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Old 19.06.2014, 09:04
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Theone1:

The next post you write should have the words:

"I've been to the doctor with her and she's getting treatment".

The above post is an excellent summary of what patients go through. Be loving and patient but realize that your wife may only hear the negativity and block out any positive remarks.

If you've never been through a depression, it's extremely hard to understand it. Just realize that all those desperate phone calls are cries for help.

Good luck and be strong for your family.
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Old 19.06.2014, 14:05
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I too hope your next response is that your wife is seeing a doctor. I suffered also from PPD and did not realize it until I did something I see now as stupid and scary.

After my first child was born, I could not sleep, and even when I did sleep, I woke up exhausted. I would
meet my husband at the door each evening, hand my daughter over and leave - just to get away. I was not sad, or unhappy, just sooooo tired and agitated over every slight thing.

One day I packed a bag and left and went to a hotel, just so I could try to sleep - but I didn't sleep and found in my purse sleeping pills (seconal) that I forgot I had. I took, one, didn't sleep, took two, - fell into a hard sleep and when I woke up, I couldn't move. I lay there conscious but unable to move - after a few hours I was able to dial the phone on the bedside table and call my husband -my words were slurred - he rushed over and took me immediately to the hospital.

I could not walk for many hours until the drugs wore off. It scared me silly. My doctor said it was classic Post Partum and depression does not always mean sadness. I was put on Prozac and within days I was finally sleeping and feeling rested. I took Prozac for one year and stopped with no problems. No amount of counseling was going to help correct the hormonal haywire.
My family tried to take the baby to let me rest, but nothing anyone did helped. I don't know what would have happened without the medication.

This is very serious. Hope your wife will be able to see this also, PPD can
alter your abililty to see clearly what is happening to yourself.
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  #43  
Old 20.06.2014, 11:04
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Quote:
Sadly I live far too far away to help. But perhaps some of the expat mums in Zurich could get in touch with OP about meeting up. Is there also an older 'granny' type or two who could act as surrogate 'mum'/granny- to make up for lack of more experienced family support? I would offer to visit and support but I live in the Far West.
I am working on this one . Money has no means (dont get me wrong, i dont have allot).. but wife's health and babys health comes before anything.



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Now knowing this, I can't help but wonder if you're wife is staying up too late and not getting enough sleep.

After our son was born, and began having a more normal sleeping pattern, I, too, was often tempted to stay up late because that was the only time I really could get some "me time."

But I quickly learned that proper sleep was more important than the "me time" because I was often really tired during the day if I had stayed up late the night before. So once I started going to bed earlier -- around 10:00 or 11:00 pm -- it was no problem to get up around 7:00, when the little one woke up, and then I was much, much less tired during the day and found that I had much more energy and was able to deal with stress a lot better.

If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is the importance of good sleep!

I fully agree with this, I think once we identify the issue and develop a plan, good sleep will surely be a factor that will be worked on.

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OP, also some daily time for sports could do her good. I don't mean watching the World Cup (as much as I like it), but jogging, or going to the gym, anything of the sort. Enjoying the summertime could bring her a new life.

Best for all of you.
I concur, This is also part of the alone time for her.

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I too suffered with PND and would urge you to go to the GP with your wife.
Someone said above to tell your wife that she has depression, that it's okay, and lovingly say you'll support. I wouldn't agree. I was in absolute and utter denial that anything was wrong, despite 'knowing' that the world was falling apart.

We emigrated to NZ when I was 6mths pregnant and our boys (twins) were 12mths old. We had no family support, my hubby had a high pressured job (left before the babies woke/home after bedtime/away around NZ lots/etc) and I thought it'd all be okay! After being there 3 months, our daughter was born, family came out to see us for a couple of weeks and after 2months the wheels started to drop off. I too used to call my hubby in tears demanding he came home as I couldn't cope and had no-one else I could share it with. I guess I was crying out for help (but wouldn't have admitted that) and needed him to take control but we struggled on with me trying to self-cure myself. But one day someone showed me this website: mothersmatter.co.nz and after reading other women's stories, I booked myself in to see the GP as I could recognise in them, things that I was feeling. I didn't appreciate my hubby telling me I had a 'disease but it'd all be okay' but perhaps your wife will? Everyone is different! Long (private) story (don't mind sharing on email though) but I got help, the fog took a month or so to start to lift and then slowly I regained 'myself' and went onto get a job as a Positive parenting facilitator and am now studying Psychology with the aim to help families and their children. Before kids and PND I'd never had anxiety or depression or anything close to it and had always been a very confident/outgoing/balanced person etc. Also, I was scared of admitting I had PND for the often (negative) connotations.

There is a score sheet that your wife will be asked to do. You being there may/may not help her be honest. Questions such as: have you considered harming yourself in the last 2 weeks. Depending on her score will be indicative to her mental state and where she is on the spectrum.

Obviously I'm not in Switzerland, and don't know the 'system' there but please seek medical help. Obviously you're an amazing hubby who loves her and your child so much and one day this will be a distant memory. She will find a drug such as fluoxitine (sp) (brand name Prozac) will help her Serotonin levels even out and give her a break from her headspace/emotions. It'll take time though. No quick fix.

In the meantime, if she struggles 'switching off' at night and can't sleep - if she/you have an iPhone/iGadget there's a free 'mindfulness' app which is great at relaxing.

Are there no PND awareness/support groups in Switzerland? Don't send her to other mums - like others have said it's like going into a lion's den when you're emotionally not great.

Good luck.
WOw your story is surely nice to hear, its an inspiration to hear such stories. I will private msg you to talk further as well.

I will search for the questionnaire to start understand her views.

I am greatfull for your insight.

Quote:
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Theone1:

The next post you write should have the words:

"I've been to the doctor with her and she's getting treatment".

The above post is an excellent summary of what patients go through. Be loving and patient but realize that your wife may only hear the negativity and block out any positive remarks.

If you've never been through a depression, it's extremely hard to understand it. Just realize that all those desperate phone calls are cries for help.

Good luck and be strong for your family.
Will come soon, I have breifed the doctor and we will speak in the next day.

Quote:
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I too hope your next response is that your wife is seeing a doctor. I suffered also from PPD and did not realize it until I did something I see now as stupid and scary.

After my first child was born, I could not sleep, and even when I did sleep, I woke up exhausted. I would
meet my husband at the door each evening, hand my daughter over and leave - just to get away. I was not sad, or unhappy, just sooooo tired and agitated over every slight thing.

One day I packed a bag and left and went to a hotel, just so I could try to sleep - but I didn't sleep and found in my purse sleeping pills (seconal) that I forgot I had. I took, one, didn't sleep, took two, - fell into a hard sleep and when I woke up, I couldn't move. I lay there conscious but unable to move - after a few hours I was able to dial the phone on the bedside table and call my husband -my words were slurred - he rushed over and took me immediately to the hospital.

I could not walk for many hours until the drugs wore off. It scared me silly. My doctor said it was classic Post Partum and depression does not always mean sadness. I was put on Prozac and within days I was finally sleeping and feeling rested. I took Prozac for one year and stopped with no problems. No amount of counseling was going to help correct the hormonal haywire.
My family tried to take the baby to let me rest, but nothing anyone did helped. I don't know what would have happened without the medication.

This is very serious. Hope your wife will be able to see this also, PPD can
alter your abililty to see clearly what is happening to yourself.
Thanks for sharing, I appreciate ALL of your stories as it helps me understand how to approach the situation.

My next post will be about the treatment and help.

If this post and experiences from everyone can help another mother or father, I think we have done a great deed here.

So far you all have helped me in what is the darkest moment of my life to date.

I love her too much to see this happen, I will be strong and committed no matter what.

I am also lucky to have a nice boss who also wants me to have a happy home, my job will be supportive, eve if it means taking a short time away from work.
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  #44  
Old 20.06.2014, 11:09
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Nice questionnaire online;

http://www.fresno.ucsf.edu/pediatric...burghscale.pdf

Also more great info (including the link above Mothers Matter)

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articl...ml/context/305
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  #45  
Old 30.06.2014, 21:58
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I certainly suffered from post partum. I didn't see how bad it was until one day I was crying and couldn't stop. I went to my GP. I didn't want any strong anti-depressants. He gave me St. John's Wort and within 3 weeks I was smiling again and loving being at home again. Some days are still hard but not like before. Your wife needs the help of a doctor and telling them the brutal, honest truth of how she is doing. And then anytime that she can take a break...she needs to take one to refill her spirit. Babies are hard work and being alone and away from family and your country is so hard. Keep loving her....if you get her help, the wife you knew will come back to you.
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  #46  
Old 30.06.2014, 22:30
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Not sure if your wife is from the UK but this is a wonderful UK based charity who may be able to offer some online support. http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk I'm not sure if that's particularly helpful. Keep talking to her. These things are often a symptom of a deeper underlying issue. Women can be carrying things from their experience of birth or their own experiences of being mothered. The other person I can recommend is a colleague who specialises in women's counselling and while she is based in the UK she has a lot of clients in Europe who she supports via Skype. If your wife is british or English speaking she may be worth contacting. Lori has worked with many of my clients on issues from PTSD to PND.
http://lifeboost-uk.com/
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  #47  
Old 30.06.2014, 22:59
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Just want to put in a word here to note that the medical angle is not necessarily the only relevant one -- and no, I don't mean to say either that "it's all in her head" or that hormones aren't at work. Rather, I just mean to say that it's in addition quite possible that there may be issues of personal identity interacting with the cultural context. Not everyone* wants their identity to be what people think of as "Mother." If they have an identity that has strong outside-of-home components, it may be hard for them to be at home (perhaps esp. here in Switzerland where so many stay at home) and if the prevailing idea of what a "mother" is supposed to be may differ from her vision of herself. That kind of identity conflict is something that is known to cause significant stress. It can be especially hard if the things that a "mother" is supposed to be and do exceeds her idea of what she is prepared to be and do.

To make a (rather inadequate) analogy, think of how you might feel if everyone expected you to naturally and happily start to spend large parts of your day cleaning your house to perfection since you voluntarily moved to Switzerland -- like you are expected to naturally be fine with spending your day changing-feeding-bathing-comforting-etc a baby since you voluntarily had a baby. On top of that, think about the idea that people will start worrying about you, discussing you in public, and telling you to see the doctor because the idea of spending all that time dusting in the crevices under your sink doesn't seem like your idea of what you should* be doing with your life, even though the society around you thinks that it is a very important part of being a normal and considerate human being.

Of course, everyone's desired end result (including her own, I presume) is that she will be happy actually being a mother. What I'm suggesting is that an important part of this process may* be
... finding ways to bring out her vision of what the essential aspects of her identity are and explore how it might be possible to integrate those with happy motherhood.

This might* mean bringing in household/childcare help not in the spirit of "we know you are probably wiped out and can't do this right now" but more in the spirit of "I know you also have other important things to do in the world and I support you in them and consider it important to give you time to do them too."

***Please note: I am NOT saying that any of these things ARE the case, only that they MIGHT be the case. I obviously have little idea what the actual situation is. I am also NOT saying that being at home is inferior, which it definitely is not -- just that different people have different senses of identity which might change at different times in their life.

Yeah. And what everyone else said about sleep. Going to do that now.
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  #48  
Old 01.07.2014, 05:58
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Excellent. And the need to add a disclaimer made me smile. OP - women are known, no, some people are known to sacrifice a lot of their real self for love. Be it for a child, or another person. Sometimes, changes to their home environment, social network, career, daily routine, being in isolation...can leave them not knowing who they are anymore. Doesn't have to be hormone induced. Hormones after delivery can definitely be a part of it. Take a break - bring her home. Her home. Reporting here about therapy, etc...hmmm.I'd rather you reported about making your career change so she can have her life/career/identity back, she doesn't sound happy here, she might not want to own up to it, maybe see it as failure, maybe she's trying to protect you..Go pack. Good shrinks do not like to medicate the "designated" patient, when it's in fact a whole family setting, lot more needs to change.
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  #49  
Old 01.07.2014, 11:36
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Oops, I also don't mean to say or even imply that there is any such thing as an essential and unchanging "true self" either. An identity is a mental representation of a self, i.e. one way among many of thinking about oneself or someone else (this is not an original thought so I should really give a citation, but I don't remember the scholarly source off the top of my head, so if you need it, ask and I will dig).

When one loves and sacrifices, that love and those acts become part of one's self too, so it's not all a loss of self. But the process of coming to a resolution about what to do at any given time in one's life is a stressful process. The stress is further accentuated in this era in which one's every move (even where you shop) is seen as a marker of one's identity (this wasn't always so, nor is it everywhere so). In cases where there is no clear ultimate meaning in life on the basis of which to work out a solution, perhaps even more so.
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  #50  
Old 02.07.2014, 22:20
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

When your wife left the hospital, were you referred to a nurse (like health-visitor in UK) or some organisation for babies and young children (don't know what it's called in Swiss German) where you could take your baby to be weighed or for any general questions. This nurse may also be available to come speak to your wife at home.
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  #51  
Old 08.07.2014, 13:55
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Does your wife speak any German?
I was recommended this lady, Edith Müller, by Mutterberatung in Pfäffikon SZ:
http://www.stillberatung-edithmueller.ch/ , she is in Richterswil, so not too far

She is not only a breast feeding consultant, but a great and very wise counselor, she saw through me in a first session, I was able to formulate my worries and get rid of them within the second hour.
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Old 09.07.2014, 17:44
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

First of all I would just like to say that she is very lucky to have such a kind supportive husband who cares a great deal, secondly you also have to get help quickly as it sounds as though the pressure you are under is great.

Did your wife work before you started your family? I just ask because motherhood and staying at home is not for every woman, for some the sheer repetitive nature of child minding is depressing, for others it is the best job in the world, we are all different.

Could you not get mother in law or mum to come and stay for a while?
Failing all the previous options, your family doctor could refer her for therapy that is if she will accept there is an issue and go along, but certainly you need to get support from your family.
Good luck, please let us know how you get on.
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  #53  
Old 23.08.2020, 21:07
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I know this is an old post.
Just in case someone needs help in Canton Vaud/ Geneva:

I was given the following contacts:

Lausanne and Geneva:
Genève
Centre Périnatal & Famille
www.cpbb-ge.ch

Lausanne
Centre Périnatal & Famille
www.cpbb-vd.ch

Fondation PROFA:
http://www.profa.ch/perinatalite/
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