Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Family matters/health  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #121  
Old 18.11.2011, 12:33
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Zurich
Posts: 4,933
Groaned at 184 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 8,570 Times in 2,876 Posts
Kittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
I want these! Where can I get them?
They're from UGG, I have a pair in black (it was black, white or brown in those days), ordered them directly from UGG - or rather, my then boyfriend did as a present since I was always shivering with the cold. I had a quick look on the website and it seems they've opted for a more practical model with the lower part shorn and the calf bit fuzzy. I see the point as I had to wash mine regularly after a day out - they are really only made for indoor or perfect ski resort use.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Kittster for this useful post:
  #122  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:01
Karl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Here
Posts: 2,006
Groaned at 192 Times in 87 Posts
Thanked 2,939 Times in 958 Posts
Karl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

As the OP of the "Office Flirt" thread that spawned this thread, I thought I'd write an Epilogue.

The very nature of "flirting" is to convey the unspoken possibility of a romantic and/or sexual relationship, while all the time keeping it vague enough to keep you guessing what it really meant. On the receiving end, once this ambiguity is removed, it loses its power (either yes she's interested, or no she's just playing games to get something else that she wants from me).

Well, I confronted her yesterday. Basically pulled her aside and replayed what happened between us over the past year, and what messages I was getting from her actions. I told her that flirting seems to be an essential part of her communication strategy with me (and men in general it turns out), and that she should be more careful how she uses it, as it can be easily misconstrued. I told her that I had developed feelings for her as a result, and that at the beginning it was fun, but that it stopped being fun long ago, and has messed with my mind and my home life.

She flatly denied any romantic intentions, and defended her flirting as innocent, and that she does it with other men who don't misinterpret it. I basically forced her hand...essential put the loaded psychological gun in her hand, pointed it at my chest and dared her to pull the trigger. She did. Ouch. Painful experience.

But now I see through her behavior, and she can no longer manipulate me by flirting...I see it for what it was now, there is no ambiguity.
Whether she meant what she said or not, I'll never no, as she did throw in the "...but you never know what could develop between us in the future" in an attempt to re-assert the ambiguity, but I'm not falling for that one.

The only thing that I don't get, is what did she really want from me?

God, she just walked through my office again, why does she do that? Her office is on the other side of the building.

I will just sign this,

Sucker for a flirt

Boy, what an idiot I was.
Reply With Quote
The following 12 users would like to thank Karl for this useful post:
  #123  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:06
Chemmie's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 4,144
Groaned at 33 Times in 29 Posts
Thanked 4,951 Times in 2,233 Posts
Chemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
As the OP of the "Office Flirt" thread that spawned this thread, I thought I'd write an Epilogue.

The very nature of "flirting" is to convey the unspoken possibility of a romantic and/or sexual relationship, while all the time keeping it vague enough to keep you guessing what it really meant. On the receiving end, once this ambiguity is removed, it loses its power (either yes she's interested, or no she's just playing games to get something else that she wants from me).

Well, I confronted her yesterday. Basically pulled her aside and replayed what happened between us over the past year, and what messages I was getting from her actions. I told her that flirting seems to be an essential part of her communication strategy with me (and men in general it turns out), and that she should be more careful how she uses it, as it can be easily misconstrued. I told her that I had developed feelings for her as a result, and that at the beginning it was fun, but that it stopped being fun long ago, and has messed with my mind and my home life.

She flatly denied any romantic intentions, and defended her flirting as innocent, and that she does it with other men who don't misinterpret it. I basically forced her hand...essential put the loaded psychological gun in her hand, pointed it at my chest and dared her to pull the trigger. She did. Ouch. Painful experience.

But now I see through her behavior, and she can no longer manipulate me by flirting...I see it for what it was now, there is no ambiguity.
Whether she meant what she said or not, I'll never no, as she did throw in the "...but you never know what could develop between us in the future" in an attempt to re-assert the ambiguity, but I'm not falling for that one.

The only thing that I don't get, is what did she really want from me?

God, she just walked through my office again, why does she do that? Her office is on the other side of the building.

I will just sign this,

Sucker for a flirt

Boy, what an idiot I was.

Good job on doing this. It's not an easy step at all but definitely a hurdle to overcome with more positive out comes.

In the past back home working with Human Resources. In office flirting is considered sexual harassement. I know this is europe and it might not be the same here, but it's taken very seriously back home so such situations don't happen.

Best of luck!
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank Chemmie for this useful post:
  #124  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:22
MacGregor's Daughter's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Zug
Posts: 3,169
Groaned at 31 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 3,563 Times in 1,463 Posts
MacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Karl, I am very sorry this happenend to you and you became emotionally imbalanced. Forgive me for asking this, it might sound insensitive to you:

Without any further knowledge of how she behaved around you I would like to know if you are sure she was flirting with you?

Sometimes people tend to interpret things into a person that aren't there.

Quote:
Be very careful in interpreting her body language. Research by social scientists showed that most men have the inclination to misinterpret friendly display of behavior as flirting sexually. Not that men are stupid to identify it, but because men are more inclined to view his surroundings more sexually than women.
http://www.pickupsuccess.com/body-language-tells.htm
Reply With Quote
  #125  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:23
Phil_MCR's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 14,753
Groaned at 284 Times in 189 Posts
Thanked 18,644 Times in 7,830 Posts
Phil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Good job on doing this. It's not an easy step at all but definitely a hurdle to overcome with more positive out comes.

In the past back home working with Human Resources. In office flirting is considered sexual harassement. I know this is europe and it might not be the same here, but it's taken very seriously back home so such situations don't happen.

Best of luck!
depends on the office. ours is pretty laid back and the stuff that goes on here would give a US HR manager a heart attack.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Phil_MCR for this useful post:
  #126  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:26
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Zurich
Posts: 4,933
Groaned at 184 Times in 120 Posts
Thanked 8,570 Times in 2,876 Posts
Kittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond reputeKittster has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
depends on the office. ours is pretty laid back and the stuff that goes on here would give a US HR manager a heart attack.
Same here. It's cool because my sense of humour is definitely of the tit and ball variety.
Reply With Quote
  #127  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:30
Helm's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Zürich<->St.Gallen
Posts: 2,209
Groaned at 13 Times in 13 Posts
Thanked 4,136 Times in 1,371 Posts
Helm has a reputation beyond reputeHelm has a reputation beyond reputeHelm has a reputation beyond reputeHelm has a reputation beyond reputeHelm has a reputation beyond reputeHelm has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

There is definitely no flirting in my office. There is nothing worth flirting with (they are all past validation date or so green i'd be arrested)
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Helm for this useful post:
  #128  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:45
Karl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Here
Posts: 2,006
Groaned at 192 Times in 87 Posts
Thanked 2,939 Times in 958 Posts
Karl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Karl, I am very sorry this happenend to you and you became emotionally imbalanced. Forgive me for asking this, it might sound insensitive to you:

Without any further knowledge of how she behaved around you I would like to know if you are sure she was flirting with you?

Sometimes people tend to interpret things into a person that aren't there.
Fair enough. Maybe I got it wrong. Her behaviour towards me included: frequent touching (arms, shoulders, knee), hugs, blowing kisses, leaving little post-its on my monitor with cutesy drawings, exchanging of little presents, chocolates, books, polished stones, verbal innuendo (frequent mentioning that "we" could do this or that together), lunches together, and a pretty intense 5 month Skype chat where she expressed how much she was looking forward to seeing me, how much she liked me, "you're the best", "I miss you", "It's so sad when you're not here", etc. you get the picture. OK, does this qualify as flirting?
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Karl for this useful post:
  #129  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:45
magic's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Geneva
Posts: 1,107
Groaned at 10 Times in 9 Posts
Thanked 737 Times in 317 Posts
magic has a reputation beyond reputemagic has a reputation beyond reputemagic has a reputation beyond reputemagic has a reputation beyond reputemagic has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
God, she just walked through my office again, why does she do that? Her office is on the other side of the building.

I will just sign this,

Sucker for a flirt

Boy, what an idiot I was.
Ignore her, don't you know it drives them crazy when you do not give them the attention.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank magic for this useful post:
  #130  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:47
lost_inbroad's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Town or region
Posts: 11,491
Groaned at 655 Times in 417 Posts
Thanked 16,388 Times in 6,379 Posts
lost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Fair enough. Maybe I got it wrong. Her behaviour towards me included: frequent touching (arms, shoulders, knee), hugs, blowing kisses, leaving little post-its on my monitor with cutesy drawings, exchanging of little presents, chocolates, books, polished stones, verbal innuendo (frequent mentioning that "we" could do this or that together), lunches together, and a pretty intense 5 month Skype chat where she expressed how much she was looking forward to seeing me, how much she liked me, "you're the best", "I miss you", "It's so sad when you're not here", etc. you get the picture. OK, does this qualify as flirting?
..I don't know, but as long as it's just the tip, it doesn't count.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank lost_inbroad for this useful post:
  #131  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:52
MacGregor's Daughter's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Zug
Posts: 3,169
Groaned at 31 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 3,563 Times in 1,463 Posts
MacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Fair enough. Maybe I got it wrong. Her behaviour towards me included: frequent touching (arms, shoulders, knee), hugs, blowing kisses, leaving little post-its on my monitor with cutesy drawings, exchanging of little presents, chocolates, books, polished stones, verbal innuendo (frequent mentioning that "we" could do this or that together), lunches together, and a pretty intense 5 month Skype chat where she expressed how much she was looking forward to seeing me, how much she liked me, "you're the best", "I miss you", "It's so sad when you're not here", etc. you get the picture. OK, does this qualify as flirting?
Yepp, pretty much clear and not to be misunderstood I guess, it was just a thought and I didn't mean no offence by it!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank MacGregor's Daughter for this useful post:
  #132  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:56
MusicChick's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: La Cote
Posts: 17,488
Groaned at 414 Times in 275 Posts
Thanked 20,428 Times in 10,577 Posts
MusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond reputeMusicChick has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
..I don't know, but as long as it's just the tip, it doesn't count.
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank MusicChick for this useful post:
  #133  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:58
bluecat74's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Glarnerland
Posts: 196
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 258 Times in 111 Posts
bluecat74 has earned the respect of manybluecat74 has earned the respect of manybluecat74 has earned the respect of many
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Fair enough. Maybe I got it wrong. Her behaviour towards me included: frequent touching (arms, shoulders, knee), hugs, blowing kisses, leaving little post-its on my monitor with cutesy drawings, exchanging of little presents, chocolates, books, polished stones, verbal innuendo (frequent mentioning that "we" could do this or that together), lunches together, and a pretty intense 5 month Skype chat where she expressed how much she was looking forward to seeing me, how much she liked me, "you're the best", "I miss you", "It's so sad when you're not here", etc. you get the picture. OK, does this qualify as flirting?
That is flirting for sure, especially the Skype chatting when you work with her in the same company.

She just sounds like a manipulative wench, who does know exactly what she is doing, playing games with people. Karma will come back and bite her on her behind.

I wish you all the best going forward as looking backwards will just cause you pain. Look ahead and the path will be much clearer.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank bluecat74 for this useful post:
  #134  
Old 18.11.2011, 15:59
lost_inbroad's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Town or region
Posts: 11,491
Groaned at 655 Times in 417 Posts
Thanked 16,388 Times in 6,379 Posts
lost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Ok, am I the only one here to believe that Karl is clearly bull$hitting...?
Reply With Quote
This user groans at lost_inbroad for this post:
  #135  
Old 18.11.2011, 16:02
Sagitta's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Winterthur
Posts: 706
Groaned at 3 Times in 2 Posts
Thanked 1,174 Times in 489 Posts
Sagitta has a reputation beyond reputeSagitta has a reputation beyond reputeSagitta has a reputation beyond reputeSagitta has a reputation beyond reputeSagitta has a reputation beyond reputeSagitta has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Fair enough. Maybe I got it wrong. Her behaviour towards me included: frequent touching (arms, shoulders, knee), hugs, blowing kisses, leaving little post-its on my monitor with cutesy drawings, exchanging of little presents, chocolates, books, polished stones, verbal innuendo (frequent mentioning that "we" could do this or that together), lunches together, and a pretty intense 5 month Skype chat where she expressed how much she was looking forward to seeing me, how much she liked me, "you're the best", "I miss you", "It's so sad when you're not here", etc. you get the picture. OK, does this qualify as flirting?
Is this still flirting? I thought flirting was supposed to be subtle.
Reply With Quote
  #136  
Old 18.11.2011, 16:02
lost_inbroad's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Town or region
Posts: 11,491
Groaned at 655 Times in 417 Posts
Thanked 16,388 Times in 6,379 Posts
lost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

**awkard silence** (why is everybody staring at me?)
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank lost_inbroad for this useful post:
  #137  
Old 18.11.2011, 16:03
marton's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Kt. Zürich
Posts: 11,616
Groaned at 579 Times in 487 Posts
Thanked 20,883 Times in 10,968 Posts
marton has a reputation beyond reputemarton has a reputation beyond reputemarton has a reputation beyond reputemarton has a reputation beyond reputemarton has a reputation beyond reputemarton has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Fair enough. Maybe I got it wrong. Her behaviour towards me included: frequent touching (arms, shoulders, knee), hugs, blowing kisses, leaving little post-its on my monitor with cutesy drawings, exchanging of little presents, chocolates, books, polished stones, verbal innuendo (frequent mentioning that "we" could do this or that together), lunches together, and a pretty intense 5 month Skype chat where she expressed how much she was looking forward to seeing me, how much she liked me, "you're the best", "I miss you", "It's so sad when you're not here", etc. you get the picture. OK, does this qualify as flirting?
I have married ladies who were less demonstrative.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank marton for this useful post:
  #138  
Old 18.11.2011, 16:05
grynch's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Geneva/Vaud
Posts: 4,945
Groaned at 50 Times in 46 Posts
Thanked 5,199 Times in 2,354 Posts
grynch has a reputation beyond reputegrynch has a reputation beyond reputegrynch has a reputation beyond reputegrynch has a reputation beyond reputegrynch has a reputation beyond reputegrynch has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
**awkard silence** (why is everybody staring at me?)
no homo....


p.s... re. Karl... I had a dream like that once as well.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank grynch for this useful post:
  #139  
Old 18.11.2011, 16:06
MacGregor's Daughter's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Zug
Posts: 3,169
Groaned at 31 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 3,563 Times in 1,463 Posts
MacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
**awkard silence** (why is everybody staring at me?)
Because you're irresistable and utterly attractive?
Reply With Quote
  #140  
Old 18.11.2011, 16:07
lost_inbroad's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Town or region
Posts: 11,491
Groaned at 655 Times in 417 Posts
Thanked 16,388 Times in 6,379 Posts
lost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How much is too much?

Quote:
View Post
Because you're irresistable and utterly attractive?
Why yes, I get that a lot....
Reply With Quote
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
how much is a liability insurance? bz_moore Insurance 3 28.06.2011 12:39
Mother In-Law! How often is too much? WhySoSerious? Family matters/health 34 04.02.2011 19:02
How do I find how much car tax is going to be? Doogle57 Transportation/driving 12 16.03.2010 15:05
kitten is eating too much ullainga Pet corner 24 05.11.2009 21:37
Is it too much to ask? Indo gal General off-topic 34 20.12.2007 21:05


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 23:36.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0