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  #21  
Old 17.06.2014, 17:08
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Call your local GP immediately and set up an appointment for right now. Let your wife know she is suffering from a depression and it is not her fault. Tell her she's a lovely woman and mother and demons (or hormonal imbalances) are playing with her mind. Your wife needs help immediately. If the doctor initially prescribes drugs, make sure she takes them. She will also need therapeutic help to get through the trauma of depression.

There is a case in my little village two years ago where a mother was suffering from postpartum depression and no one took it that seriously. The poor mother ended up drowning her child and herself.

This is not "sensationalism" but just a warning what might happen if this is not handled with care.

And for what it's worth, be prepared yourself to deal with your wife's depression. It's a sickness that affects the whole family.

Wishing you luck, patience and understanding.
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Last edited by olygirl; 18.06.2014 at 07:34.
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  #22  
Old 17.06.2014, 17:19
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Without going in too much detail, I can only give you the sketches of the husband point of view.

1) this is SERIOUS. Recovery is long and hard, requires all the dedication and support you can muster. If you can call on her mom/sister/true friend or (in the rare event your mom is not a monster-in-law), do so.

2) Call or go to your pediatrician. Setup an appointment for the kid, then go all three of you. Let the pediatrician talk to her.These are normally the people who see this first hand and can spot it from a mile. Also, very, VERY likely the best qualified person to recommend JUST the professional you need to start your journey back to normal-as-you-knew-it-before.

Do not wait on too much advice, people have already flagged how serious this is. Do not end up saving a day or leaving it for next time, as each day downhill is a week or month of recovery. I wish someone told me this early enough...

My heart goes out to you and the Mrs. Get better soon! Godspeed.
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  #23  
Old 17.06.2014, 17:36
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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Call your local GP immediately and set up an appointment for right now. Let your wife know she is suffering from a depression and it is not her fault. Tell her she's a lovely woman and mother and demons (or hormonal balances) are playing with her mind. Your wife needs help immediately. If the doctor initially prescribes drugs, make sure she takes them. She will also need therapeutic help to get through the trauma of depression.

There is a case in my little village two years ago where a mother was suffering from postpartum depression and no one took it that seriously. The poor mother ended up drowning her child and herself.

This is not a "sensationalism" but just a warning what might happen if this is not handled with care.

And for what it's worth, be prepared yourself to deal with your wife's depression. It's a sickness that affects the whole family.

Wishing you luck, patience and understanding.
This Post pretty much says it all.

The only thing to add is failing being able to convince your wife to go why not go on your own to the GP?

I would imagine they would not exactly what to do, who to put you in touch with and offer the best advice.

I wish you well it must be very hard.
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Old 17.06.2014, 18:42
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

After contacting your GP or Frauenarzt you might want to get in touch with Spitex-Höfe, the group who organize all sorts of care resources in the Höfe area, including ambulant psychiatric care, along with all the other support services they offer to new mothers and babies:

http://www.spitex-hoefe.ch/index.cfm...3988C86314599/

The reason I stress contacting your family doctor/obgyn first is that he/she is usually the key to resources in your area. If there are other avenues your doctor will know where to send you.

If the doctor orders Spitex help, in most cases it is paid by your health insurance.

Please speak to the doctor now.

Wishing your wife, baby and you all the best.
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Old 17.06.2014, 20:56
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I honor your courage in reaching out for help.

I`d highly recommend contacting some local midwives.

A good place to start would be the Delphys Gerburtshaus - they have an incredible support network and could link you up with the best possible support and advice in your area. Email them in any language.

It is most important that your wife, and you , know that you are not alone.

www.delphys.ch

Warm wishes.
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Old 17.06.2014, 20:58
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Can you not get a nanny in to help her, whilst you get the situation sorted?
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Old 17.06.2014, 21:07
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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Can you not get a nanny in to help her, whilst you get the situation sorted?
He mentions they already have some help:

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I am pulling all the stops to support, even taking time away from meetings or my job (Which is impacting my work performance). We hired a baby sitter to come for a few hours a week 2x a week, plus we have a cleaning person 1x a week. This still does not help, it seems shes gotten worst. She also takes part in mommy activities but finds fault and dislikes these activities.
To be honest, hiring help will only ease the symptoms of post natal depression, or in this case, seems to be having the opposite effect.

I think he needs to lead his wife down the medical/psychological route and treat the root of the problem.
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Old 17.06.2014, 21:34
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

That is a baby-sitter a few hours a week. No qualifications. I was thinking more of a fully qualified nanny to be there whilst he is at work! It won't cure her, but just ease the pressure until she can get medical help!
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Old 17.06.2014, 21:42
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Having had postnatal depression the last thing I wanted was someone in my house observing me as a parent. Support needs to empower the woman to feel that she has choices and power over her thinking and feelings. The problem is not lack of ability to parent, but a mental health problem affecting their thoughts and emotions.
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Old 17.06.2014, 21:45
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I would also say that new mother's groups can be quite competitive and un-supportive. I found better support from mothers of older children, who had 'been there done that" and had a bigger perspective than first time mums who are obsessed with how many times their baby did not wake up last night or whether they gave solids yet, or whose baby is walking first...she might even prefer r company of older women who are able to put things into a better perspective and offer acceptance without criticism...
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Old 17.06.2014, 21:48
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

May I ask how old the child is now? Right after my son was born, I went through a period of extreme depression because of the shift in hormones. I believe this is common and is often referred to as "the baby blues." Thankfully, that only lasted about a month, but I was very, very emotionally unstable during that time.

Then when my son was about 1 yr. old, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Postpartum depression. However, that diagnosis didn't last long. He later noticed my iron levels were a bit low, so he gave me some iron infusions (intravenous), and immediately I felt 100% better. Apparently, an iron deficiency can cause depression (and are quite common in women). So I definitely suggest that your wife should have some blood work done ASAP (especially iron and B12 checked).

Also, how much sleep is your wife getting per night? Sleep deprivation will definitely make dealing with stress very difficult, and I know it's not always easy to get good sleep when you have a little one. But I do suggest that you do all that you can to ensure your wife gets some decent sleep at night, until the other stuff gets sorted out. For me, at least, a good night's sleep makes a world of difference in how I handle a stressful day.

My heart goes out to the both of you... and I really hope your wife is feeling much better very soon!
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Old 17.06.2014, 22:17
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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what is sensationalist? they happened and they happened to women from all walks of life, there are more stories like this.

Add to that most husbands simply don't know what to do when their normally competent wives implode and don't step in in time. The man making this post is willing to step into a very confusing situation, he's already ahead of the men in these stories.
I approach any newspaper with a caution, Daily Mail has an extra large black cloud of !!!!!!.?????? looming over it. Daily Mail almost never presents a balanced argument, and in his current situation the OP does not need sensationalist journalism - DM IS SENSATIONALIST, but so much of the population are detached from reality (Reality TV) they can't draw a line.

I also would absolutely not recommend Mumsnet, even more so if your wife is not from UK, as it is quite culturally specific.

To the OP, is your employer at all aware of the situation you have in your home/family life? I would think that to whatever extent possible they would want to support you, but unless you are honest with them it could backfire, being interpreted as failing to perform.

As has already been said, first call is the GP - yours or hers if not the same, as this is affecting both of you. I can understand that if your wife is not feeling her best about mothering etc right now that attending mother/baby groups could exacerbate the situation - a lot of comparing developmental stages and milestones, and not the best forum for expressing feelings of inadequacy. Does she have good lines of communication with any friend or family member not in CH - she might not indicate to them how down she is feeling, but someone showing they are interested in HER, not only the baby, might open some gates.
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Old 17.06.2014, 22:23
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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Then when my son was about 1 yr. old, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Postpartum depression. However, that diagnosis didn't last long. He later noticed my iron levels were a bit low, so he gave me some iron infusions (intravenous), and immediately I felt 100% better. Apparently, an iron deficiency can cause depression (and are quite common in women). So I definitely suggest that your wife should have some blood work done ASAP (especially iron and B12 checked).
A complete set of blood tests would also reveal whether something has gone awry with her thyroid levels. Pregnancy can trigger a malfunction in thyroid hormone production, and low levels can mimic depression. It is a condition that if detected is easily medicated. This happened to me after second child, although it took 2+ years to fully become a "condition".
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Old 17.06.2014, 22:47
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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Its getting serious now, I go to work and my phone is blasting with messages demanding that I come home now due to her frustration with the child, it scares me as I dont know if she will hurt her or not (luckily she has not but what if one day she cant take it).


Im extremely scared and dont know what to do in terms of contacting external help to guide us..

Your sincere thoughts are appreciated.
Hi Theone, sorry to hear about your problems. Does your wife have someone in her family that she is very close to? What if you try to discuss first with her mother, sister etc. ? Maybe they could help, in a tactful way of course. I would try this before any professional help, as you can't just pack her and hand her in to some doctors, psychologists etc. She should want first to be helped.
It is very serious and it should be given maximum importance. One of my friends had post-partum depression for a year after her son's birth, and during this period she could not take care of him, or even of herself. Luckily the whole family was there for her, including her husband who is a saint in my eyes ever since. They are very happy now, so hang in there, it will be better!

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Old 18.06.2014, 09:09
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I agree with green mount. Your wife has to be convinced that she needs help otherwise going to GP / OB / psychiatrist might not help at. Best would be do talk with her and talk with her what are the problems and what can help her. May be you should take a few days break and talk with her and spend time with her to see what stresses her. Just asking whats wrong might not help because she herself might not know what the root of the problem is. Hopefully you can convince her to go to doctor.

One thing I can say its very hard to raise a child, esp. in foreign land. Not having social network can augment the chances and severity of postpartum depression.

I also went through maternity blues though it was not severe enough to call depression. Many factors contribute to maternity blues/ depression:
- Sleepless nights (crying baby, sick baby, feeding in nights)
- feeling alone in foreign land, no one to share feelings, of course there are mother groups and so on but its not same as siblings, parents and close friends
- change in life, missing old freedom days (can eat, sleep, go out, when I want)
- lot of housework (I literally clean floor 10 times a day and I do not have OCD), once a week helps to clean toilet and room but with kids there are pile of clothes and there are crumbles everywhere.
- maternal guilt ( I feel bad when I go out alone with friends and leave baby with families or friends)
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Old 18.06.2014, 11:18
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Dear all,

your loving advice and support to a stranger has helped me in ways you will never know.

I found this article as a talking point, http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post...depression.htm

your posts below about approaching her helped as well.

I will first ctc her doc and have a one on one, then take it from there.

Also someone PM'd me and shared their personal experiences, this helped allot. Thank you to that person once more!

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OP,

could you perhaps use some vacancy time to spend with her? Or alternatively, travel her mother/sister in?

I can imagine what it feels like being a newly-turned mom in a foreign country with so little human touch. Esp. if you come from a Latin country, Brazil, or Southern USA.

I pray that everything works out fine for your family.
I will talk to my job about this once I speak to her Dr. one on one first. I will ask her how to approach this and how we can get help.

My only fear is how she will react to me opening this topic. But with love and sincerity and the right environment it should be ok.



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I suffered with PND after the birth of both my boys.
My advice would be to go to the doctor with her. If she won't go then you should make an appointment to explain the seriousness of the situation to the doctor.
And as hard as it is for your job if she asks you to come home then do. She is crying to you for help as she must trust you.
Does the baby cry a lot? I found the crying very difficult to deal with. A pacifier for my son helped me a lot. I just couldn't bear to hear the crying.
Good luck Op. You will come out the other side and so will your wife.
Yes I will surely go to the doc first.

I of course do not put my job first (especially in this manner) - I know a short term departure (i.e. leaving early some days) is worth it.

The baby does not cry allot, thats what triggered me to consider my wife's health. If the baby makes a small cry for a toy for 10-15 seconds my wife gets very agitated and starts to take it out on me.

Thank you for your kind wishes...


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I would like to chime in and agree that your first point of call should be the general practitioner. I would go further and say that it may be appropriate for you to make an appointment first (and soon!) yourself, to talk things through first, before deciding how to approach your wife.

The other potential help would be the 'mutterberatung' - mother and baby nurse.

The key to the difference between postnatal depression and the more serious postnatal psychosis is whether the woman has insight - does she recognise that she feels depressed/anxious/suicidal. If she does, then reassuring her that lots of women to through this and it is a recognised reaction to severe stress related to childbirth/caring for a small baby/trauma/hormones/being away from good support networks. This is the first message - she is not alone. And what she is feeling is 'understandable' given the stress she has been under. Second message is that help is available. The usual recommended treatment is a combination of counselling/cognitive behavioural therapy, which is a pretty straighforward psychological thing, and/or anti-depressant medication.

The third message is 'i love you and I am here to support you with whatever we need to do together to make this feel better'.

Fourth message? It is treatable, there is a light at the end of the tunnel....

Maybe, writing a love-letter explanung your feelings and giving her time to read and think about it, would be a good idea. Maybe giving her some information on postnatal depression might help her to rcognise it in herself. Maybe she already suspects that she is unwell but does not know how to ask for help...
Many thanks! your advice and insight also helps greatly. I will talk to her doctor first, I will also think about writing a letter to her and explaining my views.

Reasuring her that she is not alone is a huge thing, also letting her know its normal as well. She comes from a family (Single mom) that always stated, ''depression, sadness is a form of weakness''..

Also giving her time to think about it as well. As mentioned above, I found a nice link that is warm and opening to the topic..

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Do you know the WAC in Uster? She could join some mother baby groups, a supportive women's group could help.
However, it is really serious and that alone is not enough. As others said you need to contact her dr. or the hospital where she gave birth to have them follow her and support her. She needs you and them, and a support group of other moms.
As Sweetpea said, she needs to know you are there for her and love her 100%.
Just imo, if she doesn't know that first and foremost, you run the risk of lighting dynamite when you tell her you want her to seek help.

As a side note, I would like to say that you are amazing for seeking help for her.
Thank you, No I do not know the WAC in Uster..

Wow your last comment is inspirational! Thank you for thinking that I am awesome,

We are joined in this world, and yet we ignore basic depression and mental needs as someone being, ''negative or nagging''... But thats not true, there are serious things behind someone's thoughts and actions..

I am lucky to be aware of these things, and I dont want to give up. We had arguments in the past where if we saw a ''divorce'' agreement on the table, it would have been signed asap.

But divorce or other forms of arguments will not work with someone with her condition, only makes it worst. I could never grasp why she did the things she did... But now I am beyond patient but dont want to ignore her inner cry for help that she can not get out.



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Call your local GP immediately and set up an appointment for right now. Let your wife know she is suffering from a depression and it is not her fault. Tell her she's a lovely woman and mother and demons (or hormonal imbalances) are playing with her mind. Your wife needs help immediately. If the doctor initially prescribes drugs, make sure she takes them. She will also need therapeutic help to get through the trauma of depression.

There is a case in my little village two years ago where a mother was suffering from postpartum depression and no one took it that seriously. The poor mother ended up drowning her child and herself.

This is not "sensationalism" but just a warning what might happen if this is not handled with care.

And for what it's worth, be prepared yourself to deal with your wife's depression. It's a sickness that affects the whole family.

Wishing you luck, patience and understanding.
Thank you again for your kind wishes. I agree, these things are serious... Ppl always think that depression is impossible after giving birth, i..e new child, happy etc.. But the case can be the opposite.

I will surely handle this with care.

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Without going in too much detail, I can only give you the sketches of the husband point of view.

1) this is SERIOUS. Recovery is long and hard, requires all the dedication and support you can muster. If you can call on her mom/sister/true friend or (in the rare event your mom is not a monster-in-law), do so.

2) Call or go to your pediatrician. Setup an appointment for the kid, then go all three of you. Let the pediatrician talk to her.These are normally the people who see this first hand and can spot it from a mile. Also, very, VERY likely the best qualified person to recommend JUST the professional you need to start your journey back to normal-as-you-knew-it-before.

Do not wait on too much advice, people have already flagged how serious this is. Do not end up saving a day or leaving it for next time, as each day downhill is a week or month of recovery. I wish someone told me this early enough...

My heart goes out to you and the Mrs. Get better soon! Godspeed.
I got family support via the phone (and friends) for her, this helped and is helping... I will surely do this, the article I pasted above states that my wifesmental health will have a dramatic affect on our child.

Your advice and the others here regarding the speed of support is clear. I will make an appt asap with her doc and myself only.. .Then I will take it from there.

Your wishes are appreciated.


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After contacting your GP or Frauenarzt you might want to get in touch with Spitex-Höfe, the group who organize all sorts of care resources in the Höfe area, including ambulant psychiatric care, along with all the other support services they offer to new mothers and babies:

http://www.spitex-hoefe.ch/index.cfm...3988C86314599/

The reason I stress contacting your family doctor/obgyn first is that he/she is usually the key to resources in your area. If there are other avenues your doctor will know where to send you.

If the doctor orders Spitex help, in most cases it is paid by your health insurance.

Please speak to the doctor now.

Wishing your wife, baby and you all the best.
Will do. Your wishes are felt close to my heart .

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I would also say that new mother's groups can be quite competitive and un-supportive. I found better support from mothers of older children, who had 'been there done that" and had a bigger perspective than first time mums who are obsessed with how many times their baby did not wake up last night or whether they gave solids yet, or whose baby is walking first...she might even prefer r company of older women who are able to put things into a better perspective and offer acceptance without criticism...
I agree. My wife did this and fell into an EVEN DEEPER Abyss of depression. She had a fall out with one of her friends due to competition and hates these groups now. Dont get me wrong, she got along well with most of them, but its that one that just made her stay away.

But in time I am sure we can rejoin these,

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May I ask how old the child is now? Right after my son was born, I went through a period of extreme depression because of the shift in hormones. I believe this is common and is often referred to as "the baby blues." Thankfully, that only lasted about a month, but I was very, very emotionally unstable during that time.

Then when my son was about 1 yr. old, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Postpartum depression. However, that diagnosis didn't last long. He later noticed my iron levels were a bit low, so he gave me some iron infusions (intravenous), and immediately I felt 100% better. Apparently, an iron deficiency can cause depression (and are quite common in women). So I definitely suggest that your wife should have some blood work done ASAP (especially iron and B12 checked).

Also, how much sleep is your wife getting per night? Sleep deprivation will definitely make dealing with stress very difficult, and I know it's not always easy to get good sleep when you have a little one. But I do suggest that you do all that you can to ensure your wife gets some decent sleep at night, until the other stuff gets sorted out. For me, at least, a good night's sleep makes a world of difference in how I handle a stressful day.

My heart goes out to the both of you... and I really hope your wife is feeling much better very soon!

I will also talk to her Doc about this, thanks for the pts. Our child is 1yrs old.

Sleep, if the kid goes to sleep 9-1030pm, she usually goes to sleep 2-4am.

Your heart felt words are more than appreciated...
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Old 18.06.2014, 11:36
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Sadly I live far too far away to help. But perhaps some of the expat mums in Zurich could get in touch with OP about meeting up. Is there also an older 'granny' type or two who could act as surrogate 'mum'/granny- to make up for lack of more experienced family support? I would offer to visit and support but I live in the Far West.
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Old 18.06.2014, 12:36
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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Sleep, if the kid goes to sleep 9-1030pm, she usually goes to sleep 2-4am.
Now knowing this, I can't help but wonder if you're wife is staying up too late and not getting enough sleep.

After our son was born, and began having a more normal sleeping pattern, I, too, was often tempted to stay up late because that was the only time I really could get some "me time."

But I quickly learned that proper sleep was more important than the "me time" because I was often really tired during the day if I had stayed up late the night before. So once I started going to bed earlier -- around 10:00 or 11:00 pm -- it was no problem to get up around 7:00, when the little one woke up, and then I was much, much less tired during the day and found that I had much more energy and was able to deal with stress a lot better.

If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is the importance of good sleep!

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Old 18.06.2014, 16:45
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

OP, also some daily time for sports could do her good. I don't mean watching the World Cup (as much as I like it), but jogging, or going to the gym, anything of the sort. Enjoying the summertime could bring her a new life.

Best for all of you.
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Old 19.06.2014, 03:17
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I too suffered with PND and would urge you to go to the GP with your wife.
Someone said above to tell your wife that she has depression, that it's okay, and lovingly say you'll support. I wouldn't agree. I was in absolute and utter denial that anything was wrong, despite 'knowing' that the world was falling apart.

We emigrated to NZ when I was 6mths pregnant and our boys (twins) were 12mths old. We had no family support, my hubby had a high pressured job (left before the babies woke/home after bedtime/away around NZ lots/etc) and I thought it'd all be okay! After being there 3 months, our daughter was born, family came out to see us for a couple of weeks and after 2months the wheels started to drop off. I too used to call my hubby in tears demanding he came home as I couldn't cope and had no-one else I could share it with. I guess I was crying out for help (but wouldn't have admitted that) and needed him to take control but we struggled on with me trying to self-cure myself. But one day someone showed me this website: mothersmatter.co.nz and after reading other women's stories, I booked myself in to see the GP as I could recognise in them, things that I was feeling. I didn't appreciate my hubby telling me I had a 'disease but it'd all be okay' but perhaps your wife will? Everyone is different! Long (private) story (don't mind sharing on email though) but I got help, the fog took a month or so to start to lift and then slowly I regained 'myself' and went onto get a job as a Positive parenting facilitator and am now studying Psychology with the aim to help families and their children. Before kids and PND I'd never had anxiety or depression or anything close to it and had always been a very confident/outgoing/balanced person etc. Also, I was scared of admitting I had PND for the often (negative) connotations.

There is a score sheet that your wife will be asked to do. You being there may/may not help her be honest. Questions such as: have you considered harming yourself in the last 2 weeks. Depending on her score will be indicative to her mental state and where she is on the spectrum.

Obviously I'm not in Switzerland, and don't know the 'system' there but please seek medical help. Obviously you're an amazing hubby who loves her and your child so much and one day this will be a distant memory. She will find a drug such as fluoxitine (sp) (brand name Prozac) will help her Serotonin levels even out and give her a break from her headspace/emotions. It'll take time though. No quick fix.

In the meantime, if she struggles 'switching off' at night and can't sleep - if she/you have an iPhone/iGadget there's a free 'mindfulness' app which is great at relaxing.

Are there no PND awareness/support groups in Switzerland? Don't send her to other mums - like others have said it's like going into a lion's den when you're emotionally not great.

Good luck.
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