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  #101  
Old 23.11.2011, 21:44
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

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It's about things in common. Two devout Christians have a lot in common, just like two sport fanatics, two academic thinkers, two travellers, etc....

Opposites may attract but it's the common bond that keeps people glued happily together.
I tend to agree on the notion of having things in common; however through my experience, I find, that religion especially Christianity can put a lot of unnecessary pressure on individuals in terms of marriage.

Last edited by lost_inbroad; 23.11.2011 at 21:57.
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  #102  
Old 23.11.2011, 21:49
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

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It's about things in common. Two devout Christians have a lot in common, just like two sport fanatics, two academic thinkers, two travellers, etc....

Opposites may attract but it's the common bond that keeps people glued happily together.
Personally do not agree. OH and I couldn't be more like 'chalk and cheese' and yet it is partly our differences that have kept us together, I am sure.

Sky in the UK and I think here in CH, couples are supposed to go for a marriage preparation course with the Vicar or Priest. Didn't you have to do that? BTW, it is not long ago that Christian couples were torn apart by their respective forms of Christianity- like Protestants and Catholics (my parents somehow survived despite huge antagonism - dad cam from a staunch Catholic family and mum a vaguely Protestant divorcee).
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  #103  
Old 23.11.2011, 22:32
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

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Oh please, are you serious ? marriage counseling before marriage ?
Yes - and it was to make people consider the possible (& the inevitable) that would come after marriage. To think of what was ahead ... and make sure you build a strong relationship before stuff starts to happen.

As somebody said earlier in this thread, usually when people get to marriage counseling it's far too late ...

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Hell, before marriage, you haven't even been barfed on yet by a burping baby or changed the nappies of a toddler who had too much spinach ...
Actually, given my extended family, I had been through similar stuff with babies long before getting married. I looked after my nephews on many occasions, for example. One time my sister (then breastfeeding twins) thought it'd be a great idea to eat licorice ...
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  #104  
Old 23.11.2011, 23:00
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

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Yes - and it was to make people consider the possible (& the inevitable) that would come after marriage. To think of what was ahead ... and make sure you build a strong relationship before stuff starts to happen.

As somebody said earlier in this thread, usually when people get to marriage counseling it's far too late ...
This is exactly one of the things that I consider protection.

I want to live and love intentionally, and not look back and wonder, "Hmmm...when did it start to unravel?" I guess in my mind there is a big difference between being proactive and reactive, and I want us to be the former.
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  #105  
Old 23.11.2011, 23:27
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

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Oh the horror monster-in-law stories I could tell at a candle light beer dinner...

Actually having a horrible mother, and as a result, a horrible mother-in-law, can spice up the marriage...

IT'S US OR HER! TAKE UP THE CANNONS, HUSBAND! WE GOING TO REVENGE THE POLISH! UNITED WE STAND!
To spice it up you say??? My husband was able to separate from her almost totally so no influence on our relationship (well done) but that is really rare. Normally it is easier to ruin the relationship as some guys will always love their mommies more -she raised him, she gave him cookies, she cleaned his behind and sometimes they ignore her toxic and unhealthy influence which is totally destructive and for the other half is a nightmare. For some reason the more toxic she is the harder it is for him to say: "Halt", "These are our boundaries", "This is our personal space", "Do not call before 10am on Sunday" etc. I tried to stay calm, positive and communicate before but this truly an abstract. 5 min with her and I am so upset I'm shaking. If allowed, she would organize and decide abt. everything. She's so toxic is unspeakable. I am quite lucky in this unlucky situation but if He wasn't understanding that relationship would not last, that's for sure.
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  #106  
Old 24.11.2011, 08:46
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

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Normally it is easier to ruin the relationship as some guys will always love their mommies more
Oh no... In my case, he was counting the hours till he got out of the house. I'm the evil one, the horrible *censured*, that took him away from his true family, and forced him to move away from Germany. And when he now has the courage to vomit all the anger and bad memories they made him go through, I'm the one to blame for messing up his head and turning him against his beloved parents [sic] and implanting all these fake memories in his pretty little head.

Call me... Lady Mastermind...

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  #107  
Old 24.11.2011, 09:15
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

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That's a pretty basic and generalized statement. I know no one and I mean absolutely no one that has gained anything positive from getting marriage counseling and I'm talking about double digits. Fact is, by the time most couples seek advice, it's way too late. Affairs have been had, irrevocable differences made clear, maybe even domestic violence involved or some kind of addiction to alcohol or anti-depressants.

Marriage counselors just soak up the vibe in the room and play it back at a different speed. Their opinions won't change the way your heart or soul feels about the other person. At best you'll feel appeased, at worst resentful. If the counselor is a woman, the guy will try and schmooze her over to his point of view, vice versa and the woman will no doubt perform the "Doe eye" routine.
The answer is simple: couples should go to the marriage counseller earlier. Way before the affairs are had, and just after the niggles and frustrations start that don't go away and wasn't there a year ago. It isn't that marriage counselling is useless (given a good counseller) but that couple postpone the effort to deal with their problems. In my experience, marriage problems NEVER just goes away when left alone.

Marriage counselling has worked wonders for our marriage, although it does not mean you can rest on your laurels, or your partner changes his/her personality. Go early, even when the going is still good. I highly reccommend it.
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  #108  
Old 24.11.2011, 09:29
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Re: How do you protect your marriage through transition?

O.K. maybe this will be a good question:

Where to find good English speaking marriage counsellor in Zurich, Geneva, Basel? Can anyone share this info here? When I was in Berlin there was only one native speaker that people would really recommend
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