Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Family matters/health  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 19.07.2013, 13:03
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Zurich
Posts: 220
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 276 Times in 102 Posts
chrisinzurich has earned the respect of manychrisinzurich has earned the respect of manychrisinzurich has earned the respect of many
What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

We have been avoiding this subject in our house for the past 11 years. My kids were born here and have a Swiss father. They hardly know their Canadian cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents. Their Swiss grandparents, although wonderful people, have made it clear that they could not take the kids (and I wouldn't expect them to). The only relative I could picture them having any kind of normal life with, lives with his family in the US. But I also don't really think it's right to send kids off to another part of the world after losing their parents and if it's even possible, who knows.

What do other people in the same situation do?
__________________
www.kokoandkalila.com
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 19.07.2013, 13:14
hannah'sauntie's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Baden
Posts: 4,755
Groaned at 24 Times in 22 Posts
Thanked 6,648 Times in 3,007 Posts
hannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

I have no children, but my sister discussed this subject years ago with her and her (then) husband's closest friends. They all agreed that if anything happened to any of them, the other couple would take the child/children.
Sometimes, if a child knows friends better than family, that could be the best solution in the end.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank hannah'sauntie for this useful post:
  #3  
Old 19.07.2013, 13:27
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Zurich
Posts: 220
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 276 Times in 102 Posts
chrisinzurich has earned the respect of manychrisinzurich has earned the respect of manychrisinzurich has earned the respect of many
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

It would be a lot to ask of someone to take on 4 kids! Most people we know tell us they couldn't imagine having "so many" kids, so it makes it kinda hard to ask someone to take on 4 (on top of their 2 or 3)!
For me, I wouldn't think twice about taking in more kids if they had nowhere else to go. I guess I also feel a bit embarrassed about asking anyone and maybe afraid that their answer will be no!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank chrisinzurich for this useful post:
  #4  
Old 19.07.2013, 13:29
Phil_MCR's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 14,123
Groaned at 275 Times in 181 Posts
Thanked 17,394 Times in 7,357 Posts
Phil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

how old are they? i guess at 16, they would be able to fend for themselves and look after younger siblings.

bit of a depressing topic, though. surely this is a monday topic and not a friday one!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Phil_MCR for this useful post:
  #5  
Old 19.07.2013, 13:42
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Zurich
Posts: 220
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 276 Times in 102 Posts
chrisinzurich has earned the respect of manychrisinzurich has earned the respect of manychrisinzurich has earned the respect of many
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Sorry, don't want to depress anyone! Is it Friday already??
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank chrisinzurich for this useful post:
  #6  
Old 19.07.2013, 14:22
NotAllThere's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Baselland
Posts: 12,723
Groaned at 202 Times in 179 Posts
Thanked 18,401 Times in 7,506 Posts
NotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Death is a fact of life. The knowledge that you're not going to be here forever should encourage you to enjoy life to the fullest -not be depressed!

You won't get an ideal solution. Decide what's most important

1. Keeping the children together
2. Location
3. Stable family life
4. Already knowing their carers.

Then look at what various people are willing to offer. Make a decision based on that. For ours we decided they'd go to their aunt and uncle in the UK. Now two of them are 18, they get to stay here, as they will be the guardian of the non-adult.

Make a will stating what you want to happen.
__________________
Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank NotAllThere for this useful post:
  #7  
Old 19.07.2013, 14:22
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: SZ
Posts: 10,612
Groaned at 33 Times in 29 Posts
Thanked 24,597 Times in 7,716 Posts
meloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

I was listed as my niece's guardian, should anything happen to my sister and BIL while she was a minor - but when I started the expat merry-go-round it suddenly didn't seem in the child's best interest to uproot her from her home, school, friends and move her to wherever in the world I happened to be at the time.

So we agreed that while I would continue to be responsible legally and financially, the child would live with a good friend's family in the same town, staying in the local school, until such time as it would be sensible - or possible, don't forget the immigration legalities - for her to come to live with me.

Perhaps splitting responsibilities might be a consideration?

Fortunately those plans never needed to be put into action.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank meloncollie for this useful post:
  #8  
Old 19.07.2013, 16:57
HIAO's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bellevue
Posts: 1,237
Groaned at 7 Times in 6 Posts
Thanked 3,123 Times in 865 Posts
HIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond reputeHIAO has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

It'd be the workhouse for mine.

Pah. They'll be the cause of my death anyway!
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank HIAO for this useful post:
  #9  
Old 19.07.2013, 17:18
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: basel
Posts: 2,362
Groaned at 24 Times in 16 Posts
Thanked 2,426 Times in 1,164 Posts
biff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

I feel strongly that children should stay with family - and that it would be a very sad family that did not want to embrace caring for ophaned family members.

I just don't see friends as being the right people to take on the responsibility, to see unrelated children through the angst of teenage years, through the trauma ( which may not appear for years) of being orphaned and away from all family. I imagine that many would be vulnerable to feelings of having been rejected by family at some stage.

I wonder what research shows on this subject. .
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank biff for this useful post:
  #10  
Old 19.07.2013, 17:26
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: basel
Posts: 2,362
Groaned at 24 Times in 16 Posts
Thanked 2,426 Times in 1,164 Posts
biff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond reputebiff has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Quote:
View Post
We have been avoiding this subject in our house for the past 11 years. My kids were born here and have a Swiss father. They hardly know their Canadian cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents. Their Swiss grandparents, although wonderful people, have made it clear that they could not take the kids (and I wouldn't expect them to).

What do other people in the same situation do?
Hopefuly, this remains a hypothetical quetion for your family.

However, if they do not have any local relations apart from the grandparents, perhaps you could consider buiding up a relationship with the relations in Canada. Not just to potentially provide parenting for children in the case of parental death, but also to give the children a sense of belonging within the extended family - to know their cousins for example. letters, emails, skype, visits... do you visit Canada at all?

Last edited by biff; 19.07.2013 at 19:59.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank biff for this useful post:
  #11  
Old 19.07.2013, 17:30
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Not an easy one this! We had an arrangement with sil and bil in UK that we would look after each other's kids, if ever. The thought of having 5 teenage girls meant we all drove very carefully

We have agreed to take on our grand-children... if ever (perish the thought) with financial backing to get some help in the form of an Au-Pair to help as we are not getting any younger. Our grand-kids feel very much at home here - but let's hope the question will never turn into reality.

I feel it is very important to make contingency plans, approved by all involved- but as you say, when different countries are involved, it is very difficult.

Mind you, I feel it is also important if you have pets. We have made arrangements for ours-should me meet our demise, again with financial backing to the end of their days.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank for this useful post:
  #12  
Old 19.07.2013, 17:30
Battlekitten's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ruschlikon
Posts: 110
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 102 Times in 47 Posts
Battlekitten is considered knowledgeableBattlekitten is considered knowledgeableBattlekitten is considered knowledgeable
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

We have been thinking about just this a lot lately in the context of new baby arriving and all the fun and games of lawyers and will writing

Bottom line: they go to my sister in law or my sister - so stay in the family

FYI we were advised to make our wishes known in writing to the appropriate authorities here as both our families are abroad

Depending on your and your chosen guardians' financial positions and the legal arrangements in countries involved you may also want to look into ensuring that you leave funding for additional expenses they may face e.g my sister would need a bigger place and car etc

Fun thoughts on Friday
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Battlekitten for this useful post:
  #13  
Old 19.07.2013, 17:38
olygirl's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: d' Innerschwiiz
Posts: 6,617
Groaned at 301 Times in 207 Posts
Thanked 15,324 Times in 4,689 Posts
olygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond reputeolygirl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

When my children were young, I found the question was too difficult to address because life is a constant change. The people I might have chosen at one time to be my children's guardian changed throughout the years. People move away. Or get new partners. Or split from partners. Or get ill. Too many factors.

The chances that you may split up as a couple are far greater. Keep working on your marriage and enjoy the moments. Having a family is one of the greatest experiences one can have.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank olygirl for this useful post:
  #14  
Old 19.07.2013, 17:47
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

But surely if circumstances change, you change the plan too.

For us, it was comforting to know we had plans in place, agreed by all. Then we could get on with enjoying our lives, secure in the knowledge that the 'what if' plans were safely in place - which, thank goodness, never had to be put into action.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 19.07.2013, 18:03
kri's Avatar
kri kri is offline
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 1,541
Groaned at 14 Times in 14 Posts
Thanked 1,232 Times in 648 Posts
kri has a reputation beyond reputekri has a reputation beyond reputekri has a reputation beyond reputekri has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Thinking about this always makes me sick to my stomach

Family: only my SIL (as grandparents are all too old/ not suited)

We also have a couple of friends we would feel good knowing they would raise the kids to our value, but somehow we never got around making a formal decision.

It is one of those we just push away for fear
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank kri for this useful post:
  #16  
Old 19.07.2013, 18:08
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Agreed, and yet it is comforting when it's done...

We had a friend who wouldn't make a will, as he felt it would jinx him. He died intestate and it was a nightmare for his family. Just do it... and then forget it.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank for this useful post:
  #17  
Old 19.07.2013, 19:11
NotAllThere's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Baselland
Posts: 12,723
Groaned at 202 Times in 179 Posts
Thanked 18,401 Times in 7,506 Posts
NotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Quote:
View Post
Thinking about this always makes me sick to my stomach

Family: only my SIL (as grandparents are all too old/ not suited)

We also have a couple of friends we would feel good knowing they would raise the kids to our value, but somehow we never got around making a formal decision.

It is one of those we just push away for fear
In which case your kids will go into care, most likely.

So, with the greatest possible respect, get over yourself, and start thinking of the welfare of your kids. Make a will, get it ALL sorted out.
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank NotAllThere for this useful post:
  #18  
Old 19.07.2013, 19:32
little_isabella's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Zurich
Posts: 1,095
Groaned at 18 Times in 15 Posts
Thanked 1,387 Times in 550 Posts
little_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond reputelittle_isabella has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

This is such an important topic. It's so vital to have a will for things like your children's care. For us, my best friend since childhood was a natural choice. My parents would have full involvement and access that way, without the challenge of bringing up young kids during their retirement years.

We made this decision virtually right away when our first was born. The only other thing we haven't yet done but it's top on our to-do list is a life insurance policy, so that if something happens to us both, she also receives money to support the care. That being said, she's wealthy and against us doing this, but it feels like the right thing to do.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank little_isabella for this useful post:
  #19  
Old 19.07.2013, 19:47
MrsSerendipity's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Basel
Posts: 1,649
Groaned at 11 Times in 8 Posts
Thanked 1,416 Times in 704 Posts
MrsSerendipity has a reputation beyond reputeMrsSerendipity has a reputation beyond reputeMrsSerendipity has a reputation beyond reputeMrsSerendipity has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

I'm responsible for my sisters kids should something happen... I've no kids yet so till I do I'd move back to Ireland should d worst ever happen.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 20.07.2013, 09:27
Battlekitten's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ruschlikon
Posts: 110
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 102 Times in 47 Posts
Battlekitten is considered knowledgeableBattlekitten is considered knowledgeableBattlekitten is considered knowledgeable
Re: What would happen to your kids if something happens to you and your spouse?

Kri

I felt the same way. Did nothing after the first child but we lived in England and France surrounded by old friends and family. Here it just felt different

I admit I hated every minute of the process but I will be relieved when it is done. File it and forget it.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
death, orphaned children




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What would happen if your broker went bust? Sorensen Finance/banking/taxation 1 21.09.2011 15:00
What would you do if your wife plans to leave you... Treverus Family matters/health 93 25.10.2010 22:21
what happens if you loose your job [EU B PERMIT] dave k Employment 6 06.07.2010 17:14


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 04:38.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0