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Old 20.10.2011, 13:41
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How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

Hello there!

I am a foreigner married to a Swiss guy. We have a small child. We don't live in Switzerland but in a third country.
I would like to ask those of you foreigners married to Swiss men, what language is considered "appropriate"? My husband uses very ugli words when we fight or even when we don't fight also to address our child, which in my country are considered absolutely NO to use to someone who is your family - i.e. dumi cuh, idiot, dum (to the child), hura, schisstrek, and in english: you have no brain, you are soo stupit, etc. Then he tries to explain to me that this is actually a normal way of communication in Switzerland (the German part). Is this true? Is this s normal swiss roughness or is just my "lovely" husband?
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Old 20.10.2011, 13:43
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Hello there!

I am a foreigner married to a Swiss guy. We have a small child. We don't live in Switzerland but in a third country.
I would like to ask those of you foreigners married to Swiss men, what language is considered "appropriate"? My husband uses very ugli words when we fight or even when we don't fight also to address our child, which in my country are considered absolutely NO to use to someone who is your family - i.e. dumi cuh, idiot, dum (to the child), hura, schisstrek, and in english: you have no brain, you are soo stupit, etc. Then he tries to explain to me that this is actually a normal way of communication in Switzerland (the German part). Is this true? Is this s normal swiss roughness or is just my "lovely" husband?
It's not normal. It's a sign of disrespect towards others, especially your family. I'm afraid your husband has some issues when it comes to communication and expressing his real feelings in an appropriate way.

Good luck.
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Old 20.10.2011, 13:46
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Hello there!

I am a foreigner married to a Swiss guy. We have a small child. We don't live in Switzerland but in a third country.
I would like to ask those of you foreigners married to Swiss men, what language is considered "appropriate"? My husband uses very ugli words when we fight or even when we don't fight also to address our child, which in my country are considered absolutely NO to use to someone who is your family - i.e. dumi cuh, idiot, dum (to the child), hura, schisstrek, and in english: you have no brain, you are soo stupit, etc. Then he tries to explain to me that this is actually a normal way of communication in Switzerland (the German part). Is this true? Is this s normal swiss roughness or is just my "lovely" husband?
Are these "heat of the moment" words he uses, or more of a normal day to day usage? Not that "heat of the moment" excuses it, but makes it a bit more understandable. Terms like sweetie, sugar plum, etc. seem more normal to me
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Old 20.10.2011, 13:47
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

Ask him if he would use that kind of language when addressing his own mother.

That might make him think a bit more about the kind of language he uses in front of his child and you.

I think Swiss people using foreign swear words are slightly more excused because they often don't understand the gravity or appropriateness of loudly exclaiming "That was f??king great!" in front of the in-laws, for example.

Using swear words in their own mother tongue should have no such excuse.
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:15
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

Nope, he is simply a rude person with no manners. And I think you are right in challenging him on this, especially with regard to insulting your child.
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:28
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Ask him if he would use that kind of language when addressing his own mother.

That might make him think a bit more about the kind of language he uses in front of his child and you.
Yeap, I have. No, he doesn't. His explanation is: "She doesn't act like you, she knows how to behave.....", sweet, ha!!!?

drmom, he uses this rude language in everyday life... simply everything is hura "whatever"...

sad

Last edited by Longbyt; 20.10.2011 at 18:47. Reason: Please leave square brackets in their contents in place when shortening quotes.
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:31
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Hello there!

I am a foreigner married to a Swiss guy. We have a small child. We don't live in Switzerland but in a third country.
I would like to ask those of you foreigners married to Swiss men, what language is considered "appropriate"? My husband uses very ugli words when we fight or even when we don't fight also to address our child, which in my country are considered absolutely NO to use to someone who is your family - i.e. dumi cuh, idiot, dum (to the child), hura, schisstrek, and in english: you have no brain, you are soo stupit, etc. Then he tries to explain to me that this is actually a normal way of communication in Switzerland (the German part). Is this true? Is this s normal swiss roughness or is just my "lovely" husband?

I can understand that things get said in the heat of the moment, but it should at least be followed up with an apology.

It's NOT normal to speak like that, and if anything I'd question your husbands own upbringing..... because THIS is how your child will be like when he/she is older.

Bashing on a child's confidence when it's young is extremely destructive, and you are right to stand up to this. Make sure the child knows they are not stupid or dumb..... but perhaps just made a mistake that they can learn from.


Your hubby has issues.

Protect the kid.

Good luck
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:32
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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sad
I think in the end it comes down to how you feel about the situation. Do you feel you have a healthy relationship with your husband? Does he have healthy relationship with his kids? If yes to both, then maybe he has just a few bad habits. If no, then there are some definite issues that need to be resolved.
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:39
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Yeap, I have. No, he doesn't. His explanation is: "She doesn't act like you, she knows how to behave.....", sweet, ha!!!?

drmom, he uses this rude language in everyday life... simply everything is hura "whatever"...

sad
OK, if my husband spoke to me like that he would firstly get told that it is bang out of order. If he kept at it, I would see it as a breakdown of respect and would have to take some serious action.

You sound like you have kept your head in the face of his insults and the worst thing would be to sink to his level and (tempting as it might be) fire off a few insults of your own.

He definitely has issues.
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:46
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

Do you consider 'hura-' insulting? I know several people who say tack it onto every second word. It's an uneduacted and chavvish way of speaking. I agree. But insulting? Come on. Its 2011.
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:49
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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Do you consider 'hura-' insulting? I know several people who say tack it onto every second word. It's an uneduacted and chavvish way of speaking. I agree. But insulting? Come on. Its 2011.
I disagree, I find it out of order in a family setting. Huere comes from whore, after all, and although I have no issues with the profession personally, it is still a negative thing. But you are right about the lack of education, sounds like this person could do with a bit of bringing up...
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:58
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

No, hura, is not insulting, if it is said seldon out of anger and if the person realises it's not good wording. But if it is said in everyday life, just for fun and just for everything, than it is a bit too much, don't you think?! And it is just an example of the way he speak. And sad is that he believes it's normal and he even tries to convince me, it is...and he tries to convince me, it is an usual casual language in Switzerland.
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Old 20.10.2011, 14:59
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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I disagree, I find it out of order in a family setting. Huere comes from whore, after all, and although I have no issues with the profession personally, it is still a negative thing. But you are right about the lack of education, sounds like this person could do with a bit of bringing up...
The 'hura' = 'huara' is an obvious explanation as its a homonym. But I'm not sure that that is really where it comes from. In some dialects they leave the 'h' off so it's more uura or even uu'a or uu'u. So it could equally well be the German 'ur' meaning genuine or ultra. But even if it does mean 'huara', it's no longer used to mean that any more and through common usage it has lost its offensive bite. A bit like many English words that used to be offensive but are less so today, such as bl**dy which actually has nothing to do with blood but is a contraction of "by our lady" and is hence a blashemic rather than profane term.
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Old 20.10.2011, 15:07
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

I don't know if it's common for a Swiss guy, but as someone married to a European my child once, and only once, came to me crying saying that daddy had said she was stupid. I talked with my husband and mentioned that he should think before he opens his mouth and, if he couldn't do that, I'd divorce him. Fortunately, he took the hint.

If he can't think of how his language is hurting your children, you need to do it for him. Language is a very powerful weapon.
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Old 20.10.2011, 15:19
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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drmom, he uses this rude language in everyday life... simply everything is hura "whatever"...

sad
If this were all, I'd say he probably just has some coarse habits of speech - I have certainly heard enough Swiss teens and 20-somethings whose speech is strewn with huure this and huure that. I would say it's about equivalent to the f-word in English: not very nice, certainly not the way you want your kid to grow up talking - but it won't turn heads in a train carriage either, and it may indeed be normal for him and his buddies. (Is he fairly young? Have you been married long?)


Calling people stupid, idiots, dumme Kuh etc. is a bit more serious - and his attempts to excuse himself don't do him credit. Not "sorry, it just slipped out, I didn't mean anything by it" but rather "well, I don't call my mother that because SHE knows how to behave." In other words it's your fault (or the kid's) whenever he calls you a name. Nope. Not having that.
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Old 20.10.2011, 15:29
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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<snip>...i.e. dumi cuh, idiot, dum (to the child), hura, schisstrek, and in english: you have no brain, you are soo stupit, etc....<snip>
It's not normal.<snip>
Oh no, Olygirl, we use those terms all the time when talking about the Swiss... ... hang on... what was the question again?

Seriously though, Mimivin, not wanting to cast any aspersions, but it sounds like you got a bum deal...

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No, hura, is not insulting, if it is said seldon out of anger and if the person realises it's not good wording. But if it is said in everyday life, just for fun and just for everything, than it is a bit too much, don't you think?! And it is just an example of the way he speak. And sad is that he believes it's normal and he even tries to convince me, it is...and he tries to convince me, it is an usual casual language in Switzerland.
In certain strata of society using "coarse" language which would be screened by the word filter on EF intercalated between every word would be normal. There is a difference between that and insulting people specifically, or in the case of children destroying any self-confidence by calling them stupid etc. Sounds like your charmer has a bit of both. One, is a matter of taste, preference and dare I say it, breeding. The other is just wrong.

Edit ...ah, I see MN has pretty much said exactly what I did...
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Old 20.10.2011, 15:39
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

No offence but he sounds a bit of a bully.
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Old 20.10.2011, 15:42
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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I don't know if it's common for a Swiss guy, but as someone married to a European my child once, and only once, came to me crying saying that daddy had said she was stupid. I talked with my husband and mentioned that he should think before he opens his mouth and, if he couldn't do that, I'd divorce him. Fortunately, he took the hint.

If he can't think of how his language is hurting your children, you need to do it for him. Language is a very powerful weapon.
should have told your child to HTFU.
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Old 20.10.2011, 15:49
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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I don't know if it's common for a Swiss guy, but as someone married to a European my child once, and only once, came to me crying saying that daddy had said she was stupid. I talked with my husband and mentioned that he should think before he opens his mouth and, if he couldn't do that, I'd divorce him. Fortunately, he took the hint.

If he can't think of how his language is hurting your children, you need to do it for him. Language is a very powerful weapon.
I have to agree with Poptart here 100%.

It doesn't matter what the differences are in language, culture, etc. If your husband is saying something which you find insulting, disrespectful or inappropriate, he should respect you enough NOT to say those things after you tell him that it is not acceptable language for you.

Also being married to someone that doesn't speak English as his mother tongue there have been a few poorly translated words or phrases. But a proper talking to has prevented any further misunderstandings.

I don't think there's anywhere in the world where being called a dumb cow is acceptable. And as suggested, tell him this is how he's raising his child to behave. If he wants to tell you that you don't know how to behave, then point out HE needs to set the example he wants his children to follow.
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Old 20.10.2011, 15:58
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Re: How much "bad language" is OK for swiss?

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should have told your child to HTFU.
Nope. Girls get enough of this sort of thing later in life and if you can't depend on the two people who mean the most to you in life, as well as the rest of your family, to be in your corner, then who can you depend on? You can say something they did is stupid, but calling the child stupid is not acceptable.
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