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  #41  
Old 20.10.2011, 21:36
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

Well in my opinion the Swiss aren't any different from other nationalities. I know of groups of Irish and British ''friends'' who continually slag each other and bring each other. This attitude isn't for me and I stay away from these kind of people....I would say the problem lies specifically with your husband rather than the Swiss mentality
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  #42  
Old 20.10.2011, 21:45
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

Three pages too late, but I find the OP's question to be wrong. The "when we fight" bit is rather distressing, more than inappropriate language.

The only time I'd expect those kind of words in a decent relationship is between consenting adults.

I think you have some issues beyond the intracies of Swiss-German swearing.
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  #43  
Old 20.10.2011, 23:36
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

I can't wait to start using some Anglo Saxon phrases involving sex and travel on my Swiss colleagues and then tell them it's perfectly normal in the UK to say such things in polite company.

Cheers,
Nick
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  #44  
Old 21.10.2011, 00:03
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Nope, he is simply a rude person with no manners. And I think you are right in challenging him on this, especially with regard to insulting your child.
No he is a Idiot
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  #45  
Old 21.10.2011, 00:28
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

I think your husband will spend his later years as lonely old man.

Cheers,
Nick

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My husband uses very ugli words when we fight or even when we don't fight also to address our child
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  #46  
Old 21.10.2011, 00:39
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Well, well, I didn't mean to cause a big discussion on the HUARA or so terms. But it happened so i will add, something I have noticed myself about the word in the region my husband comes from. There is a clear difference between HUARA = f**** (at least this is how it sounds to me from all contexsts I have heard) and UURA = soo much. So I am very clear on the bad and good imputs. These are actually 2 different words they uese in that region.
[...]
SamWeiseVielleicht, your explanation about DUMI KUH somehow coinsides with his. But would you call you mom, daughter, wife a dumi kuh. I am not being negative here, just want really to understand it. I am asking innocently and honnestly.
According your profile your location is Chur, according the original post it isn't, but your way of spelling those words in question implies Grison dialect as your husband's first language.

In the Chur area and in most German speaking parts of the Grisons you have "huara" and "uuhuara," which are the same as "huere" and "uuhuere" mentioned above. I've never heard of a Swiss German dialect using "uura," except said Grison German, but there it is the plural of "Uhr," meaning watches or clocks and ought to be spelled "Uhra," which, of course, doesn't make the slightest sence in the examples you mentioned. I suspect you misheared "uuhuara" for "uura."

Please enlighten me if your husband speaks a dialect I've never heard of.

As for terms like "tummi Chueh" ("tummi Khua" in the Grisons) -- it very much depends on the context and the circumstances. The more familiar, the more acceptable it may be. My mom often called her best friend a "Chuehfüdli" (= cow's butt) when they disagreed on something, and said friend did the same back. Both would never ever have called anybody else "Chuehfüdli," but between them it was ok.

Another example: I am a member of a regional association where "Volltubel" (= complete moron) and "Arschzapfe" (= butt plug) are terms of endearment. Yes, it's a bit rough, but the whole bunch knows it means no harm.

Needless to say I'd never use such terms outside those environments. Your husband may consider his vocabulary normal, which may be true in certain circumstances, but you telling him that you can't accept it should be enough for him to stop using it.

It's a bit like farting or burping, which may be a source of contant enjoyment in certain circles but totally unacceptable in others. And it's not necessarily a matter of bad upbringing or the like.
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  #47  
Old 21.10.2011, 07:42
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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According your profile your location is Chur, according the original post it isn't, but your way of spelling those words in question implies Grison dialect as your husband's first language.

In the Chur area and in most German speaking parts of the Grisons you have "huara" and "uuhuara," which are the same as "huere" and "uuhuere" mentioned above. I've never heard of a Swiss German dialect using "uura," except said Grison German, but there it is the plural of "Uhr," meaning watches or clocks and ought to be spelled "Uhra," which, of course, doesn't make the slightest sence in the examples you mentioned. I suspect you misheared "uuhuara" for "uura."

Please enlighten me if your husband speaks a dialect I've never heard of.
Sorry, I actually made a mistake, a typing mistake. I mean in Chur they say hura or huara = f******* and UUU = so many, so much, great. For example they say UUU lessig, UUU schoen.
Im a, actually abroad, but Chur is the Heimatsort of my hubby. I could not put abroad, because the site does not allow this, you have tro specify a Swiss location.
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Old 21.10.2011, 07:49
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Normal or not is irrelevant actually. In some parts of the world, it's 'normal' to cut off a woman's clitoris and labia.

Your husband is saying things that hurt you and make you feel bad. I suspect that even if you return to him with "I've checked and it's not normal in Switzerland," he'll simply deny it and say it is. I think you need him to understand that it makes you feel rotten, so there's the incentive to change given he loves you. And well, most people want to make those they love feel fabulous. At least, they should.

*big hug*

Thank you! You are absolutely right asuming what he will say if I show him the forum replies. I have noted him on that before as well. And actually, not even once. As I said he is trying to convince me it's perfectly normal. Funny, his latest explanation, is this is his culture and he is not changing his culture, just because I don't know how to interpret it )).
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Old 21.10.2011, 08:26
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Thank you! You are absolutely right asuming what he will say if I show him the forum replies. I have noted him on that before as well. And actually, not even once. As I said he is trying to convince me it's perfectly normal. Funny, his latest explanation, is this is his culture and he is not changing his culture, just because I don't know how to interpret it )).
I come from the UK and in my culture it's common to address new acquaintances by their first name. This behaviour is pretty much frowned upon here in Swiss culture. If I took your husband's attitude I would force my cultural upbringing on every Swiss I met and address them with their first name from the initial introduction.

Him saying that dropping insults in every sentence when addressing his wife and child because somehow it is culturally normal for him is a pathetic excuse. Has he never heard of being "culturally aware" of others?
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Old 21.10.2011, 08:34
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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I think your husband will spend his later years as lonely old man.

Cheers,
Nick
)))))))))))
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  #51  
Old 21.10.2011, 08:36
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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......... reading this made me sick to my stomach.
Same here.

It's OK to say that you're angry, that you don't find somebody's behaviour in order, that you have an issue with ..... whatever.

But......

Calling your wife, husband, children ..... parents etc. names is a sign of disrespect.

No respect in the family? Bum deal. It will probably only get worse, I only hope it doesn't get violent. Leave.
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  #52  
Old 21.10.2011, 08:50
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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I come from the UK and in my culture it's common to address new acquaintances by their first name. This behaviour is pretty much frowned upon here in Swiss culture. If I took your husband's attitude I would force my cultural upbringing on every Swiss I met and address them with their first name from the initial introduction.

Him saying that dropping insults in every sentence when addressing his wife and child because somehow it is culturally normal for him is a pathetic excuse. Has he never heard of being "culturally aware" of others?
He is "fed up with this cross-cultural bull****" ( to add we live in a multi-cultural place) and his next wife will be Swiss so she doesn't take offence when he calles her dumi kuh. ))
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Old 21.10.2011, 08:53
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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He is "fed up with this cross-cultural bull****" ( to add we live in a multi-cultural place) and his next wife will be Swiss so she doesn't take offence when he calles her dumi kuh. ))
Is he really talking about a future wife?? What a pig.

With his attitude his next wife will be inflatable and come with a valve...
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  #54  
Old 21.10.2011, 08:57
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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..........and his next wife will be Swiss so she doesn't take offence when he calles her dumi kuh. ))
So it's more or less clear it's over? Then leave.

I can see already see his post on the lonely hearts forum:

"Me, foul-mouthed, seeking stupid cow happy with being called the same."

...... being overwhelmed by replies?
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Old 21.10.2011, 09:17
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

And it is so strange. Same this person is a fanatic about order and cleanliness at home. His personal life is a mess but his surroundings should be perfectly aligned! Is this a mental condition?




With regards of the insults, I have also tried to respond to him in the same manner, i.e. name calling (though it's difficult cause these words are out of my vocabulary) and that makes him even more frustrated. I am the wife and it is not allowed to do so!!!
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  #56  
Old 21.10.2011, 10:16
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

It really does beg the question, why are you still with this guy?
Sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side.
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Old 21.10.2011, 10:21
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Sorry, I actually made a mistake, a typing mistake. I mean in Chur they say hura or huara = f******* and UUU = so many, so much, great. For example they say UUU lessig, UUU schoen.
Im a, actually abroad, but Chur is the Heimatsort of my hubby. I could not put abroad, because the site does not allow this, you have tro specify a Swiss location.
Thatt's exactly what I assumed, and it's exactly what I already explained: At the very least in the last 70 years "huere" has not been considered a real swearword; it's just not quite respectable.

By the way, the Heimatort doesn't necessarily matter as to the dialect of a Swiss. That may be alittle misunderstanding on your side, but I know what you mean. There are hundreds of thousands of Swiss people who never were at their Heimatort. It's just the place where the paternal line of the family originally came from.

Concerning the locations in EF profiles, I cannot agree with you. Maybe, for some reason, "abroad" is not accepted, but just about everything else is. You find things like "Far far away," "Someplace else," "Chasing clouds," "Canada," "NYC," etc.
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Old 21.10.2011, 12:14
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Concerning the locations in EF profiles, I cannot agree with you. Maybe, for some reason, "abroad" is not accepted, but just about everything else is. You find things like "Far far away," "Someplace else," "Chasing clouds," "Canada," "NYC," etc.
I have probably missed that. Sorry!
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Old 21.10.2011, 12:39
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Hello there!

I am a foreigner married to a Swiss guy. We have a small child. We don't live in Switzerland but in a third country.
I would like to ask those of you foreigners married to Swiss men, what language is considered "appropriate"? My husband uses very ugli words when we fight or even when we don't fight also to address our child, which in my country are considered absolutely NO to use to someone who is your family - i.e. dumi cuh, idiot, dum (to the child), hura, schisstrek, and in english: you have no brain, you are soo stupit, etc. Then he tries to explain to me that this is actually a normal way of communication in Switzerland (the German part). Is this true? Is this s normal swiss roughness or is just my "lovely" husband?

It has nothing to do with being Swiss!

In fact, its unacceptable in any culture to use such words on a child. Its verbal abuse. Tell him to stop hiding behind that cultural excuse - its lame - and to clean his act up and start being a responsible role model.

Sick.

If I were you, I'd challenge him with a neutral third party's opinion: like a counsellor. A swiss one even! Anyone in the right mind will know that its wrong. He will then realise that he's being a pig.

And BTW - stop retaliating with similar words. It doesnt help one bit but will fuel his anger even more.
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Old 21.10.2011, 12:50
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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... but as someone married to a European my child once, and only once, came to me crying saying that daddy had said she was stupid. I talked with my husband and mentioned that he should think before he opens his mouth and, if he couldn't do that, I'd divorce him. Fortunately, he took the hint.

If he can't think of how his language is hurting your children, you need to do it for him. Language is a very powerful weapon.
On occasion I have shouted at my eldest and asked why she did such a "stupid thing" or asked her if she was "stupid". At the time I've known it was wrong, and wasn't particulularly happy with myself. Afterwards I've simply felt ashamed of myself

There's no need for it. There are other ways of expressing anger/discontentment, and there is the question as to the anger/discontentment is the right thing to express to your chidl at the moment for whatever is wrong!

Although I rarely shout at my children, it's still too much, and I still swear too much (not at them, at nobody, I'm generally annoyed with a situation or some piece of tech). Must work on this...
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