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Old 11.03.2008, 22:14
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Help, I'm getting divorced

Sorry if this is a repeat of any previous posts, I don't have the energy to go looking.

Just to put this post into perspective. I'm male, mid 30s and English with a UK passport and a Permit B(EU).

I've been living in Switzerland for almost 3 years now after moving here to marry a C(EU) permit holder, unfortunately our relationship is falling apart and we have decided to get divorced. Only I really don't know how to go about getting a divorce.. I really moved over here with the best reasons.. My wife isn't a bad woman, we just don't get on with each other any more and want different things from life, we have no kids and she owns a house that she inherited from her first husband. I work for an international company based in the UK, but pay Swiss taxes as an independant and travel a lot, especially to South America, which is probably what ended things for us.

I would really like to continue to live here in Switzerland, I've made a couple of friends, and I feel like this is my home.. I really don't have any where else to go, my parents are both dead and my sister lives in Washington DC with her husband.. Is it possible to to stay here on my permit B? It runs out on the 31st July I've been looking into it, and on my salary I could afford to build a small house with a view of the mountains, and I've had so many upheavals in my life, I'd really like to stay put. Does my permit get renewed automatically because I'm paying Swiss taxes even though my employer is based in the UK? I was only granted a Permit B because of my marriage.

How do I go about getting hold of a solicitor to help me with my divorce? I don't want anything other than a fair share of our life together.. I'm not about to chase her out of her home, but I can't very well go living on the streets either.

And what of the future? In Brazil there are lots of really beautiful women.. They're always coming on to Westerners, me included although I've never cheated on my wife.. I've been tempted, but kept to my marriage vows.. I'm not stupid, I now many of them will be money grabbers, but I spend probably 3 months a year in Goiania and speak good Portuguese.. I can imagine that when I've sorted myself out here, it's not going to be long before I am introduced to someone that I feel I might have a chance at a future with I'm sure.. If I was lucky enough to meet someone in Brazil before my divorce was finalised, would it be possible to bring her back here? If so, for how long? I'll get married again one day, but I'd kinda like to avoid making the same mistake twice, and actually spend some time with my future wife BEFORE we are married the next time.. One divorce is enough for me.

This probably sounds callous.. I'm not even divorced but I'm looking at the next relationship, but I'm an optimist.. what's happening to me now is pretty miserable.. I need something good to concentrate on to keep my spirits up.. Anyhow, it took my wife 3 years to get divorced the first time.. There's no way I want to remain celibate for that long! It's been long enough already
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Old 11.03.2008, 22:22
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

hello there
i am sorry to hear your situation, but thats pretty fine that you sounded quite optimistic too.
well i suppose you contact your local community and i am sure as you have a UK passport your permission B will be automatically renewed...also why not look for a job outta here....
goodluck man!
insel
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Old 11.03.2008, 22:34
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

Thanks for your good wishes..

I am optimistic.. So would you be if you'd spent as much time to Brazil as I have.. They like older men, and so far, in travelling there I've had 6 25 year olds hit on me.. All drop dead gorgeous.. One day I'll stumble upon one that wants more than just a fat wallet and a red passport.

I don't want to run away from my problems.. I want to settle and get some roots.. I've been moving around the world for most of my life and I've been here for 3 years already.. the longest I've been living anywhere.. The quality of life here is pretty good, in VS the houses are pretty cheap and the view of the mountains beats the view of the gasworks in my last place in the UK.. I can afford a 3 bed house here with a reasonably sized garden.. for the price of a tiny 2 bed flat in a dodgy part of London.. Not much of a choice really..

Can someone confirm what inseldk said about my permit? He didn't sound sure..
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Old 11.03.2008, 22:46
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

You are an EU passport holder. Permit is no problem. Concentrate on the rest.
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Old 11.03.2008, 22:52
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

Thankyou Gooner.. This is useful.. I've found it could take me anything from 7 months to "Forever" to get divorced depending on how my other half feels, but it's not unreasonable to think about 12 months.. At least I've a time line and some idea of how to go about things.

However I have this other part of my question.. In actual fact I think there may be someone for me in Goiania, I'm going to find out in May/June when I'm next ofer there I guess.. She's lovely and been keeping me company when I've been over there, we've never been more than platonic friends, but she's not been shy to tell me that she wants more.. So I'd really like to know if I would be able to bring her over here before my divorce comes through, or would I have to keep travelling over there until I'm in a position to remarry? I'd really like the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her before we make life commitments.. Once bitten and all that.
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Old 11.03.2008, 23:42
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

I cannot believe what I have just read

I have met women who have had husbands that sound like you. Is your marriage floundering as you seem to spend your time looking for a younger replacement whilst in South America? You certainly do not seem to be mourning the end of your marriage .
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Old 11.03.2008, 23:52
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

Apart from the concern about the B permit which is answered (i.e. as a B permit holder working as an independant and paying Swiss tax and social security there's no problem remaining here) this (Permits, Visas, Gov't)isn't really the right forum for discussions about divorce or future relationships so I'm moving it to a more appropriate forum....
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Old 12.03.2008, 00:22
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

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I cannot believe what I have just read

I have met women who have had husbands that sound like you. Is your marriage floundering as you seem to spend your time looking for a younger replacement whilst in South America? You certainly do not seem to be mourning the end of your marriage .
You're very quick to judge without knowing the facts.. Please.. I'm asking a legit question.. My wife isn't hurt over this, why should I be unhappy when she isn't??
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Old 12.03.2008, 00:33
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

Yes, you are quite right that I do not know the facts but even if your wife and you are happy to move on,, your post shows no remorse that your marriage is over. Yes, I suppose I could consider myself a silly old fool but to me marriage is an important thing and not just dismissed as something that you buy in the shops and as it doesn't work out go back to the shops asap for another one.
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Old 12.03.2008, 01:34
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

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Yes, you are quite right that I do not know the facts but even if your wife and you are happy to move on,, your post shows no remorse that your marriage is over. Yes, I suppose I could consider myself a silly old fool but to me marriage is an important thing and not just dismissed as something that you buy in the shops and as it doesn't work out go back to the shops asap for another one.
How can I put this?? This is a web site full of strangers.. I came here looking for some practical help and advice. I don't really want to show my feelings on a deeply personal matter to a bunch of strangers, that's what my friends are for, and believe me, they know my true feelings.

Please, don't stone people until you've found out if they're guilty. Whatever your feelings are on the matter, you've no right to judge me based on the flimsy evidence of "you sound like someone else I knew" so therefore I must be guilty..

Didn't it occur to you that maybe it was my wife that went off with someone else and the reason you see no remorse here is because looking toward the future with someone nice is the only way to keep in good spirits, and making nasty unfounded accusations at someone in what is agreeably the most difficult period of their lives is really quite a nasty thing to do.

I think you owe me an appology.
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Old 12.03.2008, 03:28
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

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Yes, you are quite right that I do not know the facts but even if your wife and you are happy to move on,, your post shows no remorse that your marriage is over. Yes, I suppose I could consider myself a silly old fool but to me marriage is an important thing and not just dismissed as something that you buy in the shops and as it doesn't work out go back to the shops asap for another one.
I see your point, but on the other hand if things really didn't work out and both spouses recognise this and want to move on with their lives, there is something positive in that too rather than wandering around in a daze pining for something that wasn't really what either partner was looking for. It certainly makes a change from the mud-slinging and finger-pointing, wouldn't you say? As a buddy of mine used to say:"You sing a few bars of 'That's life' and go on to the next chapter." Iw ouldn't be so judgmental but look upon it as someone who has seen the light and wants to make up for lost time....can you blame him?
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Old 12.03.2008, 10:52
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

I got divorced here some years ago. It was by mutual consent and we had no children. Our financial affairs were straight forward. We used the same lawyer. The whole process took about 3 months and cost about 3000 CHF.
I feel that it's inappropriate for people to comment/pass judgement on your personal situation.....you asked for practical advice, we know nothing of what's brought you to this difficult situation. I wish you and your wife well in the next stage of your lives and hope you remain friends.
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Old 12.03.2008, 10:55
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

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How can I put this?? This is a web site full of strangers.. I came here looking for some practical help and advice. I don't really want to show my feelings on a deeply personal matter to a bunch of strangers, that's what my friends are for, and believe me, they know my true feelings.

Please, don't stone people until you've found out if they're guilty. Whatever your feelings are on the matter, you've no right to judge me based on the flimsy evidence of "you sound like someone else I knew" so therefore I must be guilty..

Didn't it occur to you that maybe it was my wife that went off with someone else and the reason you see no remorse here is because looking toward the future with someone nice is the only way to keep in good spirits, and making nasty unfounded accusations at someone in what is agreeably the most difficult period of their lives is really quite a nasty thing to do.

I think you owe me an appology.
actually, I don't think so.

YOU posted up the peripheral comments and then YOU get narky when someone questions the motives and reasoning behind this thread.

Frankly, your questions have been answered and had you not mentioned the women throwing themselves at your feet, people might not have judged you.

An uncontested divorce can happen quite quickly and you will be entitled to work and live here still with your EU passport. Why actually mention your intentions of rebounding at all? Your ego seems massaged enough.
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Old 12.03.2008, 11:14
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Re: Help, I'm getting divorced

As I was reading through this, I though it was going to be a setup for a Brazillian bride agency website.

"Recently divorced? feeling down? I found this great website, brazillianbrides.com, come meet brazillians of ladies all looking for love."

No offence to you OP, I'm sure you'll get through your divorce OK, other poster have put all the right links.
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