Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Family matters/health  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 27.09.2012, 12:10
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
The "joy" of daycare

To parents out there,

My 1.5 years old son started daycare this week. To help him adjust, he has been going progressively two days this week with an hour more each day.

1-After 2 days, we spent last night cleaning the vomit and mucus and everything coming with it. Poor thing.

2-I also had my heart broken in pieces when yesterday he started crying when he saw me leaving the class. That was truly hard.

3-It is the first time in four years I am kids free during the day and I already find myself going around wondering what to do with myself. Well not today, since he is home with fever.

I am seeking good wise words and experiences from parents who have been throught those three situations.

Nil
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank Nil for this useful post:
  #2  
Old 27.09.2012, 12:16
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Zurich Unterland
Posts: 3,315
Groaned at 145 Times in 99 Posts
Thanked 4,850 Times in 1,930 Posts
smoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Is normal, Nils, the crying when you leave. You just have to leave very slowly ....... waving till you`re out of sight.
I had this with my grand-daughter, being responsible for weaning her into Kindergarten. I had to stay and help her with her shoe changing, hanging up everything, escort her to her table, and have to wait till the teacher shooed me out!
Gradually it lengthened, till she`d cope with changing, and wave her little hand thru the door till I vanished into the distance.
I tried acting more broken-hearted than she felt ..... so she began to have to sort-of console me about being parted from her ..... it worked!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank smoky for this useful post:
  #3  
Old 27.09.2012, 12:27
Mélusine's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Lutry
Posts: 3,944
Groaned at 32 Times in 27 Posts
Thanked 5,654 Times in 2,263 Posts
Mélusine has a reputation beyond reputeMélusine has a reputation beyond reputeMélusine has a reputation beyond reputeMélusine has a reputation beyond reputeMélusine has a reputation beyond reputeMélusine has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

It's normal that your kids cry when you leave... But actually, and I've seen it many times, they stop about 5 seconds after you've left

For me what works best is to keep the goodbye short. I give a big kiss, a big hug, say "Mommy loves you very much and Mommy comes back at the end of the afternoon" and leave with a huge smile on my face even if I'm crying inside. Kids mimic us, so if they see we are heartbroken they'll act the same.

And as for the nice viral shock of starting daycare... Well, it must be done once! It will be one crazy winter, and after it'll get better.

That being said, I spent my weekend cleaning up vomit from both my kids, and I came down with the bug myself on Tuesday...
Reply With Quote
The following 8 users would like to thank Mélusine for this useful post:
  #4  
Old 27.09.2012, 12:29
Textoch's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Texas, USA (formerly Vaud, CH)
Posts: 1,201
Groaned at 25 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 3,058 Times in 937 Posts
Textoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond reputeTextoch has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Sorry, Nil, that this transition is tough right now for you and your little guy. I found when I put my youngest in preschool (he was a bit younger than yours) it was sort of a "three steps forward, two steps back"-type of transition. That is to say, as far as my perception of his happiness or acceptance of going to school, it gradually got better from week to week. The bad days when he cried became fewer and the good days where he seemed quite content to be left became more numerous. In my experience, though, my son was still susceptible to a "bad" day here and there when he just didn't want to be left, all the way up to about age three.

The sharing of germs/viruses/bacteria just goes with the territory of little kids, who are constantly exploring and learning by putting things in their mouths, sharing space and toys. I would console myself every time he was sick by thinking, "Okay, that's one more germ we will hopefully be able to fight off better when/if it comes around again."

It's hard to see our little ones unhappy or sick, though! Remember that this too, shall pass. It's cliché, but so true that one day that sweet little boy of yours will be a teenager who may not even look back or say goodbye to you as he sets off for his day at school. Been there and done that!

As for what to do with yourself when he is well and back in school, my advice is to make sure it includes something that is just for you. Don't fill all the kid-free time completely with grocery shopping and errands (as I was prone to do at one time); rather carve out a piece of it for something that makes you happy, be it exercise, meeting a friend for coffee, or even sitting in a quiet cafe by yourself and enjoying a book or magazine. Feeling refreshed instead of frazzled when you pick up your kids will make the day a more enjoyable experience for you all!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Textoch for this useful post:
  #5  
Old 27.09.2012, 22:15
smackerjack's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: U.K/VAUD
Posts: 2,242
Groaned at 14 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 2,691 Times in 1,110 Posts
smackerjack has a reputation beyond reputesmackerjack has a reputation beyond reputesmackerjack has a reputation beyond reputesmackerjack has a reputation beyond reputesmackerjack has a reputation beyond reputesmackerjack has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Wow Nil - can't believe that your son is going to daycare - seems only a few months ago that you had him.
I understand where you are coming from and it can be upsetting but you must not give any sense to your son that you are anxious and try not to draw out your departure because he will be distracted with everything going on and he will stop crying.
I had a friend who used to draw the whole process out till her child and her were so upset that it did no one any good.
So you leave him with a big smile, tell him you love him and won't be long give him a kiss and go - yes, you will probably shed a tear when you get out of sight but then you focus on some time for you. Your little guy will be fine.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank smackerjack for this useful post:
  #6  
Old 27.09.2012, 22:22
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Quote:
View Post
Wow Nil - can't believe that your son is going to daycare - seems only a few months ago that you had him.
I understand where you are coming from and it can be upsetting but you must not give any sense to your son that you are anxious and try not to draw out your departure because he will be distracted with everything going on and he will stop crying.
I had a friend who used to draw the whole process out till her child and her were so upset that it did no one any good.
So you leave him with a big smile, tell him you love him and won't be long give him a kiss and go - yes, you will probably shed a tear when you get out of sight but then you focus on some time for you. Your little guy will be fine.
It passed so fast, isn't it? He is now a handsome looking little man.

When I left him crying, I must have looked upset because the director's assistant came to give me an hug.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Nil for this useful post:
  #7  
Old 28.09.2012, 08:33
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Zurich Unterland
Posts: 3,315
Groaned at 145 Times in 99 Posts
Thanked 4,850 Times in 1,930 Posts
smoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond reputesmoky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Quote:
View Post
It passed so fast, isn't it? He is now a handsome looking little man.

When I left him crying, I must have looked upset because the director's assistant came to give me an hug.
And before you know it, he`s 37, and telling YOU to behave yourself!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank smoky for this useful post:
  #8  
Old 28.09.2012, 09:01
nickatbasel's Avatar
Mod, Chips and Mushy Peas
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Albisrieden
Posts: 5,311
Groaned at 160 Times in 98 Posts
Thanked 8,348 Times in 3,092 Posts
nickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond reputenickatbasel has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

We first took Nickatbaseljnr to nursery when he was 6 months. Felt a bit strange but we went straight to a restaurant and had a kid-free lunch. He was happy as Larry.

Now he's going to kindergarten and insists on going there by himself - though Mrsnickatbasel does look out of the window for him at hometime.

Cheers,
Nick
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank nickatbasel for this useful post:
  #9  
Old 28.09.2012, 10:08
NewOneINseefeld's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Zurich
Posts: 426
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 208 Times in 132 Posts
NewOneINseefeld is considered knowledgeableNewOneINseefeld is considered knowledgeableNewOneINseefeld is considered knowledgeable
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Quote:
View Post
2-I also had my heart broken in pieces when yesterday he started crying when he saw me leaving the class. That was truly hard.

3-It is the first time in four years I am kids free during the day and I already find myself going around wondering what to do with myself. Well not today, since he is home with fever.
Same here... :-/
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 28.09.2012, 10:14
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

2 & 3 have been resolved for today as both kids are sick at home.

Now 4- came up as I wish they were both at school...



Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 28.09.2012, 10:17
Tanya's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Bulach ZH
Posts: 174
Groaned at 2 Times in 2 Posts
Thanked 46 Times in 23 Posts
Tanya has slipped a little
Re: The "joy" of daycare

My daughter was always sick from daycare - she caught everything... this lasted about 1.5 years - now she is 2.5 and strong as an ox... its very hard... but it gets easier..
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 28.09.2012, 10:22
justswiss's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Baden
Posts: 203
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 199 Times in 80 Posts
justswiss is considered knowledgeablejustswiss is considered knowledgeablejustswiss is considered knowledgeable
Re: The "joy" of daycare

I feel for you! Like others have said, leave you child with a smile on your face and tell him you'd be back to pick him up. When we lived in the US and i put my son in daycare for the first time, he used to cry a lot when i left. It used to break my heart and after a month or so, we took him off the daycare. That was the biggest mistake we did. I took up working from home for a while. when we moved to India later on, there was no option of work-from-home and then we had to leave him in a daycare. he knew no Hindi (the language spoken at the daycare) and he was terrified. used to cry a lot when i leave him (maybe thinking we'd take him off again)but i could not not afford to take him off the daycare. he survived well and the crying stopped after 2 -3 weeks. We moved again to Indonesia (new language again), England and now switzerland (new language again) but he has survived all the moves and new daycare. Well, i should say i survived all of them

The only thing i learnt in all these is that children tend to be what we are - you put up a brave face and they become more confident. My son's biggest fear was that we will never pick him up. once that got addressed, he was better and did not really cry or feel sad. secondly, they catch all infections from the daycare. In switzerland he brought home the chickenpox virus. you just need to be careful with that - what we do is whenever we see that he has caught an infection, we just take him off the daycare and ensure that the infection is not aggravating.

As for the time off, do all that you never found time to do until now Now that i am not working and my son goes to a daycare after kindergarden, i find myself reading, cooking, painting, stitching, writing - all of which i wanted to do but never found time
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank justswiss for this useful post:
  #13  
Old 28.09.2012, 10:37
NewOneINseefeld's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Zurich
Posts: 426
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 208 Times in 132 Posts
NewOneINseefeld is considered knowledgeableNewOneINseefeld is considered knowledgeableNewOneINseefeld is considered knowledgeable
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Quote:
View Post
...as both kids are sick at home.
Oh, yes. Mine was sick every second week.
Its very hard...be strong.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank NewOneINseefeld for this useful post:
  #14  
Old 28.09.2012, 10:37
Hobs's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Mostly Amsterdam
Posts: 111
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 169 Times in 95 Posts
Hobs is considered knowledgeableHobs is considered knowledgeableHobs is considered knowledgeable
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Hello Nil

You are not alone, starting school and nursery brings many pangs for children and parents alike. I have 2 strapping adolescents now - clearly they don't cry any more about going to school! - but they did at one time, and we have all survived. I have been anguished about leaving behind a wailing little one, but having worked in kindergarten and an infant's school, I can confirm that the tears rarely last long. In most cases, the sobbing stops once mum is out of sight.

There is 2 years between my 2, and when the younger one started nursery, his advice from his older brother (only about 5 at the time) went along the lines of, I miss mum during the day too, but I try not to think about her until home time. So they do find coping strategies, and you will too, by doing things you have put aside whilst caring for tots. Enjoy your little bit of me time and especially your tiny ones when they are with you, as they soon get rather big and opinionated.......

Here is a timely article which makes some valid points, I think, just ignore the comments by the trolls and nutters at the end, they're everywhere!

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/ja...ng-imaginable/

Hope everyone feels better in time for the weekend! All the best

Hobs
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Hobs for this useful post:
  #15  
Old 28.09.2012, 11:30
PaddyG's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pensier, Fribourg
Posts: 9,243
Groaned at 118 Times in 102 Posts
Thanked 16,857 Times in 5,912 Posts
PaddyG has a reputation beyond reputePaddyG has a reputation beyond reputePaddyG has a reputation beyond reputePaddyG has a reputation beyond reputePaddyG has a reputation beyond reputePaddyG has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Quote:
View Post
And before you know it, he`s 37, and telling YOU to behave yourself!
And clearing up YOUR vomit and wiping YOUR arse
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 28.09.2012, 11:54
NotAllThere's Avatar
Modulo 2
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Baselland
Posts: 14,492
Groaned at 279 Times in 239 Posts
Thanked 21,727 Times in 8,815 Posts
NotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Quote:
View Post
It's normal that your kids cry when you leave... But actually, and I've seen it many times, they stop about 5 seconds after you've left ...
That was my experience when I worked in a creche for a while.

I remember one parent insisting that Johnny had "separation anxiety". As soon as she'd gone, he was happy. We suspected that mum was the one with "separation anxiety".
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank NotAllThere for this useful post:
  #17  
Old 28.09.2012, 14:15
mirfield's Avatar
Moddy Wellies
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 8,727
Groaned at 53 Times in 47 Posts
Thanked 9,935 Times in 3,651 Posts
mirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

This thread's been here over 24 hours and not a single HTFU.

What's happening to this place?
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 28.09.2012, 14:17
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Quote:
View Post
This thread's been here over 24 hours and not a single HTFU.

What's happening to this place?
You kicked them all out.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Nil for this useful post:
  #19  
Old 28.09.2012, 15:00
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lausanne
Posts: 97
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts
nirak has no particular reputation at present
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Nil, I worked at a preschool/daycare and it's true what everyone else has said. (Brave face and quick good byes work better than drawn out ones. Sometimes, the child has to see the parent physically walk out the door in order to really accept that it's going to happen.)

I've noticed that it helps to tell kids what to expect because feeling abandoned-new routine-not understanding what's going on can be very scary. (You could tell them "you'll have free play time in the morning, then circle time, and then snack. After snack, I'll be there to pick you up.") You could also tell the teacher to remind your child of the schedule to give him/her a sense of control and predictability. I remember one four year old who was told that his mom would come at three o'clock. Even though he couldn't tell time, he felt secure in knowing that when the "short hand" reaches 3, his mom will come. (Because he could "see" for himself when she would be coming, he was able to hold back his tears.)

You can also tell the teacher one or two things that your child loves doing or playing. It could give him something to look forward to when arriving in the morning or be something used to calm him down during the day.

I can understand that it's very painful for the parent when the kids are crying and begging the parent not to leave them. Most of the children are easily distracted and curious by what's going on in the daycare and forget to cry once their parents are out of sight. It's also lovely to see smiles on their faces as they interact with others their age.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank nirak for this useful post:
  #20  
Old 28.09.2012, 16:00
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Zuirch
Posts: 24
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts
Sirio has no particular reputation at present
Re: The "joy" of daycare

Hi, in my experience, the younger the children, the less problematic is the separation. Both our children started going to day care at the age of 6-8 months and did not have any issues with the separation, never cried.

However, after some time we had to change the day care, they were respectively 3 yr old and 16 months old by then. The younger one adjusted quite easily, while the older one started crying loud every morning, hugging us and asking us not to leave. I could hear him crying when I was going down the stairs and was hard for me. I tried to stay there with him a bit longer in the morning hoping he would quiet down after a while, but that didn't work. The teacher suggested to make the separation quicker: goodbye, kiss and then out. Things improved although it took a few days for him to stop crying. Now things are going fine.

A tip: try to have your partner bringing the kid to the day care, it might be that separation becomes easier. It didn't work for us, but it did work for several friends' children!

good luck and let us know how it goes!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Sirio for this useful post:
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
"Department of Public Instruction", "HARMOS" what role do they have in education? Aoi Family matters/health 7 30.06.2012 07:51
"Le Chat Botte", a private daycare in Geneva - heard of them ? Lily2010 Family matters/health 2 14.06.2010 16:40


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 08:11.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0