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  #41  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:21
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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That's a shame, because it looks like you could do with the practice.
I believe when people make a bed they should lie in it
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  #42  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:22
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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I'm trying to understand if you're just young, or if your world is really so black and white. What I think doesn't really matter though. Caregiver burnout is a serious issue, and something that's not well addressed in the realm of chronic illness. And that, is what I think the OP is expressing - no assumptions beyond that, while you've made quite a few assumptions.

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Within a loving relationship, there are still independencies, boundaries that each partner has a right to. One partner cannot be at the total disposal of the other.
Black and white.
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  #43  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:27
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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The OP made comments listing everything they do for some reason, sympathy i guess, some with undertones, for example if they got job "he will stop my insurance" which suggested to me whilst they might clearly care for this person, they somewhat enjoy and have enjoyed what this partner provided and provides for them. But now its a bit rough to enjoy and if they go and do things certain privelages will be stopped.
.
What I read the OP saying was "I care for him deeply, but all this work is very stressful for me. I'm still quite healthy and able bodied for my age, and I want to get a job so we can get some extra earnings to spend instead of just relying on his pension. However getting a job means that I must stop caring for him, and this is something I have difficulty accepting. This is my dilemma.

To me, that sounds as if the OP is wanting to add to the joint wellbeing of them both. It also clearly states that she has difficulty in accepting that to do so, means handing over some of the care to another person.

Frankly, I am surprised that she is being so supportive of the partner - having no access or control over any money, whilst being expected to produce receipts for all the groceries - not exactly an equal partnership is it. And a partner who asked a friend to pay for the lunch after being invited over for a meal. Hhhmm! Something tells me that the OP is not in the nicest of situations at all. And yet, she still states that she cares deeply for her partner, not even using his hospital stays as an excuse for a little time to herself.
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  #44  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:28
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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Black and white.
Come on man. This is a serious thread. don't troll.
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  #45  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:29
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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I believe when people make a bed they should lie in it
Um. Indeed, but to continue this analogy, do you never make or clean your bed? We're not talking about changing the bed here.

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Black and white.
Either you are trolling, or you are young. Or both.
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  #46  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:31
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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Come on man. This is a serious thread. don't troll.
Not trolling, added my comment and replying to those who quote me. Its only common courtesy.
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  #47  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:33
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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What I read the OP saying was "I care for him deeply, but all this work is very stressful for me. I'm still quite healthy and able bodied for my age, and I want to get a job so we can get some extra earnings to spend instead of just relying on his pension. However getting a job means that I must stop caring for him, and this is something I have difficulty accepting. This is my dilemma.

To me, that sounds as if the OP is wanting to add to the joint wellbeing of them both. It also clearly states that she has difficulty in accepting that to do so, means handing over some of the care to another person.

Frankly, I am surprised that she is being so supportive of the partner - having no access or control over any money, whilst being expected to produce receipts for all the groceries - not exactly an equal partnership is it. And a partner who asked a friend to pay for the lunch after being invited over for a meal. Hhhmm! Something tells me that the OP is not in the nicest of situations at all. And yet, she still states that she cares deeply for her partner, not even using his hospital stays as an excuse for a little time to herself.
You will note in my comment that you quoted I state that they clearly care for them.
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  #48  
Old 04.12.2012, 18:49
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

I don't think the marriage vows state you have to provide healthcare services, only that you will love your partner .... in sickness and in health.

You can have a nurse come in and look after your husband whilst still loving him.

This thread is actually very simple. The OP is in an abusive (due to the controlling nature of the) relationship. The solution is to break out of the controlling part. If they still love each other then great, if not and they then split up then that's sad but so be it. Better to end it than stay and be controlled and manipulated. You'll end up as a slave.
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  #49  
Old 04.12.2012, 19:01
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Re: Caring for my spouse is taking a toll.

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I don't think the marriage vows state you have to provide healthcare services, only that you will love your partner .... in sickness and in health.

You can have a nurse come in and look after your husband whilst still loving him.

This thread is actually very simple. The OP is in an abusive (due to the controlling nature of the) relationship. The solution is to break out of the controlling part. If they still love each other then great, if not and they then split up then that's sad but so be it. Better to end it than stay and be controlled and manipulated. You'll end up as a slave.
You just gave me this image of being asked about the vows and the sick partner left behind whilst enjoying pina colada's on a beach and the reply, I still love him, but i love me too.

I agree, if the side of the story told is true with regards to the controlling nature of it. But how will one cover their insurance? That seemed to be a worrying issue for the OP?
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