Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Family matters/health  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 16.09.2012, 01:37
lost_inbroad's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Town or region
Posts: 11,491
Groaned at 655 Times in 417 Posts
Thanked 16,388 Times in 6,379 Posts
lost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond reputelost_inbroad has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Alright proud fathers, get back on topic please or otherwise, Karma will provide you with LIB-alike son in law.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank lost_inbroad for this useful post:
  #42  
Old 16.09.2012, 02:00
Phil_MCR's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 14,745
Groaned at 284 Times in 189 Posts
Thanked 18,639 Times in 7,827 Posts
Phil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Admit you saw a typo, did't ya?
maybe you're unfamiliar with another meaning of 'tats' - no typo required
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Phil_MCR for this useful post:
  #43  
Old 16.09.2012, 09:21
Caviarchips's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Basel Stadt
Posts: 3,979
Groaned at 99 Times in 77 Posts
Thanked 6,677 Times in 2,388 Posts
Caviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Thats because you aren't a mum.
Quote:
View Post
Did you have a sex change, Tom?

Or have you just been pretending to be a man this whole time?

Quote:
View Post
No, I'm a widower, so I have to do both.

Tom
Tom - I like your posts and think you're a good man - but there was maybe another way of getting to that point without taking us on a fishing trip, causing embarrassment to Carrie and without the groaning. A little bit of an uncharacteristically manipulative technique to make the point about your circumstances. Why not just post the story?

Having said that - I still feel uncomfortable with this kind of "Hardship Poker" that people play in these kind of threads. Mimi is upset and shared it. I never understand why "I've been through tough times and I'm OK" is at all relevant. Either sympathise, or silently and respectfully disagree - but don't try to out-do her.

Maybe that's just me though
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank Caviarchips for this useful post:
  #44  
Old 16.09.2012, 10:39
MsWorWoo's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Winti
Posts: 1,933
Groaned at 57 Times in 37 Posts
Thanked 3,161 Times in 1,187 Posts
MsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Mimi, I hope you managed to sleep, and have a late morning. Let us know when MiniMimis' back.
Enjoy a childrens TV free morning
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank MsWorWoo for this useful post:
  #45  
Old 16.09.2012, 11:51
Principia Discordia's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Züri Unterland
Posts: 1,230
Groaned at 91 Times in 57 Posts
Thanked 2,518 Times in 807 Posts
Principia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Maybe that's just me though
Maybe it is. I think automatically assuming a father can't possibly feel as strongly about his child as a mother deserves a groan and a bit of egg on the face. Even without knowing Tom's background, it's a dumb assumption to make that he can't possibly comprehend how the OP feels...

This has less to do with "hardship poker", and while it is a bit strange in my eyes (If my memory is correct, I sincerely can't understand how all-day daycare with a poorly paid child minder is apparently less worrisome than 20 hours with the child's father. Sorry, there certainly is an element of "is 400,000 a year a good salary?" or "My Jag is in the shop so I have to drive my Merc all week!" to this thread. There are dads out there who would give anything for one weekend a month with their kids. The thought of a custody agreement in which I get one seemingly reluctant overnight in three years being referred to as "fair" is unimaginable, and putting myself in those shoes, I can't help but being sympathetic with the father and sad that this is somehow seen as an occasion for sadness instead of happiness. But, that's just me, and maybe it'll help to understand why some people seem a but baffled by this thread. Apologies in advance for any offense taken from a proud member of the daddy brigade, I tried to put it as nicely as possible. I hope you ended up having a nice night.

Quote:
View Post
Yay free baby sitter!
FYI, fathers aren't babysitters.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank Principia Discordia for this useful post:
This user groans at Principia Discordia for this post:
  #46  
Old 16.09.2012, 12:01
Caviarchips's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Basel Stadt
Posts: 3,979
Groaned at 99 Times in 77 Posts
Thanked 6,677 Times in 2,388 Posts
Caviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond reputeCaviarchips has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
I just don't get why you are upset?
Quote:
View Post
Maybe it is. I think automatically assuming a father can't possibly feel as strongly about his child as a mother deserves a groan and a bit of egg on the face. Even without knowing Tom's background, it's a dumb assumption to make that he can't possibly comprehend how the OP feels...
Thanks, but it wasn't a "dumb assumption" or an "automatic assumption". He said so!

My point wasn't that fathers can't feel the same way as mothers - but THAT father said he couldn't understand it and I was suggesting maybe why that was.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 16.09.2012, 12:11
mimi1981's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: London, previously Basel
Posts: 3,773
Groaned at 21 Times in 19 Posts
Thanked 5,792 Times in 2,173 Posts
mimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
I just don't get why you are upset?

While I've never been divorced myself, I have been married to two divorcees, but I still just don't understand where you're coming from?

Tom
Quote:
View Post
You don't understand why she misses her daughter?
Quote:
View Post
For a night, no.

Not even for several nights.

Tom
Quote:
View Post
Thats because you aren't a mum.
Thanks caviar xxxx

I'm upset and down because of a long history that you have no idea about. I know my daughter will be fine but I am still worried and sad. My girl means everything to me and this was a HUGE first step to trust him when, up until now he has been unable to change a nappy or feed her unless I gave him the money to do so. She is my world and will always remain so.

I didn't EVER say that it's wrong that she is with her dad and I agree that she deserves this time with him but aren't I allowed to miss her and feel sad that my baby isn't with me as normal?
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank mimi1981 for this useful post:
  #48  
Old 16.09.2012, 12:20
MsWorWoo's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Winti
Posts: 1,933
Groaned at 57 Times in 37 Posts
Thanked 3,161 Times in 1,187 Posts
MsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

FYI. day time and night time are different. You must know what it is like to wake up in the middle of the night somewhere different and forget where you are, add to that that the one constant in your life, you primary carer, is not there.....
Mimi is allowed to worry about her kid, Mimi is allowed to miss her kid. Mimi is allowed to come on a forum she regulary uses and has a number of friends on to discuss these feelings. And we are allowed to comfort her.
It's not a matter of her not trusting the father, or she wouldn't let her kid over there. It's a matter of a mother spending a night away from her child.
OK. I'm a single mum, and my kid spends lots of time at her dad's, because he has always been interested in doing so. If MiniMimi's dad had been interested then Mimi would have been able to let the kid stay there long ago. It's not grudging, it's upsetting.
So, shut up and support Mimi.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank MsWorWoo for this useful post:
  #49  
Old 16.09.2012, 12:25
Pachyderm's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Zurich
Posts: 1,549
Groaned at 76 Times in 55 Posts
Thanked 3,384 Times in 1,156 Posts
Pachyderm has a reputation beyond reputePachyderm has a reputation beyond reputePachyderm has a reputation beyond reputePachyderm has a reputation beyond reputePachyderm has a reputation beyond reputePachyderm has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Thanks guys and gals.

As us Brtis say "it's time to harden the F up".
we do?
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 16.09.2012, 22:44
mimi1981's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: London, previously Basel
Posts: 3,773
Groaned at 21 Times in 19 Posts
Thanked 5,792 Times in 2,173 Posts
mimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Mini-mimi home safe and well. Just a few teething issues to address but all is good. Thanks guys for making me feel better xx
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank mimi1981 for this useful post:
  #51  
Old 16.09.2012, 22:45
MacGregor's Daughter's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Zug
Posts: 3,169
Groaned at 31 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 3,563 Times in 1,463 Posts
MacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond reputeMacGregor's Daughter has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Mini-mimi home safe and well. Just a few teething issues to address but all is good. Thanks guys for making me feel better xx
Very happy to hear. Didn't we all tell you so?
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank MacGregor's Daughter for this useful post:
  #52  
Old 16.09.2012, 22:47
Carlos R's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Roundn'about Basel
Posts: 7,232
Groaned at 105 Times in 95 Posts
Thanked 9,934 Times in 4,178 Posts
Carlos R has a reputation beyond reputeCarlos R has a reputation beyond reputeCarlos R has a reputation beyond reputeCarlos R has a reputation beyond reputeCarlos R has a reputation beyond reputeCarlos R has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Mini-mimi home safe and well. Just a few teething issues to address but all is good. Thanks guys for making me feel better xx
Calpol works wonders... for the parents of course...
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 16.09.2012, 23:55
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 11,133
Groaned at 356 Times in 291 Posts
Thanked 16,430 Times in 8,349 Posts
greenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond reputegreenmount has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Mini-mimi who is three in a couple of weeks time, is off to her father's overnight for the first time. Until now he has visited her most Saturday's but now the time has come that he wants her overnight.

We have a fair agreement and I do understand that it is good for her and him to have this time. However, I'm finding it difficult not to over worry and I am filled with thoughts of what could go wrong.

He loves her dearly so I know he won't intentionally hurt her, but having been on my own with her (and obviously with my wonderful chap) and having her with me all the time makes me on edge.

How on earth do I manage not to freak out in the next 48 hours? Mirfield (my other half) is trying to find things for us to do that will keep me occupied but I'm so sad.

EDIT: she's now been picked up and I'm in tears
Jesus Mimi, if I wouldn't have seen some movie last night....Please, let the child have some time with her father. Fathers are human beings too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyaD-lVycoQ

Last edited by greenmount; 17.09.2012 at 00:08.
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 17.09.2012, 01:50
Phil_MCR's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 14,745
Groaned at 284 Times in 189 Posts
Thanked 18,639 Times in 7,827 Posts
Phil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Tom - I like your posts and think you're a good man - but there was maybe another way of getting to that point without taking us on a fishing trip, causing embarrassment to Carrie and without the groaning. A little bit of an uncharacteristically manipulative technique to make the point about your circumstances. Why not just post the story?
give him a break! firstly the "you're not a mum" card was off-base to begin with - as if the emotions and feelings of a male parent are of lesser value than a female parent.

then tom's reply should have been enough warning to steer clear of the subject...
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Phil_MCR for this useful post:
  #55  
Old 17.09.2012, 08:33
JBZ86's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Zurich and various mountains
Posts: 3,709
Groaned at 520 Times in 337 Posts
Thanked 4,258 Times in 1,944 Posts
JBZ86 has a reputation beyond reputeJBZ86 has a reputation beyond reputeJBZ86 has a reputation beyond reputeJBZ86 has a reputation beyond reputeJBZ86 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

This was always going to be a heated thread.

I nearly posted before but something inside me knew it was a thread that should come with a caveat along the lines of "if you don't know my past don't post", alas their appears to be history on this given the reaction to the immediate eye brow raising question of, "why so much drama? It's the kids dad!"

Anyhoo, all has been said and done, I spare a thought for dad who must be pleased as punch to spend first night with his girl in 3 years!!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank JBZ86 for this useful post:
  #56  
Old 17.09.2012, 08:49
little_isabella's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Zurich
Posts: 1,094
Groaned at 18 Times in 15 Posts
Thanked 1,387 Times in 550 Posts
little_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

I don't see how the original post has led to so much debate. Seems normal that a parent might miss their child for the first overnight away from them with the other parent.

My husband is better in many respects with our son than I am and I'd still miss my son like crazy and worry like a mofo if (ahem..when) I am first away from him and he's overnight with my husband. It's an adjustment and when you do something new that involves the most important person in your life, it can be scary.

As for being a mum or a dad, it's not a competition. Mums and dads are different though (i.e. different, not one better than the other). Carrying a baby for nine months can definitely influence you and how you relate to your child. I know for me, it makes me much more of a worrier with our son. My husband, however, is more relaxed, which is actually a good thing in many situations.

Glad to hear the visit went well for all involved. The feelings are normal!
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank little_isabella for this useful post:
  #57  
Old 17.09.2012, 09:06
mirfield's Avatar
Moddy Wellies
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 8,726
Groaned at 53 Times in 47 Posts
Thanked 9,916 Times in 3,647 Posts
mirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Please, let the child have some time with her father. Fathers are human beings too
Have you even read anything she has written?
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank mirfield for this useful post:
  #58  
Old 17.09.2012, 09:08
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
This was always going to be a heated thread.
Let's be honest, a thread about where to buy bleach can get heated, too.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank for this useful post:
  #59  
Old 17.09.2012, 10:19
mimi1981's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: London, previously Basel
Posts: 3,773
Groaned at 21 Times in 19 Posts
Thanked 5,792 Times in 2,173 Posts
mimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond reputemimi1981 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Jesus Mimi, if I wouldn't have seen some movie last night....Please, let the child have some time with her father. Fathers are human beings too...

He has her as frequently as he wants to. I understand the importance of them spending time together and would never stop him from seeing her.

It was his choice not to have her overnight for so long. I think deep down he didn't feel able to look after her until he could have conversations with her.
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 17.09.2012, 10:25
Phil_MCR's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 14,745
Groaned at 284 Times in 189 Posts
Thanked 18,639 Times in 7,827 Posts
Phil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Daughter going to stay overnight with her father for the first time

Quote:
View Post
Mini-mimi who is three in a couple of weeks time, is off to her father's overnight for the first time. Until now he has visited her most Saturday's but now the time has come that he wants her overnight.

We have a fair agreement and I do understand that it is good for her and him to have this time. However, I'm finding it difficult not to over worry and I am filled with thoughts of what could go wrong.

He loves her dearly so I know he won't intentionally hurt her, but having been on my own with her (and obviously with my wonderful chap) and having her with me all the time makes me on edge.

How on earth do I manage not to freak out in the next 48 hours? Mirfield (my other half) is trying to find things for us to do that will keep me occupied but I'm so sad.

EDIT: she's now been picked up and I'm in tears
hopefully now all is well that she is back. i guess it is a perfectly normal feeling and a taster of what is to come when she goes off to school, moves away for university, or rides off on the back of a bike clinging onto a biker dude
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Phil_MCR for this useful post:
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
First time going to Geneva! mzigah Daily life 3 18.08.2012 09:29
Present ideas for new first time father. travnett General off-topic 14 17.05.2011 10:48
Visiting Baden For the First Time - ideas for a cost effective short stay please Hullabaloo Housing in general 1 22.03.2011 20:43
Aisha the lynx, are they going to kill her too? Sparrowgirl Swiss politics/news 16 11.09.2010 23:45
Going to London for the first time: best musical? defcon3 Travel/day trips/free time 19 01.02.2010 12:30


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 13:25.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0