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Old 24.10.2013, 03:28
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Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

So my wife and myself got into a squabble the other night.

She tried to kick me and I reflexively put my hand up to protect myself from her foot.

She slipped over - socks on a shiny wooden floor - great for karate moves :-)

Bashed her back rather badly on the floor.

She carried on screaming at me, so I just left the apartment to diffuse the situation. Stayed over night somewhere else.

The next day I returned to the apartment, and she went mad at me again, so I just left.

She phoned me and threatened to go to the police, just trying to get attention and draw me back into the squabble..... so i told her "do what you have to do - when you calm down we can talk."

So she's gone and phoned the police and made a huge report to them about me allegedly assaulting her. Never had a phone call nothing and still in the apartment - things have calmed down, but in AU, NZ, UK etc... there would be some follow up and someone contacting me, if I am not arrested on the spot ?

So I am not really sure what is next... ?

I went to the police station and checked that they have some report on file, but they would not show it to me. I mentioned that my wife was taking some rather aggressive amphetamine type weight loss pills, they told me to go talk to her doctor, which I did. That blew up another shit storm, of her making up more stories.

It's happened a few times in the last few years that she's got violent with me, she's generally a silent type, but sometimes she just can't contain all that anger.

I'm not the guy coming home drunk and slugging her. I don't instigate this.

But I don't have to stand there and be her punch bag, the few altercations we've had, where she's got physical, involve me reflexively defending myself, as anyone would.

So anyway... just wondering what to do and what I can expect from the police...

This happened to a friends of mine in AU and in the US and they came and arrested him...

Am I going to get arrested, should I hire a lawyer right away ?

It's kind of a weird situation, just sitting waiting...
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Old 24.10.2013, 08:21
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

Keep a diary of the incidents from your point of view. Stay away. Don't go near her unless you have a reliable witness. Get some additional advice. Ask her what she wants from the relationship or situation. Move out.

Have the police instructed you to stay away from her ? Is it the first report ?

'reflexive' violence is still violence. If she gets mad and you can't diffuse the situation with words, then you should be leaving the space and getting some relationship advice from a trained counsellor. You certainly shouldn't be being a 'punching' bag but you also should not be fighting back.

Walk away from the violence. If it's getting heated enough that she loses her cool and starts to get physical, then that's far too heated for any relationship.

I hope there are no children involved in this.
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Old 24.10.2013, 08:36
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

Nice first post!

Where are you and your wife from? You mention "AU, NZ, UK etc", your profile says nothing. Is your wife from your country, or Swiss??
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Old 24.10.2013, 14:39
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

thanks for the replies, i really just wanted to know the legal side of things and what the police are going to do with the report she has filed...

in some countries they just go to town after a report and it's out of her hands, in other countries she has to press charges and follow it through.

are there going to be charges laid, just on her word alone ?

will the police want to ask me questions ?

am i going to get a court summons ?

right now i'm not going to make matters worse by starting a tit for tat and filing charges against her, that is daft, until i know where i stand to date.

in my book you keep authorities out of things, authorities are for children... that cannot behave...... smart people get lawyers and get divorced. simple...
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Old 24.10.2013, 14:44
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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thanks for the replies, i really just wanted to know the legal side of things and what the police are going to do with the report she has filed...

in some countries they just go to town after a report and it's out of her hands, in other countries she has to press charges and follow it through.

are there going to be charges laid, just on her word alone ?

will the police want to ask me questions ?

am i going to get a court summons ?

right now i'm not going to make matters worse by starting a tit for tat and filing charges against her, that is daft, until i know where i stand to date.

in my book you keep authorities out of things, authorities are for children... that cannot behave...... smart people get lawyers and get divorced. simple...
You may get an invitation to visit the police or go to court. If you get such an invitation go with a lawyer & be very careful what you say. Remember you never have to sign anything, don't unless you understand what is written in French & you WANT to sign, don't sign to be helpful.

If the Police thought your wife's statement is unreliable they will do nothing, so a lot will depend on how reliable she seemed when she filed her report.
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Old 24.10.2013, 15:27
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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So AFTER she has accused you of something nasty, WHEN are you going to state your side of the argument? Go to a lawyer now, and file a statement, soonest!

I bet this response comes from a female. There is no point in escalating a bad situation. I can always press charges or file complaints if the police or courts start ramping up the situation.

If you read my post fully, she was on very strong diet medicine, banned by the FDA, and also not accepted in Switzerland, she also has low thyroid and a history of that. She also has a history of back pain and back problems that out dates us arriving in Switzerland and has nothing to do with any violence or fighting. So she cannot claim her injury was entirely caused by me.

I spoke with the police and our doctor, but I have not signed anything. I have taken actions and the authorities were concerned about her taking this medicine.

Therefore her side of the story can be heavily questioned and pulled apart IF AND WHEN it come to any kind of court case or charges being brought against me.

In case you haven't noticed things are quite laissez faire in Switzerland, especially because we are in a more rural part...

So I would like to hope that the police and prosecutor would just look at her story, make note of it and leave it in the system in case of any further complaints. That would be the intelligent way to go about doing things and often in Switzerland they do chose the peaceful route.

With that said, and while I do have an appointment with a lawyer next week, I don't like NOT KNOWING.

Usually there is a system and a procedure for this kind of thing. Friends of mine in AU and US were immediately arrested and had to then fight their way out of the law suit and indeed proved that their wives were the abusive ones and the charges filed were false and exaggerated.

10 years ago maybe a woman could cry domestic violence and run to the police and the man was immediately the bad guy, 20 years ago, no one cared.... but these days it's more balanced and not so much the case that the man cops it.... especially where existing medical issues are in play.
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Old 24.10.2013, 16:25
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

Hi Valais001,
I dont mean to be glib - but why are you guys still together?

I appreciate these things are not black and white but it doesnt sound like a healthy or happy relationship for either of you?

IM
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Old 24.10.2013, 16:41
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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I bet this response comes from a female.
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I had a wife like that once....
Well.... you could use your mighty powers of deduction to figure that out yourself.





Sbrinz is pretty right though, but you have to see it from the right angle.


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So AFTER she has accused you of something nasty, WHEN are you going to state your side of the argument? Go to a lawyer now, and file a statement, soonest!
I know you don't want to 'escalate' anything any further, but if there is a real threat of legal intervention, it's going to be a LOT easier for you if you can put your side of the story down on paper "before" the allegations commence.

You don't have to act on this, but it might be a good idea to just get prepared.

I'm afraid that I doubt this is going to end very well for you.
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Old 24.10.2013, 17:39
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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So AFTER she has accused you of something nasty, WHEN are you going to state your side of the argument? Go to a lawyer now, and file a statement, soonest!
You don't have to say anything, keep your defence private till you know what your accused of!
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Old 24.10.2013, 18:10
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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It is FAR better to make your case BEFORE you have heard hers, isn't it?

Be sensible and make a statement through your lawyer BEFORE the police interview you. It will not then seem as a weak reponse to her receiving violence, but one as you are defending yourself.

Try to get evidence she was taking illicit medicament, that will help you a lot.
Not at all, your just making it easier for the Police to get a conviction.
Just saying she is on medication is quite enough to say, no need to confirm or deny anything until formally accused in court. Translations are usually very poor, any statement will be in French, this is potentially very dangerous for the OP.
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Old 24.10.2013, 18:22
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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On 5th May 1998 around 5 pm, my handy was in my car & was once stolen by an angry husband (His wife was leaving him) he had already punctured 2 of my tyres. I wrestled the handy back from him, & he then tried to kick me in the balls; I threw him to the ground. He then punctured 2 more tyres and tried to steal more stuff from my car. I put him in an arm lock but he wriggled around and started to chew my ribs - successfully. Luckily at this point a civil policeman came by and called for assistance, the police on duty arrived & tried to arrest me as I was the biggest, but the civil policeman told them to arrest the smaller man.

I made a statement to the police the next day. About 12 months later the clerk to the court happily told me I had been charged with fighting!

About 3 months later I won the case on all charges (Without a lawyer). The tyres and my shirt were paid for, and I got Fr 1'000 for the pain I received.
The attacker had lied 23 times in his statement, the judge told me "That's just his story innit?"

The moral of the story: do not mess with medical doctors employed by the Swiss federal government!

I do have some experience in violence and the police. Make a statement soon!
... was she worth it?
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Old 24.10.2013, 18:26
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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On 5th May 1998 around 5 pm, my handy was in my car & was once stolen by an angry husband (His wife was leaving him) he had already punctured 2 of my tyres. I wrestled the handy back from him, & he then tried to kick me in the balls; I threw him to the ground. He then punctured 2 more tyres and tried to steal more stuff from my car. I put him in an arm lock but he wriggled around and started to chew my ribs - successfully. Luckily at this point a civil policeman came by and called for assistance, the police on duty arrived & tried to arrest me as I was the biggest, but the civil policeman told them to arrest the smaller man.

I made a statement to the police the next day. About 12 months later the clerk to the court happily told me I had been charged with fighting!

About 3 months later I won the case on all charges (Without a lawyer). The tyres and my shirt were paid for, and I got Fr 1'000 for the pain I received.
The attacker had lied 23 times in his statement, the judge told me "That's just his story innit?"

The moral of the story: do not mess with medical doctors employed by the Swiss federal government!

I do have some experience in violence and the police. Make a statement soon!
You made a statement then got charged, does not sound like you did the right thing.
I was involved in a car accident, I called the police & ended up with a fine for causing the accident, had to go to court to appeal & won. Only difference is I learned not to talk to the police, they are not independent they have their own agenda. The judge is neutral , so talk to the judge if necessary, cut out the police.

Your story is interesting, had you slept with the guys wife
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Old 24.10.2013, 20:19
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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The major point is; if the OP waits to reply to the accusations he will be in a much weaker position than if he makes a statement now.
Won't make the slightest bit of difference, the judge will listen to evidence, the date of any statement is not relevant. Making a statement if you don't need to is a bad idea IMHO.

Edit I suspect in your statement, you had admitted to fighting the other person, the police would use that against you even throughout you had not been cautioned......it's allowed in CH & you signed it (a confession )

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Old 24.10.2013, 22:46
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

Get a lawyer, get a lawyer, get a lawyer. We internet lawyers are not qualified to recommend more (I am not a lawyer, I only play one on t.v.). My cousin can't coach his kid's sports teams because his ex-wife's substance abuse problem lead to similar false accusations, and he is now a felon marked for life because he waited to get out of that situation. Be pro-active, get legal advice from an expert.
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Old 24.10.2013, 23:36
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

Thanks... it's incredible to see how conceited, arrogant and selfish people are that all they want to do is give emotional housewife style advice, yap on like patronizing jerks and hijack the thread totally with their own stories, that they then start discussing.

I guess this was the only advice I needed.

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Get a lawyer, get a lawyer, get a lawyer. We internet lawyers are not qualified to recommend more (I am not a lawyer, I only play one on t.v.). My cousin can't coach his kid's sports teams because his ex-wife's substance abuse problem lead to similar false accusations, and he is now a felon marked for life because he waited to get out of that situation. Be pro-active, get legal advice from an expert.
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Old 25.10.2013, 00:00
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

it would be nice to understand the swiss process though, because normally there would be social workers, child welfare, police, and all sorts through the house by now, yet i haven't even had a phone call.

perhaps they discredited her statement and just left a cautionary record on file ?
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Old 25.10.2013, 00:11
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

Well Valais is still very much a man's man society- which in your case may well play in your favour.

I've known genuine cases in the recent past where women in Valais who were truly abused suffered very much because of this.
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Old 25.10.2013, 04:18
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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Thanks... it's incredible to see how conceited, arrogant and selfish people are that all they want to do is give emotional housewife style advice, yap on like patronizing jerks and hijack the thread totally with their own stories, that they then start discussing.

I guess this was the only advice I needed.
You sound quite abusive in the way you write your above comment. I wonder if all your "attacked abused husband" story is true. Or if perhaps you are trying to get simpathy because she actually caught you out and did the right thing? Why don't you report her to the police? If she is in the wrong, you have nothing to lose.

Last edited by Patsycat; 25.10.2013 at 04:19. Reason: And that was my 666 post!!!?
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Old 25.10.2013, 09:25
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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You sound quite abusive in the way you write your above comment. I wonder if all your "attacked abused husband" story is true. Or if perhaps you are trying to get simpathy because she actually caught you out and did the right thing? Why don't you report her to the police? If she is in the wrong, you have nothing to lose.
I wonder where people like OP and his wife meet. And why do they decide to get married...seems like a match made in hell.
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Old 25.10.2013, 14:58
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Re: Domestic Issues and Domestic Violence

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I wonder where people like OP and his wife meet. And why do they decide to get married...seems like a match made in hell.
That's not really fair. People do change over the course of a relationship and substance abuse can do a lot to change an otherwise good person for the worse, plunging both partners in the relationship into some very dark circumstances. We don't have all the details, we aren't not equipped to be objective. The OP is in a hard situation, regardless of where fault may lie. Even if we are so cruel as to presume he is at fault he's looking for help. Legal advice is the best answer, a lawyer will give advice that will address the health and safety of both parties, which at the core of it are what humanity obliges us to have some measure of concern for
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