(Deleted to respect the OP's wishes.)

There isn't much you can do to 'protect' your relationship - what is already there or isn't there determines its solidity. BOTH of you can only decide every so often to keep going and keep negotiating the points you don't agree on. Not many relationships are completely harmonious - those are the extremely lucky and blessed ones.

You and your partner think in completely different ways (think of your differing upbringing and life experience thus far). Always remember that there is no 'right' way -only your way or his way, or another way. Work towards each other's happiness - different things make you and him happy. Above all, be kind to each other.

I am not married yet but can't wait to be.

My parents have been married now 40 years, and it is awesome to see.

The key to weathering the storm is being open and communicating with your other half, trusting them 100%, understanding them and what they really mean (which is super important especially where both come from different upbringings and countries), respecting one another, loving each other (especially if the other half snores super loudly through the night ), not being afraid to hug or kiss or to be physical with each other and to love and be happy with yourself, as if you don't love yourself how can you expect your partner to.

I think also in this day and age, for some people at the first sign of trouble they jump ship, instead of working through the problem which makes them both stronger people.

I love being a smitten kitten and being in love

Communicate. A simple checking in with each other all the time: "how you doing hunny? whats up?" or a simple "I love you" goes a long way.

Communication: Dont be a woman and say "nothing" when something is bothering you and punish the man silently. Dont be a man and say: "nothing" just because its not ingrained in your DNA to talk about things, internalise and fume silently.

Compromise: There are bound to be things where you both agree to disagree or find a common ground where both parties have to give and take a little.

I'm sorry, but that's a bunch of crap. Marriage, as any relationship, is about compromise. And everything in a day to day life has influence in that relationship. This includes dietary requirements. And difference in food tastes actually enrich a relationship, they don't make the life less "enhanced". Discussing petty things as food, cleaning, taxes, doctors and the weather comes along with sharing your life with someone. If you think the only topics you are going to discuss with your OH is intelectual discussions about Dostoievsky take on punishment, the crisis of the Middle East and the latest sex tantra, then no wonder you have problems with marriage.

And the crap about the supermarket is pretty much nonsense too. For a start, people are probably depressed in the supermarket because a lot of people hate shopping. But I can give you enough examples around me where people had happy marriages for 20 years, my grandparents included who where happily married for 57 years. Was there fights? Sure. Was there bad moments? Sure. But the compromises they made with each other made them forget the stupid things and focus on the fact they still loved each other.

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Fighting for Pluto's liberation from the Dwarf League since 2006 @(°.°)=@)x.X)' ' '

Oh PUh-leeeze, it's them petty compromises which causes people to divorce. Also, I don't have problems with my relationship (please note, relationship and not marriage...I've never been married). I treat my partner as an equal and I therefore, would expect to discuss Dostoievsky take on punishment, the crisis of the Middle East and the latest sex tantra...making a big deal out of sauerkraut and octopus is just silly and definitely not worth the time and effort wasted on the topic....but then, that's alright for common folks I guess.

By not making a big deal our of sauerkraut and octopus is that not compromising?

A friend of mine struggled for years to stay in a long relationship. When she finally got engaged she told her mother how hard it had been finding someone with whom she could share the same sort of relationship (see the above quote) that her parents had. Her mother replied but our relationship wasn't and isn't always like that we just never argued in front of you. Her parents are still happily married and have been for a long time and although her engagement didn't last my friend has found happiness with someone whom she regularly disagrees with.

Lately, it feels like the experience of being ex-pats is like trying to navigate a mine field...there are so many places to misstep. I want to be the couple that comes closer together, but it feels like the navigation is so difficult, and then as others have posted, we each have different needs/backgrounds, and we end up feeling paralyzed (though together). But we're still in the mine field.

I need a map.

I think any relationship (marriage or long-term partnership or even friendship) has compromises in it. Sure, the relationship should overall enhance your life (or what's the point)...but life doesn't always work out perfectly. Should I ditch my husband 'cos he's had cancer and that's meant some annoying side effects from treatment....or compromise on / tolerate certain things and enjoy the life we have together?

Frankly not a tricky decision to accept some imperfections in someone you really care about <though hubby, 53 staples was taking things a BIIIT far>. So I guess if you are unwilling to compromise at all, that tells you something about the relationship...or perhaps your personality

Hang in there! The first year or two almost did us in. Now it's much, much smoother. Also consider your response to things: consciously choose another type of response if the same old way has never produced good results. For example, I used to be hurt and angry whenever he had a short fuse over something small and give him the silent treatment for a couple of hours after that. Now I just tell myself it's his 'problem', forgive him and move on to do other things. He may or may not apologise, but I get more peace of mind this way.

..nah, see there's a fine, fine difference. Your husband having cancer and you standing by his side is an example of love right there. That has nothing to do with compromise...but the dinky little issue people have aboue of he likes this, she likes that...it annoys me, tut I'll deal with it type of nonsense are detrimental factors, which cause divorce IMO.

You are not alone. Sometimes a couple has to be really far apart, on two different ends of the spectrum before they come together, much closer. Sorry - a little vague and emotional chow-chow but I want you to know that you arent alone.

Hang in there. Onto each other if necessary - and tight

Sauerkraut and octopus. mmmm. yummy

My role in the marriage is to make my wife as happy as possible. Her role likewise. However, my role is not dependent on her fullfilling hers, and vice-versa. It's about selflessness. That's the ideal. However, marriage (and any relationship), involves two selfish, self-centred people. It's in the conflict of the reality with the ideal that the fun happens. As soon as one person starts demanding their rights to be treated selflessly by the other person everything collapses.

We've been married 21 years, are still in love, have great kids and a one-year old car. We come from radically different cultures and backgrounds.

To the OP - how we got this far - ten years in Switzerland - was almost by adopting a bunker mentality. Us against the world! By keeping the home base strong, we were both able to deal with the culture shock, and that fed back into keeping the relationship working. I remember three months in, loading everyone into the car and taking a spontaneous weekend in Italy. Just what we needed. Learning to ski, as a family, was another good one. Reminding us all of the benefits of being here.

It takes effort and compromise - spending time with each other, and being understanding. Some people haven't the guts for it

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Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

Your wife has a wife?

How can you protect your marriage/relationship? Compromise, communication – all true, but I also strongly believe in soul searching, individual awareness and self-knowledge. Ask yourself the right questions: what makes you happy, are you fulfilled, does this relationship let you grow or does it hamper you?
If it hampers you, then you’ll find a way to break out because you will unconsciously drift away from it. Too much compromise, sacrifice, selflessness may lead to mysery.
I used to be the queen of compromise and sacrifice. In the long run, it never served my relationships. I would like my present relationship (marriage) to be a union of two strong, independent and fulfilled individuals.

Totally agree. It may sound arrogant to say I love myself, but it's more in the direction of being content and happy with who and what you are.

On it's own, it wont solve someones problems but I do think it is something important that is overlooked. We can talk about compromise, hard work, selflessness, communication , change etc etc etc... But if you can't look inside yourself and feel happy about what you see, I believe your are just going to end up unintentionally hurting your partner. If you are happy with yourself, then that can infect your partner. Sometimes we just need to step back and have some personal time to think about ourselves.

@Kristanez, Been there & lost, but every situation is different. If your partner has a desire to make it work as well, you will pull through. Spotting that you may have lost your way is a crucial step.

Agreed. I think if you love and know yourself, have certain boundaries, then the rest is just about compromise.