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Old 26.04.2013, 03:23
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Divorce in Switzerland

I have been living in Switzerland for about 1 year now, I have a very demanding and important job here. I have been married for 8 years (no children), My marriage went down hill pretty much from the beginning. I never had the balls to end this marriage because my work, family, friend and her sickness. She stopped working 2 years ago due to an illness and we have to moved to Switzerland where she's from, we used to work for the same company in the UK. Now I pay for every thing, the house, car and all the expenses. We have a joint account and all assets are shared. My life at home is a real hell, there's not a single night that we don't fight. We still live in the same house but we don't sleep or do things together any more, I want to move on with my life. I have asked her for the divorce but she doesn't want to hear a thing about it. She's so dependent and jealous, she thinks I'm seeing other women, (which I'm not). But I want to see and date other women but I can't because she's following me everywhere I go, checking my stuff,my phone calls,text, she's even smelling my clothes, she's like a dog. Now she's trying to black mail me with work ( I have a very delicate work and she know that work is my weakness).. I still care for her but I want her to move on and I want to move on with my life too. I contacted a lawyer on January the lawyer made an agreement for her to read it and sign it but she ripped to shreds when she saw it. I have not contact the lawyer since then because I don't know what to do. I'm getting depressed and stress every day, I want to know what would be the easiest way to deal with this case and
if anyone has been through this sort of problem before or have Knowledge of it, feel free to respond.

Thank you.
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Old 26.04.2013, 04:22
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

1. move out
2. offer her joint counselling
3. see a lawyer
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Old 26.04.2013, 05:13
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

4 move all your money away.....


In all honesty could you move back to the UK and live a double life? in CH it is already very hard to get a divorce let alone one that is with a difficult spouse. Just send her the papers and move out. and get seperate accounts .
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Old 26.04.2013, 08:33
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

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4 move all your money away.....


In all honesty could you move back to the UK and live a double life? in CH it is already very hard to get a divorce let alone one that is with a difficult spouse. Just send her the papers and move out. and get seperate accounts .

Divorce in Switzerland in not difficult !
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Old 26.04.2013, 09:04
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

1. Your wife needs help. She doesn't want to end the marriage, is dependent on you and is afraid of the future. There are many services provided by the Kanton that can help her. If she feels she needs to see a therapist, have her GP recommend her one so her health insurance will pay for it.

2. You need to get your "balls" in gear and move out. Dragging this on isn't helping anyone. If you want to leave, then leave. If you want to stay and make it work, then do so.

3. See a mediator or contact a lawyer. A divorce is easy when both sides are in agreement but more difficult when they aren't.

4. Be gentle yet firm and above all, be fair. There's going to be more hell to get through but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck to the both of you.
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Old 26.04.2013, 10:21
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

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Divorce in Switzerland in not difficult !

Last guy i talked to going through it took him 3 years. and it still wasnt done. and his wife didn't seem so bad as the op's......
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Old 26.04.2013, 12:02
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

I would hate it if my husband would stay with me when in fact he wants to move on with his life. If things are not working anymore, then they are not.
I am not saying a divorce is easy. Unles it comes from both parts and they are fine with it.
I am not saying that you have to be cruel about it. But the more you stay with her , things will get (more) complicated.
As a woman, I would be upset, furious , abandoned, not loved and depressed if my husband wants to divorce but this doesn't mean that I have to ruin his life forever.
Sometimes, things happen for a reason and it is no point to dwell on something too much because it makes your life bitter.

So, maybe you should talk to her and tell her feelings, why do you want to divorce or.... write her a letter, try to put evrything straight. Some women don't understand why the husband wants to divorce, because the husband doesn't say the real reasons. The woman usually says: ''But I don't understand!'' but in the end , at one point, it is better for everybody, especially if you don't have children.

And I think Olygirl is right that your wife needs help and if she gets that help hopefully she will feel better soon. Unles her sickness is really really bad...
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Old 26.04.2013, 12:06
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

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Last guy i talked to going through it took him 3 years. and it still wasnt done. and his wife didn't seem so bad as the op's......
Divorce is difficult anywhere if the partners don't want to agree, but the actual process in Switzerland, as with most other places is realtively simple if the partners are relatively intelligent !
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Old 26.04.2013, 16:41
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

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Divorce is difficult anywhere if the partners don't want to agree, but the actual process in Switzerland, as with most other places is realtively simple if the partners are relatively intelligent !
Thank you for all your your replies, It seems like all of you agree in one point which is MOVING OUT, I wish it was that easy. I really like the house where we live and I want to stay there, I bought 90% of the furniture and the house has amazing view to the lake and is very close to work and in very good location. I have offered her to joint counselling I even booked 3 appointments but she failed to attend, She doesn't even want to hear about it any more. Last time I mentioned she started crying and screaming at me and telling me that I have another woman and that she will never set me free, Last time I talked to my lawyer he said that based on my earnings and assets and because she's not working (she's perfectly fit to work now I have offered her help with work) that she will be entitle with 2 years of maintenance apart from her walking away with half of the money. But she's trying to blackmail me if I don't give her 10 years which's just crazy! The lawyer told if we don't agree with that this process might take years because ( she's been getting notes and prescriptions form doctors saying that she's not fit for work or for any sort activity that will cause her distress)
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Old 26.04.2013, 16:49
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

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1. Your wife needs help. She doesn't want to end the marriage, is dependent on you and is afraid of the future. There are many services provided by the Kanton that can help her. If she feels she needs to see a therapist, have her GP recommend her one so her health insurance will pay for it.

2. You need to get your "balls" in gear and move out. Dragging this on isn't helping anyone. If you want to leave, then leave. If you want to stay and make it work, then do so.

3. See a mediator or contact a lawyer. A divorce is easy when both sides are in agreement but more difficult when they aren't.

4. Be gentle yet firm and above all, be fair. There's going to be more hell to get through but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck to the both of you.
Very true, I have always been scared of moving out and be alone, But is just not that all my stuff and furniture that I have been buying for years are there and I am scared of starting over again. But our relationship is over, I feel like I'm starting to hate her. As you said I have to get my balls in gear and do what I have to do. This isn't healthy for anyone. I can see in the mirror the effects of this and I'm only 35.
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Old 26.04.2013, 16:52
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

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4 move all your money away.....


In all honesty could you move back to the UK and live a double life? in CH it is already very hard to get a divorce let alone one that is with a difficult spouse. Just send her the papers and move out. and get seperate accounts .
I have thought about moving back to the UK, but it would be like starting all over again and I really like working and living in Switzerland.
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Old 26.04.2013, 16:52
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

You got to make some difficult choices and it isn't all going to go your way either. You best bet is to get out for yours and her sanity and have a bit of cooling off time. Sod the house & furniture, if your job is as important and you're irreplacable, you'll soon earn enough to buy another house & furniture, and if not so what, it's only material stuff that's worthless if your unhappy anyway.

One word of warning though, the cemetaries are full of irreplacable people.....
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Old 26.04.2013, 16:58
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

Very good advise given so far! I just wanteed to wish you luck as you pursue this divorce. You are so young and deserve to be happy, as does your wife. It won't be easy but your fredom will be worth it. And you can always find another place to live where new memories can be made! Material things are so tiny in comparison to your happiness!!
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Old 26.04.2013, 17:11
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

Kevinjavier - it sounds like you are a good guy and you are trying to do the right thing. Obviously it's is easier said that done, and for outsiders looking in on the situation it seems much more black and white to us than it does to you.

At the end of the day, YOU'RE ONLY 35!!!! and it sounds like you're very successful and have a lot going for you. Forget about your physical stuff, it can all be replaced. You need to force this woman to face reality and stop making you miserable. Move out. Get an apartment. Perhaps eventually you'll be able to get your house back, but at the moment your goal needs to be setting the situation straight. Don't let her scare you. In the eyes of the law, she'll only be able to get from you what she's entitled to and I'm sure that will suck, but it will be a small price to pay for your happiness.

Good luck with everything, stay strong and everything will turn out fine.

xo
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Old 26.04.2013, 19:16
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

There is always another side of story, which we do not know. Anyways, it seems like you are determined to break the marriage so easiest way is move out. Even if you bought everything and love the house, peace in mind is worth much more than money.
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Old 26.04.2013, 19:33
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

I am a newbie to this forum, but not to Switzerland. I had a divorce here 10 years ago, but as the wife and with kids involved I had a different problem. My suggestion is to contact your local lawyer to ask for an official separation. Thereafter you are granted an automatic divorce after 2 years. If you lie low over these two years to let the emotions settle you may find that your wife may see things differently. Sounds a long time, but it flies by!

Swiss legal system is very fair and expects women to be able to stand on their own 2 feet, until that happens it would be wise to just pay a minimum monthly payment which she can use. It'll be an emotional wreck for a while, but Switzerland can offer you so many opportunities of soaking up energy, that you'll come out a stronger person.
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Old 26.04.2013, 20:48
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

You should move out and have your separation registered. From that point either party can stall a divorce for 2 years (I believe it's very difficult to prove a 'separation' without 2 addresses). During that time you have to share your joint income (like you did when you were together) Then you can file for divorce. If after a year you haven't come to a mutual agreement you can petition the court to enforce a settlement. She's entitled to half of the assets (or their value) which you accrued during the marriage. As there's no kids and if she's able to work you wouldn't be expect to support her after that.
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Old 26.04.2013, 21:36
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

She has an illness but you say she's fit to work ?
According to you and your wish for freedom or according to the doctors ?

You have right to live and love and look forward to a different future where you can be truly happy, but do you have a right to judge her ?

She sounds really lonely, sick and afraid.

Try and get through it without hurting, accusing, judging and condemning, either her or yourself.
It is what it is.
Take little kind steps one after the other and do everything with genuine understanding and loving care.

Hope it works out for both of you.

ps. Please..... a little decency, don't compare your sickly spouse to a dog.
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Old 26.04.2013, 22:38
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

Hmmn, it's always hard to comment when one only has one side of the story. It does sound as if you have made a nice sum of money during the course of the marriage which you are reluctant to lose / share (ie, by moving out of the house and leaving behind all your very nice possessions). Prenuptial agreements should be compulsory, forget romance. But as everything is currently joint ... well, looks like tough luck. Even if you earned or bought it, 50% of it is hers.

Are you asking your wife to leave your lovely joint home, leaving you free to start new relationships from the comfort of your very nice home with lake views? Where would she go and would she have a similarly high standard of living?

If you think it is time to move on then you should do exactly that. Take the hit and start afresh. It's either now in a relatively civilised way, or later, and lose lots to the lawyers.

To force her out of the lovely home she is currently in 24-7 will be incredibly difficult ... and maybe a very cruel thing to do.

I know couples who have started off relatively equal in a relationship (ie, both had no money), but, when the husband's career has taken off and he starts to move in elevated circles, things fall apart. The wife cannot contribute equally (he brings in 90% of the income!), she is suddenly not smart, intelligent and glamorous enough, she sits at home not working .... and then the battle begins.

It does sound as if you are looking to justify a considered plan of action.

Be honest about what you are trying to achieve and then decide on the most humane pathway.
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Old 26.04.2013, 23:02
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Re: Divorce in Switzerland

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You should move out and have your separation registered. From that point either party can stall a divorce for 2 years (I believe it's very difficult to prove a 'separation' without 2 addresses). During that time you have to share your joint income (like you did when you were together) Then you can file for divorce. If after a year you haven't come to a mutual agreement you can petition the court to enforce a settlement. She's entitled to half of the assets (or their value) which you accrued during the marriage. As there's no kids and if she's able to work you wouldn't be expect to support her after that.
Thank you very much for you reply, I'm getting tired of trying to get to an agreement with her, every time I try to talk to her she gets so angry and crying, it breaks my heart, sometimes 's impossible to talk to her. My lawyer wrote a sort of agreement for her to read it which was 2 years of maintenance and life style plus half of assets/values, she got mad when she read it, she told me she wont sign a thing if I don't give her 10 years because her life is over and that she's sick, that she won't find work.etc. I have decided to move out asap. You mentioned to get my separation registered? how do I do that? There's not joint income, the only income is my salary, She used the money more than me to buy (clothes, shoes, etc) She hasn't been working for 2 years now ( she's very qualify and capable to find a job) Do I still have to share accounts if I move out? can I move money away?
I have tried to help her to find a job, she failed to attend to the interviews and counselling appointments.
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