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Old 29.04.2012, 23:45
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My soon to be empty nest..

After having 3 little smackerjacks come and go to uni and back, I am now faced with the final one flying the nest to take up a job some distance from home..

So I am trying to think of the positives to make myself get through this.

1. No waiting up in bed fretting and waiting for him to come back after a night out.
2 No more stacks of washing/ironing
3 A fridge that stays full more than 1 day
4 Toilet tissue not being replaced constantly (hayfever)

How am I going to get through this when my son leaves Anyone gone through this? We are sooo close and I am smiling on the outside but crying inside.
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Old 29.04.2012, 23:54
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

I've seen how difficult it was for my mum when I left for Switzerland and I'm afraid I don't really have any advice to give. All I can say is your kids will always need you. After my OH breaking up with me unexpectedly a couple of months ago, I spent so many hours on the phone to my mum and then she came over to look after me. Your kids may be adults, but mum is still the first person they'll turn to.

All I can say is I cherish my relationship with my mum and, although we don't see each other often, we still have lots of regular contact and she is extremely important to me.

Hope you feel better soon.
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Old 30.04.2012, 00:01
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

you could create/adopt more spawn

or maybe the thought of another 18 years in purgatory helps to get through it
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Old 30.04.2012, 00:04
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

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After having 3 little smackerjacks come and go to uni and back, I am now faced with the final one flying the nest to take up a job some distance from home..

So I am trying to think of the positives to make myself get through this.

1. No waiting up in bed fretting and waiting for him to come back after a night out.
2 No more stacks of washing/ironing
3 A fridge that stays full more than 1 day
4 Toilet tissue not being replaced constantly (hayfever)

How am I going to get through this when my son leaves Anyone gone through this? We are sooo close and I am smiling on the outside but crying inside.
Hmmmm....I was always super independent and left home early teen, but I made sure mom feels comfortable with telling me she needs me or when she needs to feel needed. I take care of her more than the other way around, but they are all mad scientists.

I say keep the communication channel open, you can show him, on the outside that it is not easy for you, that's life. If you do, he will be familiar with it when he has a kid in the similar situation and will understand. Emotions are part of life, we won't grow up until we accept the fact emotions exist, they just need to be processed. It's ok to be nostalgic and tell him. Kids think about these things, even when they don't talk about them with parents.

Focus on the upside - you can do all the crazy things you ever wanted to do, staying at friends overnight, travelling, etc. Maybe spend some time in more busy area than Ste Croix, hang in Neuch, schedule culture, theaters, etc. Keep busy.
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"L'homme ne peut pas remplacer son coeur avec sa tete, ni sa tete avec ses mains." J.H. Pestalozzi

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"Imagination is more important than knowledge." A. Einstein
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Old 30.04.2012, 00:07
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

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I've seen how difficult it was for my mum when I left for Switzerland and I'm afraid I don't really have any advice to give. All I can say is your kids will always need you. After my OH breaking up with me unexpectedly a couple of months ago, I spent so many hours on the phone to my mum and then she came over to look after me. Your kids may be adults, but mum is still the first person they'll turn to.

All I can say is I cherish my relationship with my mum and, although we don't see each other often, we still have lots of regular contact and she is extremely important to me.

Hope you feel better soon.
Thanks for the kind words - Like your mum, all you ever want is for your kids to be happy and healthy and I am sure that she is sooo proud of you and what you've acheived.
What I am happy about is that I really get on with my grown-up children and we speak nearly every day.
I have always been shocked by how so many don't get on with their mums & dads for various reasons and have little contact -that makes me sad.
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Old 30.04.2012, 00:10
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

Thinking of you - be happy and positive - it's great that they get on with their own life - and still choose to share much of it with us, - even if by Skype or phone. Good luck to your son with his new venture.
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Old 30.04.2012, 00:13
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

Oh, even though I can't really give any advice as Kamarate says be sure that you will always be needed, big hugs your way!
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Old 30.04.2012, 00:27
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

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you could create/adopt more spawn

or maybe the thought of another 18 years in purgatory helps to get through it
Or you could get a pet!

I just got news that back home I've been replaced by a baby rabbit.
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Old 30.04.2012, 00:36
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

Such a sweet post smackerjack. It's a new stage of life, and like Kamarate said, he's still going to need you and want to see you.
It'll be different, but it's life. Keep looking at the positives too.

ps. I have a feeling I might be writing a similar post in 15-16 years time!

Anyway, chin up! and think about how excited you'll be when he comes to visit and stay over
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Old 30.04.2012, 07:35
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

Look at the bright side. You brought him up to be a independent young man who can (hopefully) cope with the world. Would you prefer the opposite and have him in his nest up to his fourties?
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Old 30.04.2012, 08:15
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

You could also make some of your own positive lifestyle changes to make the best of the new circumstances — anything from more time outdoors (exercising, gardening, or just enjoying nature) to joining a club or volunteering for something to reading, traveling...
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Old 30.04.2012, 12:11
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

Finally he left! No more keeping quiet during sex!
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Old 30.04.2012, 12:35
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

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Finally he left! No more keeping quiet during sex!
TMI
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Old 30.04.2012, 14:30
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

It's so nice that you've raised 3 kids, you're proud of them, and you stay in touch with them. They must be great kids.

I remember when I got my first "real" job. My mother was so proud of me, it was really important to her that I had a good job. Independence was so important to her. Of course her first piece of advice "You can afford a cleaning person, hire one. You're not going to do it yourself."

I also talked to my parents - on the phone nearly every day (of course I was about 500 miles away, not on a different continent). If they were alive still, I'd be skyping them.

I'm sure you'll find stuff to do if you have holes in your schedule.
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Old 30.04.2012, 14:48
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

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Thanks for the kind words - Like your mum, all you ever want is for your kids to be happy and healthy and I am sure that she is sooo proud of you and what you've acheived.
What I am happy about is that I really get on with my grown-up children and we speak nearly every day.
I have always been shocked by how so many don't get on with their mums & dads for various reasons and have little contact -that makes me sad.
We are in desperate need of loving parents-grandparents to fill the lack my own parents left when they disowned me... Want to adopt us?
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Old 30.04.2012, 14:57
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

Been through this twice and feel your pain!

Although my sons only live a few miles away at the moment I rarely see them.... but that's because they're busy being the hard-working and intelligent young men that I raised them to be, although I 'complain' about not seeing them I'm really very proud of their independance and self-sufficiency.

You should be equally proud that your children have flown the nest and are starting out as proper grown-ups, willing and capable of looking out for themselves. It just means you've done your job properly!
And after all everyone needs their mum, so they'll be in touch as often as they have to be; might not be as often as you'd like but that's the price of success.
Better to have an empty but always welcoming nest than one that's full of timid, clingy child-adults who're working you into the ground as an unpaid skivvy.

Chin up, and look forward to the next stage.... who knows what it'll bring.
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Old 30.04.2012, 15:06
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

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TMI
Oh, cmon...

People do it even after 30.
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Old 30.04.2012, 15:16
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

My husband and I are empty nesters, for the last two years. Both girls away at school, one graduating in just a couple weeks. Some people might not consider that the nest is completely empty, but since moving here to Switzerland, it really is. They will not be coming to live with us here. At first, I was sad. But then I realized that this is precisely what I spent 18 years of their lives preparing them for, and I had done my job so well that they were not only ready to move on, but eager to start their own lives. That brings me more joy than having them under my roof. I love their visits, and I love Skyping with them every week. But I also love being with my husband and having time to cultivate a relationship that has had to take a back seat to all the duties of parenting. I love having time to focus on the other parts of my personality, those parts that have nothing to do with being a mother, those parts that make up who I am. Mothering is what we do, not who we are. If it were, then all of us mothers would be exactly the same person. Celebrate the success of what it is you have done so well for so long. And then move on to being the most authentic self you can be. Rejoice!
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Old 30.04.2012, 15:27
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

I am up for adoption
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Old 30.04.2012, 15:38
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Re: My soon to be empty nest..

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4 Toilet tissue not being replaced constantly (hayfever)
.
Why did I never think of this excuse as a teenage boy with hormones....hayfever of course that is exactly where all the toilet paper goes.
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