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Old 14.02.2012, 10:06
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Re: Stealing....

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Assuming you would like to have a second thought on how to fix this.

1) Short Term: since you also work on the same company, try to pay back in any terms what comes into your home even if it comes without your intention (like working a bit extra hours, bringing something to the office that you can bring which comes into the product need..)
This may relieve the OP's conscience, but is not going to have any effect whatsoever if the BIL is caught and OP is implicated.

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2) Long Term: I believe with Ladies, confrontation and being too direct does not always work -(not being direct doesn't mean telling lies - just being more kind than just shoting what needs to be said) - so try to make the same act in a way that she is the one who is getting stolen, like taking one small belonging of her and when returning it back after she recoginze it is lost, ask her how she feels - and don't discuss it much, take it step by step until she recognize how not good it is, if this did not work look for other ways to send her the message without much discussions that may lead to guest room at the end of the day.

Good luck.
Clever idea, absolutely won't work. Wife will simply reverse it and use him taking something from her to justify her brother's actions.

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The problem is not the crime. But the results that the crime has brought into the OP's married life.

There is no debate that his brother-in-law is an active thief who is stealing. Theft is theft whether gold bars or, as MrVertigo suggests, condoms. But I can see that by taking a high moral tone and sticking to his principles the OP is putting his marriage in jeopardy.

The OP has to ask which is more important, his marriage or his brother-in-law's theft of unknown household items valued at about CHF1 from his employer.

Life and especially marriage is about compromise and flexibility, not making a moral stand against your partner's close family...
Where do you draw the line at keeping familial peace? Loss of job? Just a job, not as important as a marriage... or what?

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I am very familiar with company policy. There have been people who have been fired on the spot for taking even small screws home. She would never take something herself because its too risky, her brother works the night shift with no supervision from his bosses.
This is basic policy anywhere. I had a boss here who fired someone for knicking some rather trivial stuff; when he confronted the fellow, the guy was sorry but also incredulous that he was losing his job over something that had little value. Boss said if he had simply asked he would have given it to the fellow, but since he stole it, hit the road. I would do the same.
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Old 14.02.2012, 10:14
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Re: Stealing....

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Take the said items away (or back to company if possible) from your home. Wait for her reaction. If she gets mad at you because you stole it from "her" or "common house", tell her it's exactly what she's been doing with the company, and that the company feels the same way:robbed.
Just to reiterate....we never received anything from her brother. We just talked about it. Yesterday my wife asked him if he could get the things by this friday and thats when it became real to me and i finally had a firm objection. Nothing has been taken and nothing received
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Old 14.02.2012, 10:24
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Re: Stealing....

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Just to reiterate....we never received anything from her brother. We just talked about it. Yesterday my wife asked him if he could get the things by this friday and thats when it became real to me and i finally had a firm objection. Nothing has been taken and nothing received
This is your house too. Your wife is married to you, not her brother. So you should come first.

Some very religious people are strict with religion when it serve them. For exemple, maybe she had sex before marriage, etc. so this time, she could be ready to break her believes for something who serve her.

It is an exemple, you know your wife best.

But one thing is for sure, this is your marriage between YOU and your wife, nobody else. If family takes over you on basic decisions, something is wrong and something should be done about it.

Best of luck!
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Old 14.02.2012, 10:24
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Re: Stealing....

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Just to reiterate....we never received anything from her brother. We just talked about it. Yesterday my wife asked him if he could get the things by this friday and thats when it became real to me and i finally had a firm objection. Nothing has been taken and nothing received

I believe in equality in marriage etc, 50/50 partnership and all that, BUT there are times when you have to take a stand, and this sounds like one of those times. Put your foot down say NO, explain you are not going to jepordise your jobs for this.
Put up with the spare room/couch for a few days, if your marriage is right she will get over it, if not, well thats another story.
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Old 14.02.2012, 10:28
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Re: Stealing....

So in case you were not aware of it, companies generally have procedures in place to monitor their production vs. shipments and will likely investigate inventory shrinkage, especially if some sort of pattern emerges. It sounds like your bil is already contributing to a pattern. I would stand my ground on this one as your bil's integrity seems questionable, therefore it probably goes without saying that if he goes down, he will take you and your wife down with him.
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Old 14.02.2012, 10:43
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Re: Stealing....

From the brief part I read, I just want to respond to the relational aspecet: I think she was offended by the way you approached her, perhaps more than the reproach itself. She might be feeling conflicted herself, and you calling her out on it using her religion in an accusatory fashion, might have backed her further into the corner at which point she just shut the conversation down. Faith is a touchy subject. Tread lightly.
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Old 14.02.2012, 10:43
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Re: Stealing....

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You hit it right on the head, she does tend to break those rules when it suits her. As for the bil, hes a very nice guy, always willing to help with whatever needs to be done, willing to drive us when needed, etc. He has however done some other things that are questionable....which i have always looked the other way
You are the OP?
Hahaha, whoops. So much for the no duplicate-account policy.
  #28  
Old 14.02.2012, 12:01
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Re: Stealing....

Without honesty, you can't have a successful marriage.

Tell your wife in no uncertain terms that you are not comfortable with your brother in law taking things from the firm and that you certainly don't want any of these items in your home.

You have already said that the company regards theft of their products as a sackable offence. They might be inexpensive items however a small company probably can't afford to have too many of their products not generating revenue.

Be aware that if your BiL does get caught stealing, there is a chance you and your wife could be implicated - particularly if you knew the stealing was going on and did nothing about it.

I think your BiL's behaviour is really quite selfish as it could potentially cause harm to more people than just himself.

Cheers,
Nick
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Old 14.02.2012, 12:43
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Re: Stealing....

You don't need to talk to your wife anything ....

Just confront your brother in law in front of her and express your dissatisfaction in him getting the things to your apartment and that he should not get them any more in future as you find it objectionable.

Keep your wife out of this.
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Old 14.02.2012, 13:02
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Re: Stealing....

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You are right. But are you going to let the stupid actions of your brother-in-law ruin your marriage??

If your wife is a strict Catholic, what are you? An even stricter one?? Get off your high horse.

There are times when it's best to just keep quiet with families. Blood is thicker than water. You won't win...
.

Agree with AbFab's logic. Don't let it ruin your marriage.

On the other hand, this is a slippery slope. You want to make sure she understands that you are prepared to overlook this only because she is more important to you than the b-i-l or the ten commandments... or else you'll soon be paying a higher price to stay out of the guest bed.
(yes, been there, done that. paid for it. and learned my lesson)
  #31  
Old 14.02.2012, 13:21
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Re: Stealing....

Oh dear, OP is permanently banned now. We shall never know the resolution and whether OP opted to preserve his job or marriage.

It's like a TV show that was cancelled mid-season.
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Old 14.02.2012, 13:28
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Re: Stealing....

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Oh dear, OP is permanently banned now. .

Why??? Dont understand why the forum would ban someone, this post isnt abusive or anything???
Am I missing something here?
  #33  
Old 14.02.2012, 13:30
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Re: Stealing....

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Why??? Dont understand why the forum would ban someone, this post isnt abusive or anything???
Am I missing something here?
Click his user name and select "View Public Profile."
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  #34  
Old 14.02.2012, 14:19
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Re: Stealing....

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Oh dear, OP is permanently banned now. We shall never know the resolution and whether OP opted to preserve his job or marriage.

It's like a TV show that was cancelled mid-season.
Maybe the OP's wife will come in with a thread. That would rock.

"My brother, husband and I all work at the same place. My brother has a way to sneak merchandise out without getting caught- BUT, my silly husband doesn't want us to accept any of it! I mean, what the hell?! He's afraid of us losing our jobs or something, not to mention some bizarre moral stance about stealing being 'wrong'. My friends told me if he doesn't cave in it could compromise our marriage and I agree. C'mon girlfriends, back me up here."

Would love, love, love, to see the response. AbFab: "You tell your brother to back off! If you can't compromise with your husbands wishes you'll ruin your marriage!"

Oder?
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Old 14.02.2012, 14:30
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Re: Stealing....

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Maybe the OP's wife will come in with a thread. That would rock.

"My brother, husband and I all work at the same place. My brother has a way to sneak merchandise out without getting caught- BUT, my silly husband doesn't want us to accept any of it! I mean, what the hell?! He's afraid of us losing our jobs or something, not to mention some bizarre moral stance about stealing being 'wrong'. My friends told me if he doesn't cave in it could compromise our marriage and I agree. C'mon girlfriends, back me up here."

Would love, love, love, to see the response. AbFab: "You tell your brother to back off! If you can't compromise with your husbands wishes you'll ruin your marriage!"

Oder?
You missed the bit about making her husband sleep on the sofa.

My response would be that they seem to deserve each other. If there was ever a grain of truth in this thread, then they both have a very sad marriage - the more so as they air their dirty linen in public. However my money is on trolls...
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  #36  
Old 14.02.2012, 14:35
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Re: Stealing....

I'm still intrigued to know what the company makes. My money was on Fasnacht confetti - I seem to recall that there is just manufacturer in Switzereland. Don't know where I got that snippet from so probably it is made up.

Cheers,
Nick
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Old 14.02.2012, 14:40
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Re: Stealing....

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You missed the bit about making her husband sleep on the sofa.
Abs darling, I didn't miss that part. That's combined with the fact that wifey want's to get involved in illegal activity against her husband's wishes made me mad and sad.

You're suggestion that he concede rather than take issue bewildered me, and also made me sad. You don't 'save a marriage' by tucking tail anytime there's a disagreement. We're not talking about whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, this is activity that could cost them all their jobs. Whatevs .

As for 'airing dirty linen'; that's why OP made a dupe account. Shall he go to his friends and other family to discuss this issue of illegal activity? Probably not prudent. Come here, incognito, and ask a group of people he's comfortable with anonymously- seems like a pretty good idea to me. Get some feedback with zero bias.
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Old 14.02.2012, 14:44
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Re: Stealing....

I don't understand why the OP didn't just buy the objects in question if they were so cheap! Would have saved an awful lot of fuss.
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Old 14.02.2012, 14:45
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Re: Stealing....

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I need some help...Im trying to resolve a family issue and everyone has me convinced I'm crazy so I need some guidance

My wife, my brother in law and I all work at the same company that produces a product. ( i dont want to go into too many details on what it is) Well anyways, the brother in law has access to this product that we produce and sell. It is a fairly inexpensive thing to make (<1 chf) but of course since this is Ch, it sells for several times that. Amyways, a few months ago he offered to "take" a few of these items and bring it to us to use in the apartment. I was quite skeptical, but agreed to it because I was sure you cannot get caught doing it. He has done it before for others and has no supervision. Tonight my wife mentioned it to him again, and that he should bring them next week. I once again had objections and this time i realized my objections were not the result of fear of being caught but because i feel its wrong.

I told my wife after the bil left that it wouldn't be right to take from the company that employs us, they provide us with a very good living. I said even though they make a lot of money, its still stealing.

My wife is catholic to the bone, no meat on fridays, no working on sundays...so i asked her how she can condone and even encourage this? Stealing is down on the list of 10 commandments, but its still on there.

Anyway, long story short, she basically flipped out on me and totally turned what i said into a negative thing..saying she would tell her brother i thought he was a thief and that i bad mouthed him and she is refusing to have any kind of further discourse on the matter....went to sleep in the guest room

So, what do you guys think? Am i wrong on this, did i say the wrong thing? How can i fix it?

PS: I have no desire to report anyone, what he does is his business and i dont want to stick my nose in it

PPS: No the "product" is not drugs or anything illegal, this is a very legitimate company.i just dont wish to say what it is because basically only one company produces this
Are you sure this is theft?

It could be that employees are allowed to take a certain number of items with them, or that there is some official arrangement for that. I had a neighbour who worked for a printing company and he sometimes distributed children's books that had some minor defect such as maybe bad stitching or scuffed corners making them unsellable but still perfectly usable. If he hadn't taken them they would have been pulped.
  #40  
Old 14.02.2012, 14:46
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Re: Stealing....

You've said what's on your mind. The problem is you had expectations that your wife would take your side and would perhaps talk to her brother about it. Whoops...damn expectations. Life doesn't work that way.

You and your wife aren't stealing so you are both innocent. If your wife sees no harm in it, then that is her opinion. Accept it. I think the bigger problem is yourself. You are in a dilemma with your own morals.

1. You can talk to your boss about it.
2. You can talk to your brother in law about it.
3. You can ignore the situation.
4. You can continue fighting with your wife about it.
5. You can talk to your bil's boss about it.
6. You can find another job.
7. You can distance yourself from your bil.
8. You can distance yourself from your bil and wife.
9. You can find peace within yourself that you cannot change the situation although you've tried.
10.

See? You've got lots of choices. So which one shall it be?
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