I bring it up with the tagesmutter herself and/or the TEV.

I want to have a non smoking childminder, and I don't want to burn my bridges with the TEV by coming across as ranting loon, so think I'd rather be a ranting loon on here and get it all out of the way Does it make any sense?? No?

[oh sod it, maybe I'll just go to bed then, thank you thank you all I bid you all adieu ]
Hope it all works out and that you find a wonderful, new Tagesmutter. Night night!
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  #40  
Old 20.09.2011, 01:41
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Re: Smoking and kids

Find a new Tagesmutter. It's her life and she can smoke if she wants to but ultimately, your kid's health is YOUR responsibility.

According to the link, there's a suggestion that children can end up with a preference for cigarette odor if they associate it with a caregiver.

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/...-tobacco-smoke

Plus, even though she doesn't smoke in her home, the chemicals on her clothes, hair, etc, can trigger all sorts of reactions in children. Me - severe childhood asthma with both parents smoking. Haven't had a single attack since leaving home for college at 17.
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